Author's notes: ... hi. –ducks multitude of objects-

Summary: Gods please don't kill me.

Warnings: Swears, violence, gore, lime (possible, it's in debate), graphic scenes, yaoi (boyxboy love), CRACK, stupid humor, emo!angst

Pairings: RenoxRude(MAIN), AxelxRoxas(MAIN), SoraxRiku, Axelx?, Demyxx?, SeiferxLeon, as well as multiple random and short CRACK pairings. Subject to change.

Disclaimer: REMEMBER IF YOU KILL ME I CAN'T FINISH THE STORY.

Jean: You probably won't at this rate.

Me: What... happened to Riu?

Jean: He seems to have had another of his mental breakdowns. You're pretty good for those.

Me: Oops.

Chapter 6

"Ah Chad Lincoln, just another reason to hate the British." There was no mistaking that cocky drawl, not if you were smart enough. Clock striking 9:05 on the dot, Seifer was currently sipping a mocha something or other from an overdesigned paper cup and sitting on a rather comfortable desk chair that one of the staff of this particular clothing outlet had procured for him while reading the latest Iris Johansen novel. Who said being a manipulative jackass didn't have its perks?

"You actually read that drivel?" Kadaj's voice demanded, tone condescending as he emerged from the changing rooms and sneer at the blonde.

"Diss Johansen again and you'll be sucking your next meal through an IV. Change the pants." Seifer ordered as he flipped a page and didn't look up from the book. Kadaj stiffened, then, almost inaudibly, growled.

"You haven't even seen-"

"Don't have to leather butt, change 'em. Try that dark number from rack three." Another page was turned. With a growl savage enough to mock a lion's roar into kitten play, Kadaj stormed back to the changing room while seizing the said item from a too helpful staff member who held up Seifer's recommendation. To be honest, it was sort of entertaining for them. Four hot guys all in one store trying on various combinations of clothes, it was like being at a model exhibition without all the hassle.

Seifer of course had deemed himself perfect since the day he could actively put thought into his speech and had taken it upon himself to share his glorious gift with the unfortunate others of his race. That is, when he'd seen the leather trio get off their motorcycles (motorcycles, for crying out loud) and head towards his school, he'd intervened on a code red of the disciplinary committee rule book and yanked them away to the nearest acceptable clothes store.

"This really isn't necessary, is it?" Came a much softer and composed voice. Finally glancing up, Seifer raised an eyebrow at Yazoo who sported a navy blue turtleneck and a pair of creamy white pants that were perhaps more fitted to his slender legs than healthy. A pair of neat black dress shoes topped off the ensemble a little too well actually. Still, a thumbs up from Seifer (and eager backing from the store clerks) was enough for Yazoo as he sat down on yet another procured chair and swung one leg over the other before folding his arms.

"I'm not gonna have three Hard Gay wannabes walking around my hallways." Seifer replied calmly, ignoring a bout of shuffling, cursing and a thud as Loz's changing room door shuddered slightly. "Take your shoes off before you pull off your pants you idiot!" He called without a break in pace. Another page was flipped.

"I knew that!" Loz's voice came back, a bit tearfully as Yazoo raised an eyebrow at Seifer. After a few moments of Yazoo's scrutinization, Seifer sighed.

"Y'see something you like?"

"... no, I was just thinking you're quite formidable. For a normal person anyway." Seifer snorted at that.

"Me, normal. Oh today is a grand day indeed, excuse me if I'm not flattered. Loop under, than over than in between the damn V and thread it through the loop!" Seifer called as Kadaj cursed from inside his changing room. "Fucking idiot can't tie a tie."

"Well he's never really had to before." Yazoo remarked absently while glancing back at the change rooms, quickly getting used to Seifer's omnipotent ways in the manner of clothes. It was actually quite amusing when you managed to get over it.

"Never been anywhere formal?"

"Battle zones don't really care much for four step ties." At that Seifer's eyes stopped on the word he was on, a frown on his lips. Still not looking up from his page, his voice dropped a notch in volume before he spoke again.

"What are you?"

"A soldier. That, is all you need to know." Yazoo responded without skipping a beat.

"Even soldiers have lives."

"Normal soldiers. We're not normal. Those with the M-gene over a certain level cannot be exposed to the public, imagine if our DNA chose at that moment to go haywire."

