She wasn't sure why she'd invited him in. It was a combination of the looks in his eyes, the words that were still reverberating around her mind despite the alcohol and the childish desire to let Scotty know she could have a life if she wanted. No doubt tomorrow she'd be regretting it; Scotty hadn't wasted any time letting everyone know Kite was back at the bar. She was sure he'd feel the need to let it slip that Kite had been invited in, letting everyone jump to the conclusion they'd gotten horizontal. Not that she didn't want to sleep with him; no matter what image of herself she tried to present at work, she wasn't an ice queen without desire. But sex opened the way to new intimacies, and she wasn't sure she was ready to deal. If Kite had come to her with a no-strings-attached package, the way Ray always did, she might be more tempted.
"So…" He was looking at her, gauging the reaction, probably a little surprised he'd actually been let in. She hadn't been completely unfriendly to him in the street, but she hadn't exactly let him know he was in with a chance, either. Then, she hadn't known what she wanted. Even now, when he was standing in front of her in her apartment, she still didn't know. Lilly gave herself time while she unbuttoned her coat, hung it carefully on the coat rack. She didn't want to admit to him what an effort it was to stand up straight; the edges of her vision were nothing but a swirling mess and although she could assimilate thoughts, it was taking longer than usual. She hadn't kept track of the amount of drinks she'd had; her ability to count had petered out. She remembered the number five, but was sure there had been more after that. Not the ideal time for a deep and meaningful.
"I didn't come for… Well, you know." He motioned between them and she felt herself laugh, cut it short as she conscientiously walked over to him, avoiding the edge of the rug.
"Really?" She was in front of him, as close as they'd been in the snow. She'd never admitted it to him, then or since, that their first kiss had left her more than a little breathless. She hated that he had that effect on her, but at the same time it was thrilling, like the feeling in your stomach when you know the guy across from you killed the victim, and he finally cracks, tells you the what, and the why, and the how.
"Well…" Lil let herself giggle as she saw him lick his lips, shuffle his feet. Of course, finding someone who left you breathless was only worthwhile if you had the same effect on them.
"I wanted to talk. Without you having to rush off anywhere." He managed to gather himself and Lil turned, sat herself down on the couch. It was too much effort to remain standing, and she didn't want him to have to catch her if she suddenly lost her grip on gravity.
"Okay." She busied herself taking off her shoes; who knew buckles were so complicated? Kite sat down next to her, waited until she'd finally pulled off her second shoe and tucked her feet underneath her.
"I wasn't lying. I love you, Rush." Lil looked at her knees, noticed a spot of fluff on her pants, picked it off. She was always good with the small details when she was drunk; picking lint off jackets and making sure she had an even number of ice cubes in her glass became monumentally important things.
"You live in Pittsburgh. You hate the amount of hours I work. I mean, you broke up with me the first time. I know I shouldn't have stayed outside so long, but it's my job, you know. It's all I've ever wanted to do, and…" Lil let her words trail off. The amount of words she spoke also increased with the more alcohol she drank, and she could feel the edges of her words sliding together, bunching in her mouth as she tried to get them out. Kite absorbed her protests before he spoke.
"I can get a transfer back here. I want to transfer back here. And I know you work, but…" he shrugged, continued, "it's who you are. And I can accept it now. Two years without you…" Kite looked almost embarrassed as Lilly's eyes met his. He'd always been better at voicing his feelings than her; he'd always told her how he felt outright, how much he liked her. He'd even handled their break up succinctly. But she sensed this was going to go deeper than all that.
"I've lain awake so many nights, just thinking about you. I missed you so much. I need you, Lil." There he was with the name again. Lilly tilted her head to the side, bit her lip. There were so many places she could go from here; she could offer him more protests, accept his words at face value but move on to all the questions she had, tell him she loved him as well. But it was late, she was tired, he was so close and she was done talking. Lilly moved herself forward over him so he would have had to lean back to avoid their chests touching. He didn't move and she gave his eyes one long, searching look before letting her lips float down to land on his.
