Bella's POV

Some idiot was lying on the doorbell. I'd barely gotten into the second chapter of Edwardian Etiquette, who'd have thought? I was not in a good mood and opened the door ready to give the fool on the other side a lashing. It was Edward and if I didn't know any better I'd say he'd just woken up. He looked at me through hooded…red eyes. "What the hell?"

"Hey baby" he said huskily, grabbing me around my waist. He pulled us inside, closed the door and pressed my back up against it in one fluid motion. The red eyes had me already stunned, but "Baby"?

"What did you just call me? "I asked him although I'd heard him quite clearly.

He put his forehead to mine and breathed in my face. No, it couldn't be. "Baby, you're so volup…so volup..so soft." He cupped my left breast in his hand and gave it a squeeze. And then he…he giggles!

"Oh!" I yelled and slapped his hand away. "You're smashed!" Mr. Octopus released my breast, grabbed my behind and started licking my ear. I wiggled out of his hold and backed away. "Where have you been, a drunken frat party?" I was instantly worried, I needed help, but didn't know who to call. I can't ask Carlisle, I'd feel like a snitch. Edward was going to be so mortified tomorrow. If only he could sleep it off. I'll just keep him here till this wears off.

He started to creep towards me, "I want you Bella, now, please." I was about twelve feet away by now. I feinted to the left to get him to think I was going to make a dash for the kitchen, but then I sprang to the right for my bedroom. Even in his current condition I couldn't fake him out. He grabbed me from behind and I screamed louder than I meant to.

He was laughing and shushing me at the same time, his chin resting on my shoulder. "The neighbors will think you're a screamer." He cracked up over his remark. I twisted about and held his face in my hands.

"Edward." He kissed me.

"Focus." Another kiss.

I tried again, "what...."

(Kiss)

"Happened?"

(Kiss – Kiss)

I covered his mouth with both hands. That stopped him.

"Okay Romeo, what is going on!?" He became still as if he was going to cooperate. I lowered my hands slowly expecting subterfuge.

He put a single finger to his lips and whispered, "It's a secret." Boy, were all his 17 years showing. Well, two can play at that game.

"You can tell me…no one will ever know." I assured him.

He seemed to ponder the idea. "Hmmmmmm…..no."

My patience snapped, "Tell me!"

The sinful grin again. "If you wear your new gown."

Blackmail, but worth it to know what happened while I was at school. "Okay…you wait here." I stepped to go into my room and to the closet. He followed so closely behind me we bumped together when I stopped. "Where are you going?"

"I'm coming with you, Baby." He slurred.

At this point I was resorting to sign language.

"No." I motioned to myself, "I'm going to change, right?" He nodded.

"And you.." I said as I put my hands on his chest, "You stay here." Pointing to the floor.

I went to the closet and he followed after me. "Oh, whatever."

I stripped using the open closet door as a dressing screen. I was pulling the black negligee on faster than I would've thought possible when I heard a small scuffle. I peeked around the door to find that Edward had attempted to take his pants off over his shoes and fell over.

Yesterday he had said we would find a way to be together. Maybe this, getting sloshed was the solution he came up with. I wish he would've given me some prior warning, but I didn't want to waste the attempt.

My gown flowed as I walked past him sitting on the floor struggling with his shoes. I ran my fingers through his mussed up hair and climbed onto the bed. I arranged myself as seductively as I knew how. Edward looked so cute in his boxers and T shirt. He was smiling at me stupidly and staring at my bare feet.

He took off his shirt and tossed it behind him. "I used to wear suspenders." He announced. What? "And those….things that hold up your socks." My mouth was hanging open. "Men wore suits of clothing and ladies wore dresses." He continued with his lesson in archaic fashion.

I very much needed to get this show back on track. I held my arms out to him, "Edward, I'm ready for you." I whispered.

"AND," He said so loudly I jumped. "Everyone wore hats!" He nodded and raised his eyebrows as if to signal that he'd just said something profound. Then his mood turned melancholy. "I miss hats."

"We'll get you a damn hat tomorrow, now come to bed!" Finally he got in beside me and started placing kisses on my wrist working his way up to the inside of my elbow.

He climbed over me. "Yes, yes, yes!," I chanted in my head. I pulled up the chiffon and wrapped my legs around him. We shared the deepest most satisfying kiss so far to date, and he moved to my neck.

"I really did have the best fedora." He said in between nibbles. Not this again. "It tilted perfectly to the right."

He was at my collar bone now, almost there. "I'm sure you did." I panted. "A little lower…ahhhh."

"Alice burned it in 1967." And then he blew a raspberry into my cleavage.

"Damn it Edward!" I yelled in frustration and pushed him off of the bed and onto the floor. There's no way this was going to work, but what to do with him until the booze wore off?

"Aren't you relaxed love?" He asked from the rug. An idea came to me. I climbed off the bed, took his hand and led him into the living room. After placing him on the couch I opened one of our as yet unpacked boxes and started searching for the longest running DVD I could find. Perfect, Gone With the Wind, it was at least four hours long. I loaded it into the player and went back to him.

"We're going to play a game, okay?" I asked him. He was all for it, his eyes lit up like a child's. "This," I motioned to the couch, "Is an island." I paused to let that sink in. "You can't get off of the island until the movie is over." He started looking for escape routes from the island. "THERE'S NO WAY OFF OR YOU'LL FALL INTO THE CURRENT AND DROWN!"

He pulled his feet up and onto the cushions. That's me, laying down the rules. His face fell upon realizing the bleakness of his predicament.

