Yeah… I know… it's been three months… is anyone else having posting problems? The site was being mean… but my own irresponsibility is the main reason for the delay of updates. My sincere apologies. Feel free to throw imaginary tomatoes at me. And I did put at least one Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference in here.
Falco was in a very bad mood. This stupid show was screwing up the whole mansion. The kitchens were out of order thanks to a hissy fight caused by Jigglypuff, of course, so they had to rely on McDonald's for food; The garage had been burnt to a crisp; and the damage his Arwing had sustained in said burning couldn't be fixed, because Captain Falcon used all the parts for his car, which had recently been nick-named the puke machine.
So the fuming bird sat in the yolk of his ship, in the mood for revenge. Revenge that would have to come in a destructive act for this stupid show. Contemplating the best way to accomplish this feat, he fiddled with the barely-operational controls of his ship.
"FALCO? You awake, buddy?" Falco quickly turned in his seat. Fox McCloud, his eyebrows raised, stood below the port wing. "Ah, I guess that's a yes." Fox peeked around the ship. "Seems someone's got a little maintenance problem?"
Falco sighed, "Don't you know it. I don't know who I'd rather make eat blaster bolts, Falcon or Roy. Of course, you don't have to deal with it. But Wolf and I, and anyone else who stores something in this part of the garage, has too." Fox's Arwing had been spared of the toasting, if only by a couple meters. "And I can't forget all my worries over some pizza or something, because Jigglypuff went along and destroyed the kitchen. If I have to eat one more Big Mac, I'm gonna go crackers. "
"Well, well. I'm sorry about all that, Falco. But I can't really do anything to fix your problems. Especially the one concerning Big Macs." Fox muttered. "Do you remember the last time I tried to help you with a food-related problem?"
Well, of course I do, thought Falco. Slippy got an all-expense-paid trip to the bottom of a dumpster, and he made friends with all of the sardines that I had the pleasure of throwing away. Enough to feed everyone in this mansion for two weeks.
Falco jumped out of his cockpit, performed a front-flip in the air, and landed right in front of Fox. "Actually, Foxy, there is something you can do for me. It's time that I planned an act for the show, and I thought that you and I could pair up and show these suckers how to obliterate stuff the right way."
"Uh, Falco, that sounds, uh, great." Fox said, suddenly finding great interest in the bent nose of the bird's fighter. "But, I… you know…"
Falco closed his eyes. "You already have a group, don't you?"
Fox nodded. "Sorry, man. But, you know, Ness said that they needed help, really bad. They're doing some construction thing… I thought you were with the fire-obsessed swordsmen… maybe you could help us?"
"And who might 'us' be?" Falco asked. He was personally afraid of the answer, but construction sounded up his alley. For the moment, anyway.
"Hmmm… myself, Ness, Lucas, Pikachu, Yoshi, Kirby, Young Link… oh yeah, and Popo," Fox responded, his optimism falling as he said the last name. Popo and Falco were not friends.
"That whiny little kid? Fox, I feel really sorry for you." Falco growled. "And if you want to work with that little snot, be my guest. I'm not."
"Come on, Falco, Popo's not really that bad. He does tend to get in the way, but…" Fox tried to reason. He sighed. Falco threw him a 'you've -got-to-be-kidding-me' look. "…But I guess you're right. Well, if you don't want to work with us, I know that Meta Knight is still looking for a group. Why not join with him?"
Falco nodded, then left to the tower where Meta Knight stayed. He's a cool guy, Falco convinced himself. Just cause he creeps you out doesn't mean he's a bad person.
Better than Popo.
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Meta Knight was shining his faceplate when he heard a knock on the door. "Who goes there?" He asked the person behind the door.
"It's Falco. Fox said you needed someone to group with for the show." The voice called. Meta Knight opened the door and showed the pilot inside.
"Yeah, I do. Why aren't you with Fox?" Meta Knight asked.
"Some of his group members aren't what you'd call agreeable."
"Ah. Any ideas?"
"I was planning to do something that involved harming Roy and/or Falcon. Or at least messing up their day." Falco said, cheerfully.
What more could I expect? We are all here to be violent to each other, Meta Knight thought. He shook his head. "No, we're not allowed to involve fighting, remember? Besides, the way to win these shows is to do something outside your element. Everyone expected the fireworks display, as they also expected the car that Falcon and his crew built. The cooking could've been predicted, but not likely. That song that the Pikmin creature sings with Olimar… that'll fly over well, nobody expected that. And I'm not sure what Fox is planning to do, but I doubt it follows the norm, knowing him."
Falco nodded, showing that he understood. "Okay, I get it. Hey, do you think that Bowser and his group of people have an act yet?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Let's go find 'em. I've got an idea that's very 'out of our element'."
Meta Knight followed Falco downstairs, not daring to ask what this idea was.
