Bonus Chapter: "Oh, What a Tangled Web We…Weave…"
Disclaimer: Only my stuff is mine.
A/N: Thank you to all who have read my story! I'm having some real trouble letting this story go. It's become my "baby" for the past seven months. LOL. So…this may cause some eye rolling, but I may add another one or two chapters to it. LMAO.
I actually dreamed this chapter. Of course, in my dream, the segment had a much sappier ending, but for the sake of the story I'll keep it to the usual UST. Haha!
ENJOY!!!
Jack moved down the corridor in a bored haze. Same grey walls…same recycled air…same freakin' mountain. An airman nodded a greeting to Jack who, out of habit, nodded back.
Then did a double take.
Why did every airman in this place look alike?! If he didn't know better, Jack would think that the base only had one airman and he just moved from door to door to give the appearance that there were multiples of him.
Shaking his head and sighing, he continued his all too routine roaming of the base. 'Walls…floor…ceiling…more walls…even more floor…yadda, yadda, yadda.' Shoving his hands deep into his pockets he desperately wished for the klaxons to go off, signaling some sort of alien invasion.
He paused, holding his breath. 'Nope.' He thought dejectedly. 'Nothing.' After a moment he continued walking. Lately action on and off-world had been at a record and painfully boring low.
"I know something that would spice your life up." Jack could practically hear the little shoulder-devil version of him whispering in his mind. "That something comes in a hot, blonde package just waiting for you to unwrap…" Jack waited for the clichéd shoulder-angel version of himself to chime in with a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he couldn't unwrap the would-be spice of his life…but shrugged when no such explanation came.
He had never been one for rules…but her career was too important to him to risk. He would never forgive himself if he let her choose him over the job.
Not that he was so sure that she would choose him. Actually, he was fairly certain that she would not choose him. Danny-boy and Teal'c on the other hand were not as sure. No, in fact, they thought that, given a choice, Sam would choose him over her job in a heartbeat.
Jack scoffed internally, turned the corner…
And ran smack into Teal'c.
Which was more like running into a wall.
'Butt meet floor; floor meet butt.' Jack thought ruefully as he took the hand Teal'c offered him.
"I am sorry, O'Neill." Teal'c said dispassionately, but with a hint of humor in his eyes. "I did not see you."
"I noticed." Jack smiled to take the sting out of the comment.
"Hey, Jack." Daniel smiled placidly and blinked several times. His not-so-well-hidden amusement would normally have irked Jack, but today…today Jack was just too bored to care.
"Daniel." Jack smiled just as placidly.
"Bored?" Daniel cocked his head, expression not changing.
"Yup."
"Ah."
"Uh-huh."
"I, too, am experiencing a heightened sense of inactivity." Teal'c bowed his head slightly, but smirked inwardly as his friend's heads snapped up to look at him. Clasping his hands behind his back, Teal'c nodded to both of them and walked away. He enjoyed leaving in a subtly dramatic manner after stunning his friends into silence.
With his incredible depth.
Jack shook his head slightly and he and Daniel moved off in the opposite direction. Neither man spoke, but both seemed to have the same destination in mind.
Sam's lab.
When all else failed, bothering Sam was the best cure for boredom. Temporarily, at least.
In order to get to Sam's lab, they would have to get to the elevators and go two levels down. In order to get to the elevators, they had to pass the women's locker room. Which, on an ordinary day, (which both Jack and Daniel had classified today as) would be no cause for excitement.
Unfortunately for them…today was no ordinary day.
………………………………………………………………………………………….
A burst of girly laughter reached Jack and Daniel's ears, causing both men to stop and look at each other incredulously.
"Was that Carter…?" Jack asked, a frown creasing his features. Since when in the hell did Carter giggle? Mind you, Jack thought it was the most adorable sound in the world, but…what the hell?
"Yep. And was that Janet?" Daniel asked even thought he didn't need to. Janet had made that same half-giggle, half-yelp the other night…
Daniel shook himself inwardly, clearing his throat. Jack shrugged. "You would know."
"What?" Daniel jerked involuntarily and he cursed inwardly when he saw Jack's look of triumph. "Shut up."
Jack's snarky comeback was cut off by another burst of giggles.
And Sam's voice.
"Wow, Janet, I didn't know you could French!" Sam's voice was filled with laughter and giddiness.
"I can't believe you didn't know how!" Janet countered, a very girlish lilt to her voice.
Jack and Daniel looked at each other in disbelief. "Did you hear what I just heard?" Daniel's voice was low and his eyes were wide.
"Yep." Jack bounced on his heels, his eyes never leaving the door.
"You don't think—I mean…they aren't talking about what I think their talking about." Daniel paused. "Are they?"
Jack shrugged and motioned for Daniel to be quiet.
"Thanks for teaching me." Jack could hear the smile in her voice as plainly as if he were standing in the room looking at her.
"It was my pleasure." Janet was practically purring!
What the hell was going on here?!
"You're a quick study. You got really good towards the end." Janet continued.
"I feel very accomplished. I've always wanted to, you know, experiment, but…I guess it never felt right." Sam's voice was conspiratorial.
"Until now." Janet sounded skeptical, but very pleased with herself.
"Until now." Sam confirmed.
Jack closed his eyes and counted to three slowly, wondering if he had finally lost it. "I…can't believe this." Jack spoke slowly and finally moved his eyes to meet Daniel's.
"This can't be real. I'm…dreaming this." Daniel pressed his palms into his eyes.
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Do you often dream about Carter and the doc getting--,"
"Don't even finish that sentence." Daniel glared at Jack.
Jack just smiled.
