Hey guys! So I had to make this songfic, I think this song fits ShinjixRei perfectly. Read and review, son! :)
Rei slept fitfully, tossing and turning in her bed. Finally, at midnight, she sat up, frustrated and sweaty. She peered curiously at her trembling hands and tried to recall the dream.
Shinji, she thought his name. Only in her mind would she lower the barriers of political politeness.
She continued to shake and shiver as the heat faded into a terrible cold. In her dream, Shinji had been standing there, by himself. Her mind could not make up much with its lack of imagination, but the simple scene was enough to spin her into turmoil.
Why? Why do I see Shinji in my mind?
Why would he appear there?
Rei threw back the covers of her bed, standing on the cold floor. She panted for a moment, and her head was dizzy from the quick movement. She tipped her head up in the direction of the door and knew where she had to go.
She stood in front of Major Katsuragi's door, still as stone. When she had hopped out of bed to make her way here, her mind had only seen as far as this. The logical side of her brain murmured how foolish this decision was; everyone had to be asleep. It was ridiculously late.
But quietly, a small flicker of something in the shadows of her being spoke. "Go in, Rei. Go in."
She lifted her hand to knock on the door, rapping gently. She turned her head back down in habit, only to glance back up quickly when the door slid open immediately. Rei was startled by the force of blue eyes on her as she stared helplessly back.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
She felt a deep stirring inside her as Shinji's sleepy surprised expression quickly changed to concern. She wondered vaguely if it was wrong to be here, suddenly. Was it rude? Immoral? Shinji's face didn't seem to reflect either of those. She stood, wrung into silence as she tried to rationalize her actions.
"Ayanami? What brings you here so late?" his quiet voice gently woke her from her stupor.
She met his eyes again, feeling small and fragile. What was it about Shinji that seemed to permeate a wreck of meaningless thoughts- straight to what mattered most?
Leading you down into my core,Where I've become so numb -
"I'd let you in, but I'm afraid Asuka would kill us if I did," he said sheepishly.
Rei nodded. "Yes, Ikari. I suppose I will return to my residence now."
She turned away, but Shinji quickly grabbed at her arm. "Wait, Ayanami! I didn't mean you had to leave. I will stay out here with you, if you want."
She glanced back earnestly. "Ikari…you touched me."
His cheeks reddened and he dropped her hand. "Oh, of course. Sorry, Ayanami." He shut the door and stepped outside, settling on the ground a few feet away from the door so they would not be heard. Rei took a place next to him. "So, why are you here, Rei?"
She had no answer.
without a soul,
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.
"You know, Rei, it's okay if you don't know what to say."
She was surprised by his words, and looked over at him. He had an easy expression on his face. In the past several months, he'd grown from a timid boy towards the brink of a man. He still had a long way to go, which comforted Rei in her own insecurities, but she saw that he no longer ran away from the things that scared him.
Could you show me to do that, Shinji? she thought.
She recalled the first day they met. Well, technically, he met her, as she was barely conscious for it all. He had just arrived a Nerv, a scared little puppy with his tail between his legs. When he had denied using the Eva, it was to be Rei's job to go in for him, despite her physical health. She remembered his stunned silence as she panted in pain from the injuries she had recently received. When the Angel attacked, he had come to comfort her, taking her gingerly in his arms, horrified at his own selfishness. She saw his guilt- he had been about to send her into a battlefield when she could barely breathe. Rei blinked, realizing for the first time that he had probably saved her life by taking on the burden himself.
She looked back into his face, seeing that Shinji was half asleep, leaning against the wall. A smile worked its way to her lips, the first one in ages.
Wake me up inside!
Wake me up inside!
Call my name and save me from the dark...
She leaned back against him, suddenly at ease. He stirred a bit, but didn't protest at her warmth. She felt comfortable against his skin, felt his breathing, moving, living. She glanced at her own skin, so pale, lifeless. She seemed dead, so grey and white and black.
Am I?
She watched him sleep, the air moving in and out of his lungs, the rise and fall of his chest, the flicker of his sleeping twitches. What did she look like when she slept? Was she so lively, so full? Shinji thrived and grew, like other people. Did Rei grow? Did Rei thrive? She suddenly felt so alone in her bland body. Shinji was full of color, brilliant blues and earthy browns. Rei was devoid of all, except for her eyes. Eyes like blood.
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become...
She sighed. "Shinji." His name tasted sweet on her tongue, like fire and fruits and sunlight. She spoke her own name, "Rei," and grimaced. It was soft, yeilding, colorless. Rei was the name for a puppet, a doll. No personality, no being. Only an empty vessel, a body without a soul.
"Ayanami? Why are you so sad?"
She jumped, startled by his sudden voice. It was so clear and gentle, full of emotion: concern. Did she ever sound concerned? A horrid thought struck her- was she ever concerned?
"Ikari?" She flinched at the sound of her voice; the difference between theirs was grating.
"Yes, Ayanami?"
"Do you hate me?" The question was strange, even to her. But as the seconds ticked by in silence, she began to rationalize it. Why would Shinji, human, loveable Shinji, like her, or enjoy her company? What did she ever have to say that was entertaining or special? Asuka, with her brilliant mind and fierce personality, despite her temper, must be more fun ot be around. Major Katsuragi was lively as well, full of spirit. What spirit did Rei have?
now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
"Why would you ask that?" Shinji said. He sounded confused, not angry or even confident. It was a shakey sound, as if she had just disrupted his patterns as well with her thinking.
"I apologize, Ikari, I should not have asked." She rose in a single fluid movement, turning away, unaware of the single tear in her eye. "I will return to my residence now."
He was up in a hurry. "Wait, Rei!"
She spun on her heels, eyes wide. Shinji stopped abruptly as she did, staring as if she'd gone crazy. Rei was frozen, trying to process the immense delight she had just taken in hearing that sweet little word roll off Shinji's tongue. She blinked a few times, flickering her bright eyes up to Shinji's face.
"Ikari?" Her voice was shakey.
"Yes?" He sounded nervous.
"Say my name again."
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life...
"What?" Shinji's face scrunched up a bit in his confusion. Rei studied it for a moment, awed, then repeated her request again.
"Please, Shinji, say my name again."
He blinked, his eyes softening. Rei watched the change with immense interest, feeling a stirring inside her again, a great lifting this time instead. Her chest felt light, eyes heavy, and her voice was gone. If she could have stood there forever with that boy, she would've. However, forever's silence was broken, when he breathed her name.
"Rei."
She closed her eyes, feeling the deep burden from moments ago fading. Rei wasn't complete, she was still a doll, still an unholy creation, a mere whim of a genius. But she felt, twittering in her heart, that a change could be made. A change to make her real, to give her flesh color and boil her blood. Rei opened her eyes, staring into cool depths of blue until she thought she could disappear forever in them.
Something strange, an emotion she could not identify, made itself known: it was the beginning of becoming. She decided to leave it wel enough alone; let herself feel the strangeness without analyzing it closely. She could do that later.
Make me real, she pleaded silently. Bring me to life.
There was only one person that could do that, Rei was sure.
Shinji Ikari.
Okies, whatcha think?
Please read and review.
I know Shinji's a bit OOC, but then again, he gets hard to work with.