"Rude-"

"Is not fully exposed. You don't think this white hair is natural do you?" Here Yazoo finally looked back at Seifer with an icy smile. His eyes, that which had been politely guarded before were now slitted, dangerous and thirsty for... something. Seifer glanced at him hackles raised, he didn't deal too well with threats, made him want to bite back just for the sheer hell of it, and for the sake of his pride.

"How's this?" Loz's voice interrupted their conversation and Seifer glanced up at the man. Dress pants, white shirt, a beige blazer. Neat, casual, comfortable.

"Very college-boy. You're fine." Seifer replied as Yazoo stood and took the opportunity to veer the topic away from dangerous zones. One shared glance between the two however and both knew this conversation wasn't over, simply delayed. Yazoo wasn't the type to run, and Seifer wasn't the type to give up easily.

"Blondie, I can't get this stupid... rrgh, goddamn neck choker is trying to kill me!" Kadaj's grumble sounded out over the bang of his changing room door as it smacked into the wall and he stumbled out, fumbling with the strip of black cloth around his neck. "Why the hell do I have to wear this stupid thing anyway?"

"'cause I'm trying to kill you shithead, get over here." Seifer growled setting down his novel and standing as well. Brushing past Yazoo who was fixing Loz's collar in a very businesslike manner, he strode over to Kadaj and yanked the shorter boy towards him by seizing his collar. This effectively choked and cut off whatever the youth had been about to say as Seifer took in the tie and... stared.

Even Yazoo was a bit miffed as he glanced at it.

"How the hell...? It looks like you put one end on a mixer and hit on." Seifer got out rather perplexed as he lifted the tie... or... knotted ball of cloth up lightly and stared. Kadaj's blush went a long way to showing the embarrassment he felt in this situation.

"I. Think that may be the end there." Yazoo said helpfully, pointing to a tip barely poking out. Loz, good willed fool that he was, seized it and yanked.

Four minutes later with much colourful cursing and a blue faced Kadaj, Seifer finally managed to undo the knot while Yazoo held scissors on standby.

"SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL MORON." Seifer yelled as he straddled Kadaj's chest and pulled away the final knot, sweat dotting his brow as Kadaj's chest heaved for air. As soon as it was off Seifer slid off and watched the youth gasp for air, sucking it in greedily while cursing Loz's existence at the same time.

Said older brother was crying in great heaving wails.

Welcome to my world. Was what Yazoo's eye roll told him.

Holding two beakers delicately by their bases in each hand, Reno made his way back to the table where his lab partner was working diligently on their report, writing out their hypothesis and the current testing method before they got under way. As the redhead carefully set the glass containers onto the table and rolled back the sleeves of his black jacket, he was about to push them over his elbows when he paused, remembering a deep bruise he had on the underside of his forearm.

"Your lab coat will hide it." Rude answered softly in low tones meant only for his partner. "Although you should be wearing it already." He added as he finally sat back and put the pencil down, picking up an identical white coat to the one he was wearing from the back of his chair and offered it to his partner. Reno smiled sheepishly and finished rolling up his sleeves before putting on the coat and securing the dangling cuffs. Following that, he snapped on his safety goggles and made a show of tightening the straps (at which Rude chuckled at,) before moving towards his own chair.

"S'not my fault that kid had at me. Volatile piece of shit… where do you find these guys?" Reno muttered as he took his seat on the stool and checked over Rude's work, not really expecting to find any mistakes, but making sure just in case.

"Did she heal all your injuries?" Rude asked instead, ignoring Reno's question as he rubbed the elastic bands that went around his head, feeling uncomfortable without his sunglasses, and took back the paper while Reno picked up the beakers, pausing a moment to recall the proper course of action before he slowly began to pour the dangerous contents equally into a set of twelve test tubes.

"Yeah, that girl's pretty amazing. I can barely feel anything of the cuts or anything anymore."

"What about the wounds from yesterday?" Rude asked quietly, causing Reno's hand to twitch, accidentally slopping the contents of a chemical over the sides. Hastily seizing some paper towel to wipe it up, he crunched up the ball and checked his gloves, making sure nothing was leaking through, before glaring at Rude.

"What about 'em yo?"

"Reno…" Rude began, voice quiet and stern as the redhead turned his gaze back on their project. He then sighed, there was no point pushing it, Reno would remain quiet and obstinate, pretending any injuries he had taken were insubstantial. Rude however, knew better. Though Larxene was only number twelve out of thirteen, she was still one of the elite over an organization of hundreds. Against Reno who hadn't even properly gained control of his abilities yet, it was like a pitting a poodle against a monster tow truck.

