Awake
"And you never feel good or bad,
Only strange and unprepared,
'Cause I never see you comin' or you leavin'."
-"Strange and Unprepared" by Copeland
The tips of my fingers felt like wet little lumps of cotton. My throat ached and my head pounded. I was lying against something hard, and dirty that smelled of wood and dark leaves. I pushed myself up and put my hands against my head. My eyelids were too heavy, and my body was sluggish.
I tried to remember how I'd gotten to be lying facedown in a swamp in the middle of the woods. But I was drawing a blank. All I remembered was a large dark expanse like a long, tidal wave of blackness that made my eyes roll into the back of my head and my tongue felt thick so that it constricted my throat.
I sat up and screaming, wailing like a wild animal. Was I dead? Was this hell? I certainly felt like I had been in hell. The fire and brimstone I remembered, the impenetrable heat that had coursed through me searing me to my fate.
I touched my face then, the smell of the woods thick on my fingers. I inspected every inch of my body as if it were some unexplored territory. And for me, it was. Some new expanse of land to be conquered. From the white bones that protruded at my ribcage to the indent of my stomach, or the ten little toes on my feet. I counted my fingers twice, trying to remember what they looked like before. If there was a before.
Perhaps I was a demon, exiled from hell where Mephistopheles stole my memories so I was doomed to wander the earth in this barren little white body—or maybe I was an angel that fell too far and was scorched by the fires of Hades.
Or maybe I was a person who had been left to die in the woods. Or maybe I was a fairy or maybe I was an animal or maybe I was a princess.
I could have been a prince for all I knew.
Nothing made sense. Not the sharpness of my eyes after all that blindness, nor the rancid smell of the earth and some sweetly maudlin smell that tickled my nose, nor the burn that still clouded my throat. It was all strange and uneventful and I didn't understand.
Where was someone who could explain this to me?
Someone who could tell me who I was, what I was to do? Where was I to go? What was I? Demon or angel? Or some poor hybrid in between that feed on the blood of human?
My mind went into a fit of ecstasy at the very notion of blood, and sour thick liquid flooded my mouth, so heavily that I thought I would vomit. I opened my mouth to heave but nothing came, the thick coating stayed beneath my teeth, screaming at me for release.
I tried to cough it out but it stuck like paste into the crevices of my teeth and against my tongue. I growled deep inside my chest, a reverberating that made my bones vibrate. The noise sent the burning into more of a frenzy, my entire body tingled.
My spine arched like a wild animals that had been caged for too long and my legs ached with inertia.
I let them run, to carry me wherever they would. The sweet wind brushed past me, carrying me to a new wave of pleasure. More saucy smells to assault me as I ran with breathless pleasure against the current of flowing trees.
I saw them then, a little herd of dear, a buck: tall, proud strong with several does and a fawn or two. I didn't stop to think that my actions were condemning and such a taboo I just lurched forward and attacked his proud, muscular neck with my teeth. Ripping it to shreds in a mad attempt to find blood. More blood, my body craved for.
I drained all seven of the deer before I stopped to think of the ramifications. I knew what I was then, a demon doomed to walk the earth. A bloodletting demon.
I started to cry then, crying without tears just broken sobs, crying out to the open sky, begging mercy from God, if He would listen to such a creature as me.
I wandered around for a while, entranced by my skin in the sun as well as the moon, like milk and diamonds. I did nothing for those first few weeks or month but wander around in the dank forest, devoted to the trees and damp ground as a religious person would be pious to their alters and crosses.
It was a very long time before I left the forest, my belly full of the blood of a cat with silver fur and tuft-tipped ears.
The sunshine was hot and dry against my skin. I tried once more to figure what I was, all the blood and strange reaction to sun.
I didn't even have a word for it. Actually, if I were being truthful, I did. But the word wouldn't come to me. It was stuck on the tip of my tongue, just a lingering taste of it.
My head swiveled around, my eyes quivered as I sensed a little movement to my left.
"Well, well, well," a silky voice said. A body lithely dropped from one of the tall trees on the outskirts of my forest—all long, pale limbs and blood red eyes topped with a messy mop of shaggy dark hair. "I guess I'm not the only one around these parts."
"Who are you?" I asked. It felt strange to use my voice for purposes other than grunting and growling like a feral being.
The strange man chuckled, his startling red eyes dance, "I'm Pierre," he replied with a little dip of his head. "And you are?"
