Title: When The Devil Can't Save Himself
Word Count: n/a yet
Rating: PG-13, maybe R at one point
Warnings/Spoilers: All of season 1, aired season 2 and spoilers for 2.14 through 2.15.
Summary: Bart Bass. Shot. Dead. Murdered. Chuck Bass was broken, and he was pretty sure he couldn't be fixed. That wouldn't stop her from trying.
Official Disclaimer: All Gossip Girl plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters featured in this story are not mine.
Author's Note: I'm so sorry this chapter took forever to get out. With no Gossip Girl episode this week, I was feeling slightly uninspired, and I had a ton of schoolwork to do. But now I'm off on break, so I should be able to update more frequently. Anyway, some of the conversation in the office between Blair, Jack and Ms. Queller is from the sides, but I changed most of it. I'm trying to follow recent spoilers and work in some 2.13 lines while sticking to the plot I've created. I hope that makes sense. Enjoy!
Note: In this story, Eleanor and Cyrus are not yet married.
Chuck leaned back in the large leather chair in Headmistress Queller's office. A playful smirk was touching at his lips, but his eyes remained as blank and emotionless as they had been for weeks now. "So, what brings me here?"
Blair glanced over at him, slumped in the chair, his school clothes wrinkled and his hair the complete mess she'd now grown accustomed too. She had managed to force her way into Chuck's "meeting," much to his dismay, and had every intent of getting him out of this without punishment. Blair had never known Bart Bass very well, but she did know that he surely wouldn't have wanted his son being expelled by one of the best private schools in the city for doing drugs on school grounds. "Ms. Queller…" she began.
Ms. Queller held up her hand. "I still don't know what in the world you're doing in here, Ms. Waldorf, but I'd like to speak to Charles first, if you don't mind." Her tone was commanding and rude, causing Blair to sit back in her seat with a huff, adjusting the green sweater that contrasted perfectly with her dark curls.
Suddenly, the ornately carved dark wood doors of the office flung open and Jack Bass strode in. His dark hair was perfectly combed, resembling how Chuck's always used to look, and he was wearing a pressed gray suit and tie. Blair immediately saw the look on Ms. Queller's face when she saw the startling resemblance to the two more infamous Bass men.
Within seconds, Jack was over to the desk and extending his hand for Ms. Queller to shake. "I'm Jack Bass, Chuck's uncle."
Ms. Queller nodded slowly, taking in Jack's attractive face and then looking back and forth between him and an already rumpled, dirty version of Chuck.
"Sorry I'm late," he continued, taking it upon himself to sit in the chair on the other side of Chuck. Blair narrowed her perfectly made-up eyes to send a glare his way, still managing to keep on her perfect, perky little smile for Headmistress Queller.
"Late for what, exactly?" Ms. Queller looked bewildered and confused, but she kept her posture perfect and eyes cold. "Do I know you?"
"I told you." Jack smiled and laughed a little, as if it was an appropriate time. "I'm Jack Bass, Chuck's uncle." He held out his hand again in a perfect mimic of the gesture he'd performed less than a minute earlier, causing Ms. Queller to sigh, annoyed, and do the Upper East Side professional's version of rolling her eyes.
"What I meant, is what are you doing here? Who gave you the permission to sit in on this meeting?" Headmistress Queller immediately glared in Blair's direction and she shrugged back. Maybe she should have thought a little more before she panicked and told Jack to bring Chuck back. If she hadn't contacted him, she wouldn't have to deal with him. She wouldn't even know he existed.
But then again, Chuck would still be out there somewhere, drunk and drugged and lonely, and who knew how long he would last like that?
