Warning: angsty Yuuri in deep depression. Excuse any OOC-ness, or at least say you don't like it in a nice way :)
And I don't own KKM. If I did, the name of Wolfram's fiance would be... different. Yup. Don't own it.
oOoOo
Yuuri had wasted time fussing over his horse, as he thought of the best way to break the news of Wolfram's probable death and possible abduction to Celi. The thought scared him so much. Wolfram was the spitting image of Celi, if not more beautiful, and looking at the former queen with grief in her eyes would be like destroying Wolfram a second time, both times completely his fault.
And Greta… Greta must not know. Not until I get Wolfram back, one way or the other. She deserves to at least say goodbye. And I will speak to Celi personally in the gardens. She will be allowed to do to me as she sees fit, without fear of repercussion. I have killed her son.
Yuuri swayed slightly and leaned heavily against Ao, breathing in the reassuring scent of horseflesh. He just stood there, trying as best he could to gather his courage for the horrible task ahead. Pushing away from the horse, he smiles at Ao and pats his nose. "What a wonderful horse you are, Ao-chan. I feel a bit better, and much braver. I'm going to go see Lady Celi now, wish me luck!"
Yuuri managed a small smile at the thought of him asking for good luck from a horse, but it wavered and died swiftly. He sighs once, and briskly walks out of the stable. At the entrance of the castle, he dispatched a page to ask Celi to meet him in the gardens. Walking ahead, he reached the gardens quickly, and solemnly instructed the guards to make themselves scarce. Whatever happened between him and Lady Celi would stay between them.
Barely minutes later, he heard someone squeal "Heika!!" and turns, only to be buried in the voluptuous chest of the former Demon Queen. After painfully choked seconds, Yuuri felt sharp nails dig into his shoulders to push him away from the ample bosom and into the line of sight of its owner. Celi (who over a hundred years old) was squealing excitedly, flicking his hair and playfully pinching his cheeks until they became a ruddy shade of red. "Oh, Heika, I'm so glad to see you all back! I haven't seen Wolfram though, what a naughty boy he is to scare his mother like this! I'm afraid I shall have to make him follow me shopping as a punishment for avoiding me! Tell me EVERYTHING that happened. Gwendal is his usual grouchy self; even his mouth looks like a wrinkle! He wouldn't say a word when I asked him about the trip, he only grunted. Yuuri-Heika, I am a woman, I cannot understand grunts! And Conrad set off on a 20-mile marathon with his troops the minute he set foot in the castle. Is there a secret Heika? Tell me!" concluded Celi as she laughed girlishly.
Yuuri didn't know where to start, and Celi's startling resemblance to her youngest son was dredging up all the emotion he had tried to stifle in the stable. Feelings of unequalled sadness bubbled up, and Yuuri found himself too weak to resist the pull of tears. It traced a transparent line down his cheek, coming softly at first, before Yuuri began crying in earnest, and it flowed like a torrential stream, wetting his cheeks as he fell into the shocked embrace of the 26th demon king.
" Heika! What's wrong? Did my Wolfie tease you again? Did you get hurt? Yuuri, tell me what's wrong!" Celi was surprised, but was trying to comfort the crying boy as best she could, ruffling his hair and soothingly rubbing his back, not noticing in the flaring of maternal instincts her use of the king's given name.
However the gift of female intuition told her that she would really, really dislike whatever had gone wrong on the trip. And being a mother, she could tell it was about one of her sons. Being an intelligent, former demon queen told her it had something to do with Wolfram.
Yuuri was sobbing uncontrollably, and kept saying sorry over and over again. For countless moments Yuuri cried, once again held up by a woman radiating love and concern. When he didn't feel so rattled, Yuuri began to speak. He didn't move his face away from the hug; he was too ashamed and cowardly to see Celi's reaction.
At the end of his recounting, Celi's hand paused their calming movements, and the older woman stopped breathing. When she next exhaled, it came out in a shudder as she breathed the name of the son lost to her. "Wolfie…. Oh, Wolfie…." Yuuri could hear the shock and pain in her voice, and could not bear to face her.
He nearly yelped with surprise when she hugged him harder and continued her previous motions. "Yuuri Heika, are you crying because we have lost Wolfram?"
Yuuri could do little more than slightly nod his head.