He looked at me with sorrowful eyes and I instantly felt remorse for being so mean. "I'll watch a little of it with you, okay?" That cheered him knowing he wouldn't be the only castaway, and when Scarlett came on he really started paying attention to the film.

Edward's POV

By the time Atlanta was burning I was beginning to see things more clearly. I couldn't recall much that took place last night, but of three things I was certain; I'd made a complete and utter ass of myself; I'd molested my Bella unforgivingly; and Ashley Wilkes was a fucking moron.

I started to get up from the couch but hesitated, then chided myself. I was not after all on an island. I retrieved my phone from my jacket pocket that was hanging by a hook across the room. God my head hurt. I phoned Carlisle.

I gave him more particulars on my southern belle of a neighbor. She was alone, a vegetarian (sort of), a college gypsy, and destitute. Couldn't we help her get a financial plan started? Surely Alice could share her insider information of the stock market. My father decided to send Jasper my way as delegate to see if she would be interested in becoming a member of the club, so to speak. Carlisle didn't believe any one of our kind should be alone. They should at least have a choice.

Jasper usually handled interviews with outsiders; he could charm the snake away from a snake charmer. He was hunting and sightseeing near Florence, Oregon only about half an hour distance by vampire speed. He and Alice had decided to travel along the coastline making their way towards Mexico. I gave my regards to Esme, hung up and phoned Jasper. I asked him to handle the business at hand without speaking to Bella. He agreed without asking why. I was silently thankful for it, because I wouldn't have known what to tell him anyway.

I could hear Bella sleeping in her room, probably exhausted from fighting off my repulsive advances. My phone battery was low and I went to plug it into the charger. We kept it in the bathroom since it was the only room with plenty of outlets. I caught sight of myself in the medicine cabinet and stood petrified in front of the mirror.

What had I done?

I raced to Bella's side. I had heard her sleeping so I knew she was alive. She wasn't screaming in agony so I assumed I hadn't drawn her blood, but I just had to see for myself. She was fine and sleeping peacefully. She'd changed into pajamas to sleep more comfortably. She'd probably be out for a few more hours. I needed urgently to speak with my personal conniving Scarlet O'Hara and now.

I could hear her singing some mundane tune from the past as I stepped onto her porch.

Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool

Swam three little fishies and a momma fishie too

"Swim" said the momma fishie, "Swim if you can"

And they swam and they swam all over the damn!

Boop-boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!

Her hearing was as good as mine and she opened the door to me before I could knock.

"We've got to stop meeting like this Honey." She greeted me all smiles. I stepped inside.

"I am not amused, Sarah." I said angrily.

"It didn't go well then?" She said innocently. She was anything but.

"Look at me!" I pointed a finger one on each side of my head and opened my eyes wide. "What the hell happened last night!?"

"I was going to tell you about that Sugar." She shuffled her feet some. "I neglected to mark those silly little boxes of mine.."

"Go on…" I was getting even more impatient.

"Well, it seems I made a teensy weensie mistake?"

I fisted my hands in my hair and groaned. Then I groaned louder because it made my head pound worse.

She was very apologetic. "I am so sorry sugar, it was an accident giving you the human schnapps ; I don't know what to say."

I was feeling like an ass by now. "Forget it, what's done is done. Actually it's not as bad as I imagined it would be." I had pictured us taking down the UPS driver. We stood awkwardly looking at each other.

"Oh!" She squeaked as she remembered something. She pulled a few bills from her pocket and tried to hand them to me. "You left this behind last night."

"What's this?" I asked.

"You said it was payment." She answered.

"Then it is." I countered.

"It's too much." Yet another Bella comparison.

"Illegal substances are pricey." I retorted. Her hands went to her hips and she got all domineering on me. "Would it make a difference if I told you my family is loaded? Speaking of which my brother is going to drop by if it's convenient. He'd like to meet you. Will you be home in an hour?"

"Sure thing." She tried to hand me the money again.

"That's one of the things he'd like to discuss with you." I was not taking that money. She needed it.

"Fine." She said curtly.

"Great." I retorted.

"So… how did things go?" Curiosity got the best of her.

"You mean the things I can remember?" I was getting pissed again. "There wasn't any venom. So I guess I can French kiss my girl I just won't be able to remember it the next day." I said sarcastically.

"Sort of a half success?" She smiled.

"Funny. Look, Jasper will be here shortly. He's harmless, like me." She walked me to the door for my departure. "And Sarah, don't give him any beverages."

"You're a card Sugar, bye!" And she closed the door.

Sarah's POV

I heard a light tapping at the back door. It must be Ed's brother, right on time. I could see the sweet boy through the screen door. Oh my, I swallowed. I am so glad I'd changed into a summer dress. I ran my fingers through my hair as a make shift comb and opened the door.

He was scrumptious with his wavy blonde hair and his strong jaw line. There were crescent shaped scars too, obviously from battle and they made his appearance that much more tantalizing. I was already all but hyperventilating, but when he spoke I nearly fainted dead away.

"Miss Sarah?" He inquired. I nodded because I was incapable of speech, which is rare for me. "Jasper Whitlock….your servant ma'am. I held out my hand in greeting but when he took it instead of shaking he bowed over it and looked up at me through the most adorable long eyelashes.

"Pleasure to meet you, kind sir." I curtsied and fanned myself with my free hand. He stood straight and smiled a beautiful smile.

"The pleasure is all mine…may I?" He asked.

"You most certainly may!" I seized his upper arm and drew him inside before he could get away.