"I heard Chuck was in some trouble here at school and I decided I would come and lend a helping hand," Jack smiled peacefully as Ms. Queller and Blair shared an annoyed look. Chuck was oblivious to the entire exchange, his red-rimmed eyes closing as his dark head leaned back against the soft leather of his chair. When Blair looked over at him, he looked so tired and vulnerable that she just wanted to wrap him in her arms and hold him until he fell asleep next to her. She hated staying away from him, and she hated the feelings that brought with it. Constant loneliness, even in crowds of people; guilt, for trying to help him; anger, for him telling her to stay away; and most of all, worry, because he was so completely lost...so completely broken that it could take weeks, months, years for him to be ready to have her again, to make her his own. To kiss her lips, to hold her hands, to even be near her.
"Blair. Blair!" Headmistress Queller was annoyed again, but this time at her. Not at Jack Bass, who had randomly come barging into their meeting, or at Chuck, who looked quite obviously hungover and miserable. "If you want to have a part in this meeting, I'm going to need you to pay attention."
Blair nodded, smiling sweetly and fighting the urge to stomp on someone's foot. "Jack, thank you, but I've got this covered."
"I figured, principal's office; boy needs a parent or guardian." Jack's smirk was all too much like Chuck's, although he was trying to pull it off in a professional-business-man-looking way. "Parents being dead…" Jack paused to glance at Chuck, whose muscles had immediately and subtly tensed at the mention of the word parents, and Blair wanted to throw him off of a building. The man was just so damn insensitive. "…Sorry, Chuck…" he added half-heartedly, per practical request by Blair (if a sudden and frightening death glare counted as a request).
Chuck raised a hand, twirling his fingers in the air absent-mindedly. He waved Jack off, motioning for him to continue. Blair watched in silence, cringing when Jack shot a look her way.
"…I'm the closest thing." Jack nodded conclusively. Fuck him. If Blair hadn't always been so desperate to impress teachers and other authority figures, she would slap Jack across his smartass face and walk out. "What seems to be the problem?"
Headmistress Queller opened a folder, pulling out a couple sheets of paper and glancing down at them, as if she'd forgotten what this meeting was about. "I found Charles smoking marijuana on school property."
Chuck shook his head, a lazy smirk playing his lips. "Hash, actually." He had a very Jack-like look in his eye when he spoke his next sentence, "I find it gives a softer high."
Jack looked over at Ms. Queller, giving her a I-think-I-believe-him look. "Sounds to me like the evidence is questionable." He smirked again, and Ms. Queller looked quickly back and forth from nephew to uncle, noticing their matching expressions with a look of slight terror.
Blair sighed, exasperated, and turned to face Jack. "Would you stop?"
Jack sent her a cocky smile. "Anything for a beautiful lady."
Blair's eyes widened in both shock and annoyance as she turned away from Jack's current eye-raping of her underneath her perfectly preppy school outfit to look at Chuck. He seemed to be completely out of it again, staring around in space, his eyes both motionless and wild, confused and decisive, halfway there, but not really. She turned to Headmistress Queller.
"I think we can agree that Charles…" she looked pointedly in Chuck's direction, but he was busy staring at a spot on the floor with a dazed look in his eyes. "…has been through quite an ordeal. The circumstances are most extenuating." Blair looked straight into Ms. Queller's eyes, attempting an innocent and pitiful expression on Chuck's behalf. "Can we forgive it this one time?"
Headmistress Queller sighed and glanced over to Chuck, who lifted his head to give her an unabashedly stoned and red-eyed stare. She seemed slightly frightened by the darkness in his eyes, and she clearly wanted the meeting to be finished. Ms. Queller pushed back her chair and stood, adjusting her blazer. "Would you promise me that nothing like this will ever happen again?"
Chuck gave a crooked grin, pulling another joint out of his pocket and lighting it. He stuck it between his parted lips, took a drag, and then squinted at Ms. Queller with that famous Chuck Bass look, daring her to yell at him. "For you, Headmistress, anything." He surveyed the room, from the paintings on the walls to Ms. Queller's dark wood desk, to the chairs in the corner, his tired eyes finally landing on Jack's seat. He carefully avoided Blair's inquisitive and worried glare, turning towards the doors. "Everyone, it's been a pleasure." He waved his joint in farewell as he pushed open the doors and headed down the hall.
