Yes, I'm a slacker. Yes, it's been a MONTH since the last chapter. I broke my wrist while playing with my cousins, and badaboom, a cast--and no typing--for a month. That and the family's desktop had to be stripped down and came back only about a week ago. I'm gonna finish this story in the next week and a half, then start something new.
Some of the events in this chapter are based off real events. They involved a toaster and a very angry cat. The role of the cat will be played by Jigglypuff. Who, in case you haven't noticed, I like to torture.
Mario was walking into the lounge where he liked to nap, but instead of peace and quiet, he saw Pit, Pokemon trainer(I will call him Red, as most people do),Pichu, and Nana fist fighting in the center. His brother Luigi stood in the corner bearing a black eye, and his forest-green shirt was ripped. He was holding what looked like a hammer. Mario noticed that Pichu had something that looked a lot like a ninja sword, and Mario hoped that it was just a toy.
"Did you want to cook for the talent show?" Luigi asked. Mario nodded. Seemed like an appealing idea to him. Who didn't like food? The four smashers that were fighting stopped abruptly and faced Mario.
"Is that a problem-a?" Mario asked nervously. He was tackled immediately by everyone in the room, and was suddenly in a fight for survival. He heard the smashers yelling things at each other.
"I wanna do it!"
"No, me!"
"You're too little!"
"You're not human!"
"Liar! I am too!"
"Ladies first, dummies!"
Mario picked himself out of the fight and yelled "WHAT is-a going ON?"
Luigi stopped his hammer, which was in mid-swing over Pit's head. "We all want to cook for the show. We can't all be on a team, because we'd kill each other. So some people have to drop out. Find something else to do." Which Mario knew would not be easy to do. The talent show was in three days(Yes, the timeline is being screwed with. Get over it.)
To make things more complicated, Peach, Zelda and Samus entered the room to find out what was causing the ruckus. Samus, wearing her suit, sounded dangerous. "Should I really ask?" The six fighters began yelling at each other again, when Zelda calmly summoned a magic fireball strong enough to obliterate everyone, and everybody shut up. Peach spoke up.
"Mario? What is this about?" She asked sweetly. Mario explained, and all three of the women nodded.
"Cooking wouldn't be bad." Zelda admitted. Samus snorted.
"You can't cook worth anything. I'll cook myself, so everybody can get something to eat without getting food poisoning." Samus said.
"It's not like you can cook." Peach pointed out. "I'm the best one here."
Zelda look ready to pounce on Peach when she said quickly, "How about we split into teams; I'll work with Mario and Luigi, Zelda can be with Red and Pit, and Samus can be with Pichu and Nana."
Nobody had a better idea, so it was put into effect. Mario sighed in relief. Peach was the best, they'd win for sure. Everyone decided they could start in the morning.
The cooking war was in it's early stages.
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Peach could apparently be wrong about a lot of things. For one, she was not the best cook.
The newest explosion was caused on the stove, the flames jumping up and catching poor Mario on the mustache. As he waved it out, Peach scolded Luigi "I told you! Sugar, water, nuts then the eggplant!"
Luigi looked embarrassed. "You said eggplant?" He pulled from the counter a Bomb-omb "I was using these."
"Great job, Luigi." Peach said "You ruined it! That was going to be one of the samples of our 5-star Eggplant cake!"
"…Uh, Peach? We never knew that there were bombs in a-here. You, as cooking expert, should've warned us. Besides that, I'm not sure anyone but the Ice climbers would like eggplant cake." Mario said, know disaster would strike.
Which it did. "It sure would've been good, Mario. I'm trying to teach you guys how to cook, and know everything's just blowing up! That's Roy's job!" Peach cried
"We could bomb everyone's taste buds. Then whatever we cook would taste fine, because they wouldn't have any taste at all-a." Luigi muttered. He then proceed to fill another pot with sugar, water, nuts, eggplant, milk, and at Mario's recommendation, super spicy curry sauce. Luigi stirred, and Peach expressed her concerns.
"Luigi, you're stirring too fast. And won't that sauce have a negative impact on the cake's structure…?"
Too late. Another explosion rocked the kitchen, splattering all three of the Mushroom Kingdom residents with super spicy eggplant cake batter. Peach heaved a sigh, and said only "You guys are very lucky that I'm friends with you." Mario sighed too, thinking that the next poor sap who bothered Peach was in for it. He watched his step, when Roy stepped into the kitchen. He asked Peach for a pudding cup out of the fridge, but Peach got mad at him and whacked him hard with a nearby frying pan. Later that day, Roy blew up the girls bathroom for revenge. That and the fact that the swordsman had some fireworks left over.
Mario took off his hat, scratched his head, replaced the cap, and got back to work. Cursing Master and Crazy Hand the whole time.
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Red called his Squirtle off, while a drenched Zelda glared at him.
Zelda, Pit and Red had decided to make a Turducken, a big bird-thing that is basically a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a Turkey. They thought that making one or two would feed everyone at the show. They didn't realize that they take a lot of time and patience to make.
"How hard can it be? You put three birds into each other, slap it in the oven, boom, you're done." Zelda reasoned. But it had been four hours ago when that was said. Pit sat on the counter, trying to shove the chicken-stuffed duck into the already-gigantimundo turkey. Red called his Charizard out and the Dragon Pokemon was helping him adjust racks in the oven so the turkey could squeeze inside to cook. Zelda was working on side dishes for everything.