"Heika…" she continued softly. "Don't be so sad, Heika. My Wolfie didn't die in vain. No, don't say that your carelessness is to blame. He kept you safe until the end Yuuri. Don't you see? As long as you are alive, Wolfram isn't be dead. He poured his heart and soul into you, into keeping you safe, and for as long as you live he will be remembered. Though I want to smack him for being so rash and unthinking when it comes to protecting you," Celi's voice broke a little, "I cannot imagine my brave little Wolfie doing anything less than what he did. He may not look like it, but Wolfram is very self-sacrificial. Nothing is too great to be done for the people he loved. Comfort yourself with that memory: Wolfram loved you, Yuuri Heika. Always remember that, and keep that thought in your mind whenever the sadness is overwhelming you. Heika, return to me and the kingdom my son. I know I can trust you to do that"
Yuuri was awed by Celi's gentle, wise tone and thoughtful words. He nodded again, this time with more ferocity, and gently pushed away from Celi. He wiped his face dry with the sleeve of his shirt, before bashfully kissing her on the cheek. Quietly Yuuri said, "Thank you, Lady Celi. My hope's been rekindled. The search will begin now, and I will not disappoint you again." That said, Yuuri smiled at her and swiftly walked away towards the castle.
Celi, who was smiling and waving at the king's retreating back, crumpled to the ground when he was out of sight, looking for all the world like a marionette whose strings had been cut. Burying her face in a patch of bright yellow flowers, Celi began to sob as she whispered, "Why did you leave so soon, my bright little son? You were so young" to the ground, the flowers catching her tears.
Celi's sobs did not escape the hearing of the king, but he felt too weak and incapable to turn back to be valiant and comfort Celi. Just out of her eyesight Yuuri staggered blindly, crashing into a wall and slowly dropping to his knees. How can I help Celi when I feel like this? Tiny whimpers escape his lips as the shock of losing Wolfram wore off. Alone in the hallway Yuuri realised what it would truly mean to live his life without ever, ever seeing the blond boy again.
Ah, I have lost the only person whose loyalty to me has never wavered. Lost the only person who has made himself suffer what I have suffered. Lost the only person I could depend on for honesty and unrelenting companionship. Lost the only person in this entire world who loves me for no reason at all; I am not his family, not his companion, not only his king. Not even his friend. But Wolfram loved me. And I lost him. And he won't come back. He can't come back. It's all my fault, because I didn't help him. Wolfram won't be by me anymore.
I deserve this pain.
Even when he was here, even when he needed my help, I never did anything. I never came to his rescue. Never. So now I am alone. Well and truly alone, and I deserve this misery.
He doesn't.
He doesn't deserve to lose his life.
I do.
Hot, salty tears slowly wetted his cheeks, and Yuuri ducked into the nearest door, slamming it shut and brokenly sliding down against it. He was sobbing in earnest now, but refused to give himself the luxury of being comforted. He wanted to be alone when he forced his sorrow and guilt and anger out; he wanted to be alone when he confronted his howling demons. But what he really wanted
…is my Wolfram back.
In the tangle of recent events, Yuuri had neglected to notice his increasing possessiveness of Wolfram, and has also neglected to hurriedly correct it, as was his usual style.
That's not likely to happen, is it? Before, wherever I hid in the castle, Wolfram would come after me like a bloodhound. He could find me wherever I ran. And he could always tell when I was troubled. Typical, I've never returned the favour. And he never expected me to. It was enough for Wolfram to help me. But how could it be enough? How could he have contented himself with a wimpy idiot like me? He could have anyone he wanted. Why me?
Breathing ragged, Yuuri remembered the conversations he'd had with Wolfram a few months ago. Bandits had been ravaging villages on the outskirts of Shin Makoku, and while there were yet to be any fatalities, hundreds had lost their homes and crops. Some were badly injured from the skirmishes that broke out as they tried to defend their belongings. Yuuri was frustrated and saddened; though large, the Shin Makoku army was hardly enough to cover all villages, and the bandits were apparently working together, attacking simultaneously on opposite sides of the map. His room had just been cleared of Murata, Gunter and Gwendal. They had had a counsel of strategy; nothing much had been brought up that appeared feasible as a solution. Dark rings circled his eyes, and Yuuri looked as though he hadn't slept in years.
In came Wolfram, eyes intelligent as ever, hair so dazzlingly bright that Yuuri had to resist the urge to cover his eyes. Wolfram was furious that Yuuri was treating himself so badly. Yuuri couldn't do much more than just stare tiredly at Wolfram. He really wasn't in the mood to assuage his hot-tempered friend's madness.
