A/N: Thank you to my loyal reviews. They make my day better considering I'm still stuck in school for another week… ugh. Anyways review and Penguins! Hehe I live in Pittsburgh so I'm a diehard Pens fan, who went into triple overtime on Monday and won! Oh, and in this chapter the normal characters are going to be really OOC, but just go with me here. They are still perfect:)

June 3, 2008

I don't own anything

Ah, it was heaven. No it was better than heave, it was paradise. Kissing Edward was probably the best thing I did in my life, but also the worst. I had a boyfriend! A real live boyfriend who was probably still at my house! What was I doing? Truth, I had no idea. I knew I shouldn't kiss him back, but I knew if I didn't I would regret it later so I just did. Until I realized I was getting in too deep for my own good.

"Edward," I said out of breath, "I can't do this."

He sighed putting his forehead on mine. He closed his eyes for a second and then looked straight at me. "I know. I shouldn't be making you do this. I mean you're still with him right?" I nodded sheepishly. "Then you're cheating on him right now, you know that?"

I sighed pulling my head away from his. I turned around looking up at the gray sky. Surprisingly it hasn't rained since this morning. "I know that!" I snapped. "I didn't mean too, I just got caught in the moment. I mean you were here," I said turning around, "and you were hurt, but you were still kind to me. You didn't snap at me or judge me because of my… my boyfriend," I forced out the words. I could feel the tears gathering up in my eyes now.

Edward took my face in his hands again and kissed the top of my head. "Hey," he whispered, "calm down. Of course I was kind to you. I soon as I saw you, I was crazy about you. I still am. Bella, I can't seem to get you out of my head! It's like you are always in there! Don't worry though, it'll be okay."

I pulled back from him again. I could see the hurt in his face, but only for a second because he composed himself quickly. "No, Edward, it's not okay. I cheated on my boyfriend! Someone who really cares about me and thinks I'm perfect! And here I am kissing someone else. Someone who he hates!" The tears started coming then.

"I know," he said softly brushing a tear from my face. "I know. But Bella, you can't say you didn't want this as much as I did. You cannot live your life in a lie that you didn't want too."

I turned away from him and started to my truck. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

I couldn't look at his face as I pulled out of his driveway and started on the main road. Hopefully Chris wouldn't be at my house. Just thinking his name made me feel so much 

shame I could barely take it. I shouldn't have gone there. I shouldn't have even thought about going there. It was wrong! I should have stayed where I was and argued with Chris some more.

I parked my truck right outside of the house. A wave of relief came over me when I saw that Chris's jeep wasn't still parked in my driveway. Charlie wasn't home either which was another relaxing thought. He would be so disappointed in me right now. As a matter of fact most of my friends would be too. I couldn't talk to them about this. There was, however, one person I knew who wouldn't judge me.

I ran up to my room and turned on my computer. Of course today it chose to be the slowest thing possible. When it finally did come on, I wrote a heart-filled email to Renee:

Dear Mom,

I don't know what to do about boys anymore. Have you ever felt that way? So you know Chris, my boyfriend of two years in November? Well I like him a lot. I know you're probably wondering what the problem is then. Well there is a new kid at my school now. His name is Edward, and god his is gorgeous. I'm not just basing this whole thing on looks though. I really like him. He cares about knowing me. He told me that he's been crazy about me since he first saw me! He says he can't get me out of his head. I mean he has only known me for two days, but he seems like certain to get me to realize that I like him the same way he likes me and I sort of found out today.

Chris and Edward got into a fight today after school when Chris found out that Edward walked me to Biology because he is in the same class as me and is my lab partner. Anyways after school Chris and I got into this huge fight about it because he punched Edward in the jaw! So I stormed out and found myself driving to Edward's house. There we talked about things and the next thing I know he's kissing me! My head went into a cloud and I got lost in the moment, until my head screamed at me that I already have a boyfriend. Then Edward was just like 'You can't say you didn't want this as much as I did.' I just walked away then because I couldn't face the truth. I did want it as much as he did. I just couldn't admit it because of Chris. Mom, I don't know what to do about this! Chris doesn't know. Actually no one knows besides you and Edward. Please help me and write back ASAP!