Pit momentarily dropped the birds and huffed a breath. "This makes no sense. We can't make this, I've never cooked anything, for that matter. When will this stupid show be over?"
Zelda tore her attention from the vegetables she'd been chopping. "Look, Pit, I hate this as much as you do. And maybe we need to do a food a little less physical before someone gets hurt…"
As if on cue, the slippery raw turkey fell out of Pit's grip and hit Charizard, who spiraled around and flung a pillar of flame at Pit, which narrowly missed. Red was trying to control his friend, while Zelda tried to douse the fire that had just toasted everything she had prepared that day.
In a few moments, Charizard was calmed, and Red had called Squirtle to calm the fire that had been started with a jet of water. However, because of the smoke, Squirtle missed, and instead Princess Zelda was immersed in Squirtle's spray.
Pit's shoulder's sank. "We're not cut out for this! We were brought here to beat the living poo out of each other, then party when we win and go again! We don't cook!"
Red nodded. He agreed, completely. "I know from going on my own adventure that cooking is no fun, and really is nothing to be considered an art form."
Zelda seemed to consider this, then said, "I wonder how everyone else is doing…?"
Red was confused. "It matters because?…"
The Hylian princess smiled wickedly. "Well, you know, I can transform into different things with magic, and those air ducts look pretty big…"
"Wait. You want to spy on people! We're in a talent contest! Cooking! And yet you're going to crawl through the air-conditioning and look in on people! That's low. Really Low." Pit said.
"Yeah, we can do better than that." Red agreed.
"Come on, guys! We're brain-dead, having bad luck, and need a fast idea! Think of how nice that vacation will be! And how bad KP will be if we quit!" Zelda pleaded.
Red groaned. "Well, now that you mention it, I do love vacation…"
"And Peach could have some pretty good ideas…" Pit added
"So! Up we go!" Zelda announced. She did a little twisty-light trick and her Sheik form was revealed. Pit and Red gasped.
"Come on, Gents." She said. She pulled out the vent and jumped straight up into the air shaft. Pit flew up, giving Red a lift until they found a horizontal surface. "Let's go idea hunting!"
Red held his breath and pressed forward. What a stupid idea cooking was.
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Nana was having fun.
Cooking was really easy. Pizza was selected as the dish of choice, because everybody could have some, it was easy, and it was fast. Samus seemed to like Nana, and Pichu wasn't a bad little kid either. It was nice to be away from Popo for once. She loved her brother, but one thing on her own was new and good.
She wasn't that way for long. While she and Pichu were arranging veggies that Samus cut on the dough, Popo came into their kitchen for a sandwich. He stayed for a few minutes, talking to Samus. Nana took a break too, and said hi to Popo. He glanced toward the ceiling and never looked down.
"What's up, Popo? No pun intended." Pichu squeaked.
"Nana, there's something in the air ducts." Popo said with certainty.
Samus took a look, as did Nana. He was right. There were little bumps, moving along the ceiling, that seemed to stop where the vent was.
"Pichu, would you mind sending whoever's up there a little preset? An electric one?" Samus whispered. Nana told her brother to move along, but he didn't move. A quick thunderbolt up the vent, and a surprised--and burned-- Red, Pit and Sheik fell out. Sheik transformed into Zelda.
"SPIES! Cheaters!" Pichu cried. Popo ran into the fridge, and normally Nana would wonder why, but she instead focused her attention on the group in the center. Samus had Zelda by the front of her dress.
"What is this, Zelda? Quitting already?" Samus asked. In response, instead of saying something, Zelda scissor-kicked Samus and ran out, Pit and Red following. Pichu, Nana and Samus yelled and chased after the trio.
Sometime a few hours later, Popo got out of the freezer. The Ham slices, Jell-O cups, and sharp cheddar cheese slices were gone, and he didn't eat again for the next two days.
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Mario sat on his chair, a lemonade in his hand. They were done.
The threesome had actually cooked a large, delicious dinner for everyone in the mansion. Luigi had put some toast in the toaster for all of them, solely because he liked toast. Mario felt confident in his dishes and thought the three of them could win the show. Peach was talking about the Goomba workforce shortage back home, when he heard a stampede of people approaching. In the center of the kitchen, Zelda appeared, who was immediately body-tackled by Pichu and Nana, who were dragging poor Pit and Red by their shirt collars. Samus came up behind, and told Mario the situation. Cheaters.
Luigi, for fun, jumped on the pile, and Mario, Peach and Samus, craving action, did too. Unfortunately, Peach kicked the toaster, which was still really hot, off the counter. Really unfortunately, Jigglypuff was right in it's path of flight. Badly burned by the toaster, Jigglypuff became outraged and took it out on everybody there. She raged up and beat the heck out of everybody. Punching, kicking, biting, of all things, and everybody began to stop fighting each other, but they were too weak to retaliate Jigglypuff's attacks.
She sung them all into a peaceful sleep, then ate Luigi's toast.
Poor Jigglypuff. And poor Luigi. Anyway, next chapter coming soon, provided I don't break anymore hands; Falco gets desperate, so he leads a bunch of the tough guys of the group, including some cameo appearances, in a remake of some of Broadway's favorites. Includes Bowser, Snake, Dedede, and Ganondorf in dresses, as well as Falco with a really big gun. Because Falco deserves one.