LUBA GIBBS; THAT'S RIGHT, THE ONE AND ONLY, LEAVES HER FRONT DOOR AND MAKES HER WAY TO HER CAR. BEFORE GETTING IN, SHE LOOKS AT HER REFLECTION TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS JUST RIGHT. SMIRKING, SHE GETS IN AND DRIVES OFF. THE CAMERA CUTS OVER TO A TREE IN HER YARD. A FIGURE IS SEEN WITH BINOCULARS, DISGUISED IN THE LEAVES. IT IS REVEALED TO BE AMANDA AGAIN (*Cue Amanda's theme from Saw III as she tosses her hair around in slow motion*)
Amanda: John...she's on the move.
John: OVER WALKIE TALKIE, Then let stage one commence...
Amanda: TURNING HER BASEBALL CAP BACKWARDS, Holla...
MINUTES LATER, LUBA PULLS UP TO HER OFFICE BUILDING AND GETS OUT. THE CAMERA IS FOLLOWING HER WHEN SUDDENLY, SHE COMES TO A DEAD STOP. THE CAMERA MAN WALKS INTO HER BACK AND ACCIDENTALLY PUSHES HER FORWARD.
Luba: Oww, God damn!! SHE SPINS AROUND TO HIT THE CAMERA MAN WHEN HE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS. THE CAMERA ANGLE IS NOW A BIRD'S EYE VIEW, WATCHING LUBA SPIN AROUND FRANTICALLY LOOKING FOR AN ASS TO KICK. AFTER A FEW MORE MOMENTS, THE STEAM COOLS DOWN FROM LUBA'S EARS AND SHE CONTINUES TO WALK FORWARD. BEFORE SHE CAN GET INSIDE, SHE NOTICES A WOMAN STANDING ON THE CORNER AHEAD. THE CAMERA PANS AROUND TO REVEAL THAT IT IS ADDISON FROM SAW II, A RUNNER UP FOR THE TITLE OF MISTRESS PIMP, WHICH SHE LOST TO LUBA BECAUSE LUBA IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE PIMPTRESS AND YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. HER TIGHT PANTS AND LOOSE PINK SHIRT MAKE LUBA CHUCKLE. AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT A HOOKER WALKS AROUND IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AROUND HERE.
Addison: APPROACHING A GROUP OF MEN PASSING BY, Two dollars and I'll show you a good time. But since you look so nice, I'll lower my rates to fifty cents.
Man Number 1: Wooo...she's really shooting for the stars.
Addison: That's fifty cents per millisecond. And yes, I only dream big. Which is exactly why I was talking to your friend and not you.
Man Number 2: OH!!! Hahahahahaaaaa!!! ADDISON THE HOOKER SMILES.
Luba: Damn that bitch is straight G'! SUDDENLY, HER PHONE RINGS. ('Surgery' from the Saw III score plays as she answers the call). LOOKING AT THE CALLER ID, LUBA CLEARS HER THROAT AND SMILES, Wassa yo?!! ADDISON AND THE MEN JERK THEIR HEADS IN LUBA'S DIRECTION.
Addison: What the hell is wrong with Waist Deep over there?
MYSTERIOUS VOICE OVER THE PHONE, Hello Luba, I want to play a game.
Luba: Okay, cool what kind of game?
Not-so Mysterious Voice: ...One that you will never want to play again after today...
Luba: Well, spit it out already, you takin' forever just to say simple shit, speak bitch!!!
Now Angry Not-so Mysterious Voice: Ahem...this game is made to test your will. Over the years, you have used your money to get whatever you want.
Luba: Duh, that's what money is for.
Pissed Voice: ...Not everybody can live like you do...so today I give you a chance...a chance to change, a chance to see life from the eyes of a-
Luba: Fuck this shit dad, you're taking too long to get to the point.
Enraged Voice: Why you!!! HIS VOICE IS CUT OFF WHEN LUBA HANGS UP THE PHONE AND GETS TO STEPPIN'.
Luba: Dad is acting really strange today. CUT TO: A SHOT OF RICHARD GIBBS TIED UP AS JIGSAW HITS REDIAL ON MR. GIBBS' CELL PHONE.
Jigsaw: PUTTING HIS HAND ON MR. GIBBS' SHOULDER, Don't cry Mr. Gibbs. You are a test subject for something much greater. DETECTIVES TAPP AND SING RUN OUT FROM BEHIND A BARREL AND AIM THEIR GUNS AT JIGSAW.
Sing: Put your fuckin' hands in the air!!