"Felt good too, you know?" A third, new voice piped in from behind the closed door. "Your hair getting stroked as--," the rest of the sentence was lost to both Jack and Daniel as their brains screamed at them.
With a sick feeling Daniel swallowed hard. "No…no…Jack, that wasn't…" Daniel shook his head at a loss for words.
"Cassie…" Jack breathed, his mind reeling.
At the same time, the two men threw themselves against the door, desperate to stop whatever sick alien body invasion had occurred in the locker room.
Sam, Janet, and Cassie all looked up in surprise, startled at the intrusion.
"Don't move." Jack growled, pointing his zat in the general vicinity of all three women.
"Sir?" Sam said, moving to block Janet and Cassie from the line of fire.
Jack swallowed reflexively as she looked at him. It sounded like her. It looked like her.
God, it looked like her.
And she looked pissed.
"Colonel, this is the women's locker room." Sam looked at him closely. Maybe he was possessed by something?
"So? I'm in here all the time. The real Carter would know that." Jack cocked his head, watching her closely.
"The real…? What are you talking about?" Sam paused as his words registered with her. "What do you mean, 'You're in here all the time?'"
Jack blinked. "The real Carter and I talk a lot in here."
"Yeah, I know we do." Sam put her hands out in front of her, palms down, in a placating gesture. "Colonel, give me the zat."
"Forget it." Jack narrowed his eyes. "What have you done with my Carter?"
"Your Carter?" Cassie's head peeked around Sam, an excited look on her face. "Sam! Why didn't you tell me you and Jack are--!" Cassie was cut off when Janet's hand appeared over Cass's mouth.
Jack shook his head, more and more confused by the second. "It's obvious that you three aren't who you're pretending to be."
"With all do respect sir, what the hell are you talking about?" Sam glared at Jack and Daniel. "Daniel? Care to explain?"
"If you're the real Sam Carter, tell me something only she and I would know." The words were out before Jack could stop them. "Tell me how I got Carter to leave me behind when we were trapped in Antarctica."
Daniel, Janet, and Cassie all jolted. Left him behind? That wasn't in the report.
Sam's eyes widened and her heart constricted. That had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. "You said, 'Sam, I'm dying. Follow my order,'" Sam paused as her throat tightened. "Please."
Jack felt his chest tighten as he remembered the hurt and sadness in her eyes as he begged her to leave him. He lowered the zat and cleared his throat. Tension in the room had become almost unbearable. Sam and Jack were staring at each other, lost in a painful memory that none of the others had known about.
Daniel looked between Sam and Jack. Evidently, that had been the right answer, seeing as how Jack had lowered the zat. "Well, if you're all really who you say you are…what the hell was going on in here?"
"What do you mean?" Janet asked, standing next to Sam, Cassie standing on her other side.
Jack and Daniel looked at each other. "Well, you see…we were walking by…" Daniel started.
"Minding our own business." Jack inserted.
"When we happened to walk past the door." Pause. "To the room." Another pause. "That we're standing in."
The three women looked at each other, sharing similar looks of 'They've gone crazy.'
"And we heard some…interesting things." Jack bounced on the balls of his feet nervously.
"Oh?" Sam unconsciously adopting Jack's stance and trademark sarcasm. "And what interesting things would those be?"
"You were talking about French kissing!" Daniel burst out. "Each other!"
A moment of stunned silence followed Daniel's outburst.
Then all three women burst out into loud, near-maniacal laughter. Cassie fell to her knees, clutching her sides, tears streaming from her eyes. Sam collapsed onto the bench behind her and Janet fell with her. Both women were clutching each other in a futile attempt to remain upright.
Jack and Daniel stared at them like they had gone insane. "There's nothing funny about this!" Jack shouted over the giggling. "It's creepy! And wrong!" His protestations only served to make them laugh harder.
"S-sir…" Sam gasped. "N-n-not French kissing! French braiding!"
Jack's mouth worked, trying to comprehend what Carter had said. "But you said you didn't know how…and Fraiser was teaching you…and…experimenting…"
Sam wiped her eyes and attempted to regain her composure. "I never learned to French braid, sir. Janet taught me how to on Cassie. I have short hair, so experimenting with hair styles was never big on my agenda."
Jack's brain struggled to comprehend this. "But…Cass…you said it felt good…" Jack choked the last two words out.
Cass giggled. "I'm like a cat. I like my head being petted."
Jack and Daniel breathed identical sighs of relief. No freaky girl kissing girl parties.
Five minutes later some of the amusement had worn off and Sam was feeling a bit offended. "I can't believe you thought I would do…that." She turned to face Jack, who was sitting on the bench beside her, close enough so that their arms brushed.
Jack met her gaze and waggled his eyebrows. Sam rolled her eyes, but didn't give up. Jack sighed and shrugged slightly. "It didn't sound very French braid like." Sam raised her eyebrows, but didn't push.
"Hey, where'd Daniel and Janet go?" Sam asked suddenly, frowning.
"To French braid." Jack answered automatically.
"Oh, gross! Don't wanna know!" Cassie covered her ears, giving Jack a look. "I've just remembered that Grandpa George promised me…something. See ya." Cassie shot out of the room with one more disgruntled look towards Jack.
"Nice going." Sam smirked.
"She was bound to find out sooner or later." Jack shrugged, holding Sam's gaze. After a moment of silence, Jack grinned. "You know, Carter, if you were ever to French braid," Jack cocked an eyebrow suggestively. "With, say, Mary Steenbergen…"
Sam shook her head and stood up, heading for the commissary. "Men."
"Hey, wait! What'd I say?" Jack called innocently as he trotted after her. "Carter! Wait up!"
The End
A/N: Hope you liked!