Chapter 9: Whoot for Fruit!
Disclaimer: Only my stuff is mine.
A/N: Bwahahahahahahaha!! A dirty one! Yay! LOL. I'm not really crazy, you know. Not totally….well…maybe a little bit. :D
So, this one is for all the daughters out there who have ever been embarrassed by their fathers. That's right…Jacob screws up this time. In a very…blush-worthy way. LOL.
Spoilers for "Descent" season 6. Oh! And slightly AU, cause I didn't kill off Daniel. So Daniel's there and Jonas is not.
ENJOY!!
Hammond sat in his office going over his latest batch of paperwork. This round was dealing with SG-1's most recent possession of a Goa'uld mothership. And their most recent loss of a Goa'uld mothership.Unfortunately, it happened to be the same mothership that they found and then, subsequently, lost. Though, when Hammond thought about it, the loss was much less than it could have been. He had almost lost two of his best officers on that ship. They had almost drowned on a ship.
As horrifying as their almost-deaths had been, Hammond appreciated the irony. A ship is supposed to fly; not crash-land in the ocean and fill up with water.
'Yes, well, leave it to SG-1.' Hammond thought idly as he signed the bottom of a few of the papers. 'Speaking of SG-1…they should be back soon.' SG-1 plus Jacob had gone on a recon mission to P7R-333 approximately 28 hours ago. Hammond shook his head. Not even a week after their harrowing mission on that ship, all of SG-1 had practically demanded that they be allowed back on the mission rotation. The General had acquiesced, but had given them an easy mission to start off with.
P7R-333 was a vegetative planet. Nothing but, trees, plants, flowers, and fruit for as far as the eye could see. Dr. Jackson had expressed an interest in bringing some of the fruit and other vegetation back during their last check-in. Seeing no reason not to, Hammond had agreed.
Focusing his attention back on the papers, he groaned as he read the next notice. Apparently Siler and his crew had messed with the intercom so now every word that was said in the gateroom got projected all over the base. 'Great.' Hammond groaned again. 'This is just what I need.' Now the klaxons would be doubly loud. The estimated time till it was fixed was three hours. Quickly going through his mental list of offworld teams, he sighed in relief when only one team was scheduled to come back in the next five hours. The problem should be fixed by the time SG-17 got back.
As if on cue, the klaxons began to glare…and lo and behold…they were loud. Beyond loud. The extra echo that the PA system sent through the base was teeth-jarring. Pushing himself up from behind his desk he hurried down to the gateroom.
"Receiving IDC, sir." Walter said as Hammond entered the room. "It's SG-1."
"Open the iris." Hammond nodded to the sergeant. Walter nodded back and pressed his hand into the iris controls. The metal barrier slid open and General Hammond made his way down to the gateroom. He didn't have to wait long.
Daniel came threw the gate first, his arms full of a green, leafy…thing. Teal'c was next, his arms empty save for his staff weapon.
"Dr. Jackson, why are you carrying the plants? We sent you an empty pack to put your findings in." Hammond frowned as he watched Daniel struggle to speak around the leaves.
Daniel grinned guiltily. "Uh…well, you see…they kinda…" he trailed off and avoided the older man's eyes.
"They could not withstand the weight of the vegetation, General Hammond." Teal'c stepped forward with a quirk of his eyebrow.
"They…it broke?" Hammond looked at the pair in disbelief. "That's the strongest pack we had!"
"It did, indeed, break, General Hammond." Teal'c inclined his head slightly.
"Teal'c…a little help?" Daniel's voice was strained and his face was red from the weight of the plants.
"I do not believe that to be wise, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c gave a slight smile and moved to stand beside the General.
"And why is that?" Daniel struggled down the ramp on wobbly legs.
"Because I do not wish to overexert myself." Teal'c turned away from the shocked archaeologist and handed his staff weapon to the nearest SF.
"You don't….I can't believe you…" Daniel spluttered. Three SFs moved to relieve Daniel of his burden. "Thank you." He said as he glared at Teal'c.
"Where is the rest of the team, Dr. Jackson?" Hammond gestured toward the still undisturbed wormhole.
"They're coming." Daniel straightened his uniform and nodded to the SF who took his gun. "Jack and Jacob were arguing over how much stuff they were bringing back and Sam stayed to play peacemaker."
Hammond fought the urge to smile. Jacob and the colonel were both very stubborn men. "Well, let's hope they hurry it up."
Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed."
A minute later Jack came strolling through and walked noisily down the ramp. "General!" he greeted the older man jovially. Hammond frowned, instantly suspicious. The Colonel only smiled like that when he had done something wrong. 'Wonder if he pushed Jake too far. He should know…if he wants to get the girl…he's gotta get in with her dad.' Hammond shook his head slightly. He could not think those thoughts. They would only lead to trouble.
Besides, he knew that Jake really liked his daughter's CO. Even if he would never admit it. The General also knew that Jack liked and respected Jake…even though he'd never admit it either.
"Colonel." Hammond nodded. Jack stopped halfway down the ramp and turned, looking expectantly at the bright event horizon.
Jacob was the next one through. His arms were laden with bundles of brightly colored blossoms. The flowers seemed to be giving off a dust that covered the retired general in a myriad of brilliant colors. A fact that Jacob looked none too happy about.