It wasn't their first kiss, but it had been a long time since he'd held her in his arms. He hadn't forgotten how smooth her skin was, or how quickly she could undo buttons, but her sudden passion did surprise him. He sensed she wasn't the same woman he'd left two years ago; time had delivered her back to him a less inhibited version. He sensed it might have something to do with the reason she changed her hair, but he didn't want to interrupt her to ask; one of her hands was wavering at his waistband, undoing his belt, while the other pushed through his hair, drew his head closer so he could feel her teeth against his lips in her kiss. She got his belt undone, paused to sit up and pull off her shirt. Her hair settled back down around her bare shoulders, slightly more ruffled than before. He rested his hands around her waist, pulled her back down to him. She'd effectively pushed his shirt aside, and he wanted to feel her bare skin against his. Her bra was lacy, light blue, annoyingly arousing as the edges tickled his chest. He closed his eyes, let her entwine herself around him, hair blocking the light, breath warm. Then, suddenly, as quickly as she'd let her weight sink onto him, she was gone. Kite could hear her run into the kitchen before he heard the retching. By the time he arrived, she was drinking water from the tap. Her backbone knobbled her skin, and he could almost count her ribs through her pale sides.
He walked over to her, held her hair back as she swirled water in her mouth, spit it out. Even bent over a sink that she'd just thrown up in, he couldn't help but admire the way the back of her neck was a slender length of fair skin he wanted to feel against his lips. Finally, she turned the tap off, stood. He reluctantly released the threads of light gold from his grasp as she pulled away.
"Kinda glad you made the run for it." He said, meaning every word. He'd been thrown up on once in his life; his nephew had eaten too much ice cream, and had brought it back up in a syrupy mess over his lap.
She smiled wanly, moved to the fridge to get herself a water bottle.
"Guess I might have drank too much." She nodded, drank a few mouthfuls. Droplets clung to her lips when she lowered the bottle and she licked them off. Kite put his hands into his pockets, couldn't help but drop his eyes to her front, the goosebumps that prickled her skin as the cold water chilled her. She took the water with her when she moved back to the couch, retrieved her shirt. Kite leant against the doorway. She sat on the coffee table to do up the few buttons that had come undone when she'd pulled it off.
"So…" Kite half shrugged as she looked up at him, pushing her hair back from her face. She looked suddenly tired, frighteningly pale.
"I'll sleep on the couch." He didn't want to not be here. Didn't want her to wake up in the morning without him and realise that was how she preferred it. Besides, she might need another human hair clip later in the night. Her look was inscrutable as her eyes perused his. He was sure she was looking straight at his every emotion; the heart she brought to his sleeve, the fervour she aroused in him.
There was a sigh as she stood, swayed, steadied.
"We're both adults." He narrowed his eyes, trying to work out the meaning. Her head tilt towards the stairs as she started walking caught him up and he followed her up.
Lilly went straight to the bathroom with her PJs in hand, cleaned her teeth, changed out of her work clothes. She hated throwing up, especially in front of people. To his credit, he hadn't left immediately, recoiled in disgust. His cool hands holding back her hair had been appreciated, and, as usual, just the right move.
Opening her bathroom cabinet, Lil shook two Panadol into her hands. She thought for a moment, popped out two more. Swallowing as much water as she could physically fit in a stomach that had just been rapidly emptied, she turned off the tap and left the bathroom.
He'd pulled the blanket back on her side of the bed and was unbuttoning his shirt as she walked back in. As impulsive as it had been to invite him in and practically jump him on the couch, Lil knew why she'd invited him to sleep in her bed, and she hated herself for it. Every time she drank, it reminded her of Ellen. Usually, though, her drinking was brought on by Ellen. This time, no mother in sight to blame the excess intoxication on. Her words still came back in times of drunkenness; Least I'm not alone. Cruel words that had irrevocably seared themselves on Lilly's self conscious. And tonight she'd had the good guy; he was too good, right; standing in front of her, telling her he needed her. She'd grabbed that with both hands, not only because she was lonely but because she needed to show her mother she could be happy, when she wanted to be.
"Alarm for seven?" Lil asked. She turned to see Kite nodding, climbing into her bed in his boxers. She reset the time on the alarm, pulled the blanket over her.
"'Night." Kite said as she reached to switch off the light.
"'Night." The room was in darkness, and she could hear him breathing. She turned, reached a hand out under the covers. It found his arm, moved along to tentatively interlock their fingers. She'd invited him here on her mother's unassuming advice, but it didn't mean she couldn't accept his closeness. Slowly, Lilly felt both their breaths lengthening, drawing out to the evenness of the dreaming. Then, all was dark.
You know what, I had a lot of excuses posted for Lilly's actions. And then I thought about it; it's not as farfetched as it seems. Out of three men, she's gotten with two of them pretty durn quickly. And now that Kite is familiar territory… Go with it. Reviewers adored.