I wondered what she wanted to say. I also wondered whether she was going to nag me about telling her my secret. I hope she doesn't. But guess what; I don't have such good karma, either. I just don't want her to think that this secret of mine is some small, petty matter. It's big, and it'll have its consequences if I tell her.
"Why can't you tell me everything?" Lana asked. I sighed. Lana lowered her eyes.
"Lana, believe me when I say this, but I really would love to tell you if I could. I can't. You just wouldn't understand," I say. I've said this a million times before but she just doesn't seem to listen.
"I wish I could," was all she could say. I guess I just sort of shrugged. The next question I heard was, "Why do you lie to yourself so much?"
I looked up at her. Lana's face was staring hard at mine, and I just couldn't help but wonder; do I make myself so obvious that I still love her?
"I don't get it," I lied. "Why do you keep telling yourself and others that you don't love me, when really you do?" she asked.
"That's a big assumption you know," I said. Her face kind of flushed. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"What I meant is, how can you assume that I still love you? Didn't I tell you I didn't?" I said. I know it's kind of harsh to say at the moment, but I didn't want to seem like a fool.
"I didn't know you were serious," Lana said. I really got to her then, I could tell.
"Lana …" I stretched out her name. "I don't recall me saying I didn't love you in this conversation," I admit. If she wants the truth, then fine, she'll get it. Because the truth is, I still love her and always will.
"What are you talking about?" Lana said. "Do you still …"
I leaned forward and kissed her softly. She hesitated at first, but then wrapped her arms around my neck. The kiss was interrupted with Lex coming in the room.
We both must've looked at Lex like we were innocent, and nothing happened, but something did.
"I'm gonna let you two talk then," I said, walking out. I heard Lana's voice call behind me, but I didn't look back.
If Lana wanted to remain with Lex, then let her. I can't stop her, and if she wanted to then I have to let her. If she wants to ride the roller coaster with me again, then that's her choice. But for now, I have nothing to worry about. Everything is going just fine, and that's all that matters now.