Tapp: You sick bastard!!
Jigsaw: Now I've had some strong deja vu, but didn't this scene already happen in Saw 1? TAPP AND SING DISAPPEAR AND AMANDA'S VOICE CAN BE HEARD OVER THE WALKIE TALKIE.
Amanda: Must be dementia beating your ass again, John.
Jigsaw: ...
BACK INSIDE LUBA'S OFFICE BUILDING, HER PHONE RINGS ONCE MORE. COMING OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, SHE LOOKS AT THE CALLER I.D. AND SHAKES HER HEAD BEFORE PICKING IT UP.
Luba: Dad, have you been smoking that crack again?
Jigsaw: OVER PHONE, ...No, drugs are illegal and I am against all things illegal. Killing for example, which is distasteful...to me.
Luba: Bitch, please. You wasn't talkin' about 'killing is distasteful' when you shot down that nurse at the drug clinic last year.
Jigsaw: KNOWING HIS TRUE LOVE JILL WORKS AT THIS SAME CLINIC AND COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT TOO, JOHN CLENCHES HIS FIST, SAYS WOOSA....AND THEN CONTINUES THE CONVERSATION, To make a long story short, I'm cutting off your funds for a day to see if you have what it takes to survive. Good day. HANGS UP.
Luba: Oh...my...god....STOPS IN HER TRACKS AND HER EYES TEAR UP SLIGHTLY. No...No!!! I'm about to choke a bitch!
CUT TO: LUBA'S SECRETARY IS MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS, POURING HERSELF A GLASS OF WATER WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE IS TACKLED TO THE GROUND BY LUBA. (*Cue 'Hair Puller A' from the Saw IV score as Luba attacks her secretary*)
Secretary: Ms. Gibbs?! What is wrong with you?!
Luba: Death to every bitch in sight! My father just cut off my funds for the day!! YELLING IT OUT INBETWEEN SLAMMING THE SECRETARY'S HEAD INTO THE GROUND OVER AND OVER, Can! You! Grasp! That?!
Secretary: Oh my! Ms. Gibbs! H-have mercy!!!
Luba: LAUGHING DEVIOUSLY, Nah bitch, mercy is for the weak!
AFTER BEATING HER SECRETARY TO SATISFACTION, SHE CALMS HERSELF DOWN AND GETS UP.
Luba: WIPING HER VEST OFF, I'd pay you for that therapy session, but like I said, my father cut off my money for today.
Secretary: FIXING HER WIG AND GLASSES, This job is hazardous to my health Ms. Gibbs. I don't think I can-
Luba: INTERRUPTING, You will do as I say! I still pay you! QUIETING HER VOICE AND LOOKING TO THE GROUND, Just not today...
Secretary: A SMILE BEGINNING TO FORM ON HER FACE, Does...does that mean I can take the day off?
Luba: No.
Secretary: Damn.
Luba: You're going to help me find some money. I need my morning coffee.
CUT TO: OUTSIDE, LUBA AND HER SECRETARY ARE SNEAKING AROUND THE BUILDING TOWARDS ADDISON.
Secretary: Ms. Gibbs, I don't think this is such a good idea.
Luba: Any idea I have is a good one.
Secretary: But what good could robbing a prostitute do?
Luba: One, it will get me my money. Two, it will put a bitch in check and let her know that I'm the pimpest of them all. And besides, I've been using my survival instincts for my whole life. How else do you think I became the strong, moral, educated young black woman I am today?
Secretary: We're screwed.
Luba: Okay so listen up. We're going to go over there and thug her out. We'll take her money and bounce.
Secretary: But, I've never done anything like this before. And why do we both have to go?
Luba: Every successful con artist group knows to travel in pairs. Rich Salesmen, Burger King and McDonald's, Jehovah's Witnesses, you get the idea. TAKES OUT A PEN AND PAPER AND BEGINS TO JOT DOWN A LIST OF RULES ENTITLED, 'LUBA GIBBS' GUIDE TO LIFE IN THE GHETTO: PART I'. SHE SMILES AND THEN HANDS IT TO HER SECRETARY, Consider this your new bible.
Secretary: But Ms. Gibbs, I'm an Atheist.
Luba: Then you'd better start to have faith.
Secretary: ...
Luba: Alright, let's do this thing already. On three, we'll go over there and jump her. Make sure to check her thong too, I hear hooker's keep their secret stash in there.
Secretary: Umm-
Luba: One.
Secretary: Okay.
Luba: Two.