Who was I? I wanted to actually ask him if he knew me—knew my name. Knew what I was, he must because if he didn't he was talking like a crazy person.
"Alice, I'm Alice," I told him. I actually had no clue if I was Alice, but Alice seemed to fit. It was like an aftertaste in my thoughts, the real name was there, locked away behind some barricade that was useless to fight against. I just got that small wisp of a memory. Alice. It was a start, at least.
"It's is a pleasure, Miss Alice," he said in a regal tone, batting away his dark curls so he could better assess me.
"Hmm," he hummed a pleasant murmur in the back of his throat; he stalked forward and brushed the tips of his fingers against my cheek, "a newborn. How fascinating."
"A newborn?" I asked, only vaguely aware of what the term newborn meant.
"You're a new vampire, love, didn't you know. Didn't your creator tell you this?" He asked, a question in his ruby eyes.
"Vampire?" That term was familiar to me—an unspoken term for demon, blood-drinker, putrid scum of the earth. But fictional.
"Yes," he said, still questioningly, "No one told you of this world before?"
"I woke up alone," I replied simply, shrugging my shoulders.
"Well, who was your creator, that's a little untoward to leave a newborn alone—such a departure from mankind will only scare a young-one." He muttered to himself more than to me.
"Mankind? Like human?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, a little mirthfully, "You were human, little Miss Alice."
"No I wasn't. It was just dark and then there was heat and fire and then I woke up on those woods."
He furrowed his arching, dark eyebrows, "You don't remembered being human?" He asked, shocked.
I shook my head slowly; I could feel the cobwebs on my memories, the rancid trapping of my past, "No. I don't remember it at all."
"My God," I said, his eyes wide, "what an absurd creature you are, Miss Alice."
Pierre roughly pushed me against the tree, the splintered wood cut large holes in the back of the dirty linen shift I wore.
His lips were against mine and I tried to push him away, but his hands anchored me at the shoulder and hip. The one near my leg inched under the hem of my shift to the bare bone of my hip.
I gasped and tried to kick him away. His red eyes blazed into mine.
"What's the matter, Miss Alice?"
A little shudder ran up and down my spine, and I stared at Pierre, still standing six feet from me, his hands balled loosely at his sides.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
I shook my head. What was that? I had no idea. "What did you just do to me?" I asked, my fingers pressing against my lips.
He cocked his head to the side, an amused expression in his red eyes, "I didn't do anything, little Miss Alice, I've just stood here."
"No," I murmured, my voice shaking, "You were holding me against the tree."
He chuckled darkly, "No I wasn't. I've been standing here this whole time.
I gasped and tried to kick away. His red eyes blazed into mine.
"What's the matter, Miss Alice? I could be your companion, I could be here with you," his lips brushed against my ear and I jerked away, "we could stay together in this world. I can see that you haven't fed in a while. Your eyes—they're almost black with some strange yellow in them. That must be unhealthy. Don't you want some human blood?"
I jerked away from his hold, if murder of innocent humans was what it meant to be a vampire, I wouldn't do. I would rather die.
I backed away from him slowly. "What are you doing to me?" I moaned.
"Nothing, little Alice. Absolutely nothing. Perhaps you're a little delusional from your lack of blood. You seem so thirsty." He stalked forward and brushed his fingertips to the underside of my eye.
"Don't touch me," I said, scared.
He laughed, "I'm not going to hurt you. Quite on the contrary rather," he said gently.
He rushed forward then, so that we were so close that I could smell his breath fan across my face.
Pierre roughly pushed me against the tree; the splintered wood cut large holes in the back of the dirty linen shift I wore.
His lips were against mine and I tried to push him away, but his hands anchored me at the shoulder and hip. The one near my leg inched under the hem of my shift to the bare bone of my hip.
I gasped and tried to kick him away. His red eyes blazed into mine.
"What's the matter, Miss Alice? I could be your companion, I could be here with you," his lips brushed against my ear and I jerked away, "we could stay together in this world. I can see that you haven't fed in a while. Your eyes—they're almost black with some strange yellow in them. That must be unhealthy. Don't you want some human blood?"
I jerked away from his hold, if murder of innocent humans was what it meant to be a vampire, I wouldn't do. I couldn't. I would rather die.
"Stop," I cried, "Please just let me go."
