A/N: I'm home, and sore. Anyways sorry it took me awhile, but here's the next chapter.

I'm going to say this in every one of my stories, but please, please, don't give me a hard time about not updating my story like every day. It's getting sort of annoying. It's just hard to update 5 stories with all the stuff I have going on. I mean I now have soccer and basketball preseason workouts so it may be awhile. Just hang in there please. It would be great. Anyways, enjoy the next chapter…

June 24, 2008

I don't own any Twilight that credit goes to Stephanie Meyer.

Work, a four letter word. Thankfully it's my last day before Christmas. For some reason I got off of work all during Christmas break. Not that I was complaining or anything. Though it was the only time Chris would stop bothering me about not saying anything to his shout of love. And yes, he told me he loved me in September, but I still couldn't say it back. Maybe it's a sign, but Carla didn't say yes until a week after Turk proposed to her on Scrubs. Yes, I know, that's a TV show and this is real life, but who knows really?

Maybe the reason I couldn't say that I loved him was because of my fling with Edward… and I was falling for him hard. I mean I loved Chris, I really do, but I don't know if I am in love with him. Maybe that was my problem.

I haven't talked to Renee anymore on my situation. One, I don't like her judging me on the subject. Two, Chris almost read the first email I wrote to her. Three, she actually thinks I broke it off with Edward, which I clearly didn't or else I wouldn't be worrying about this.

Maybe I should have before I got this deep into it, but what's life without a little adventure? A little risk? Ah, who am I kidding he's the guy all the girls want and all the boys hate. Besides, ever since I first saw him all I wanted to do was be with him and look into his green eyes. He dazzled me constantly with them.

"Bella, are you off work yet?" Alice asked. Yes, we became friends. Edward and I had a Bio project one week so I spent every day with him, which helped me become friends with his whole family, minus Rosalie. She didn't like me because of Chris. Alice told me.

"Um, almost," I said pressing a few buttons on the cash register. I've been working at Mike's outdoors shop for a few months now. It was pretty easy I must say.

Alice nodded and hopped onto the counter. Mike gave her a dirty look. None of my old friends like my new friends at all. They were still nice to me, however, but if Chris and I broke up they would all go with him no doubt. I must admit I was sort of afraid of that.

"Mike, could I get out of here early?" I asked as he walked over to the tackle boxes and started rearranging them.

Mike looked at the clock and then back to me. "Ah, what the hell. Go ahead, shop is slow anyways. What are you doing tonight?"

"Alice and I are going to a movie then probably back to her house for a bit."

"Who's at her house?" he asked. If Chris wasn't around then Mike would take over the job of finding out where I was going, who was going to be there, and then he would report back to Chris. Annoying much?

"Um probably Jasper and her parents. Edward, Emmett and Rosalie when camping this weekend. Right Alice?"

Alice nodded, but she was smiling a wicked smile for some reason. "Yep, they are all camping. I have no idea when they are coming home…"

I gave her a confused look, but she only smiled. I shook my head and hung up my vest. "Ok, well, I'm gonna go. Are you coming over for the Christmas Eve party Mike?"

"Yeah, I'll be there with Chris," he said.

"Okay see you later," I said as Alice and I headed to the automatic doors. When we got into the care I just had to ask, "What was the smile for?"

Alice flashed another smile before she answered me. "Well, we aren't going to a movie anymore. We are going to my house though." She paused. "So, what's do you think about Edward?"

I bit my lip. Why was she asking? Was there an actually reason? "Why do you ask, Alice," I asked as all the blood rushed to my cheeks. Damn.

"Oh please Bella. You guys have a strong chemistry. Either you guys are madly in love and aren't telling anyone, or you just don't realize it yet. I'm putting my money on the first."

"Alice, I don't know what you are talking about," I said trying to keep my voice strong and convincing. Didn't work…

"Ok then you won't mind seeing a movie with Jasper and Edward at my house," she said turning into her driveway.

"Alice! Why would you do that? It was just supposed to be us. Who else is going to be at your house?"

"No one. Just you, me, Jasper and Edward. What can I say? Everyone changed their plans at the last minute."

She turned off the car and got out. I took a deep breath before opening the car door. I walked slowly to the front door where Alice was waiting for me. She smiled at me, I scowled back, as she opened the door to let me in.

I walked into the foyer and out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper already in the living room. I turned around and sighed, relieved that he wasn't there yet.

Alice walked past me and giggled as she found her way to Jasper's lap. I, however, slowly started walking to the living room until a hand pulled mine and my body behind the wall.

Before I could even think Edward's lips crashed to mine. I pulled away quickly and whispered, "Edward they will hear us and probably notice that I'm gone soon."