"It's nothin'." Reno grumbled and Rude blinked this time. There was a little more than a defensive tone in the redhead's voice, and Rude had trouble discerning it. Then, he cautiously asked:

"… are you angry?" Reno slopped again, this time catching the attention of the teacher who cautioned him on being so clumsy. Red faced, he nodded and turned his attention back to the spill, soaking it up with the already used wad of paper towel. "You are." Rude confirmed, mystified as Reno angrily mopped it up in vain. A soaked ball of paper towel wasn't much in the way of cleaning.

"Am not." Reno hissed as he finally gave up and stood to get more as a way of excusing himself and running from the conversation. As he stood, Rude did as well and followed the redhead, not very concerned that they were in class as they moved to the storage area which was in a separate room.

"You're mad at me." Rude commented, voicing his thoughts aloud and watching Reno's reactions to gauge how close he was to the truth. Judging from how Reno visibly twitched, Rude was, unfortunately, correct on that. Not that he was confirming it, he was obviously trying to play the denial game. "Why?"

"I'm not mad yo." Reno denied heading up to the dispenser and cursing when it read empty. Instead he turned to the cabinets and began rummaging around, trying to find another roll.

"Is it because of this morning?"

"No."

"Do you think I became your friend because of my past? I swear I had no idea you were a carrier."

"That's not it."

"So you are mad at me." Rude confirmed and Reno slammed the cupboard shut, foregoing the paper towel. Setting his hands on the counter, the redhead heaved a deep breath, struggling to maintain his composure as Rude continued to barrage him with questions, breaking down the mask of calm he'd constructed to hide his real feelings. Little did he know, Rude saw this. Had seen the lockdown since the death of Reno's parents, and figured it probably had something to do with Axel. Just the guilt Reno had from freezing, from not being the calm and collected one of the two, though he was older.

Reno needed some serious comforting right now. That's what happened when you learned your life was a farce.

"… you didn't tell me." The softly spoken words caught him by surprise. For a moment Rude was quiet, uncertain as to what Reno was referring to, before the redhead cleared it up himself. "Half a decade, five years Rude. You let me dump all my shit on you, and not once, not once did you mention that "oh hey, I'm a government experiment, I'm fighting for my life every single day, I gotta keep a low profile so that's why I'm always holding back. Also, I might go batshit insane any minute and have to be put down like a dog since no cell will hold me, but whatever it's minor. How are things for you?"" Reno spat, irritation not even covering what was in his voice. Rude stared openly now, not quite sure how to respond, fortunately, he didn't have to since Reno kept on going.

"I mean, what the fuck yo? Aren't I your friend? When the hell did you think it was okay to keep all that shit to yourself?" Reno demanded. "Yeah I can understand the first three or four years. Fuck I'll even give you the first year of college. How do you know I won't go running off to sell your story to the newspapers to make a few bucks? But by now… and you didn't even tell me yourself. I gotta hear it from Axel, of all people!" Rage filtered into his aura now, it seemed to emit from his body like a fine coat of mist, but for all that he was keeping his voice low, aware even now of how dangerous it would be to speak too loudly.

"I…" Rude began, carefully, and stopped. What could he say? An awkward silence filled the air as the clock ticked, the only sound filling the room as the half closed door muffled all conversation in the classroom. It was like all the closeness between them, that which had held them together for the last few years, had suddenly been blocked, keeping them from truly understanding one another. Just as Rude was about to make another attempt at talking, Reno's hands withdrew from the counter and he straightened.

"Whatever, I'm overreactin', I know." As he drew back into himself, Rude felt the first stirrings of an alarm ringing in his head. Something, some primeval instinct was telling him that this was a bad thing and that he needed to stop it now before it became irreversible. "Listen, I'm gonna head back out.

If we don't the professor will get suspicious, you come back with the paper towel okay?" He muttered and started moving for the door, sidestepping Rude who was in his way.

As he passed, that alarm shot up from a small voice to a bellowing panic. If you let him walk out that door it's over!

Acting purely from instinct, Rude's hand shot out, grasping Reno's wrist and before he could think, before logic could reach his mind and bid him to wait, he pushed Reno against the wall and trapping him there with his own body, pressed a kiss to half open, and startled lips.

"Mr. Kusobata…" Tiny hand… things reached up and seized a lock of bright red hair and tugged experimentally.

