Hey there everyone! Sorry for the long delay - I've been getting prompts from countless people telling me to update, so here it is at last: The final chapter of this demented FF chatroom... thing. You guys wanted a long chapter, so here it is - the longest of them all.
I'll nowsay a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed, and all those who put forward some brilliant suggestions. And thebest ones arein there! I can't name every single person whose ideas have been included here, but you know who you are! ;-)
In this chapter, look out for several character comebacks and cameos. Alas, you never know who might just... pop in for a visit. (Evil laugh)
Enjoy!
xxx
Kinneas52
Aw, don't worry, Spikey. Sephiroth'll come back around.
Yaz00
…Eventually. I can see him sitting on next door's roof at the moment, and he doesn't look like he's in a very good way.
LozIsNotADumbAss
I can try and go get him to come back if ya want.
CloudStrife
Guys, I appreciate your disturbingly sudden concern for me, but… why do you still think I'm in love with him?
SHBrother#1
Because you two – according to the fangirls – are just MEANT to be together. ;-)
CloudStrife
OH FOR FU-
- User "Zidane4Eva" has just signed in. -
Zidane4Eva
Wahey, it's ME!
KujaTheSuperior45
Oh, bugger it.
Zidane4Eva
Bro! Long time no see! Still wearing the scary thong?
KujaTheSuperior45
Still polluting the planet with your increasingly irritating presence?
Zidane4Eva
o.O
KujaTheSuperior
Quite.
Tif99
Hey there, Zidane! How's things where you are?
Zidane4Eva
Stuff's cool right here, Tif. So… Um… Nice conversation. Does Cloud really have a crush on –
CloudStrife
NO.
Zidane4Eva
…Righty-ho then.
- User "ZellRocks" has just signed in. -
- User "Seifer66" has just signed in. -
ZellRocks
Okay, who sent me that email saying "You look like a homosexual chocobo"?
Seifer66
Probably the same person who sent me the one entitled "You are a closet woman."
VValentine
We won't bother telling you how many more of us received that same email.
GunArm82
Hey there, guys. Looks like you been hit by Squall's spam-mail.
Seifer66
It figures. Oh, and would you look at that! Puberty boy is still online!
LeonHart062
I wish you weren't.
ZellRocks
How could you call me that, man? You never used to make fun of my hair!
LeonHart062
Call you what? I never even emailed you, Zell!
ZellRocks
…Then who the hell was it?
SHBrother#1
Hee hee hee…
ZellRocks
Oh. I. would. Never. Have. Guessed.
Seifer66
You mean it was the brat clone?
SHBrother#1
Hey!
WorkSucksRenoRules
Yo, Zell. You and Seifer missed that anti-spam software Sephiroth put on the board. If ya scroll up you can download it. ;-)
ZellRocks
WOOHOO! Thanks!
Seifer66
"Eat Dirt Squall, this is AntiSpam." Hah! Priceless! Try spamming us NOW, fool!
LeonHart062
I hate you.
Seifer66
Glad you feel that way. Now piss off.
LeonHart062
O.O
Yaz00
I thought I might tell you; Sephiroth is now being chased across the roof by a hoard of rabid –
KujaTheSuperior45
Fan-girls?
Yaz00
That's the one.
SHBrother#1
My, my, Cloud. Isn't it just your day today? x-D
CloudStrife
Isn't it just time you shut the hell up?
SHBrother#1
How creative. Honestly, you should try to be more like me, Cloud.
CloudStrife
HAH! You honestly think I could shove my head that far up my ass?
SHBrother#1
O.O
WorkSucksRenoRules
Whoah, Kadaj. Major pwnage. x-D
SHBrother#1
Shut it, Reno.
- User "BlitzBallHero22" has just signed in.-
SummonerGirlX
Tidus! About time you got your ass outta bed!
BlitzBallHero22
Gimme a break, sweetie. Last night wore me out just a b-
SummonerGirlX
A-HEM.
BlitzBallHero22
Oh… Right. Oops. ;-)
LeonHart062
O.O
Tif99
O.O
ZellRocks
o.O
CloudStrife
I'm not even gonna ask.
- User "Hojo" has just signed in. -
WorkSucksRenoRules
Oh, no WAY.
CloudStrife
This just isn't possible!
VValentine
For once in about thirty years, I think I am on the verge of cursing. However, I may just be able to hold it back.
Hojo
I have returned. Heh heh heh heh heh!
VValentine
Shit.
GunArm82
'The hell YOU doin' back here?
Hojo
Foolish children! You forget that I am a scientist. I simply hacked into your accounts and unblocked myself. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Tif99
Oh put a plug in it, Professor Insecticide.
BlitzBallHero22
Aw man, I sign on and THIS guy comes back?
Hojo
Quiet, boy. Now, how is my number 1 victim? Still looking like a corpse, Valentine? Heh heh…
KleptoNinja07
You ASSHOLE! Leave Vincent alone!
CloudStrife
I swear he looks far less like a corpse than YOU do, Hojo.
