Voldemort: Sup?

Me: Timmy I missed you! Where did you go?

Voldemort: Harry killed me.

Me: Loser

Voldemort: You're sympathy is appreciated.

Tigerstar: You're dead? Me too! We should start a club.

Voldemort: Totally we can call it-

Me: The Timmy and Tiggy club?

Voldemort: It's Tommy, I mean it's Voldemort, I mean AVADA KEVADRA!

Me: (Uh, deadness?)

Tiger: Nice one

Me: Does this mean I can join the club?

Okay, so I know I'm not going exactly with the books, I'm sort of free styling. Oh well, maybe I'll think up something later to tie it together.

I hope you enjoy the chapter-sorry it took forever for me to update.

Ugh, Firehearts such a jerk.

An incredibly sexy jerk, but still a jerk.

Wait-I take it back my love!

Anyway, I've been kicked out of my clan.

Thanks, guys. Thanks. Just a few murders, and a little world domination attempt, and everyone gets all freaked out.

Nice.

Living on the streets isn't very fun. At all.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a decent source for What Not to Wear when you're homeless.

Very hard.

I have been able to watch most of my soaps, though. Nicole and her father have reconciled, but then she discovered that her father is really her mother! Also, her friend, Ashley, is caring twins- one from Enrique and one from Brad! How scandalous.

Fortunately, I've made some really good blood clan friends.

They give me all the catnip I could ask for, and I sell them some of my designs. Do you really thing they came up with the fang-collar thing all by themselves?

There is this one really cool cat, Scourge.

God he's hot. He's very petite, and has this glossy black pelt, and these gorgeous shining eyes that just glow with his evil, murderous soul.

Oh! And the way he rips the throats of his inferiors out with his claws, so little mercy, so much crazed, rabid blood thirst.

It kind of turns me on.

Of course, no matter how hot Scourge is, he really doesn't compare to Fireheart. At all.

I miss my little Fire-poo. I hope he's taking care of himself.

Word on the street is, he's dating Sandstorm. She must be terminated.

Also, I've been talking to Scourge (swoon) and we've decided to take over the forest.

Really they had it coming-who do they think they are, kicking me out of the clan. Jerks.

It's going to work out perfectly, I'm going to take over the forest, have a little mass killing of whoever defies me, crush every single rebellious thought remaining in everyone else, and subjugate them as slaves for me in one big superclan. Fireheart will be so impressed he'll have to forgive me, and we'll live happily ever after in my paradise.

It's foolproof.