Love your horrible daughter,

Bella

I reread it about a dozen times wondering how much she would judge me once she sees it. I mean as I reread everything that happen I realized how horrible I was to Chris. I couldn't just go off and kiss some guy I've only known for two days just because we got into a fight. I just couldn't do that. It's not fair, but then again, life isn't fair.

Ugh what am I saying? Of course life's not fair! Otherwise Chris and I would be the perfect couple and completely happy because none of this would have happened. Though in my mind I knew it wouldn't be Chris that was with me in a fair and perfect world. I knew my answer; I just couldn't face it yet.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The next day I told Chris to not pick me up. I wasn't ready to face him yet. I couldn't face him and pretend that he was still the bad guy when the thing he did was nothing compared to what I did. What am I going to do?

When I got to school I parked in a neutral area. Away from Chris and away from Edward. It was only fair that way. Though it wasn't helpful when Jessica was the first person when I got out of my truck.

"So did you hear?" Jessica said jumping next to me.

"Hear what?" I asked sounding annoyed and tired. I hadn't slept at all that night. I waited by my computer for my mom, and then when I finally gave up a wave of shame came over me again.

"Edward apparently is off the market," she said sulkily.

"What do you mean?" I asked suddenly surprised. How could he be when he just admitted to me that he has been crazy about me?

"Well he doesn't have a girlfriend," I sighed internally, "but he doesn't not have one either."

I was so confused by this point. How could you not have a girl but not have one either? Is that even possible? "Huh?"

Jessica sighed. Apparently I wasn't getting something that I should be. "Like he doesn't have one, but he won't look at anyone else. He only sees one person. You know?"

I caught my breath. Did she know who? Was it me? Was it someone else? "Do you happen to know how that it?" I choked out. My voice gave it all away.

Luckily she wasn't paying attention. "I have no idea. No one does. That's the thing. He won't tell anyone, like not even Ben who is apparently his friend now. Only his family knows. Or so I've been told. Today was the first day he hasn't laid eyes on anyone for more than five seconds. Though people have been saying one name the most," she said raising an eyebrow at me.

Oh, no. "What name is that?"

"Yours. Apparently he seems to only look at you whenever he sees you, but he hasn't seen you yet today. Maybe that's why…" she trail off. She then grabbed my arm and pulled me out into the open.

Well there goes my hiding spot, I thought to myself. She then dragged me across the parking lot to where Edward, Emmett and Jasper were. She stopped, looked at him then to me, and then turned around to face me.

"Well it's not yours," she said sounding disappointed.

"How can you tell?"

"He's not looking at you, is he?"

I looked over her shoulder to Edward. No, he wasn't looking at me. He didn't even seem to notice I was standing five feet away from him. He was just talking to Emmett and Jasper, not paying attention to anyone. "No, no he isn't."

The day went by in a blur. I didn't talk to Chris at all because I was too afraid of what might come out, but he thought that I was still mad at him for everything. Lunch was useless. I didn't really talk to anyone and Edward didn't even look at me. Biology was probably the worst because I had to sit by him the whole time. He didn't look at me, or even glance down at me. His hands were clenched into a fist as he stared at the board in front of us. Why did I make this mistake?

When school was finally over I walked over to my truck without even looking at anyone until I ran into someone, big. I looked up to see who could have gotten into my way when everyone could tell I didn't want to be bothered. It was Edward. Why was he standing by my car?

"Edwa-"I started until he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side of the building which was only a few feet from my car.

Then he looked around to see if anyone was around and then bent down to kiss me, passionately. What was he doing? Wait, what was I doing? Well, right now I was actually kissing him back. I realized I longed for his kiss. I missed it. I wanted it. I needed it.