"Wha' t'fuck man, y'don't call a self respectin' man out and snooze away when he arrives. Jus' ain't cool!"

"Oh Shakes, please don't-"

"BANZAI!" Axel's pleasant dream of a certain cute blondie he'd met a while ago feeding him grapes on a tropical island paradise dropped instantly when something hard and sharp struck the side of his face.

"Ow! What the-!?" He yelped jumping to his feet and glaring down at the assaulter before going pale.

"… Axel? Is something the matter?" The teacher inquired politely, pretending he hadn't noticed the redhead sleeping in class on his desk. Something made fairly obvious from the puddle of drool on the wooden top. Axel however, had gone insanely pale as he stared at his desk.

"…DREAMING." Fuu suddenly intervened before booting him sharply in the shins from where she sat, which was right next to Axel's desk. With another pained yelp, the redhead stumbled slightly into the desk.

"I— bathroom." Axel finally blurted out as he seemed to scoop the air on top of his desk up and dashed for the exit, yelling again halfway out the door and flailing his hand as if a crab had nipped him. The class watched him go, rather perplexed.

In the bathroom, Axel threw himself through the swinging door and threw the source of his problems into the sink, feeling no remorse when one landed belly up and circled the round porcelain tub for a good few minutes. The other, Moby, climbed onto the rim and glanced up at Axel while brushing himself off.

"My goodness, that was not necessary at all!" He exclaimed while his companion chose to vocalize his discontent in a much more… colorful manner.

"Goddamn it y'fuckin' motherfucka! I jus' waxed m'damn shell! D'you know how long it takes t'wax this damn thing when you're dead!? Do ya!? I oughta bite your damn kidneys off next time instead o' that little pinky! When I ge' outta here-!"

"That will do Shakes," Moby intervened politely and glanced back up at Axel with an innocent smile. Axel, on the other hand, looked positively harassed.

"What. Are you doing here?" He growled.

"I came to introduce my nephew to you, this here is Shakes Spear. He's come all the way from his resting place. A dreadful city really, I warned my sister not to let him go but, well, you know how females are about their clutches of eggs."

"No. No I don't." Axel replied feeling even more cross by the minute as he folded his arms, wondering if plumbing got blocked when you flushed invisible turtles. Shakes, who had finally managed to free himself, climbed onto the rim looking worse for wear. It was then that Axel got a good look at him.

"You may want to close your jaw before that scrumptious looking fly goes right in, I of course like them but I understand humans like yourself, do not." Moby said helpfully. Axel blinked twice at that remark and shut his gaping mouth. Shakes was, in short, a stereotypical biker gang member in appearance. … as a turtle. A purple Mohawk, painted shell, bling, sunglasses, the whole shebang.

"How do you even get to look that way!? For crying out loud you're a turtle!" Came the half stunned, half outraged scream.

"Don't sweat the details mothafucka, now! I heard yous havin' a problem, and bein' a friend of my good uncle an' all, I'm obliged to help you out. Gimme the name sucka and me an' my boys'll take care of 'em!"

"That doesn't sound nice." Came another voice. All three, biker turtle and all, froze. As the stall lock came undone, a familiar spiky haired youth came forward to one of the unoccupied sinks and turned it on, rinsing his hands.

"Hey, you got a friend!" Sora called out grinning. Axel stared.

"Dam' right mothafucka, name's Shakes. You gonna make this easy, or hard?"

"You talk funny."

"Soes it's gonna be hard huh? Bring it on!"

"I can't take this, they're all yours kid and good riddance." Axel got out escaping while he could. Rubbing his temples aggravated, he glanced at the ceiling wondering what god he'd pissed off so badly that he'd be cursed with invisible turtles and super powers, when all he wanted was to get a job and get laid by a cute boy.

Life sucked. As he opened the door to his classroom, he caught the last snippet of the teacher's sentence;

"…lcome him to our cla-"

"I KNOW YOU." Before Axel could even register what had happened, something hit him full on around the waist and sent him flying back into the hall, hitting the tiled floor head first. Stars winking in his vision, he begged what he saw to be an illusion.

"This has got to be a dream." He groaned.

"Hey I know I'm sexy, but I already told you you're not my type." Demyx replied chipperly as he sat up and straddled Axel's chest.

Life really sucked.

End chapter 6.

Author's notes: COHERENT PLOT. I HAZ IT. WHOOPEE.