Secretary: I can do this.
Luba: Three. Let's bounce.
LUBA AND HER SECRETARY START TO WALK TOWARDS ADDISON, WHO HAS HER BACK TURNED TO THE TWO. THE SECRETARY BEGINS TO PUFF OUT HER CHEST AND LOOK EMPOWERED AND WHEN THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO SEE LUBA, SHE IS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. CUT TO: BACK BEHIND THE BUILDING, LUBA IS LAUGHING TO HERSELF. A FLASHBACK REVEALS THE CONTENTS OF 'LUBA GIBBS' GUIDE TO LIFE IN THE GHETTO: PART I'.
Luba: Rule Number One: Always let the stupid bitch take the fall.
THE SECRETARY TAPS ADDISON ON THE SHOULDER AND TRIES TO ACT TOUGH LIKE LUBA.
Secretary: Y-yo yo what is good you trampy chick? You look a hot mess son. LOOKS OVER TO LUBA, BUT LUBA IS NOT THERE. Oh no...
SOUNDS OF A BRUTAL FIGHT CAN BE HEARD AND LUBA IS SHIELDING HER EYES. SHE CAN NO LONGER WATCH. MINUTES LATER, ADDISON IS DUSTING OFF HER HANDS AND WALKING AWAY. ONCE ADDISON IS GONE, LUBA APPEARS AND WATCHES ANXIOUSLY AS HER SECRETARY APPROACHES, HER CLOTHING TORN AND HER GLASSES BROKEN.
Luba: Well, did you mug that bitch's cash?
Secretary: ...No. As a matter of fact, she mugged me of my money instead.
Luba: You had money on you this whole time?! Damn! Go back upstairs and file some paperwork or something. Now I'm going to have to go a whole day without my morning coffee, AGAIN.
Secretary: NEAR SPEECHLESS, Yes Ms. Gibbs. I will go file some paperwork right away.
THE SECRETARY GOES BACK INSIDE, STUMBLING WHILE A SHADOWY FIGURE APPEARS BEHIND LUBA IN THE ALLEYWAY.
Luba: If I didn't know any better, I'd say somebody was out to get me today or something. WALKS AWAY JUST IN TIME TO AVOID JIGSAW LUNGING AT HER. INSTEAD, HE FALLS FORWARD FLAT ON HIS FACE, GROANING IN PAIN AS HE WATCHES LUBA STRUT AWAY. AMANDA APPEARS BEHIND HIM IN THE ALLEYWAY AND LOOKS DOWN AT JOHN AS HE REMOVES HIS PIG MASK AND YELLS IN FRUSTRATION.
John: I had my heart set on testing her today!
Amanda: Must you test somebody every day? How about a game of chess, ever try that?
John: I must make people appreciate their lives Amanda, you know that!
Amanda: Well then what about that woman over there? THE CAMERA PANS DOWN THE BLOCK TO REVEAL ADDISON TRYING TO GET HERSELF SOME MORE CUSTOMERS.
John: Well, I suppose she'll have to do...
CUT TO: ADDISON IN HER RAZOR BOX TRAP SCENE IN SAW II.
Addison: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
CUT BACK TO: AMANDA HELPING JOHN BACK UP TO HIS FEET AS HE STARES DOWN LUBA'S OFFICE BUILDING.
John: I will get you Luba Gibbs.
BACK INSIDE, LUBA RECEIVES ANOTHER PHONE CALL, THIS TIME FROM HER REAL FATHER.
Mr. Gibbs: Luba! You won't believe what happened to me today!!
Luba: I can't play any mores games with you today dad, I'm busy filing. HANGS UP. THE CAMERA SHOT THEN PANS OUT TO REVEAL THAT SHE IS NOT ACTUALLY FILING ANY PAPERWORK, BUT SHE IS FILING HER NAILS INSTEAD., I can't wait till they build that new nail salon. I'm going to-
Secretary: INTERRUPTING, Ms. Gibbs, I am finished with my work for the morning. May I go home now?
Luba: Yeah whatever, raise up. You might wanna fix yourself up a bit before you come in tomorrow morning, you look busted.
Secretary: WALKING AWAY, Yes Ms. Gibbs.
Luba: And don't forget my morning coffee tomorrow!!!
Secretary:.......yes Ms. Gibbs. THE SECRETARY LEAVES AND LUBA LOGS ONTO HER MYSPACE PAGE, LOOKING TO FIND ADDISON AND ADD HER TO HER TOP FRIENDS PAGE.