PinkCetra03
And he smells far less like bug spray!
Hojo
I'm sure. But in the end, he's still a demonic experiment reject.
- User "KleptoNinja07" has just signed off. -
Tif99
Now you've done it, Hojo.
CloudStrife
What happened to Yuffie?
Tif99
I've just seen her run past my bedroom door in tears.
SummonerGirlX
Poor baby! Someone go and comfort her!
Tif99
I'm on my way!
PinkCetra03
Me too!
- User "Tif99" has just signed off. -
- User "PinkCetra03" has just signed off. -
BlondeAndDangerous78
This means war, Hojo.
Hojo
Really now… I laugh at your idiotic youth. So what're you going to do, Turks? Smack me with your handbags?
- User "TurkLeader01" has just signed in. -
TurkLeader01
Detain you; that's what we'll do.
WorkSucksRenoRules
Boss! x-D So how was last –
TurkLeader01
I'm afraid I shall have to detain you as well if you don't hold your tongue, Reno.
WorkSucksRenoRules
Sorry.
BlondeAndDangerous78
Hojo won't shut up about Vincent. Can you do anything about it, Tseng?
TurkLeader01
I can't personally. But I can refer Professor Hojo to the President.
Hojo
What, the silly blonde boy? Hahaha!
TurkLeader01
That 'silly blonde boy' has the authority to impale you on a piece of your machinery if he so desires, Professor.
Hojo
I suppose. But he won't succeed! Nothing may defeat ME! HAHAHAHA
- User "Masamune701" has just signed in. -
Masamune701
Want a bet?
WorkSucksRenoRules
Excellent! Yo Seph, can you sort out old Spider-features here?
Masamune701
I daresay I have formulated a plan already, Reno.
Kinneas52
WOOT! Tell us!
Masamune701
I'm afraid I cannot divulge too much, but let's just say I am armed with a crate of manipulation materia and a rather large multitude of psychotic young women.
CloudStrife
Oh, this'll be good. ;-)
Hojo
Oh, hello Sephiroth. Do stay awhile - I've got plenty more insults up my sleeve.
Masamune701
Believe me, they won't be worth half a Gil after what I'm about to inflict upon you. Let me just go and… Prepare the army. ;-)
- User "Masamune701" has set his/her status to Busy. -
MaesterGuado902
What's he up to, I wonder?
Hojo
Nothing capable of defeating me, I'm sure. Alright there, Valentine? Need any more discord? Or are you happy just to sit and let that demon consume your pathetic being?
VValentine
No, but I plan to let it consume yours one day.
GunArm82
x-D
VValentine
…That is, unless his little 'flea problem' doesn't consume him first.
Hojo
Wha-
SummonerGirlX
EEEW! Hojo has FLEAS?
Hojo
Now see here -
CloudStrife
GROSS!
Hojo
You – you –
WorkSucksRenoRules
Shit, man. That is just WRONG.
Hojo
VALENTINE!
VValentine
Oh, give it a rest. You might end up infuriating those microscopic little 'friends' of yours.
Hojo
WHY YOU-
BestPilotEver
One point to VINCE!
- User "Masamune701" has set his/her status to Online. -
Masamune701
Right, the Anti-Hojo army is mobilized. Vincent, care to accompany us?
VValentine
With pleasure.
- User "Masamune701" has just signed off. -
- User "VValentine" has just signed off. -
WorkSucksRenoRules
…Whoah.
BlitzBallHero22
Okay, what just happened?
CloudStrife
Something tells me Dr. Flea-bag is in for some major pwnage.
Hojo
Now just you wait – Hey, what's… OH DEAR LORD! NOT THE FAN-GIRLS! AAAAAAA-
- User "Hojo" has had his/her account disabled. -
Yaz00
O.O
Seifer66
…Could it be?
BlondeAndDangerous78
…I think it could.
- User "Reeve-WRO" has just signed in. -
- User "PresidentShinra" has just signed in. -
Reeve-WRO
Okay, does anyone know why Professor Hojo is being chased down the street by a horde of young women?
PresidentShinra
You guys have to SEE this!
CloudStrife
Oh, YES. I wanna get a picture.
TurkLeader01
Yes, I can see Vincent and Sephiroth behind them. It looks like they've used manipulation materia to make their fan-girls pursue Hojo instead.
Zidane4Eva
Well, there's no other way a group of hormonally-charged young women would chase after a flea-ridden pervert like Hojo.
KujaTheSuperior45
Brother, that is the smartest thing you've said to date.
Zidane4Eva
Smart but true. I mean, come on. Think about it. Any fangirl would be blind AND stupid to go after him without some kind of magical encouragement. Besides, it'd make much more sense if they went after ME! ;-P
KujaTheSuperior45
…I knew your would-be intelligence was too good to be true.
Users "PinkCetra03"; "Tif99"; "KleptoNinja07" have just signed in. –
CloudStrife
Hey, girls. Is Yuffie okay now?
Tif99
She's good now, aren't ya, hun?