He smiled his crooked smile. "I just wanted to say hello Bella. Relax, they probably haven't even noticed you're gone," he whispered back. Then he gave me a quick kiss and gently pushed me into the living room.

I walked into the room ungracefully and sat on the couch smiling. "So, what movie are we watching?"

"Well, we have Fools Gold, Dirty Dancing, and John Tucker Must Die to choose from," Alice said as Edward walked into the room. He was also wearing the same dazed smile that I was. Not that it was obvious at all. Yeah right… "What do you think Edward?"

He looked at her shocked for a bit before he snapped back into reality. "Um Fools Gold. It has action and a love story. So, I think it might be fitting."

"Bella," Alice asked.

"Oh, um, that's fine. That's the only one I haven't seen yet, so I think it's good."

She nodded and got up to put it in the DVD player. Edward casually made his way over to the couch and sat next to me. The weird part was I actually relaxed when he sat down. It was nice to have his leg touching mine.

After the movie was over Alice and Jasper left to go upstairs while I made my way over to the door to go home.

"Bella," Edward said coming up beside me, "do you want to take a walk?"

"Yea, I do," I said quietly.

He opened the door and let the cold December wind hit us. Surprising it was relatively warm for winter. We walked down his driveway and into the woods. I shivered when the wind started to pick up so Edward put his arms around me and held me close. We must have walked for an hour or a little less because we were right next to my house.

"You didn't have to walk me home, you know?" I said.

He shrugged smiling. "Yea, well, this way I got to spend a longer time with you alone. Driving you home may have been warmer, but far to faster for me."

I smiled back. "I'm not complaining about the cold. You've kept me pretty warm."

He raised an eyebrow before kissing me slowly, but still had passion behind it. We broke when we realized we needed oxygen. I put my head on his shoulder not wanting to leave, but I knew I had too anyways.

"I have to go," I whispered.

"Don't."

I groaned. "I don't want to, but I have too. Charlie will be wondering where I am."

"And Chris too, no doubt," he said bitterly.

"Edward, you know I just… just-"

"I know, I know, but why?"

I backed away from him so I could look at him fully. "Because. It's not that simple."

"What's not simple about it Bella?" I asked harshly. "Going up to him and telling him you don't want him anymore? Is that so hard to do?"

"Yes, okay?! I don't know why, but I just can't!"

His expression turned from angry to disappointed. "You're afraid of what everyone will think, right?" I shook my head, but he could see past my lie. "Bella, who cares about what the other people think about you! The only thing that matters is what you think. Forget about them. What do you want? What do you want, Bella?"

I just stared at him. No one has ever asked me that before. How would I answer? It had to be safe. That's all I knew. "I should go."

He let me. I thought he was going to stop me and make me tell him something he should have known. I wanted him, but it's not as simple as saying it.

I walked through the door without looking back. My eyes were watering up. I don't think I'll make it to the stairs before I break. Before I flood the downstairs with my tears. No, now I won't be able to make it two steps.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice asked as I closed the door.

Crap now I have to deal with him. "Yea dad?"

"I didn't hear a car. How did you get home?" he asked coming down the stairs to where I stood.

I turned my head towards the TV so I could gather my tears. "Um, Edward, Alice's older brother, walked me home."

"That's a long way to walk."

"It wasn't that bad." Until the end.

Charlie nodded before heading over to the couch. "Bella, will you sit please?"

"Um sure?" I said making my way to a couch. "What's up dad?"

"I want to talk to you about this Edward kid. I don't trust him. I've heard thing around town. People are saying he only goes for the sweet innocent, and… taken girls. I've heard he uses them and then leaves them broken hearted." He paused. "Chris also told me about what happened in school. Because of that kid your Chris got suspended for three says. Why would you hang out with him after that?"

"One, Chris is not my Chris. He's just Chris my boyfriend. Two, it was Chris's fault. Edward didn't do anything wrong. Chris just overreacted. Three, I don't believe that Edward just uses girls. If you got to 

talk to him before you judged him you would know he could never do that," I snapped as I got up, walked to my room and slammed the door shut. I clasped onto my bed and let my tears flow out of my eyes.

It wasn't supposed to hurt this much.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I rolled over, but to the wrong side, which made me fall out of my bed onto the floor. I wasn't sure what happened last night until I looked down and saw that I had the clothes that I had on last night. Then I remembered the fight with Edward, and the fight with Charlie. Ugh, it seemed like the whole world was out to get me!