Sam stumbled through next. Her arms were full of round objects that had thus far been called melons. They were extremely heavy and a few tumbled from Sam's insecure grip and crashed onto the ramp. "Dammit." She muttered. Jack moved towards her, intent upon taking some of the fruit from her arms.
However, from Jacob's vantage point (behind all the dusty flowers) he couldn't see that Jack was already in motion. Instead, he did what any good father would do. He shouted for Jack to help her. A shout that was heard all over the base, thanks to the messed up intercom system.
"Jack! Grab my daughter's melons!"
The entire base froze.
Had they just heard…what it sounded like they just heard? No…Jacob would never order Jack O'Neill to grab Sam Carter's…
No. Oh, God no.
A resounding crash signaled that Sam had just dropped all the fruit onto the ramp. "Dad!" She glared at her father and felt her cheeks heat up. No way was she gonna look at the colonel. No way, no way, no way!
Too late.
Her eyes darted to her CO and saw him standing a few feet away from her, mouth open in surprise and staring at her father with a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and a little bit of humor. 'How can he possibly find this funny?' Sam briefly wondered before his eyes met hers. A twinkle of mischief lit up his brown eyes and he grinned at her.
Raising her eyebrow in a 'don't say a word' manner, she turned back to her father. "Dad! Do you realize what you just said?"
Jacob looked at her dubiously, then back at Daniel who was bent double, his shoulders shaking with laughter. Teal'c raised his eyebrow and the corners of his mouth twitched. Hammond's face was quickly turning purple in his attempt not to laugh. He failed, however, as Jacob's clueless eyes met his. He alone knew that the whole of Cheyenne Mountain had heard that little…request. And, up in the control room, Walter and the other technicians were all cracking up.
"What?" Jacob frowned at his daughter. They were all acting very strangely. Even Selmac had no idea what was going on. "What'd I say?"
"Dad! You just told the colonel to--," Sam broke off, turning a deep shade of red. 'As tempting as that sounded…No! Wait! What the hell? Thoughts like that will only bring you a shiny, new court martial.'
Jacob nodded. "I told him to help you. Sam, I wasn't doubting your abilities, I just wanted to make sure you didn't have to carry the entire load yourself." Jacob explained, misreading his daughter's (and the rest of the listeners) reaction.
Jack looked at Jacob, then down at the fruit that was rolling down the ramp, then up at Sam. Her eyes were turned towards him, embarrassment and agitation making them a darker blue than they usually were. She mouthed, 'Help!' when she realized he was looking at her.
Jack shook his head and shrugged helplessly. Anything he said would either get him court-martialed or decked by Jacob. Neither scenario sat well with Jack. Sam rolled her eyes and turned to look at her so called "friends." Glaring at each of them in turn, she was a little more at ease when each straightened up and did their best not to let anymore chuckles out.
"Dad." Sam said patiently, in a tone most adults used when talking to particularly dense children. "Think about what you just said." Sam waited as she saw Jacob frown, recalling what words he had uttered.
"All I said was for Jack to grab your…Oh. My. God." Jacob's eyes widened and he flushed.
"Which one?" Jack quipped. He loved to make fun of the Goa'uld and their Gods…might as well have some fun with a Tok'ra. Though, Jacob wasn't totally a Tok'ra. 'Close enough.' Jack thought to himself as he shrugged.
Jacob glared at Jack, ignoring his comment. "Jack O'Neill, you will do no such thing! You will not touch my daughter's…" he huffed as he tried to think of a PG way to say 'melons' and settled for glaring when no words came.
"Ah, come on, Jake." Jack grinned mischievously. "I'd never do that." He gave an exaggerated wink and Jacob took a threatening step forward. Sam grabbed his shoulder and Jack took a wary step back. "What? You said it."
"Sir." Sam pleaded with him with her eyes. They stared at each other a second too long and both glanced away, embarrassed.
Daniel stepped forward in an attempt to keep the peace. "It could be worse." He held each of their eyes and shrugged, putting on a little smile. "At least the whole base didn't hear it."
Jack raised an eyebrow and gave a half-nod. Sam closed her eyes. "At least there's that." She breathed. Jacob was still red, but no longer fighting to get at Jack.
"Actually…" Hammond stepped onto the ramp and avoided the eyes of the three people on front of him. He felt them tense as they waited for the inevitable 'other shoe' to drop. "We're having some technical difficulties…and, well…long story short…the whole base did hear it."
"What!" They shouted in unison.
"What'd you mean 'the whole base heard it?'" Jack gawked at his superior officer.
Sam was staring at the general like he had grown three heads and Jacob's hands clenched into fists.
"We're having some problems with the intercom. Seems everything that's said in the gateroom is actually transmitted through the entire mountain through the PA." Hammond explained. Boy, did he wish he had a camera.
Daniel was leaning against the ramp's safety bar for support as he gasped for air. 'Oh, this is rich! This is too good! Oh, geez…they are so pissed.'
Teal'c was wearing a full-blown smile. His colleague's reactions were very amusing.
After glancing at Carter again, and seeing his suspicions confirmed in her expression, turned towards the control room.
"Siler!"
Three levels up, Sergeant Siler blanched. "I think I'm gonna cut out early."
"That's probably for the best." His assistant agreed, recognizing the irate tone of the colonel's voice. "You should probably take a few days off too…you know…"
Siler nodded, dropped his wrench, and bolted for the elevator.
TBC
A/N: Please R&R!!