Chapter 15: Going Through the Motions

Disclaimer: Only my stuff is mine.

A/N: Hope you've all had an enjoyable holiday!

Now…I don't usually pimp my stories or anybody else's…but, that's exactly what I'm about to do. Over the past month or so, Matrix234 and I have collaborated on an SGC Christmas story. It's really funny, I promise!

So, look for it on Matrix234's profile story page thing! It should be up soon, if not already! Please, please, please check it out! LOL!

Back to this story…I don't particularly think this one is funny…but, I'm running low on the dirty jokes. So…there will probably be only a few more chapters. So sad…

ENJOY!!!

Sam stepped out from the base showers, shivering slightly as the cold air played over her skin. Toweling off as fast as she could, she opened her locker and glared at the clothes inside. She hated the President's annual base inspection. She hated that she had to wear her dress uniform.

She didn't care what anybody said…she knew that nobody looked good in the blues.

Well…that wasn't true. She knew who looked good in the dress blues.

She knew who looked beyond good in that uniform.

Colonel Jack O'Neill.

Her commanding officer.

He also happened to be the man she was in love with.

Oh…the irony.

Sam shook her head and tugged her skirt off of the hanger. She slipped it on and zipped it up after pulling on her pantyhose. She tried to keep her thoughts entirely on the task at hand, but…her brain had other things in mind. Her thoughts, predictably, turned right back to Colonel O'Neill.

With whom she had just spent a very sweaty, very tiring few hours with.

Doing some very interesting things.

A small smile played across Sam's lips and, try as she might, she couldn't make it go away.

Sam left her shirt and jacket on the hanger and made her way over to the sink and mirror duo in only her bra. She had learned the hard way what happens when you put your dress uniform on before your makeup.

Let's just say it had been a very embarrassing meet and greet.

Normally, Sam didn't wear a lot of makeup. The job didn't really allow for such luxuries. But, today was different. She, and most other personnel on base, tended to take more time to make themselves presentable. She put the finishing touches on her makeup and made her way back to the locker.

Just as she finished buttoning up her shirt she heard the locker room door open and close.

"Hey, Sam." Janet greeted as she dropped onto the bench next to Sam and began unlacing her boots with one hand and opening her locker with the other.

"Hey." Sam smiled back.

Janet finished with her boots and opened her mouth to say something when she frowned. "You took a shower?"

There was that damn smile again. Every time she thought about why she had to take a shower…she grinned. "Yup."

Janet waited for Sam to explain her reply, but when none came, pushed forward. "Why?"

"I needed to."

"Oh, well, gee. That explains it. Thanks very much." Janet remarked sarcastically, but not unkindly.

Sam smiled. Again. "No problem."

"Sam." Janet half-whined. "You never shower before an annual inspection."

Sam rolled her eyes. "How would you know that?"

"You told me. Remember? You said that you didn't feel like taking the time to do your hair?"

Sam's eyes widened. "My hair! I forgot about my hair!"

Janet eyed Sam for a moment before laughing. "You're kidding, right? Sam, you were just standing in front of the mirror doing your makeup. You would have seen your hair and remembered that you had to do it."

"I know, I know. But I forgot! Dammit!" Sam dug through her locker and grimaced when she came up empty.

"You wouldn't by any chance have your--," Sam started as she gave Janet a helpless look.

Before she could even finish her sentence, Janet had thrust a blow-dryer into her hands.

"Thanks." Sam smiled brightly at her friend and hurried back to the mirrors.

"You're welcome." Janet smiled back and shook her head in amusement as Sam struggled slightly with balancing a brush in one hand and a blow-dryer in another, while working both through her hair.

Skilled fighter she was…great beautician she was not.

Forty-five minutes later, both women were walking out the door in uniform. Hair was expertly coiffed and makeup flawlessly applied.

Or as expertly and flawlessly as they were capable of.

A loud wolf-whistle from behind them had both women stiffening and whipping around; Sam wishing she had her P-90 and Janet wishing she had her needles.