When we finally parted, both panting, he took me deeper into the side of the building and pulled me close to him. "I know you wanted it as much as I did. If you didn't you wouldn't have kissed me back," he whispered in my ear.

I looked down, burying my head into his chest. What was I going to do? "Edward, I just can't though. I couldn't do this to Chris. You know that, right?"

He sighed deeply. "Yes, I know. I understand, but I can't stand here and not be with you. I need you too. You're like my brand of heroine."

I laughed softly. No one has ever said something that strong to me before. "Edward, I don't want you to get hurt. You know I probably won't break up with Chris yet. I just feel terrible about it. I don't think we can do this."

Edward's eyes bore into mine. "Bella, I don't care, well I do, but I really just want to be with you. I don't care about all the other people as long as you are here. As long as I have you I don't care."

Wow. I never thought any guy would be that understanding. I knew if I was him I definitely wouldn't be that way. Hell, I'd be pissed if someone told me that. No wonder I liked him so much. "You'd do that for me?"

He nodded kissing me again. "I'm not going to look at you during the day because people have been spreading rumors about us. They won't come true until you break up with Chris though. I promise you that."

"You are amazing. I just don't know if I can be like you. I don't know if I could walk around like nothing is happening. I'm not that good at this stuff."

"Don't worry. You'll get used to it and you'll get better at it," he said laughing.

I went home to an empty house, so I walked upstairs to see if Renee did get back to me. She did, and when I first read it I thought she was disappointed, but later I learned she was warning me.

Bella,

I just read your email. Sorry it took me so long, but things are busy here. You never told me you were even having trouble with Chris. What happened? You two were so perfect and happy together when he came down here last summer with you. Is this Edward just a bad guy? If so, I understand where you are coming from because every girl goes for a bad guy. If this is the real deal for you then you have to break it off with Chris. You know you will just get caught in your own lie and end up getting no one and losing most of your friends. Do you really want that? Better question, are you willing to go to the risk of losing everything for this guy?

How long have you known this guy anyways? I haven't ever heard of you mentioning him before this. I read all your emails and nothing with his name. It's only the third day of school. How could you know if you really like someone that you have only known for three days? Do you think is fate, or that he's you soul mate? Honey, you have to think of what could happen to you if something goes wrong with this thing you have going on with Edward. You don't want to ruin your life. If you think it's the real deal though, then follow your heart. Don't do what everyone else thinks you should do.

Lots of love,

Mom

When I went downstairs to make dinner for Charlie there was a knock on the door. My heart started racing thinking that maybe Edward wanted to see me more than just the side of the school, but when I opened it my heart dropped two stories.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" I asked trying to hide my disappointment.

"Bella, we really have to talk. Can I come in?" he asked.

I stepped back from the door as he came in and sat on the couch. I took one long look outside. It looked like it was going to rain soon. Maybe good things can happen with the rain…

I shut the door and walked over to where Chris was sitting. The same spot as yesterday when we fought. Maybe this was fate. Like this was supposed to happen this way…

"Babe, you have to understand how sorry I am. I've missed you so much. You have no idea how much. I would have done this last night after you stormed out of here, but I thought you might need some space to cool down. Now I think is the right time to tell you I can't lose you."

I sat there shocked for a second. He can't lose me? Be real. "What do you mean you can't lose me?"

"I went around today like we broke up and I wasn't happy, at all. I dreaded the day. I just wanted to go home and run around town for hours so that I could clear my head. I can't go a day without knowing I have you."

You don't have me. No one has me. I'm my own person. No one owns me. "Chris you did make it through the day though. I know that you could do it again if you had too."

He nodded looking down. "You're right. I can if I have to. That's the thing though. I don't want too. I don't want to go another day knowing I don't have you. It sucks. Bella, I really can't lose you."

Yea well I can't lose other people, but I live without them. "Chris what exactly are you saying?"

"I love you," he spit out.

My eyes went wide. I wasn't expecting this. I didn't want this. This made this ten times harder. My head couldn't process this that fast. My head said just say yes, but my heart immediately said NO!