Jack shrugged at Headmistress Queller, a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "That went well." He stood and reached out a hand for her to shake yet again. Ms. Queller ignored him, glancing at the clock above his head. Jack gave her a half-frown before turning towards the doors and following Chuck out into the hallway, filled with bustling highschoolers in St. Jude's uniforms and preppy private school couture.
Blair pressed her hands to the arms of her chair, standing cautiously. "He's out of his right mind," she said, once again attempting to plead Chuck's case. If he would only appreciate it for once. She had just saved his ass. He could have been expelled!
Headmistress Queller exhaled again, shuffling through papers on her desk.
"He is!" Blair tapped the desk, trying to force Ms. Queller to look at her. "It's temporary insanity!"
"Thank you, Ms. Waldorf, but I think it's best you get back to class now. Charles and I will deal with his problems on his own from now on, thank you." She looked up at Blair with a stern look in her eye, and Blair backed towards the doors, uncharacteristically angry and nervous.
"Have a good day!" Blair trilled insincerely, shutting the door a little too hard. So if she wasn't supposed to help Chuck, then who would? Serena detested him, she always had. Dan had no place helping Chuck now; he was partially responsible for his current predicament. Nate didn't quite have the brainpower or the willpower to try to save anyone. Lily was too wrapped up in her own semi-loss. Jack Bass was a mediocre guardian at best, he seemed to be even worse off than Chuck in the "problem child" department.
Blair was all he had left, but until he realized that, there was nothing she could do.
Chuck strode down the hallway, shoving his body against the double doors to push it open. He ignored the sting against his elbows and continued to stomp through the courtyard, finally landing on a bench where he could smoke in peace.
What had Blair been doing at that meeting? Did he think it was her responsibility to take care of him? Please. He didn't need her. Her stupid, pathetic attempt at being there for him was doing him no good, was it? Because Chuck Bass didn't need anyone. That phrase had been practically drilled into his brain as he repeated it to himself.
But even through the constant drilling of those five words into his brain, he still didn't believe them. His body was aching for her to hold him. His eyes were begging to cry on her shoulder. His heart was permanently in two, and she was the only one that could fix that.
Chuck doubted he could be fixed now, though. He was too far gone. He had drunk too much, smoked too much, slept too little. He was a complete disaster, a total mess, and he couldn't turn back the clock. Not now, not ever.
Chuck turned towards the doors again, smoke making a lazy trail from his mouth, as he surveyed the groups of students huddled on the tables. They were all so perfect, so in control, with their perfectly groomed hair, their impeccable outfits, their fondness for school and their perfect grades. It was everything he could never be, and everything he was now letting go of. He was managing, mostly, to block previous memories from entering his mind. There was only one left he had to get rid of, and he figured it would take longer than the others.
Speak of the devil. Blair opened the doors and walked out, her heels clicking against the concrete. Her petite frame was wrapped in a white coat, her dark waves framing her gorgeous face. He just couldn't escape her, could he?
Chuck took another long drag on his joint and turned away from Blair's searching eyes. He tried to remain indifferent as she hesitated for a moment, then strode up to him, attempting to snatch the joint from his hand.
"What are you doing?" Chuck's voice slurred on his words a little as he yanked his hand away and stood up shakily, showcasing his obvious hangover and the fact that he was completely stoned. But even through the haze of chemicals, he could feel. Burning anger, burning guilt, burning sadness, eating away at him.
"You just got out of the office. Do you really want to go back there again?" Blair's voice was sarcastic, but it wavered a little as she tried to keep herself from throwing her arms around him. Chuck noticed. He always noticed everything about her, especially her emotions for him. They were like an open book to him always, even when he was lost and falling apart. "And it seems Ms. Queller has forbidden me from saving you this time."
