(Let me set the record straight on something. I had heard from an unknown source, (cough Wikipedia, cough), that Colin and Plopper the pig would be carried over into the Simpsons TV series proper following the movie. Obviously, that did not happen (although Plopper has made a few cameos), but when I wrote my "Simpsons vs. Arthur" story, I wrote it as though the prior info was correct. And since I'm too lazy to go back and change it, or come up with a new boyfriend for Lisa, there you go. Anyone who has a problem is free to write their own stories where Lisa can date whomever she wants, be it Nelson or George Clooney. Now back to the story).
The rest of the kids played upstairs until it was time for dinner.
"You really should listen to Lisa's grandpa Arthur, he has great stories" Buster said "he told me about how he fought these huge aliens and that he was able to kill them by sneezing on them."
"That sounds a lot like War of the Worlds" Arthur commented.
"That's what I thought. He said that H.G. Wells borrowed the story from him, but changed it a little."
"I wouldn't take my grandpa's stories at face value" Lisa told Buster, as she got to her seat "the years have reduced his mind to a fine mush."
"Sometimes it's hard to tell the crap from the truth" Bart added.
"I hope you're all hungry, 'cause I made vegetable lasagna, along with regular lasagna"" Marge said, bringing in the dishes.
"It looks delicious Mrs. Simpson" Arthur commented.
"You guys better take your pieces" Buster said "I can't promise there'll be any left."
"So Arthur, how's your sister Kate?" Maggie asked.
"Not too bad, she just started kindergarten" Arthur explained.
"I hate kindergarten" Maggie replied "it's not challenging enough. I don't know how many more finger paints I can do before it loses all meaning."
"Finger painting doesn't have meaning, it's just fun" Buster added.
"I've been teaching Maggie to play the trumpet" Lisa added "she's getting really good at it."
"Dad wanted me to play triangle, but Lisa wanted me to play something we could duet with" Maggie explained.
"Hey don't knock the triangle, your old man played triangle and was pretty damn good at it."
"Good at it?" Grandpa said "you couldn't hit that thing to save your life. That was almost as big a waste of my money as my Mapple stock."
"Since you kids are spending the night some of you will have to sleep in our children's rooms" Marge said "the rest of you can sleep in the basement. Homer, make you sure you clean it out, okay?"
"Sure thing Marge" Homer replied, between bites of lasagna.
"We really appreciate your hospitality Mrs. Simpson" Fern said.
"Well you're guests here" Marge said "you deserve to be treated nicely."
"You never treat Milhouse this nice when he visits" Bart said "a few days ago Homer tried to lock the door on him."
"I told you, I thought he was a burglar" Homer said "you should be thankful we don't have a gun or that little wiener would be in nerd heaven. Heh heh, nerd heaven, that's a good one. I bet all the angels have little pocket protectors and are all 'ooh, I'm a nerdy angel. I have wings and like to watch sci-fi.'"
"If you like Sue Ellen, you can sleep in my room" Lisa said, "then you, I, and Maggie can jam together."
"Thanks Lisa."
"And Arthur can bunk with me" Bart said "but not the other two 'cause I don't have the room. And I kinda don't like 'em."
"Why not? I like you" Buster replied.
"I could go either way" Alan added.
Night soon came and the kids amused themselves with various activities. Francine, Fern & Buster headed downstairs to set up their sleeping bags. Within minutes, Francine rushed up to the den, where Homer, Marge & Grandpa sat on the couch.
"I don't mean to complain, but did you know there's a pig down there?" Francine asked.
"Duh, that's where he sleeps, genius" Homer replied "jeez, and you're in 8th grade already?"
"Homer, I thought you were going to move Plopper" Marge said.
"But Marge, he likes it down there!"
"I don't care, our guests are sleeping down there and I don't think they want to share the room with a pig. Now move him mister."
"Okay" Homer said, getting up and heading downstairs.
"What's the big deal?" Grandpa asked "when I was young, I used to sleep with pigs all the time. And not just pigs, cows, hens, even horses. Course, it could've been 'cause I was living in my barn, on account of the Depression. Damn Herbert Hoover!"
"I'll just go now" Francine said.
"I think that's best" Marge replied.
Meanwhile, up in Lisa's room, she, Sue Ellen and Maggie were jamming away, much to the disgust of Bart.
"Hey Arthur, wanna help me bust up Lisa's little jazz party?" he asked.