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Nearly an hour later, Falco stood in front of nearly a third of the smashers in the mansions. He'd found them all and brought them here so he could present his idea.
No better time than now, he decided mentally. "Nobody here has an act for the talent show, do they?" He asked. He was answered with a multitude of shaking heads. "Well, then. I was talking to my buddy Meta Knight here, who claims that the acts that have the best chances of winning are the ones that nobody expects. So, I figure we do something rather different: we put on a little musical for everyone." He presented.
From the second the word musical left his beak, commotion rose. The occupants of the room began yelling at each other, and worse, at Falco. The bird glanced at Meta Knight, who was staring at the ground, shaking his head.
"HEY! FOLKS!" Falco yelled. "I know that it seems like a stupid idea. But that's the point. We have enough people, don't we? We don't even have to write it, we could just steal one. Well, borrow. Whatever." Falco could tell he was losing his group's attention. "Look, if we pull this off, we'll kick everyone else's arse. Wouldn't you guys like to gloat in the other's faces that we get to spend three weeks on vacation? My traitor-friend Foxy, and the singing onion, and Mr. Speedy-guy, and the cooking pansies? And Pyro-wonder?" That brought everyone back. Falco smiled. He'd done his job. "Well, who's with me? And Meta Knight?" Several of the rooms occupants cheered. Meta Knight held out a piece of paper and a pen. "Anyone who wants to help win this show, put your name on this paper. Questions?"
"Can we put something normal in this? Like a big, fat, rocket launcher?" Snake asked. He'd hung toward the back of the crowd through the speech.
Falco grinned. "You read my mind."
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Falco looked over the list of names one last time as he made his way down to the theater later that day. The group needed lots of practice time. Meta Knight walked beside him.
"Me, You, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Snake, Ganondorf, King Dedede, Wolf, Lucario, Mewtwo, Wario. That's quite a list." He murmured.
"Falco, as your partner, I'm willing to go through with this, but I have firm reason to believe that we are in a little bit over our heads." Meat Knight said
"That's because you're a walking head, dummy." A voice said, behind them. Dedede plodded along next to the warrior, looking smug.
"Don't be talking. You weigh as much as you do because you ate too many Twinkies back home. At least my physical handicap isn't my fault." Meta Knight muttered
"Who said my fluffiness was a handicap? I'll make a wonderful baritone for our little musical production." The Penguin turned to Falco "Right, boss?"
Falco liked being called boss; Fox was always boss, and now it was his turn. "Uh, right. I figured that the higher voice you have, the better, actually. Have you ever noticed that all the songs they sing in a musical have a bunch of high-singing girls?"
"They're called Sopranos. And I actually came here to suggest something. Jigglypuff needs a spot in the show, she came crying to me just now. She can teach us how to sing, and you'll have a high part."
Meta Knight was against the idea, however. "Do you guys remember what happens when she sings?"
"Yeah, the audience goes wild, and we've got ourselves tickets to Isle Delfino. I'm in, Dedede. I thought she was in an act, though."
"You mean the cooking thing? No, she just ticked a bunch of people off, she didn't partake in the actual talent. " By this point the trio had reached the theater. "I'll go find her, while you get the rest of the group ready." He started off, but Meta Knight tugged on his arm. "How do you know so much about singing?"
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know." The King of Dreamland set off.
"Next he'll be going off about swallows…" Meat Knight mused as Falco called everyone together.
"Right, guys, listen up. I know we don't sing here, so we need a little practice. King Dedede is getting Jigglypuff right now. She's gonna show us what to do."
"A girl?" Donkey Kong complained
"That's the least of your problems." Mewtwo noted, then addressed the ring leaders. "Falco, Meta Knight, Jigglypuff's singing has special powers, just as Lucario and I have special powers. I'm sure you remember that from brawls you've previously fought… feeling lethargic after she begins to sing…"
Falco remembered now. "Okay, maybe not the best idea, true. Hmm, she needs a part, though. Maybe she can be stage crew or something."
"Hey, she can sing well! I say she teaches us!" Bowser roared. "Think of the vacation, guys!"
The yelling started again. Falco knew he might've lost the battle. "Is there anyone else that thinks Jigglypuff would be a good teacher?" Several hands went up. Bowser, Diddy and Donkey Kong, Snake, Ganondorf and Wario. "Fine. Here's what we'll do. Those who want to die by Jigglypuff, be my guest. You lot will be the ones singing for the show, while the rest of us will work on stage stuff. And possibly explosions, if I'm lucky. Anyone helping me, meet me outside, singers stay in here. We'll meet again after dinner."
'What song?" Wario asked
Meta Knight spoke up, ready to leave the room. "Think of something. Anything. From a musical, preferably."
"How about the really long word, from that play about the nanny? The one that starts with super, or something. Everybody like saying big words. It'll make us seem smart." Diddy Kong suggested.