"That's good." Chuck took a deep breath and sucked in on his joint again. "Then maybe you'll finally leave me alone." He didn't even glance at her this time, just stared down at his shoes and the cold concrete beneath them. A frozen breeze caught the air and whooshed past them, blowing their matching dark hair up towards the sky.
Chuck's words hit Blair straight in the chest, as they had every day since his father's funeral, every day since the Snowflake Ball. Her heart was completely scratched and torn and scraped free of every joyful feeling, but it hadn't broken yet and she wouldn't let it. She needed to be strong for him. "Chuck, I really am trying to help you. I want you to snap out of this…to just stop and to…" She grabbed his arm and pulled him to face her, his wool coat scratching against her moisturized palms. "…look at me. Chuck, look at me!" Blair reached up until her fingers touched the soft skin of his cheek, and she pushed his head in her direction until he was facing her.
No, he wouldn't look at her! He wouldn't allow anyone to see him like this, the mess that he was, getting worse every second. His stomach was upset and his head was pounding and his eyes were red, completing the look with vampire-esque half-circles of black and blue. Chuck Bass was falling. Falling into something he couldn't escape. But he couldn't feel the fear that could save him from dropping too far.
"Chuck, please. Look, I know this is hard for you, but I want to be there. I don't care what else you do, I just want to be a part of it and help you with whatever you're going through." Blair kept her hand on his arm, her heart beating wildly and furiously. Maybe now he would turn around. Maybe now she could look him in the eye. Maybe now he would allow her to hold him, hold him together, instead of breaking him apart.
Chuck didn't turn around. He felt the tears welling up his eyes at her confession, but as usual, he didn't let a single one spill. He clenched his jaw tightly, so tightly that he was sure he'd lose half his teeth, and tried to breathe deeply to calm the various pains shooting through his body and into his broken heart.
He couldn't breathe, though. He just wheezed wildly, feeling his "breakfast" of a couple glasses of scotch begin to prepare to make another appearance. "Go away, Blair," he choked out, feeling like a broken record. It was always the same words, every time, that made her leave. Would she now?
Blair answered his unspoken question in less than a second. "No, Chuck. I'm not leaving. I told you, I want to be there for you, no matter what. I…I…lo…"
Chuck knew exactly what she was about to say, but he wouldn't let her. He would not let those words come of her mouth, because then he'd have to be with her. And while that was the thing he wanted the most out of anything in the world, he shouldn't anymore. He'd end up breaking her too.
He silenced her by looking up at her, just like she wanted, but not, because now his eyes were cold and hard and dark and deep and endless, going on forever without really a point of stopping. Blair's breath caught in her throat, and she gaped at him, his monster. She had never seen him look so disheveled, so dangerous and villainous.
"You know what? If you're not going to leave, I will." Chuck flicked his joint from between his fingers, tossing it to the ground. He stared at her with another deadly, terrifying glare. The tears in her eyes registered somewhere deep inside of him, but he was too exhausted and damaged to act on it. So he left, walking away until he passed through the doors into the school and the only thing she could see of him was a sort of mirage of him, treading his steps slowly, walking away from her. Leaving her, again.
She had almost said it. Said those three words, eight letters that, a couple of months ago, would have fixed anything and everything. Now they fixed nothing. They obviously meant nothing to him, and if they did, he didn't show it.
Blair didn't know what to do. She was terrified for him, annoyed with him, angry with him, and sadness bordering on depression filled her body. It was so damn infuriating that even while drug-addled and hungover, he could still make her feel all of those things and more.
"He is so infuriating!" Blair stomped out from the elevator into the Waldorf penthouse, her heels clacking on the marble floors. She tossed her coat onto a table by the stairs and continued to move forward and talk at a racing pace. "I almost told him I loved him, almost, and he basically told me to go away. And then he left instead." Blair's eyes began to water as the emotions swelled and shrunk her heart in turn as it pounded heavily. "Help me."