KleptoNinja
Even better now I just saw what happened to that creep Hojo! Oh praise this day!
ZellRocks
Yeah, I just sat back and watched. Vince and Seph totally pwned the guy. ;-)
PresidentShinra
Actually, I'm pretty glad to get rid of him.
Reeve-WRO
You're not the only one, Sir.
- User "KleptoThief06" has just signed in. -
KleptoThief06
Hey there everybody! Right Yuffie, Operation Bubbles is active. Everything set up at your base?
KleptoNinja07
Sure is, Rikku.
KleptoThief06
Cool, just checking. Meet up in five?
KleptoNinja07
Will do. See ya on the flipside, girl. ;-)
KleptoThief06
Yep. Later! ;-P
- User "KleptoThief06" has just signed off. -
- User "KleptoNinja07" has just signed off. -
CloudStrife
…O.o
PresidentShinra
O.O
LozIsNotADumbAss
… Uh, WTF?
Yaz00
That was… interesting…
SummonerGirlX
…Oh. No, no, no!
Kinneas52
What, what, what?
SummonerGirlX
I knew it! Oh gosh, I thought Rikku was just joking…
CloudStrife
What're you talking about?
Reeve-WRO
…Should we be worried about this?
PinkCetra03
Not really, unless you're offended by teenage pranks.
Seifer66
…So what is it?
Tif99
Yuffie and Rikku are plotting to take over the world.
SummonerGirlX
In other words, to cover everyone's houses in shaving foam and to empty those little Beanie-Baby things over people's heads!
PinkCetra03
Oh, and steal everyone's materia!
CloudStrife
…Well then I guess we'll be fine and dandy.
- User "-Auron-" has just signed on. –
-Auron-
I demand to know why my sitting room is full of polystyrene!
MaesterGuado902
Probably the same reason my kitchen has been sprayed with about fifty bottles of ladies' perfume.
SHBrother#1
LMAO! Unlucky, Seymour!
Tif99
Looks like the girls are already a good way into 'Operation Bubbles'. ;-)
Kinneas52
Why's it called that anyway?
- User "WaKkA" has just signed in. -
WaKkA
HELP! SOMEONE EMPTIED EVERY BATH PRODUCT IN THE VILLAGE INTO THE SEA! WE CANNOT ESCAPE THE BUBBLYNESS!
BestPilotEver
That'll be why, Irv.
Kinneas52
Ah, right. ;-)
- User "Masamune701" has just signed in. -
LozIsNotADumbAss
Yo bro, I thought you were out there kicking Hojo's ass.
Masamune701
I was, but I decided to leave Vincent in charge for now. I think he was very grateful.
Tif99
I bet he was. Oh look, I can see him now! There he is, standing on top of that building… Laughing uncontrollably… Brandishing his spiky arm with malice…
PinkCetra03
Bless him… He looks so happy!
Masamune701
Oh yeah, I just downloaded this weird tune off some site.
Reeve-WRO
What's it called?
Masamune701
Says here it's called "One-Winged Angel." Hang on, I'll have a listen…
Zidane4Eva
What's it like?
Masamune701
o.O…The beginning sounds like something out of a bad horror movie.
WaKkA
Wait a moment, man – I think I know that song…
MaesterGuado902
I know it. It's -
Masamune701
These lyrics are interesting… Wait, what the hell is my NAME doing in there?
GunArm82
Dude, you just found your theme tune.
Masamune701
Theme tune? But WHY? You mean THIS plays every time I appear? Oh hell, I'll never be able to listen to it again.
BlitzBallHero22
Just be glad you ain't got some pussy crap for a theme tune, like I have. Why couldn't mine be something cool, like a rock song?
BlondeAndDangerous78
Hey, at least yours has some kind of background, Tidus. Ours is just one continual beat…
Shady33
…And a melody that consists of about three different notes…
WorkSucksRenoRules
…Not to mention a notable fucking tendency to loop over… and over… and over…
TurkLeader01
Yes, it does get slightly irritating. I wish our theme had a bit more diversity.
MaesterGuado902
At least yours doesn't make you sound like a flowery nance with a history of insanity.
SHBrother#1
Maybe that's cos-
MaesterGuado902
- And if you choose to follow up that statement, Kadaj, I shall be forced to e-mail you a virus.
SHBrother#1
…Okay.
CloudStrife
Well, I think I'll leave all you guys to discuss the day's events. I've been on too long now – I think I'll sign off for today.
WorkSucksRenoRules
Aw, okay pal. Great talkin' to ya. ;-)
Kinneas52
Take care, Spike.
PinkCetra03
Don't forget to visit the church, sweetie!
CloudStrife
Sure, Aeris.
SHBrother#1
Don't forget to write, asshole!
CloudStrife
Sure, Kadaj.
- You have now signed off. All conversation windows will be closed. -
The end.
But alas, all is not yet lost! Just because you're all so kind to me, there will be an epilogue to come... You guys have all earned it!
Adios... For now. (Another evil laugh)
xxx