A few minutes later, the kids saw Fat Tony's limo heading down the road. They quickly hid in a nearby alley.

"Okay you two know what to do" Bart said to Ralph & Milhouse. Both boys were dressed in animal costumes; Milhouse as a rabbit, and Ralph as a dog.

"Uh, this isn't gonna be dangerous, is it?" Milhouse asked.

"You should've asked that before you agreed to do this" Bart said "now get ready."

Milhouse and Ralph said little as they put on the heads of their animal costumes.

"Aaah, it's dark in here!" Ralph said.

"Lisa, if I don't make it, I just want you to know that I love you" Milhouse said.

"I already know that" Lisa replied, "you tell me that every opportunity you get."

Fat Tony's limo stopped at a nearby stoplight and the two kids emerged from the alley.

"Hey Fat Tony, check it out, we're some animal kids you missed for some reason" Milhouse shouted.

"Moo" Ralph added.

"Hey boss look, we missed two of 'em" Louie said, pointing to the costumed kids.

"Hmm, they are a little shabby looking, but they should fetch a nice price" Fat Tony said "especially that mooing dog. Boys, capture them."

Legs & Johnny Tightlips emerged from the backseat and gave chase, with Milhouse and Ralph heading off down the street. Seeing that part one of the plan was working, Lisa gave a signal to Nelson and Martin, who were across the street.

"Okay, there's the signal, let's do this dingus" Nelson said, observing Lisa through binoculars.

"May I have my binoculars back, please?"

"No."

"That stoplight Martin rigged isn't going to stay red forever" Lisa said, as she the others looked on from the alley.

"Relax, I once saw Nelson strip a car in 30 seconds" Bart replied "he's up for it."

Nelson crawled low to the ground and, using a tire iron, removed the lugnuts from one of the wheels of the limo. The vehicle tilted, which those inside could feel.

"What the heck was that?" Francine asked.

"If I had to guess, I'd surmise that the car has tilted to one side, due to a tire being removed" Alan replied.

Seeing that Nelson had the tire, Martin, allowed the stoplight to turn green.

"Finally" Fat Tony said "let us hope there are no further delays."

As the limo attempted to move forward, the screeching of metal against asphalt could be heard. Louie peered out his window and noticed the missing tire.

"Hey boss, somebody stole one of our tires!"

"Who would do such a thing?"

"Haw haw, you're missing a tire" Nelson said from across the street. Both mobsters noticed him holding it in his hands, and dancing with it.

"It appears that local bully has purloined our wheel" Fat Tony said "let us show him what happens to those who steal from the Mafia."

Both men emerged from the limo and headed towards Nelson, who ran down the street as fast as he could.

"Well, now that the gangsters are gone, we can come up with a plan to get out of here" Alan said "any suggestions?"

"No need dude, we already got you covered" said a familiar voice.

"Bart Simpson!" Francine exclaimed, seeing him in the doorway "you have some nerve coming back here after what you did to us, you traitor!"

"It's okay, Bart was only pretending he didn't like you" Lisa explained "it was part of his plan to rescue you."

"Really?" Arthur asked.

"I'm here ain't I?" Bart said "now let's get you guys out of here before Fat Tony gets back.

"I'm sorry I called you a traitor" Francine said, as Colin helped her out of the limo.

"Eh no problem, I called you way worse."

Elsewhere in Springfield, Milhouse and Ralph were keeping half of the mobsters on the run.

"Did Bart say how long we have to do this?" a tired Milhouse asked "because it's getting really hot running in this suit."

"I'm a dog" Ralph replied happily "woof woof, baa."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm just gonna take a little rest" Milhouse said, stopping "oh man, I can't believe I agreed to do this. Bart better give me those pictures of Lisa he promised me for…" the boy was cut off as the mobsters caught up to him and tackled him to the ground.

"Got ya!" Johnny Tightlips said "you're coming with us."

"No, you don't understand, we're not really animals!" Milhouse shouted.