"I probably shouldn't, seeing as how my girlfriend is part of said party" Arthur replied "and I don't want her to break up with me. Or kill me."
"I get ya" Bart said "oh by the way, wanna listen to some Devo? Maybe the song 'Whip It?', like a certain boy I know."
"I'm not whipped, Sue Ellen and I have an equal relationship."
"Pfft, please, she walks all over you like a doormat. Maybe that's what I'll call you from now on, 'doormat.' Hi doormat, what's shaking?"
"What kind of prank did you have in mind?" Arthur asked.
"Another excellent set girls" Lisa said, after they finished "you're coming along quite well on the trumpet Maggie. I guess my teaching is paying off."
"I don't know what it is, but I really feel a connection to this thing" Maggie said, before she began to suck on the valve.
"Uh, is she…?" Sue Ellen wondered.
"She's fine" Lisa replied "she does that sometimes. It relaxes her, much like playing the sax does for…hey!"
The girl shouted after several water balloons were tossed at her and Sue Ellen. Lisa didn't need to look forward to know who the culprit was.
"Bart!"
"What's the matter Lis, your performance all washed up?" Bart asked, before laughing "oh man, that's still classic."
"Real mature Bart, using water balloons" Lisa commented "what are you, ten?"
"I used to be."
It was then that Sue Ellen spied somebody else in the doorway "Arthur?"
"Hi."
"I can't believe you'd do this. Throwing water balloons is so unlike you."
"I'm really sorry, but Bart goaded me into it."
"Don't tell her that!" Bart said "man, you are a wuss."
"I am not!"
"You two are going to pay for this" Lisa said "wouldn't you agree Sue Ellen?"
"Oh yes."
"What are you going to do, bore us to death with your lameass music?" Bart asked.
"No, I have something else in mind" Lisa said, pulling a pillow off her bed "Sue Ellen, would you join me?"
"Absolutely" Sue Ellen replied, with Lisa then rushing at the boys with the pillow.
"Run for it, mad sister!" Bart yelled, as he ran to his room, hoping to avoid Lisa.
"I'll get ya Bart!" Lisa said playfully.
"You'll have to catch me first!" Bart yelled.
From the living room the parents could hear all the commotion.
"Isn't it nice that our kids are playing so well together Homie?" Marge asked.
"I guess, as long as they're not playing any stupid jazz"
Lisa & Sue Ellen eventually got even on the boys by cornering them in Bart's room and tickling them mercilessly, with some help from Francine, who was informed of what happened. However, bedtime soon neared and everyone prepared to slumber.
In another part of Springfield, however, there were people that were still very much awake. One of them, Frankie the Squealer, made his way to the Legitimate Businessman's Social Club, the front for Springfield's mob activities.
"Ah, Frankie the Squealer, my least favorite person in the city" Fat Tony replied upon seeing him "I am hoping you are here for something that won't result in me whacking you."
"I got some real big news Fat Tony" Frankie explained "there's these animal kids in town."
"Are they animal kids, as in, the offspring of an animal, or as in, kids that look like animals?"
"The second one."
"Interesting" Fat Tony mused "if they prove to be real, they could be a huge asset. We could sell them to a circus; they like freaks, and always seem to have tons of money on hand. And anyway, it has to be better than our current plan; the sale of women to foreign hostels."
He gestured to a corner of the building, where a tied up Lindsay Naegle & Cookie Kwan sat.
"'Let's get mob boyfriends' you said. 'They're rich and successful' you said" Cookie said curtly "real nice job, now we're going to be tortured by European wackos!"
"Actually, the hostel you are being shipped to is in need of women to satisfy their sexual desires" Fat Tony explained.
"Oh, well that's much better" Lindsay replied.
"Why you not say that earlier?" Cookie added.
Bart: I just thought of something. Homer could totally take whatever the Hostel freaks threw at him. I mean, this is a guy who suffers a number of potentially life-threatening injuries on an almost daily basis. A drill to the face or other sick torture wouldn't bother him one bit.
Arthur: That is a good point.
Bart: Seriously, if there's another Hostel movie, my dad needs to star.
Homer: I'll Hostel you! (starts strangling Bart).
Arthur: While my colleague is gasping for air, let me tell you what happens next. The mob makes their move against us and one of us is captured. Who is it? You'll have to read to find out.
Homer: Read? Screw that!