"Don't you want this?" He asked, pouting a little. I pushed him away, biting my lip.
"Leave me alone, Pierre. Go away. I'm thankful to you for telling me what I am now, but I will not stay with you."
"Yes you will, my little Alice," he said, forcing me back against the tree. I pushed him away and he fell backwards. That was the first time that I realized that I was stronger than he was.
"Let me leave, or I'll kill you," I threatened.
He laughed from his position sprawled out on the ground, "You can't kill me, Alice, you don't know how."
"I don't care," I replied loftily, "I really don't care." I stared into his dark eyes for a while.
Mirrored there I saw myself, a short crop of dark hair and large baleful eyes. And it felt right to turn away from him and run. Never to look back at the putrid side of what I was now.
I knew that I was a demon, but maybe if I shied away from the true side of my nature then maybe I would feel more human. Maybe then I would remember who I was. Maybe I would find purpose.
"Alice, you're killing me here," he said. His blonde hair fall over his dark eyes as he stared at me.
I had to fight the urge to brush it away to see his whole face. He smirked at me, a crescent-moon scar on his jaw pulled tight. I giggled to myself and leaned in to kiss it.
He smiled and turned his head, his own lips finding my own. We kissed for a while before I pulled away.
"Do you want to get going, go find them?" He asked, brushing the back of his hand against my cheek.
I grabbed it and turned it over so that he was cupping my face. "I want to find them so bad that it hurts sometimes. But what if they don't want us?"
"Of course they'll want you, Ali, they'll love you. They don't have a choice—there's something about you that just draws people in. It's enchanting."
I laughed and he joined in.
"Have I put you under my spell?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows up and down suggestively.
I pulled my knees up so I was sitting Indian-style across from him. He mimicked my posture so that our kneecaps brushed against each other.
"Oh, yes, I am most bewitched," he said. He had such an adorable accent, every time he spoke it felt like my stomach was flip-flopping. He touched my shoulders, and then slid his hands down my arms.
"Well then, Honey, you've put me under your spell too," I replied, placing my hands on top of his knees.
He laughed uproariously. It was good to hear him laugh, there were time at the beginning when I was afraid that I'd never hear him laugh. And I had known he had that potential but I didn't know how to make him open up to me.
He leaned towards me so that our faces were level, "I love you, Alice."
I bit my lip and stared at his eyes. Red around the outside and yellow at the pupil. He was so beautiful, and I felt myself give a breathless sob as I leaned forward to press a kiss to his mouth.
"Oh how I love you, too. My Jasper."
I let out another loud gasp. What in the world was that? Who was that? Jasper. Jasper was his name. Jasper with his blonde hair that hung over his forehead and ears and brushed against the collar of his shirt. Jasper with his red and gold eyes. Jasper and his scars. Jasper who I loved.
Or who loved me. But he was mine all mine!
I made it my goal to find him to find my Jasper. To see him one day and to kiss him. I would find him.
Jasper. All I had was a name. That wasn't much. But I had those strange visions, I'd just keep an eye him through there, and one day I would find him.
Jasper.
Jasper.
I wrote this a lot faster than I thought I would. I just got a on roll with it. It was much easier to write Alice than it was to write Jasper. I was surprised at that. A couple of the reviews from last chapter asked for Alice, so here she is. I actually adore this chapter. ADORE IT.
Ok, so I got to thinking, how the heck did Alice know she was a vampire? She had no human memories, what the heck did she think she was? So that's why I invented Pierre, he's purely there because I could think of no better way to get Alice to know she was a vampire. He's not going to follow her, not going to chace her down, nothing. After this chapter you can forget about him.
I had someone ask for the timeline for this story, so I'll try to include the years and such in either the chapter or the author's note. So the first chapter takes place in 1908 (Alice would've been about seven at the time) the second chapter is about 1920-30's. Somewhere around there. Keep in mind Jasper really has no concept of time. It's all just finite to him. Anyways, as you know the third chapter takes place in 1944. This chapter with Alice backslides a little to when she was a newborn. Probably somewhere around 1920.
I don't think the next chapter of this will be out anytime soon... I just had a burst of inspiration and got this on paper. I'll try to get the next chapter up within the next couple of weeks.
Oh yeah, you know the drill by now for the lyrics at the beginning of this chapter. "Strange and Unprepared" by Copeland. Really cool song, my sister actually suggested I put it at the beginning of this chapter.
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