"Sir." Sam greeted when she saw who the whistler was. And, again, that damn smile.

"Well, hello ladies." Jack drawled as he sauntered confidently up to them, hands burrowed casually in his uniform pockets.

Damn, he looked hot.

"Why the…dressed-up…ness?" Jack frowned minutely at his lack of a good description. He'd never admit it, but close proximity to his 2IC usually had his brain turning to mush.

In a good way.

"The President's inspection, sir." Sam answered, with a quick, exasperatedly amused look at Janet. They knew the Colonel knew why they were dressed up. After all, he was dressed up too.

"Ah…yes…That." Jack bounced on the balls of his feet and flashed Sam a quick, bright smile. His tone made it perfectly clear that he detested any event that required him to put on his dress blues.

But, for Sam…this event was definitely starting to have a silver lining.

Apparently, it was for Jack too. He winked at both women, but turned searing eyes on Sam when he spoke. "Well, I must say…my day is starting to look up."

Sam blushed and Janet nudged her friend's arm. She was well aware of the shared feelings between the Colonel and the Major and loved to embarrass them any chance she got.

"Look at the time!" Sam stammered the first thing that popped into her head. "Time to go." Without waiting for a reply, Sam turned on her heel.

But, as luck would have it, it had been awhile since she had had to dress up and she wasn't used to wearing high heels. And, as irony seemed to love to do, Sam's foot twisted and down she went.

Only…she never hit the ground.

Two warm arms were suddenly around her; one at her waist and the other under her arm. Time seemed to freeze as Sam's head hit the Colonel's shoulder and his arms tightened around her.

"Walk much, Carter?" His voice was low and near her ear, causing goose bumps to appear along her arms.

"Um…" Was her intelligent answer.

Jack set her slowly back on her feet and turned her around to face him.

"Thank you, sir." Sam finally managed to choke out, not looking at him. "I'm sorry you had to, uh…catch me." Sam flushed hotly.

"My pleasure, Carter." Jack grinned easily, but something in his expression wavered. It was gone before Sam could identify what it was.

"We should…we should hurry." Sam said, unable to tear her gaze from his. She did, however, notice that Janet was mysteriously missing.

"Yep." Jack continued to grin.

All at once, Sam's embarrassment doubled and her cheeks heated in anger. He was laughing at her! He wasn't smiling at her because he returned her feelings…it was because she was a klutz!

Sam wrenched her eyes from his and turned abruptly. "We don't want to be late, Colonel." She only got a few steps before his hand landed heavily on her shoulder. Sam stopped, but did not turn around.

"Carter." Jack tugged her shoulder lightly and Sam reluctantly moved to face him.

"Yes, Colonel?"

Jack grimaced. "Just so we're clear, Carter…you only have permission to trip…" he paused.

Inwardly, Sam seethed. First, he laughed at her. And, now, he was reprimanding her? She knew he had every right to…but…oh, this just wasn't fair. 'Life isn't.' a voice that sounded annoyingly like her father echoed in her head.

"When I'm around to catch you." He finished, giving her a significant look.

'Well.' Thought Sam as she blinked stupidly at the Colonel. 'That was…unexpected.'

"Yes, sir?" Her reply came out more like a question than an affirmative.

"Good." He brushed an imaginary piece of lint off of her collar, fingers "accidentally" brushing her jaw. "Now…we're off to see the wizard."

And just like that he turned and strode away, leaving Sam to hurry after him, her skin feeling slightly chilled at the absence of his fingers.

"Oh! And about earlier, Carter," Jack started as the elevator doors closed. Sam smiled again, remembering what 'earlier' was. "You do know that I let you finish first, right?"

"Oh, you let me?" Sam gave him a sideways look, making sure he heard the disbelieving tone in her voice. "I believe I made it there all on my own, thank you very much."

"Oh, did you now?" Jack shook his head and gave an exaggerated sigh.

