A/N: Hey everyone! I know it has been awhile, but I have been really busy with school and such. Now I want to warn you all that this chapter hasn't been betaed yet so if you see any mistakes please don't bee too offended. I have had requests for me to update, so due to demand and the fact that I can't seem to get ahold of my beta reader, I have decided to update before editing. If you are at all interested in betaing for me please send me a message and let me know why you are qualified and why you are interested. Thanks so much! I hope you all enjoy!

A Girl Named Xero

Chapter 9

As they walked to meet the others, wisps of the dream that had graced her during the long sleep caressed the corners of Xero's mind begging to be remembered. The body of the dream escaped her completely, but she could recall Trowa's deep voice whisper to her huskily, 'J'taime, mon belle, J'tadore.' He had softly breathed the phrase into her ear many times when she had been scared, but she had never learned what it meant. Xero assumed that it was some kind of saying meant to comfort. The recurring dream left her curious and wanting answers.

"Quatre, do you know any French"" she inquired.

"Actually," he smiled over at her, "I'm quite fluent. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Trowa used to say something to me in French when I got scared to comfort me, I never understood him and he would never tell me what it meant." She explained her dilemma to Quatre.

"If you can tell me what it was, then I can most likely tell you what it meant." Quatre turned all his attention to her intrigued by this new information.

"He used to say, J'taime, mon belle. Sometimes he would add J'tadore. I'm sure it's nothing," she laughed it off, "I was just curious that's all."

It hit Quatre like a ton of bricks. He knew exactly what Trowa was trying to tell her in his own way. He had been in love with Xero! The realization hurt and left him feeling utterly miserable. As soon as Trowa regained his memories, Quatre was sure that he would want to claim Xero for himself.

"Quatre, what is it?" Xero asked with concern at his changed demeanor. Before he could answer, they found themselves at their destination and were pulled in by Heero who was obviously angry at their lateness.

The noise in the galley was deafening with the chatter of pilots, mechanics, and soldiers crowded into the small space. They were discussing their impending attack on the space station Libra controlled by Millardo Peacecraft. The man had lost his mind, they all concluded, he had to have gone completely insane for him to want to destroy the Earth.

Duo, Trowa, and Wufei were gathered at the center of all the activity and Heero dragged the pair to join them. They all waited impatiently for the former Lieutenant Noin to address the crowd. She stood on one of the tables at the front of the room flanked by Sally and Howard who also had some imput on the upcoming battle.

"My fellow rebels!" Noin yelled to reach everyone in the room, "Today we go against a very formidable enemy. Today we fight what may be the final battle of this godforsaken war," She set her gaze on the small group nestled in the middle of the crowd, "We have with us the most talented pilots out there, the Gundams!" The assemblage whooped and hollered, expressing their appreciation. "We also have the person who OZ has dubbed 'the rebels' secret weapon.'" Everyone turned to get a good look at Xero. Most of them had heard about her and what had happened on L3, but had not seen her since she was taken to the sick bay on her arrival. She blushed a little, intimidated by the attention, and inched closer to Quatre. "I have great expectations for you all," she continued, "and I hope with all my being that this will not be the last time we are gathered here."

Noin went on to explain their battle strategy, the intensity of her deep blue depths striking everyone and filling them with hope. Once the announcements were finished and Noin felt she had effectively rallied her troops, they convened the gathering and headed to get a good night's rest. The Gundam pilots, Xero, and the three operation heads remained to have a more private discussion.

Next to Howard stood a tall, slender girl who had the most beautiful golden curls that hung just below her shoulders, Xero had ever seen. "This is Maxine Blake," Howard introduced her to them all proudly, "she is my very best mechanic. You can all trust her to prepare your Gundams for battle. She has worked on Deathscythe many times now and I believe Duo has found her work satisfying." Xero caught the quick exchange of glances between Maxine and Duo, seeing there something more than appreciation of a pilot for his mechanic.

"I am very honored to be here." Maxine stated. Xero instantly respected the woman who stood before them tall and strong, confident and optimistic. Her soft features spoke to her kindness, and her firm stance let everyone know she was not one to be messed with. "I plan to install the Zero System in each of your suits. I know it is at a very experimental stage, but I feel it is necessary to give us an edge in this battle." Xero felt Quatre stiffen at her side, and experienced the fear and sorrow that he must have felt. She took his hand hoping to comfort, but felt his body harden even more. Wishing she could do something to console Quatre, but clearly feeling his displeasure with her action, Xero released his hand. The distance would do him some good, she hoped, he needed to have faith in himself.

"You should all probably get to bed." Sally said with a smile. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow and you'll need your rest." The exhausted group groaned in agreement, except for Xero, and began to filter out of the galley to their respective sleeping quarters.

In the hallway, Xero and Quatre stood awkwardly as the strange tension that had developed in the meeting lingered in the air between them. Quatre was going to get some much-needed rest, after all he had been keeping an eye on Xero while she was unconscious and had not managed to get much sleep in the process. "I imagine you aren't exactly tired." Quatre said. He smiled, but it was not a smile Xero was familiar with. It was pained and weak and didn't reach his eyes like the genuine glowing smiles he usually gave her.

"Not really," she admitted, "but I could come take care of you like you took care of me." Xero desperately wanted to understand what was upsetting him and to make it better. She hated to see him in pain. It was obvious that the mere mention of the Zero System had sent Quatre into a state of guilt and self-loathing, but why was he distancing himself from her?