"Wolfram, I'm the king of this country! How can you say I've been sacrificing myself too much to stem the bandits' attacks? How could YOU possibly know whether or not I've done enough for MY country?!"
"Oh, it's only your country, is it? Here was I arranging 12 different shifts of several hundred men, all with lovers and families, on weeklong trips to the most obscure edges of Shin Makoku, and I wasn't even doing it for my country. I must be a tremendous fool."
Yuuri looked like he was about to cry. He was tired, his mind was swimming, and he had just insulted someone who cared deeply for him.
"Wolfram, I…"
Wolfram sighed.
"It's alright, wimp, I know you're tired. You asked me, how could I know that you've done enough? It's very easy, actually."
Wolfram gifted Yuuri with a smile of pure affection, and Yuuri in his weakened state could almost swear he heard a chorus of angels accompany the shining brilliance.
"As long as you try your absolute hardest to help everyone, you've done enough. You might not always succeed, and you might fail spectacularly sometimes, but it will always be enough that you tried to help. No one will be angry with you for not having god-like powers, Yuuri. Just seeing you trying to solve the problem and ease the troubles of the people is enough to comfort everyone. And," Wolfram smirked, "since you're MY fiancée, you have ME to count on to help you when you trying ALONE isn't enough. So don't worry, wimp, you can go take a nap for a while; you've tried hard enough to earn you some respite"
Though spoken in a pleasant tone of voice, even Yuuri didn't miss the command for him to get rest. So he got up, smiled at the smirking blond, and went to his bedchamber where he slept like the dead.
True to his word, within a week of actively helping Yuuri, Wolfram had resolved the problem. It was all very amusing, actually. While patrolling one of the villages, Wolfram had the good luck to be kidnapped. Yuuri of course nearly went crazy with worry, but was told by Conrad and Gwendal that the situation would probably work to their advantage. Within a day of Wolfram's abduction, he had managed to talk all the associated bandit lords into giving up "this stupid, irresponsible, childish behaviour" and going to trial before Yuuri. Yuuri was overjoyed and astonished by Wolfram's powers of persuasion. Toughened gang-leaders aren't known for their susceptibility to a pretty face. Nevertheless, Yuuri pardoned the lot of them, and created a new settlement where the bandits could settle down and farm. Ibandia is now a major exporter of high-grade grain.
Wolfram was, of course, insufferable.
"See Yuuri? I told you that if you tried, it would all work out. Hope this teaches you to always follow what I say, wimp!"
"But Wolfram…. I didn't do anything! I just went around the castle moping and worrying. You're the one that ended the conflict."
Wolfram suddenly turned serious, and gazed steadily into confused black eyes.
"Yuuri, one of the things I love most about you is that no matter what happens, you always try to do the right thing. You trying is enough to get me to help, so this really wouldn't have happened without you, wimp. Just remember what I said; as long as you live trying to make everyone's lives better, I'll be by your side. I promise, Yuuri."
Who knew Wolfram's words were prophetic thought Yuuri at the end of his flashback. His face was wet and shiny with tears, as he remembered Wolfram's words.
As long as you live trying to make everyone's lives better, I'll be by your side. I promise, Yuuri.
I never tried to be a good friend to you, a good fiancée. I never tried to help you. Is that why you've left? If it is, then I should only be surprised that I didn't lose you sooner. Because it isn't that I stopped trying for you, Wolfram.
It's that I never started.
Yuuri's rational mind shut down. It was all too much. There's only so much a young teenage boy could take. His consciousness receded, only for his Maou personality to take over.
The Maou he had trained so hard and so long to be independent of came free.
The powerful Maou, who could destroy entire armies without being troubled, who could bring to a halt the attack of massive enemy troupes with the flick of a hand.
The powerless Maou who still could not save his friend, tears escaping his sharp eyes, wetting his longer hair that now covered a face heaving with sobs and mumbled apologies and promises.
oOoOo
End chapter.
Yeah, according to my clock I'm a few hours past deadline, but who's keeping track? XD This chapter and the next will concentrate on the way Yuuri and the others dealing with their grief, along with a new... bit. I'm not telling any more secrets! As usual, reviews are much appreciated, and hope to see everyone again next week!