Chris's face dropped. I realized then I hadn't said anything for a long time. "Chris I don't… I mean this is… we're just so… so young."

He nodded sadly. "I understand, but I'm not going to just run away because you can't say it yet. I have thought about this for actually a long time. I just didn't know how to tell you. Who knew it would help me win you back." Who said you won me back? I thought. "Just think about it. Clear your head and just think about it."

I nodded looking down at the couch which I sat on. He walked over and kissed the top of my head. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning for school," he whispered. "Bye."

Then he walked out the door. I, however, just sat there. This didn't happen. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was trying to get him to realize that he could live without me so that maybe it would be easier for me, but instead he did the opposite and made it so much harder. Telling me he loved me. I never thought those words were even in his vocabulary.

This so was not happening. Maybe this whole week was just a dream. Maybe it was still the night before school starts. That means no Edward, no cheating, no agreeing to keep cheating, and no I love you! Four days ago my life was so simple. Now it was one of the most complicated things I have ever seen.

I went back to the kitchen to finish dinner for Charlie. When he got home and we ate I went upstairs. I had to get my head cleared. Wait when do you get to clear your head in a complicated life anyways? Answer, never.

Edward was sitting on my window seal waiting for me to come upstairs. How the hell did he get up there? How long was here for? What did he hear?

"Edward, what are you doing here? How did you climb that tree?" I asked closing my door quickly.

"Well, I don't think Chief Sawn would like his daughter making out with the kid everyone hates in his house. So I climbed a tree and got in through the window," he said hopping off and walking over to me.

"How did you even know that this is my room?" I asked as he took my hands in his. Ugh, I really wanted to clear my head.

"Let's just say Emmett is really good at finding thing out," he said laughing.

Great. "Oh, no, your family probably hates me for what I'm doing! They probably think I'm the worst person ever!"

"Don't worry, Bella. You worry way too much. They don't even know. It's just you and me who know about us."

I nodded, sighing in relief. At least his family wouldn't hate me. "Why didn't you tell them then?"

He sat in the rocking chair that I had sitting in the corner of my yellow room, and then he pulled me onto his lap. "Well one, I didn't want them to hate you. Two, they would be either pushing me to get out of it, or telling me to fight harder and that would make it ten times 

harder for both of us. Three, I sort of like this secret thing. It's fun sneaking around, don't you think?"

I tried not to smile, but it was sort of fun to know something no one else knows and should never find out. "Sort of is the right word I think."

He laughed at me rubbing my back with his hand. "I thought maybe we could get to know each other better. That way it's deeper, you know?"

I nodded. "What do you want to know?"

"Don't you want to know anything?"

"I'll have my turn to ask questions."

"Okay then. Why did you move here?"

I thought about it for a second. "Well I lived with Renee, my mother, for most of my life. I only saw Charlie once a month in the summer. Anyways Renee started getting serious with her boyfriend, Phil, and I thought it might be nice if I let them have the year to themselves to see how things turned out. So I moved up here with Charlie. They actually ended up getting married that summer, and I was going to move back, but then Chris and I started to get serious, so I stayed for him."

"You seemed unhappy here though. Did you start to regret your decision to stay here or something?" he asked studying my face.

I took a deep sigh. "Truth? Yes, I was. I wanted to be somewhere where it didn't rain every day, and I missed my mother. She was like my best friend before I moved here. I missed her. Now, however," I said leaning into him, "I'm glad I stayed."

He chuckled kissing the top of my head. "I'm glad you stayed too. You know how you seemed to be searching for something your whole life, but not realize it until you have it?"

I nodded closing my eyes and laying my head on his chest. "Well I realized you are what I have been searching for. You are the one I cannot lose," he said softly.

There it was the little bell that went off in my head. Crap, this is going to be very hard.

A/N: Ok so I wrote the story in less time than I thought I would. I didn't think I would update again today, but it looks like I will. So I hope you like it! This probably will never happen again by the way.