"This one's resisting" Legs said "better knock some sense into him."

Both mobsters then began to pistol whip the bunny suited boy.

"Ow, please stop!" Milhouse whined "I didn't agree to this!"

"My daddy does that to people who break the law" Ralph commented.

"Hold on a minute, how come this kid's lips ain't moving when he talks?" Johnny Tightlips asked.

"He's a ventriloquist?" Legs suggested.

Johnny tugged at the costume's ear, until the fake head came away, revealing a battered Milhouse.

"He's a fake!"

"Then that means…" Legs said, pulling the head off Ralph.

"Yay, I can see again! Thanks mister!"

"We've been punked!" Johnny exclaimed.

"Is that show even still on the air?" Legs questioned.

Back at Fat Tony's limo, Bart and friends were working on freeing the Elwood city kids from their bonds.

"Hang on, we'll have you all free in no time" Lisa said, as she went to work snipping the plastic ties "I hope the others are okay."

"They'll be fine" Bart replied.

"And if they really get in trouble, they can always use the skills of the street, like me" Lewis said "word."

"You'll have to excuse Lewis" Bart explained to Arthur "he's been looking for an identity to make himself stand out. This week, he's a rapper. Last week he was Jamaican, and the week before that, he acted like Chris Rock. Man, I thought Skinner was going to have a heart attack."

"Can we quit yakking and go?" Francine asked impatiently.

"What, you got a hot date with Mr. Teeny or something?" Bart asked mockingly "hang on sister, we're almost done."

"Oh, you're done all right" Legs's voice came from behind.

The kids turned and saw the two gangsters with their guns drawn, standing nearby.

"That was a clever little ruse you pulled" Johnny said "too bad your nerdy pal got tired."

"Man, I knew Milhouse would screw this up" Bart said "look fellas, I'm sure we can come to some kind of…" he stopped as Johnny pushed the gun barrel into his face "or not."

"Fat Tony warned you what would happen if you tried something" Legs said "now you'll find out."

"Ahh man, this is whack!" Lewis exclaimed.

"Do me a favor, shoot him first" Bart said, pointing to Lewis.

But before either mobster could do anything, Sue Ellen jumped at them, and knocked the guns from their hands with karate chops.

"Let's see how tough you are without your little guns" she said smugly.

The smugness changed after Legs simply produced another pistol and pointed it right at her.

"I don't care if the boss thinks you're valuable" he said "ain't no zoo gonna need a cat."

Realizing what was happening, Arthur threw himself at Legs and knocked him aside, giving Sue Ellen time to karate chop him and Johnny Tightlips.

"Oh Arthur, you saved me!" she gushed "why the heck did you do something like that? You could've been killed!"

"Sue Ellen, I'd rather die than have to live in a world without you" Arthur replied.

"Oh Arthur!" Sue Ellen said, and hugged her boyfriend tightly "I'm sorry about what I said before, I do want you to protect me sometimes."

"Isn't that sweet Bart?' asked a tearful Lisa "who knew Arthur could come up with something so romantic?"

"Yeah, it must be really good, because that t-shirt store over there is using it too" Bart replied. He led his sister's gaze to a nearby store called 'Shirt Happens', which featured a shirt with the slogan 'I'd rather die than have to live in a world without you.'

"I hate to break up this feel good moment, but those other gangsters will be back any minute" Francine said.

"So either get a room or let me film you" Bart added.

"Come on" Lisa said, as she and the others led the kids away.

In another part of town, Louie & Fat Tony were gaining on Nelson.

"Give back the tire kid"

"Go stick the tire in your butts" Nelson retorted.

"You will be the one having things shoved in your posterior when we are done with you" Fat Tony replied.

"Hey wait boss, don't we got a spare tire?" Louie asked.

"I believe you are correct" Fat Tony said "come, we must hurry back to the limo and drop off our cargo. We shall deal with this tire thief another day."

Nelson watched as the two gangsters headed back the way they came.