I got off the floor and took a shower. After I put on some clean clothes I walked down to the kitchen for something to eat. I got out a cereal bard and walked to the counter where a note was laying:

Bella,

The party is tonight! Go out and get some pop and food for it. Be home by four o'clock to set up everything and get ready! People will be coming around six. If you need to invite more people, go ahead just run them past me (meaning no Edward). Don't be late!

Love Dad

I groaned and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. 1:30. Wow, I slept a long time. When did I fall asleep? Well I came home around 11:45. Charlie and I's conversation/fight lasted maybe 15 minutes. I think I cried for two hours maybe. Hmm… I should not stay up that late anymore.

After getting some pop (or soda depending on where you live) and chips, dip, wings, and other food; I came home to get ready. I put on a jean skirt and ruby red shirt that had that bigger top style, but squeezed around the waist. Then I put on the heard shaped necklace Edward got me for Christmas and the bracelet Chris got me.

Have you ever been surrounded by a ton of people, friends included, but still feel alone? That's how I felt right now. Even with Chris standing by my side, I felt alone. I didn't feel whole at all. Like a part of me was missing.

"Chris I'm going to get a drink," I said quiet loudly. The music was pretty loud in here.

"Do you want me to get it for you, baby?"

I shook my head. "No, no I'll get it."

I made my way to the kitchen to pour myself some Coke and when someone tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey Jess, what's up?"

"Hi Bella, I was just wondering how you do it?" she asked smugly.

"Do what?"

"Please like you don't know what I'm talking about." I shook my head. "Fine I'll give you a hint. Let's see, last night by the edge of the forest with a Mr. Edward Cullen. So how do you do it? I mean without anyone knowing?"

I looked at her shocked. How could she see us? It was pitch black. "What do you mean? We were just talking."

"What, with your tongue down his throat? I wish I had a conversation with Edward then," she said with a smirk.

Crap there is no way out of this one. "What can I do that will make you not say anything?" I pleaded with her.

She thought about it for a second. "Stay away from him so that I can go to the dance with him in January. That means no 'conversations' with him. How about you just don't talk to him either, unless you want it to go around the whole school."

I really had no choice in the matter. "Deal."

The rest of the night went by in a blur. People talked, laughed, dance and then left. Once everyone was gone I went up to my room and changed to get ready for bed. I wasn't looking forward to anything anymore. Edward was probably still pissed at me, and if he wasn't I couldn't talk to him anyways. Jessica just had to see us. How could she even see us? It was so dark out last night.

Tic. Tic.

I looked at my window. What the?

I walked over to see what was happening. I opened the curtain and opened the window as wide as it would go so that I could lean my body out to see down below. When I looked I saw Edward holding rocks in his hands.

"Sorry if I woke you, I just need to talk you, Bella. Please come down," he pleaded.

I hesitated, thinking about Jessica's words: unless you want it to go around the whole school. I pulled myself back into my room and closed my window. I walked over to my rocking chair and got my sweatshirt off of it, and walked downstairs.

I crossed my arms across my chest and walked up to Edward slowly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about last night. I don't know why, but I just snapped. And today, when I actually realized what I did, all I could think of was that look on your face when I yelled at you. It was the only picture of you I had in my head. I hated it because I love seeing you smile. I love seeing you blush constantly, but I couldn't because all I saw was your hurt expression last night. I can't deal with that Bella. I have to see you smile. I live for your bright expression every time I see you. It makes my life ten times better. I can't bear to see you hurt."

Well then get ready for some heart ache and life worsening-ness. "Edward I can't… I can't…" the tears were falling down my face at this point. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just end it. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

I walked up to him and kissed him on the lips, but pulled away too quickly. "Edward, I can't do this anymore. It's not me and I can't make it me."

"Do what? This sneaking around? I can't do it either. It's killing me not being able to say I have the greatest girl in the world at my side. Look, I know you're worried about what your friends think, so let leave. Let's go to a different school if we have-"

"No, Edward, listen. I can't do this," I said waving between us, "anymore. I can't do us. I'm sorry, I just… just can't."

I saw the hurt on his eyes. He was crushed, but so I was I. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and then turned around and ran back into the house. I closed the kitchen door behind me and let my back hit it. I sank slowly to the floor and brought my legs up to my chest and hugged myself. Then I buried my face in my knees and rocked slowly back and forth.

It wasn't supposed to be this complicated. It wasn't supposed to be this hard to say goodbye. It wasn't supposed to hurt as much as it did. I wasn't supposed to feel a hole in my heart as soon as I said I couldn't do it. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

It wasn't supposed to be as real as it was to me.

A/N: I know, I know they aren't supposed to break up like this, but I can't help it. They need obstacles or else it wouldn't be real to me. Don't worry though; it won't be like this forever. Tell me what you think though.