Meta Knight nodded. "Fine. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious will work. Get to it." The group heard a door slam. Dedede stood very proudly behind Jigglypuff, who was wearing sunglasses and a filmy purple scarf.
"You know what you want to do. After dinner, guys, okay? We'll be outside." Falco said, turning his tail to the stage, listening to Jigglypuff, who began to give instructions to his crew. He began to get angry. What was he supposed to do now? He left the room, followed by Wolf, Meta Knight, Lucario and Mewtwo, worried about the well-being of those that stayed inside.
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Meta Knight grabbed some food off the food cart, brought in by McDonalds, and sat down at one of the many circular tables. The Hall seemed quieter tonight than it usually did. He noticed Fox and Falco out of the corner of his eye, coming towards the table.
"Mind if we sit with you?" Fox asked
"Not at all," Meta Knight gestured towards some chairs. Though Falco had a large helping of food, Fox didn't carry any. "Eating tonight?"
"Nope, my group and I are working on our act after dinner. I learned today not to eat beforehand." He explained, smiling. "So, did you guys get a group together?"
Meta Knight nodded. "Yes, quite a large one."
"Although, half of that group doesn't seem to be here." Falco added, looking around. He picked at his food, then stopped. "Meta Knight? You don't think they're still in the theater, do you?"
Meta Knight paused as well. "I never thought of that. What could they be in there? Jigglypuff surely didn't…" But then he realized what he was saying. He and Falco jumped from the table at the same time.
"Crud. We left 7 of the toughest fighters in the mansion alone with Jigglypuff. I hope they made it out alive" Falco said as they began to run (or glide, in Meta Knight's case) down the hallways to the room.
Fox, who had followed them, looked confused. Because he was. "I have a feeling I shouldn't ask, but I'm going to. What are you guys doing?"
"Singing Disney songs, and painting trees and the sky." Meta Knight responded, referring to the backdrop work the other half of the group had done. Fox stopped abruptly and let his comrades run on. Nothing he needed to stick his muzzle into, surely.
Meta Knight and Falco burst through the door of the theater, and Meta Knight immediately slammed into Jigglypuff, halting her singing. She looked at the masked fighter, infuriated. Falco glanced around the room. The seven men they'd left behind were slumped around the room in different positions. Over chairs, across the floor, everywhere. Falco did notice that Wario and Snake had been propped up in chairs, and there was magic marker all over their faces.
"What have you done? Wake them up!" Meta Knight cried "We need them alert and conscious for the show!"
Jigglypuff frowned. "Oops. I guess I lost track of time." She said innocently. "How long has it been?"
Falco growled "Nearly six hours."
Jigglypuff looked alarmed. "Uh-oh. Uh, guys, sorry to tell you this, but they won't be awake for another day and a half."
"DAY AND A HALF?" Falco yelled, "The shows in TWO DAYS, idiot? What did you do, poison them? What are we supposed to do now?"
Mewtwo burst into the room. "What's going on? Why are you yelling?"
"We have a crew that's dead asleep for the next day or so, and we need to get the show ready." Meta Knight filled him in.
"Well, this isn't good. Perhaps we can use a medication of some sort to wake them up…" Mewtwo wondered aloud.
Jigglypuff shook her head, which ended up being her whole body. "If we do that, some side-effects that they might have could be very bad."
Falco sighed. "We're stuck with a bunch of bodies, and we need to do a musical in two days. Ideas?"
Meta Knight suggested "The ones that are asleep could be used as doorstops or props of some sort…"
Falco suddenly had another "great" idea. "Get Wolf and Lucario in here, and find ROB. Tell him to get a video camera. I've got a plan."
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When Meta Knight returned with the people Falco had requested, he found his feathered friend up on the catwalk above with Mewtwo, chattering about something. Falco spotted the rest of the group and jumped down, followed by Mewtwo.
"Here's the plan. Jigglypuff found a bunch of transparent string backstage. We're gonna tie the string to the sleeping people's limbs, Mewtwo and Lucario will be up on those catwalks controlling them. Mewtwo agreed to taking most of them, 'cause he can do psychic stuff…" Falco explained
"You're gonna turn some of the biggest people we know into puppets." Lucario clarified. "And Mewtwo and I are gonna be the puppet masters?" Falco nodded, and Wolf raised an eyebrow.
"Are we still gonna sing? With just us? Are you nuts?" He asked
Falco continued, "Yeah. We all know the words, right? Jigglypuff will be singing the girl's part, but I figure that the song is short enough that we can get away with it without collapsing. One of us is just gonna have to man up and take the male lead part. Volunteers?"
Wolf, Meta Knight and Falco stared at each other. "Okay, maybe not. We can always do it the old-fashioned way." Wolf said. Which, if they were going by Wolf's "old-fashioned way", would involve knife throwing. And possibly fire.
