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She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to meet him because she knew that disappointment was sure to follow. Alice pressed her fingers into her temples to ease the tension behind her eyes. She tried to frown, but the action pulled at her lip and made her wince.
"Hello?"
She jumped and pressed her hand to her chest as she turned to face him, trying to suppress the light trembling of her limbs with pressure. "Hi," she said.
He stood by the door, unsure of whether to come in or not. His clothes were wrinkled beneath his trench coat. He was wearing the same thing in which they had met the first time.
"Come in," she said quickly, moving forward half a step. She added, "Please." Her fingers wanted to twist themselves into knots so she stuffed them into the pocket in her sweatshirt.
Seconds ticked by and the two of them just stared at each other. He stepped inside and stopped near the foot of the bed, resting one hand on the foot rail. His hands were perfect, she noticed. The fingers were long and elegant, like an aristocrat.
Finally, he spoke. "How are you feeling?" There were circles under his eyes. He watched her without apology, the intensity making her squirm.
"A little shaken," she said honestly. "A little bruised, but I'll be okay. Thank you, again. Jasper." Nervous fingers raked through her short dark hair. Her heart was beating so fast that she was beginning to feel a little light-headed. She felt like she was going to cry again. She squeezed her eyes shut to keep them from flooding.
He turned his gaze to the window. "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner." With his head turned, the tendons in his neck stood out and his jaw was tight. "When I saw the pain on your face and the tears, I just – and then you closed your eyes, like you had given up. He's lucky to be alive." He spat the words out as though they tasted bad. His lovely eyes were dark again.
She was almost thankful that she didn't remember most of the incident. She did remember the feel of the man's hands clamped like a vice on her body and shuddered. One or two drops of moisture spilled down her face and a strangled little gasp escaped her throat.
"I'm sorry," he said gently, his eyes lightening as he noticed her reaction. He crossed the room and sat on the bed close to where she stood. "Alice, I'm so sorry."
His fingers felt like the first touch of sunlight in the spring after a long winter, soft and warm and comforting, when they flicked the tears from her face. Her eyes snapped open to see him watching her with carefully shuttered eyes. It made her hurt to see him closed off like that. She hoped he wasn't hiding his disgust for her. More tears slipped from her control. That would make it so much harder. "Don't – " she said, the words halted as she choked on them. She had no right.
He started to withdraw his hand, but she stopped him, her own hand flying up to flatten his on her cheek. "I apologise if I -, " he started, but her action silenced him. Instead, his hand curled over her cheek as hers hooked lightly around his wrist, his fingers sliding into her hair.
Unconsciously, her eyes closed a little and she leaned into him, craving his touch. Her chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with the events of the previous night. He was so beautiful. Her fingertips rubbed lightly on the inside of his wrist. His pulse was strong and fast, the heat of his body seeped into her skin.
"Alice," he said softly.
This time a shiver of a different nature shifted her petite frame. Her name sounded like an endearment on his tongue. That accent only added fuel to the fire raging within her. It was easy to pretend that he could love her when he said her name like that.
A knock on the door made them both jump and Edward stuck his head inside. Jasper dropped his hand. "We're good to go, Alice." His eyes took in the scene, but he said nothing when Alice gave a little shake of her head.
"I'll be right there," she assured him as she grabbed the small tote containing her clothes from last night. She would be glad to get home. The blank sterility of hospitals always brought back bad memories. She shifted slightly, pausing in front of him, unsure of how one went about thanking the man, that one happened to be inexplicably and ridiculously in love with for no apparent reason, who saved her from the worst violation a woman could experience.
"Take care, Alice," he murmured.
"You, too," she managed. The urge to throw herself against him and never let go was barely contained. She froze, suddenly disgusted with herself. Here she was, the almost victim of sexual assault, and she was ready to throw caution to the wind for this man she had met twice. Gathering her will power, Alice stepped past him though she wanted to scream at the emptiness that grew the farther she got from him.
Edward and Bella were waiting for her outside the room. Both noted her somber expression and few words were spoken the entire trip home. She was already half asleep by the time they pulled into the garage, so Edward lifted her gently out of the car and carried her up the two flights of stairs to her floor. He set her on her feet, supporting her with one arm as he pulled back the covers, and guided her down to the mattress. He pressed a careful kiss to her forehead and brushed her hair out of her eyes like she were a little girl.
"Bella will be in to stay with you in a minute."
The door clicked shut behind him and Alice was left alone with her thoughts.