"No, Xero. I would like to be alone for awhile." Quatre's eyes were cold.

"Of course you do, Quatre. I'm sorry I'm not trying to be a pest." Xero said hurriedly hoping he wasn't as angry with her as he appeared to be. 'He's grumpy because he's so tired.' Xero thought, 'Even the perfect Quatre is allowed to be irritable sometimes.'

He nodded at her acting more like Heero than himself and turned to walk to his room. About halfway down the hall he paused and threw one last remark over his shoulder at her. "You know Xero, you should really prepare yourself for Trowa to get his memory back. That phrase you asked me about... it was Trowa's way of trying to tell you he was in love with you." His eyes became sad as he glanced backwards at her. "You need to decide what you will do if he remembers." The last sentence pierced her heart like a knife. Trowa was in love with her?! Her breath caught in her throat as the pain she had felt when she had first lost him came roaring back. Overwhelmed, Xero watched Quatre disappear down the hall in silence while tears streamed down her face.

:

Instead of heading back to her room Xero chose to spend some time in the small recreational area of Peacemillion that consisted of a television viewing area, computers, a pool table, and a small library with very limited reading material. She desperately needed time to think about what all this would mean for her future. The part of her heart that belonged to Trowa panged with guilt and sorrow. She had not waited for him and he had loved her. All that time she had loved him, but never said anything he had felt the same way. Utter remorse washed over her as she imagined how crushed he would be that she had become engaged in his absence. And what about Quatre? The sittuation was completely unfair to him. What was she going to do with herself? She was in love with two men and was at a complete loss for how she would resolve the matter.

She had sat there for a couple of hours when she heard soft footsteps in the hall and became aware of the presence of another person. "Uh, Xero…" Trowa stepped into the dimly lit living area where Xero sat in front of a television that was broadcasting the news footage of herself blowing up the Aries. "I was wondering… could I talk to you?" He appeared very hesitant and nervous.

She patted the seat next to her on the threadbare couch, "Of course, Trowa. What is it?"

Joining the petite woman who looked up at him miserably, he let himself unload the emotional stress that hung over him like a dark cloud. "I have felt lost lately. I can't remember anything, it makes me feel so helpless." He angled himself towards her and sighed, "Heero tells me that you and I were close, that I was some sort of protector to you. I was hoping you could tell me something." He pushed some papers towards her and she immediately recognized them as the same files Quatre had confronted her with. The Isabelle Barton files. "I was doing some research and came up with nothing. I asked Quatre and he gave me these."

"I see." She had known this would be coming. It was only a matter of time until Trowa got curious and realized that she had the answers.

"I have a strange feeling that we were something more to each other," he confided, "and something inside of me is telling me that I need to make up for lost time."

Once again it was clear to Xero that this was not her Trowa. She desperately wanted to throw herself into his arms like she used to when things got tough. She wanted to hear him whisper in her ear, reassuring her that all would be well, but Xero knew that this would only frighten the Trowa shell that sat before her. A tear escaped from one crystal blue eye and slid down her pale cheek where it was caught by a strong olive toned hand and gently wiped away.

"Why are you sad, Xero?" he asked a familiar concern crossed his face and for a moment she saw a hint of the man she had known.

Deciding to be honest with him rather than trying to protect him from the details, she took a deep breath and said, "It's just that things have become so complicated." She choked down a sob, "When you disappeared I prayed and hoped every day that you would be found. After the search was called off and you had been gone for so long I had to deal with the fact that I would never see you again. I had to mourn your death. Now you're back just when I had thought I had let you go." She looked into his mossy green eyes and couldn't help but let the tears fall.

"I'm what's making you sad." Trowa said this matter of fact as he reached across the small coffee table that sat between the couch and television to retrieve Xero a tissue.

"No!" Xero insisted horrified that he might think this was at all his fault. "Trowa, I'm so glad that you're safe and sound. My problems are my own doing. Please don't think for a second that I'm sad because of anything you've done." She tried to smile for him, but was unsure how convincing it was. "Before you disappeared, you did so much for me. You protected and took good care of me. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"Did we love each other?" he asked very suddenly startling Xero. He motioned towards the photos of their mock wedding day. "It looks like we loved each other."

"Trowa, these were staged so that I could assume a new identity. It was your idea." It was difficult for her to let him down like this, but she wanted to be truthful with him.

"I know that," the corners of his mouth turned up a bit. "I just don't believe that I could look at someone like that, a look that seems so pure and real, if I didn't truly feel the emotions behind it."

Xero didn't know how to feel. Trowa was aware that he had loved her even though he couldn't remember her. How could that be? "Trowa," Xero started carefully, "I think you should know that we did love each other. The ironic part is that neither of us knew that the other felt the same way." She sighed in frustration and continued, "I thought you were dead and now…"

"You're engaged to Quatre." He said surprising her.

"How…?"

"Quatre told me, and the ring on your finger tipped me off." He gave her a small smile. "I can understand why you are feeling upset, but I'm not mad at you. You moved on with your life, how can I blame you for that?"

And then she cried.

A/N: R&R please! I am kinda sad at that fact that I have hudnreds of hits, but not so many reviews. So please, if you are going to read my fic at least let me know what you though, even if you hated it! Hope to get the next chapter done soon. Love y'all!