Meta Knight sighed. "Look, I'll… I'll do it. But we better win."
Falco slapped him on the back. Or head, or whatever it is. "Thanks a lot, buddy. Really appreciate it. At the end, to satisfy our manly callings, we have arranged to get a very large rocket launcher, which I will shoot at this cardboard cut-out. Then you guys can have a shot as well."
The cardboard cut-out was brought out by Jigglypuff. It had vaguely familiar pictures on it…
"Falco? Is that Popo? And Roy?" Lucario asked carefully
"… You can see it anyway you want…" Falco muttered. "Oh yeah, one more thing. There are enough suits for all of us to wear, minus Mewtwo and Lucario. Except the sleeping people. We have really big dresses for them. It makes no sense, that there are more dresses than suits in a mansion prominently inhabited by guys, but not my problem. ROB, can you videotape for us?" The robot held the camera up, which was interpreted as "yes".
The group grudgingly began to get everything together. "Why are we taping it?" Lucario asked
"So we don't have to perform this live. We will, as Meta Knight suggested, use the sleeping people for something." Falco said, quite proud of himself.
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Meta Knight put the last sparkly, high-heeled shoe on Snake's foot just as Falco finished tying string to his left hand. Somehow, in about three hours, the group had gotten seven unconscious bodies into dresses, tied them up, worked them into controllable puppets, dressed themselves, and obtained a very large gun.
Meta Knight really hated his life at this moment.
Falco stood center stage, helping ROB with technical details, something that they had both always been good at. Jigglypuff was practicing her part, and the only defense Meta Knight had was to suck it up and repeat the phrase Don't fall asleep in his brain over and over again.
"Okay, let's light this candle." Falco muttered. It was nearly midnight, and he was ready to be done. "Ready, everybody?" He called. They all responded affirmatively, though Meta Knight noticed that Jigglypuff said it with much more enthusiasm.
ROB counted off. Jigglypuff began dancing around singing nonsense words. In no time, it was Meta Knight's time to sing. He opened his mouth and began to tell the story of this little kid and how he learned the most pointless word in the universe, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
This isn't bad, he decided when the verse was over. He joined in singing the chorus. He looked above and saw Mewtwo and Lucario masterfully controlling the puppet-people. Visions of quiet time on the beach, and of lots of exotic food filled his head.
However, the group had a major flaw; Wolf. Though Meta Knight knew what to do because he'd seen the choreography for this song on television, and somehow Jigglypuff and Falco got along, it was clear that Wolf barely knew the song , let alone how to dance. He tripped over Falco, who then hit the ground, hard. Momentarily forgetting what he was doing, Falco tackled Wolf. The fighting pilots got in Jigglypuff's way as well, and somehow the group began rolling in Meta Knight's direction. Out of confusion, Meta Knight tripped over his own feet and fell off the stage, right on top of ROB, who'd been stationed right in front of the stage. ROB, out of instinct, punched Meta Knight, who laid very confused and distraught on the floor. Mewtwo and Lucario placed the puppet-people gently on the floor before rushing to the Smashers aid. They pried Wolf and Falco apart, who'd nearly ripped each other to shreds. They all stared at each other, no sure what to do. Falco got up, got his insanely large gun, and shot his target. He gave his friends a shot, and ROB picked up the camera to turn it off.
At this same moment, the gun miss-fired in the direction of the catwalk. Causing it to burst into flame. There also happened to be a box of bomb-ombs nearby, which blew up. At the noise, the fighters-turned -puppets woke up, and generally flipped out. ROB finally got the camera to switch off.
Falco calmed the group down, and explained the painfully embarrassing situation to those members of the group who'd just woken up. After much grumbling, the group shed their clothing, and string. ROB presented the tape to Falco.
"Well, we may as well turn that in. With a little explaining, we might actually do well." Diddy Kong mused
"Besides, I'm never doing that again." Ganondorf complained
"Where is the little puffball that put us all to sleep? I want to teach not to do that ever again." Donkey Kong added. Jigglypuff was nowhere to be found.
Falco, exhausted, but happy with their little song-thing, said, "We'll just turn this in. We did sing, after all." The group cheered.
Bowser looked around. "Who wants ice cream? I'm buying."
They cheered again. Several hours later, in the morning, Donkey Kong and Wario found Jigglypuff entangled in a curtain, muttering to herself. They let her be, ready to enjoy one more free day.
Well, that was a long one. I tried to make Falco and Meta Knight the stars of this, because I am a fan of the two, and everyone seems to like Meta Knight. So, I hope I brought him justice. One more chapter, then the show! Finally! Coming soon: Big, fighting robots come to life at the hands of a bunch of little kids, with Fox's help. Also, when I submit the next chapter, there will be a poll on who YOU want to win the show: It will help me decide the winner. Until then, signing off.