Cyrus, Eleanor's boyfriend of a couple months and Blair's soon to be stepfather (a fact that kept slipping her mind, due to her state of current crisis), placed his coat gently on top of Blair's. He unwrapped the soft plaid scarf from around his neck and folded it carefully as he spoke. "You don't need help. He just needs time."
Blair shook her head. "I don't understand what I did or didn't do, but…" Big, wet tears began to roll down Blair's cheeks, staining her face. "Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist."
"Blair, him wanting to be alone doesn't mean he doesn't love you just as much as you love him. Grieving is a process. I would know." Cyrus gave her one of his famously cocky and charming smiles, but Blair couldn't find the strength to smile back. "Some people feel the need to hold friends and family and even casual acquaintances close, and some feel the need to push everyone away. It seems Chuck is doing that latter, and you need to understand that that's okay, all right? He'll come around soon."
Blair gave a little smile through the salty tears that had tracked themselves down her face. "How is it that you know everything?"
"Because, Blair, I've lived through it all." Cyrus's smile was mysterious now, but still kind. He placed a hand on her shoulder for a moment as he walked past her and up the stairs. Blair looked after him, wondering how the tiny man that she used to hate had become her confidante, especially since Serena had decided that neither Chuck nor Blair was worth her time and had decided to spend said time hanging out with Dan and Jenny in Brooklyn.
Blair's wandering thoughts were interrupted by Eleanor walking her way, waving some papers in the air. Her glasses were perched on her nose, and she wore an original lavender silk Waldorf Designs top that swayed against her figure as she made her way to Blair.
"What is that, mother?" Blair tried to keep the exhaustion out of her voice, but it was impossible. She had just had one of the worst, most tiring days of her entire life. What could Eleanor possibly want now?
"I have a great idea for you. I know how you're always going on about being a society woman…"
"Mother, please-," Blair tried to interrupt. She didn't have time to go to any sort of gathering right now. No matter what anyone told her to do, she was going to help Chuck, and she was going to help him now, before he dug his own grave and filled it with tiny white pills. Overdosing, alcohol poisoning…anything and everything was possible in Chuck's self-destructing mode and the fact that he "needs time" didn't mean that he has to destroy himself in the process…did it?
"Why don't you try this?" Eleanor held up an embossed invitation. It read Colony Club in gold cursive, and it smelled of flowery perfume and high society. "It's a prestigious women's club. If you want to try to get in, they're meeting tonight."
Blair took the invitation from her. Maybe her original plan of going to van der Bass place to check on Chuck tonight wasn't such a good idea after all. He was bound to be even more out of it than he had been this morning, and even fearless Blair was afraid of what he might do or say while intoxicated. This could be just the thing to get her mind off of him for one night.
Only one, though. Because while Blair loved women's clubs and sophisticated Upper East Side women, she loved Chuck more. And she would get him to be with her, confide in her, just sit with her for a moment and let himself cry. She wanted to be his shoulder to lean on, and even if he rejected her time and time again (her heart ached at the thought of it), she would keep going. That was what love was, right? Never giving up. Tying yourself to that person forever when they need you, regardless of whether they want to receive that love or not.
Yes, Blair Waldorf was completely, totally and unconditionally in love with Chuck Bass.
Author's Note: I hope you liked this chapter. I just had to introduce Cyrus as a character (in a pretty rushed way, I'd admit), but I love him and his advice. I'm also loving the way I'm writing Jack Bass...perverted and funny, but still devious, as you will see soon. Also, expect some Chuck/Serena interaction in the next couple chapters (you know how I loved my step-sibiling bonding 3) and some pretty intense stuff next chapter. Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter: fizliz23, suspensegirl, TheCutie, Piccolo Chic, JaneA0202, flipped, MrsChairNaley, bluestriker666, Princess Persephone, LittleDancer-123x, iHEARTchuck05, xcrazyangelx1800, princeton girl and malfoyie456. Reviews mean a lot to me and push me to keep on writing. So keep on reviewing! Love you guys.