She closed her eyes conjuring him up in her head, trying to remember every detail. His hand had felt so warm on her face. His touch had been so gentle. Tears rose again as her brain continued to fabricate more elaborate fantasies, all of them from a future with him. She could see them out to dinner in fancy clothes or at home on the couch wearing pajamas and watching a movie. She could feel his lips on hers after accepting his marriage proposal and his hand shaking as he placed the ring on her finger. She could hear him whispering his love to her as they lay tangled in their sheets when he thought she was asleep and singing softly to their newborn child so that she could rest for just a while longer. The ache that filled her chest threatened to suffocate her.
The bright daylight filtering through her curtains stung her eyes when she rolled over and she wriggled to her feet. Shuffling over to the windows, she flipped a switch and shuffled back to lay down again as opaque screens descended to block out the light. She did not feel like facing the world for quite a while.
The bed barely shook under her weight and she snuggled deep under the covers to give in to the exhaustion that had plagued her since leaving the hospital. She traced her fingers over the pattern on her sheets and mused about how long it had been since she'd been in a relationship, or even how long it had been since she'd woken up in the same bed with someone. She wondered if he would look just as perfect in the morning after a long night of fierce and tender lovemaking. She imagined he would look even better.
She groaned. It was impossible to get him out of her head.
"Are you okay?" Bella asked as she tiptoed into the room.
Alice shifted over to make room. "Yeah. I'm just crazy."
Bella climbed into bed next to her best friend and took hold of her hand. "You're not crazy, Alice," she sighed.
"Then why can't I stop thinking about him? I have met him twice. It doesn't make any sense! I was just attacked, for fuck's sake, and all I want are his arms around me." She threw a pillow across the room, her face twisted into a mask of self-disgust.
"Love doesn't always make sense. Look at me and Edward," Bella pointed out. "Who would have ever guessed that we would fall in love? Well, that Edward would fall in love with me. We are completely opposite, but we are perfect for each other."
Alice covered her face with the sheet to hide her expression. "What if he doesn't like me when he knows everything? Bella, I can already tell that I'm a hopeless case when it comes to this guy. I can't take the 'getting to know you' if it's going to end badly." She yawned, the comfortable heat of the bed starting to draw her into sleep. "I already want so much more."
"I don't think you have to worry about that with Jasper," Bella said. She fluffed the blankets around Alice, happy to encourage some real rest. God knew, the woman needed it.
The screens clicked as they settled into place. "You'd think we could make them move faster," Alice grumbled. She cast about in her head, searching for anything to distract her brain from thoughts of Jasper while ignoring Bella's comment. It was useless. "So, this is how Edward felt." She remembered sitting up with him late into the night on many occasions to analyze every exchange between Bella and himself, every look, every touch, every breath. It hadn't bothered her then. She had decided to live vicariously through him until she found her own love. She had been content to wait, certain that she would find someone to love her just as much as Edward loved Bella and Emmett loved Rosalie, but the sudden return of her memory sank any hopes she had of a life like theirs. No one wanted damaged goods.
Bella stroked Alice's hair, wary of her fragile emotional state. "It will all work out, Alice. You deserve this love, whether you believe it or not. Try to get some rest and we'll worry about it tomorrow." She was rewarded a few minutes later with the soft snuffle Alice made as she slipped into the deeper layers of sleep. Careful not to make a sound, Bella crept out of the room.
Jasper left the hospital in a daze. His hand tingled where he had made contact with her skin. Her cheek had been so cool under his hand. He raised the other one automatically to hail a cab.
Their meeting had confused him, angered him. He had imagined a thousand different scenarios, from a scream of horror to a disinterested shrug, but he still hadn't been prepared. She had looked like a child in her sweatpants and hoodie with her pale skin devoid of makeup and her eyes wide as she saw him standing in the doorway. He had thought that it would be difficult to keep himself away, but the uncertainty was so great that it had been hard to move, even when she invited him in. He didn't want to traumatize her further.
She looked nervous, her fingers twisting together into knots.
He asked how she was feeling, wincing even as the words were out of his mouth.
Her soft, honest answer rekindled the rage inside him at the animal that had attempted to hurt her. He couldn't look at her, with the marks just visible on her neck and her torn and swollen lower lip, so he turned his head as he tried to express how he had felt. Instead, he made her cry. Her quiet gasp had brought him back to the present and terrible guilt swept through him when he saw the glitter of tears on her face.
Jasper punched the seat beside him and ignored the sharp look of alarm from the cab driver. He had been such an idiot, but he hadn't been able to stop himself from brushing the tears away, from wishing that he could wrap himself around her and absorb all the pain she had ever felt.
The familiar white building in which Jasper resided came into view as the cab turned the corner. He tossed a couple of bills into the front seat and stepped onto the sidewalk, too tired and distracted to care what the man thought.
