/*
Hi! Sorry it's been so terribly long... I've been working on this chapter for ages but I never posted it... I was having computer trouble and then school and everything else got in the way... but I hope to continue writing all this summer!
Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia characters in any way, shape, or form and I tend to get carried away when I write about them. But it's all for you, so please enjoy!
*/
Chapter 18
Kratos took off running and the brown sack slipped from his hand, landing with a soft thud at the edge of the trees. The soles of his feet kept pounding against the uneven grass, and with every step he couldn't help thinking he would be glad to find himself alone again, to return to the isolation of his room and sit in the comforting silence, to be free from these crazy… emotions… with that last word echoing in his head he started jogging instead, suddenly aware of his overreaction to all of this. He found it to be almost shameful, how little thought he had been putting into his actions lately.
But something kept nagging at the back of his mind, pressing him to keep moving closer- what if she didn't 'just faint'… it was unsettling, because rationally he knew that there was no reason to feel such things. There was no reason for any of the things he had been feeling… he thought he had accepted it already, but the sensations were just too strange.
He was walking slowly now, and stopped as his feet came next to her head. He looked down at her peaceful face, and bent into a crouch. It was pleasant to watch her sleeping, somehow- probably because she was much quieter that way. He listened to the sound of her breathing, and his gaze shifted to follow the rising and falling of her chest. All of this walking and idle chat with Anna was starting to bring fuzzy images to mind, from the distant past. He knew it would not be long before they resurfaced again, and he couldn't help but believe that he wasn't meant to have lived this long… but of course he also knew that had a duty to perform. He would see it though to the end, no matter how long it took- he had been part of that group which broke one world into two, and he would not rest until he was sure the people would be able to maintain their own peace. It was just that, in the time between then and now, he had forgotten far too many things. It was strange for Kratos to think he used to belong to the soil and trees and to the human race as a whole, because for so long he had led such a simple existence- he couldn't remember the last time he had spent time among humans. He had forgotten what an enigma emotions could be, to the point at which the sensations seemed nearly unbelievable, but he knew that everything he had been through lately was too elaborate to be a dream. He would never have been able to imagine this, or imagine her, not in a million years. He shivered at the thought of a million years, and wondered for a brief second if he would still be alive another thousand years, another five thousand…
He closed his eyes, and pushed the thoughts away. He was tired of being so loose with his emotions and wearing them on his sleeve. Strange and new as this was to him, he knew it was no time to be wrapped up in such things… so, he stood and turned to retrieve the sack he had dropped so carelessly behind him.
…
"Wait, don't go."
He was mildly startled when she spoke, but the words were soft and gentle- he didn't know how to answer her. What she was asking for? What did she mean by saying that? But the silence stretched longer and he gave up on trying to figure her out- he continued to walk towards the trees.
"No! Listen to me! Please, don't leave… I don't think I can make it on my own."
It was truly puzzling how she could find ways to startle him, because after four thousand years Kratos had been pretty sure he had seen everything there was to see; heard everything there was to be heard. Anna never ceased to surprise him; the silence which followed was awkward even to Kratos, and neither knew how to proceed.
"Can you last until I pick up the bag over there?" He put one hand on his hip, pushing back his hair with the other.
"What?"
"I dropped it."
"Oh…" he imagined her face turning pink, and tried to think of what that was called. He was tempted to look, but decided to spare her the embarrassment. How do I not remember this? Blood rushing to the head, embarrassment,… that pink color. What is that called?
He continued to ponder as he went to retrieve the small brown sack. He hoped that it would still be there, and that none of the monsters had made off with the things he had spent so much time looking for that morning… the distance seemed three times longer now that he was walking instead of running. He had forgotten how much faster it was to run places, and perhaps it was because he knew she was watching him that it seemed more drawn out than necessary.
Luckily, the brown cloth bag was exactly where he had left it. He grabbed it and checked inside- the kirima were mostly gone, and he sighed. Some animal had probably made off with all of them. He imagined the breakfast he would have prepared for her, if Yuan hadn't interfered… he sighed again, darkly, at the thought of the man's face. How long had it been since she would have had a decent meal? He had gotten used to the food in Welgaia over the years, but certainly the Desians wouldn't be so accommodating to their prisoners. He cringed when he tried to imagine living on a human ranch, and realized he had never thought about it before. Mithos would have to know about this, the next time he went back to Derris-Kharlan. A small oversight like this could be easily repaired… he looked up and saw Anna running towards him.
"I didn't mean what I said before, just so you know! I was-"
She didn't finish her sentence, but he continued walking until they met somewhere in between the river and the trees.
"Why are you thinking I would leave? I've told you once already, but considering what happened this morning I'm not going to let you out of my sight."
She looked stunned, and her face was definitely pink; it suddenly came back to him that the word was 'blush'. Aha! She's 'blushing,' now. Have I embarrassed her? It was amusing. He wondered if he had been a little too forceful, but no matter what she said he was not going to bring her back to Luin, even to her parents, before he was sure that she would be safe there. She could yell, scream, fight, whatever, but he swore to himself that he would not give in to her foolishness again. He hadn't freed her from the ranch for her to simply run back to it; he thought she would recognize that. He hadn't spent all night healing her and holding her just so she would be comfortable- he was simply repairing the damages she had acquired while under his protection. But he knew he should have been able to prevent them, and he was irritated at his own carelessness. And, it wasn't without slight unease that he remembered that while he had been freeing her from the ranch, and healing her, and holding her he hadn't even thought about reasons. Though he realized them now, it didn't change the fact that he had acted initially without them.
