AFTER A HARD DAY OF 'WORK', LUBA GIBBS IS ON HER WAY OUT OF HER OFFICE. SHE SHUTS OFF HER RADIO AND WALKS OUT, HEADING DOWN THE HALLWAY. MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH HER SECRETARY, LUBA PULLS HER JACKET OFF THE COAT RACK.
Luba: Make sure you have my coffee on time tomorrow morning. I had to drink mine at five in the afternoon, that's ludicrous.
Secretary: I'm very sorry Ms. Gibbs. I will go get it myself next time.
Luba: PUTTING ON HER JACKET, Yeah, that sounds best. Well. Peace. I got shit to do.
LUBA WALKS OUT AND CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HER, RAPPING TO HERSELF QUIETLY AS SHE HEADS TO THE ELEVATOR. INSIDE THE OFFICE, THE SECRETARY IS SIGHING WITH RELIEF.
Secretary: I'm so glad that bitch is gone.
EVERYTHING IS SILENT FOR A FEW SECONDS AS THE SECRETARY EXHALES AND LAUGHS TO HERSELF. SUDDENLY, LOUD FOOTSTEPS CAN BE HEARD APPROACHING THE DOOR. IT IS KICKED OPEN IN SLOW MOTION, REVEALING THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE PIMPTRESS, LUBA GIBBS ON THE OTHER SIDE. SHE APPROACHES THE SECRETARY, ROLLING UP HER SLEEVES.
Luba: Oh I see. So when I be out, you get right to that shit-talk, huh?
Secretary: N-no Ms. Gibbs. I would never talk about you! I'm almost offended by your accusations!
LUBA FLIPS HER WEAVE OVER HER SHOULDER, REVEALING A BLUE TOOTH EARPIECE IN HER EAR.
Luba: Yeah you busted! I had my secret cameras recording your every word, playing it right into my ear when I left.
Secretary: *GASP*! How is this possible?!
Luba: Technology. That's how.
Secretary: Ms. Gibbs, how much did that blue tooth cost? I would love one for myself.
Luba: It was free. I stole it off some guy the other day. I grabbed him and he was all like "Jesus Peter!" Yeah bitch I know what you're thinking, I got grace.
Secretary: Oh my Ms. Gibbs, you are truly devious.
Luba: MAKING A PEACE SIGN WITH HER FINGERS, Holla!
THE SECRETARY WIPES THE SWEAT FROM HER BROW, THINKING SHE HAS FOOLED LUBA, THE TRUE PIMP, INTO FORGETTING WHAT SHE SAID....NEVER.
Luba: Oh you thought I forgot? LAUGHING TO THE SKY, You are one funny bitch! I heard what you said and I just wanted to let you know that I better not hear it again.
Secretary: IN AN INNOCENT VOICE, And what if you do happen to hear it again, Ms. Gibbs? What then?
Luba: Then you'll be A) Standing in the unemployment line, or B) Standing on the corner tomorrow night.
Secretary: Heavens to Betsy! Okay Ms. Gibbs, never shall I say such things again.
Luba: Yeah that's right, heavens to shit or whatever. Peace out.
LUBA ONCE AGAIN LEAVES THE OFFICE, GOING TO CLOSE THE DOOR ONLY TO REALIZE SHE HAS KICKED IT FROM ITS HINGES. SHRUGGING, SHE LEAVES. THE SECRETARY SIGHS WITH RELIEF AGAIN, FANNING HERSELF OFF. AFTER ANOTHER MINUTE, LUBA SPINS BACK INTO SIGHT, POINTING AT HER.
Luba: And if you even think about talking shit mentally, think again honey. This blue tooth has a frequency for me to hear thoughts too.
Secretary: Oh my!
MEANWHILE, JOHN IS WAITING OUTSIDE BY THE ENTRANCE TO LUBA'S BUILDING. HE STARES AT HIS WATCH, KNOWING THAT TIME IS PRECIOUS, EVEN THOUGH HE HAS BEEN STANDING THERE SINCE HE LEFT EARLIER IN THE DAY. THE DOOR OPENS AND ROCK MUSIC PLAYS FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE AS LUBA COMES OUT IN SLOW MOTION, WALKING AS IF SHE WAS ON A RUNWAY AT A FASHION SHOW.
John: Excuse me, Ms. Gibbs?
THE ROCK MUSIC COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT AS LUBA SPINS AROUND, A LOOK OF FEAR IN HER EYES. QUICKLY, SHE PULLS OUT A CAN OF MACE AND SPRAYS JOHN IN THE EYES BEFORE SCREAMING AND RUNNING AWAY.
Luba: AAAAAHHHH!!! Somebody is trying to sneak up on me tonight!!
John: God damn! My eyes! YELLING OUT TO LUBA AS SHE RUNS DOWN THE SIDEWALK, I just wanted to know if you made any progress on my building permit yet!!
LUBA IS LONG GONE, THE TIRES OF HER EXPENSIVE VEHICLE SCREECHING AS SHE SPEEDS OFF. JOHN CONTINUES TO RUB HIS EYES, WHEN SUDDENLY, HE HEARS LIGHT FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING. HE LOOKS OVER AND SEES A YOUNG WOMAN WEARING A LARGE HAT TO CONCEAL HER FEATURES. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN AS SHE REMOVES IT TO REVEAL THAT IT IS NONE OTHER THAN AMANDA *Cue Amanda's theme from Saw III as she tosses her hair around in slow motion*.
Amanda: So, how'd it go?
John: I will most definitely test that bitch. She just maced me!
Amanda: John, no offense but we women are empowered in this day and age.
John: You don't say.
Amanda: I told you not to sneak up on her, especially at night. What's worse is that you're wearing the pig mask.
JOHN FEELS HIS FACE TO REALIZE HE IS INDEED WEARING THE PIG MASK.
John: Oh my.
Amanda:...Yeah.
John: Tomorrow, I will be back to ask about my building permit then. It will be then that Miss Luba Gibbs-
Amanda: INTERRUPTING, The One and True Pimptress?
John:...I guess? Anyways, it is then that she will be taught her lesson.
'JUST BEGUN' FROM THE SAW IV SCORE PLAYS AS THEY WALK AWAY INTO THE NIGHT HORIZON. BACK AT LUBA'S HOUSE, SHE PULLS INTO HER DRIVEWAY. LOUD MUSIC CAN BE HEARD BLASTING FROM HER CAR. IT IS THE SOULJA BOY SONG. LUBA PARKS HER CAR AND GETS OUT.
Luba: Soulja Boy up in this hoe! Watch me crank it, watch me roll! Watch me crank that Soulja Boy, then SUPERMAN THAT HOE!!!
SHE STOPS IN HER DRIVEWAY AND DOES THE DANCE, WHEN SUDDENLY THE CAMERA REVEALS ICE UNDERNEATH HER FEET. SHE TRIPS AND FALLS ON HER BACK. QUICKLY, SHE LOOKS AROUND AND GETS UP, FIXING HER HAIR AND DUSTING OFF HER CLOTHING. ONCE SHE IS CERTAIN NOBODY WITNESSED THE EVENT, SHE LOOKS DOWN AT THE ICE ON THE GROUND.
Luba:...Well fuck you too.... SPITS ON IT BEFORE WALKING TO HER FRONT DOOR.