Eddie, the doorman, nodded in greeting. Jasper waved and hit the button for the elevator. He usually took the stairs, but he didn't think that he could manage thirty flights in his state. Of course, he'd had to pick a top floor apartment. The doors opened with a chime and he stumbled inside, clumsily hitting the button for his floor. He let his body rest against the wall with his head tilted back and his eyes closed as he remembered a little more of Alice.
He hadn't been able to keep his distance once the tears started. Even when he sat on the bed, they were almost on level with each other. He had sealed his emotions away by the time he sat near her, unwilling to take a chance of upsetting her more. Her tears were hot, but her skin was cool under his fingertips as he brushed the moisture away.
The sudden impact of her gaze as her eyes flew open at his touch hit him like a kick to the gut. There was so much behind her onyx stare, so much fear, so much anguish and disappointment, and yet he could see the hope glowing weakly behind everything else. He kept his shields in place, for if he released the tiniest bit of control, he would be lost. It was so easy to see that she had been hurt before, deeply and in a way that would last a long time, if not forever. He wanted to destroy those responsible.
"Don't – "she had rasped, mild panic surfacing before she wrestled it all back.
He reluctantly removed his hand from her face, surprised when she caught it with her own and pressed his fingers to her skin. Hesitantly and searching for any sign of rejection, he slid his hand back across her cheek to cup her face in his hand. A small tremor of gratitude for her acceptance of his touch unfurled in his chest.
The metallic chime of the elevator roused him and Jasper managed to make it from the elevator to his front door without tripping once. The emotionally chaotic events of the last twelve hours had drained him completely. It took him three tries to get the key into the lock.
When he finally managed to get inside, he kicked the door shut and left a trail of clothing from the front door to the bedroom. He was barely conscious enough to pull back the sheets before he collapsed onto the mattress. Some basic instinct guided him in pulling the soft flannel and thick comforter around him, he hated sleeping cold, as he drifted off into dreams of a certain young woman.
He woke some hours later with the harsh bright glare of the mid-afternoon sun staring him in the face. He turned over with a growl and pulled the blankets up to cocoon himself in his own world of warmth and darkness as he tried to slip back into his dream. He could almost feel the soft body pressed against his and the light pressure of lips on his skin as he fought to slide back down into REM sleep, but the sensations soon faded and he was forced to admit even to himself that he was awake.
Cursing quietly, he rolled to his back and squinted at the ceiling as his eyes adjusted to the light. That had been a good dream. The state of his body certainly attested to that, but he was going to put off pursuits of personal pleasure until the woman of his fantasies was feeling better. He would feel wrong if he actively imagined certain compromising situations involving the two of them before she was back on her feet.
A muted buzz caught his attention and he scooted over to the edge of the bed to grab his pants from the floor and remove his phone from the pocket. A quick glance at the caller ID revealed his secretary's number and he flipped the phone open. "Hello, Susan, " he croaked, grimacing at the sound of his voice.
"Hi, Jasper," Susan chimed, the threat of laughter in her voice. "Long night?"
He just sighed. "Yeah, spent most of it at the hospital."
"The hospital?" Her tone sharpened with concern and all trace of mirth disappeared. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
Jasper shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm fine. I was just checking on a young woman who had been attacked. A friend of a friend."
Susan clucked. "Oh, Jasper. I'm sorry to hear about that. Is she-?"
"She'll recover. What did you need, Susan?" He didn't want to talk about it anymore and he knew that Susan would pick up on the not so subtle hint.
Susan cleared her throat. "There was some issue with the copier," she said very low and very fast.
"I'm sorry?" Jasper was halfway between disbelief and amusement.
"There's an issue with the copier. I can't get it unjammed," she said, louder, but still very fast.
He started laughing and did not stop for a very long time.
Susan waited patiently on the other end of the phone, unwilling to say more because she knew that it would just prolong the laughter. It had always bothered her that no matter how many times she watched him flick open the doors or how many hours she studied the service manual, Susan could not remove a jam in the copier on her own to save her life. "Yes, thank you. I've waited as long as I possibly could. Can you tell me how to do it now?"
He smothered his laughter at her sharp tone and asked her to describe the small picture on the display that indicated where the jam was located. It took twenty minutes to talk her through the procedure, snickering the entire time. She only let him off the phone when the machine had started up again and he let it drop to the pillow beside his head with a broad smile. It always killed him that a woman as amazingly intelligent and talented as she simply couldn't understand the workings of the copy machine.
With a noise somewhere between a sigh and a grunt, Jasper heaved himself out of bed and into the bathroom. He turned the shower on as he brushed his teeth and climbed under the scalding hot spray. The water beat down on him, the heat penetrating his muscles and the pressure assisting the heat in relaxing the tension away. He wondered how Alice was doing.