"Yep." Sam gave him a proud smile and stepped out of the elevator as the doors opened. Jack followed her, teasing smile in place.

"Believe what you want."

"I will."

Jack chuckled. "You didn't let me finish." Sam rolled her eyes. "Believe what you want…as long as we do it again." He paused. "Soon."

"How soon is 'soon?'" Sam asked as they climbed the briefing room stairs.

"How 'bout after the President's inspection?" Jack asked innocently.

"After the--?!" Sam stopped and turned to face him, arms crossed over her chest. They were the same height now that Sam was a step above him. "That's a joke, right?"

"I never joke about…that." Jack raised his eyebrows. "C'mon, Carter! I wanna see how flexible you really are."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Sir, after what we've been doing the past few hours, I'm gonna have trouble walking for a week!" Jack rolled his eyes and Sam turned and climbed the last few stairs. She was three steps into the room before she noticed the oppressive silence that engulfed it. She stopped so suddenly that Jack almost ran into her.

Ten pairs of eyes were trained on the two officers. Daniel was staring at his friends with his mouth half-open and a cup of coffee forgotten in his hand. Teal'c's eyebrow was raised and there was a slightly shocked expression on his face.

Janet was trying very hard not to laugh, but she was also throwing the General and the President slightly scared looks.

As for the two men themselves…Hammond had his 'Def-Con-One' face on and the President was squinting at the Colonel and Major. The other five pairs of eyes belonged to the President's Pentagon entourage. All were widened slightly and all were fighting laughs.

"What?" Jack asked, annoyed that he wasn't in on the joke.

And that, apparently, the joke was on him.

And Carter.

"What?" Jack asked again, louder, when no one answered.

"Oh…oh, no." Sam breathed, her face burning. They had heard every word she and the Colonel had exchanged on the stairs. And, to somebody not privy to the day's earlier events…it sounded very much like they were referring to…Oh, no.

Sam turned panicked eyes on Daniel, begging for help. "No, no, no…that—what I mean to say is…that wasn't what it sounded like. The sir and—I—I mean the Colonel and I were referring to the exercise we were performing earlier…"

When the looks became even more shocked, Sam dropped her head. That had not come out right. "I mean that Colonel O'Neill and I were working out…doing training exercises in the SGC's gym earlier today. We figured that since…since physical evaluations were coming up we would bone up—No! No, not bone up…um, we would get an early start on…on…" Sam trailed as her throat constricted from embarrassment.

Janet was now bent over her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Daniel had put his coffee down for fear of dropping it and blinking rapidly. Teal'c expression had not changed, but his mouth twitched as though he wanted very much to laugh.

Hammond was turning red and the President was outright grinning. His five reps were all in various states of hysteria.

Dignified hysteria…of course.

Jack, who had just now realized what had been said, came to Sam's rescue. "I'm getting older, folks, and I thought it would be in my best interests to get a head start on the physical training that would be required in the evaluation. I asked Carter to help me because I thought she might want to get a head start too. She did."

When Jack's clarification did nothing but to make them all give him 'Yeah, sure' looks, Sam tried again.

"We did stretching exercises, which is why the Colonel mentioned flexibility and—and we did a lot of running exercises."

"I let her beat me to the finish line." Jack added helpfully.

Sam glared.

"Sounds like fun to me." Hayes finally jumped in. He had had his fill of the officer's embarrassment. It was just so damn funny.

"No, sir." Jack said, not missing a beat. "Carter's fists are like semi-trucks. I feel bad for whatever poor guy pisses her off."

"You." Daniel jumped in. "Daily." His efforts at suppressing laughter were failing.

Miserably.

"Do not." Jack protested.

"Obviously, you do if you know what her punches are like." Janet smiled sweetly.

"It was training." Jack insisted, silently asking Sam for confirmation. She nodded, avoiding everyone's eyes.

It was gonna be a long day.

TBC

A/N: Sorry for the rushed ending. Please R&R!!