Part 1

(Homophobic mention in this part. You have been warned and just to be safe )

"You know what Sidle, you're a lucky woman"
"Whys that?"
"Because… you got me watching your back"

"Sara… are you okay?" The Fed that was putting the Mic on Sara asked. She didn't respond, "Sidle – you still with us?" he attempted again a little more firmly.

This pulled her from the trace she was in, ridding the painful memories from her mind. "Sorry what?" She asked as he placed the last bit of tape on the microphone that he was sticking to her chest.

"Nothing…you're all done" He smiled. "You still up for this? You can still back out" He explained. Sara looked down and began to button up her shirt. Looking up and past the Fed she saw Catherine willows stood against the back wall. Their eyes met and the pleading from the blond was overwhelming so Sara was forced to look away.

"No… I'm good"

He slapped her on the shoulder. "Well lucky for you – you have me watching your back. I'll get you back safe and sound."

The memories surfaced again, only highlighting the reason she was doing this. She just nodded – "When do I go in there?"

"We'll send you into the bar in about an hour…so make yourself comfortable after the mic check and I'll keep you safe…and for the next god knows how long you're Rachel Stevens - till we nail this bastard."

She sat back into the chair. She began to mess with her signet ring on her left hand – Catherine had given it to her for the five moth anniversary – she couldn't help but wonder why she was doing this – she had a great woman who loved her, a great job, her life was good and she …she was risking everything. For what?

"We have an apartment set up with cameras and microphones in built. We'll have your stuff taken over there soon."

"What so I have to pack?"

"No…someone will have to do that for you, you can't be seen anywhere other than the places we set you. That means no crime lab, Police station or any part of Sara Sidles life after the drop off tonight. We talk to you – when it's needed. You get that?"

She nodded her head.

Catherine turned and left the room.

What am I doing? Was all that ran through Sara's mind.

He checked the microphone, and went on to check the camera – it was at this point that Sara decided she couldn't take much more of this, "Can I leave you to finish this off?" she asked.

"Depends where you leaving to?"

"No where out side this place…phone on, you can get hold of me." She assured.

"Leave granted" He nodded.

Standing up Sara took off for the door. She stepped into the corridor and lent against the wall taking slow steady breaths. Memories filling back into her mind.

"Yeah…how long you got my back then? Till you get board of picking on the dyke"
"You know I'll never get board of that"
"You know, I'm attracted to you when you play your homophobic cop gig"
"Is that true?"
"Hell, I'm attracted to you"
"My husband might have something to say about that"
"I can take him…"

"You and I need to talk"

Sara looked up from her daze locking eyes with Nick – "We do?"

He nodded, "Ye we do" He took her by the arm slowly leading her towards the break room. She wasn't resisting – more than happy actually as there were a few things she needed Nick to do for her.

He walked into the room, and then shut the door behind them. "Tell me you have decided not to do this"

"I can't" She offered, as she lent against the counter her back to him.

"Thought as much… Sidle…you're my best friend… I'm not liking this but your not going to back down. I have your back – I'll be watching you 24-7 and you better not get yourself killed you hear me?" His tone was firm and angry.

She turned, looked at him before walking towards him. He embraced her – "God I'm sorry" she said, "I shouldn't be doing this to you guys"

"No you shouldn't. Damn it girl …"

"I have to catch this bastard"

"I know you do" He pulled back and looked into her eyes – "Just don't get yourself killed while doing it"

She didn't respond knowing the possibility of her been killed were real.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"A favor?"

"A few?"

"Hit me" He nodded.

"I need you to watch out…for Catherine… I …I'm hurting her and right now she hates me but…please" Sara looked to the floor. "I need you to…if … I ...if something happens. Please?"

"Nothings going to happen!"

"Just tell her I love her nick, and I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to lose her!"

"You get the hell back here and tell her yourself. You get me?"

Sara just nodded. Then looked back up at the Texan – "And make sure Greg doesn't get into too much trouble"

"Your leaving him in your apartment … alone"

"I know…exactly." Sara laughed. She and Greg shared an apartment. They'd already argued and cried and done all the things you'd expect – he was as much against her going as them all.

"You know…a girl gets a little jealous when her girlfriend has pictures of another woman in her locker."

Sara jumped at the sound of Catherine's voice, who was stood directly behind her. "Shit…"

"Sorry" Sara sighed. Catherine sat next to the brunette on the bench in the center of the locker room. "So should I be worried…"

Sara shook her head, "She was as straight as you can get." Sara reassured. "I never had a chance" she laughed, a pain filled laugh.

"Was?" Catherine offered softly.

"Yeah…was…" She ran her finger over the image. "I worked PD before becoming a CSI. I was… partners with her…Kara Davis. She was KIA… she was murdered" Sara stopped as tears began to well up in her eyes.

Catherine's hand moved slowly and rested on the brunette's leg. "I'm sorry…"

"I…I was her partner and I… I couldn't do anything. That bastared raped and killed her and all I could do was watch. That… that's why I have to do this… why I have to make this ok…please tell my you understand"

"I can't…" Catherine explained, her voice catching as she became emotional.

"God damn it…she had a family…kid…a god damn husband. I had to look her sister in the eye…you don't understand. That's why I … I have to do this. Please don't hate me…"

"I don't hate you… I love you…that's why I don't want you to do this …" Catherine growled.

"I have to"

"You don't…we can find another way." The desperation and pleading was hurting them both.

Sara shook her head.

"You'll end up like her Sara…do you want that…" Catherine shouted.

"I'm sorry!"

"SORRY… don't" Catherine kissed Sara harshly, the pulled back only too move in again. Tears starting down her face as she kissed her now more lovingly. When they parted an emotional Catherine growled lowly – "Don't tell me you're sorry. You fucking stupid, your crazy, but not sorry cause you wouldn't do this too me" standing she walked to her locker – she placed her head against it crying. Sara wanted so much to comfort her girlfriend but couldn't. Instead she sat teats falling down her own face.

"I'll never forgive you Sara…if I lose you to this bastard." Sara still didn't speak. After a few moments Catherine turned – she placed on the edge of the bench a sliver ring – "I love you" She managed before leaving.

That's when Sara broke down – when the door to the changing rooms shut Sara stood up and placed her boot into the locker several times, followed by her fist before she crumpled to the floor in an emotional rage.