"I guess I kept those two dinks busy long enough" he said "now, what should I do with this tire? Maybe I can use it as an inner tube in the pool."

After several minutes, Fat Tony returned to his limo to find the kids gone and Legs & Johnny Tightlips recovering.

"What happened here, where are our meal tickets?" he asked.

"I ain't saying nothing" Johnny Tightlips replied.

"I am continually infuriated by your refusal to converse about any topic."

"The Simpson kids came back here boss and freed the others" Legs explained.

"I warned them what would happen if they crossed me again" Fat Tony said "get the spare on, and follow them. They shall pay for what they have done."

"Can we eat first? I'm starving" Legs asked.

"Fine, we shall get some ziti, then go after them" Fat Tony added.

Meanwhile, Bart, Lisa, and their friends were by now miles away.

"Thanks again for saving us" Arthur said to Bart.

"Don't mention it" Bart replied "seriously, not to anyone."

"You're not out of the woods yet" Lisa said "as soon as Fat Tony finds out you've escaped, he'll come looking for you. We need to keep you someplace safe until we can deal with him."

"And where would that be Lis?" Bart asked.

"We need someplace Fat Tony would never look" Lisa replied "somewhere free of corruption, violence, and evil. And I know just the place…"

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Well hi-diddley-ho neighborino" came the voice of Ned Flanders "if it isn't my favorite neighbor Lisa Simpson. What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Flanders, we have some friends from out of town visiting, and I was wondering if they could stay with you for a while."

Ned looked over at the weird animal-like kids standing near the Simpson kids. "I don't know Lisa, those kiddies over there look like proof of eve-diddly-lution, and, as a Christian, I can't accept something that would prove it was true."

"But doesn't the Bible say you have to open your doors to those in need?" Lisa asked.

"Well yeah."

"Well, our friends are in need. And I assure you, despite their odd appearance, they are no proof of evolution. In fact, they may be receptive to your message."

"When you put it that way" Ned said "come on in kiddies."

"Go on" Lisa encouraged her friends "it'll be fine, you'll be safe here till things die down."

After the kids entered the Flanders house, Bart & Lisa headed back towards their own.

"You left them with Flanders?" Bart asked "they'd be better off with Fat Tony."

"They'll be fine" Lisa said "now we have to figure out how to keep Fat Tony from being interested in them. And I think I have a plan."

"How come you always have the plans?" Bart asked "maybe I have a plan."

"Okay, what's you plan?"

"I got nothing, I just was tired of you always bragging."

"So, nice place you've got here" Arthur said, as he surveyed the home.

"Yeah, it's a little slice of heaven on Earth" Ned replied "of course, it can't compare to the actual heaven."

"Of course not" Arthur said.

"Well you kids make yourselves at home" Ned said "by which I mean act like you would in church. I'll be right back with some snacks for you hungry little travelers."

"Okay, this guy is nuts" Francine said, after Ned was out of earshot.

"He seems a little crazy, but he's nice and he's protecting us from the mob" Arthur said "so we should try to behave ourselves. And anyway, it's not like all of us don't go to church, well, except Francine."

"Yeah, but church is boring" Buster said "I always fall asleep."

"I wouldn't mention that" Arthur replied.

"Okay kids, I hope you're hungry, because I made my special nachos de Flanders" Ned, said, returning with a tray.

"Mmm, I'm so hungry I could eat…cucumbers covered with ketchup" Buster said, upon taking one of the treats.

"Yup, so dig in."

"Um, don't you have any salsa?" Buster wondered.

"Nope, it burns my tongue" Ned said "plus some of the brands are called 'diablo', which is the Spanish word for devil. And Ned Flanders will not have anything of the devil in this house, no siree."

"This should be fun" Francine muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"I said 'praise Jesus.'"

"Almost all the channels on the TV are blocked" Buster complained "this place is horrible, it must be what prison is like!"

"Actually, prisons are much worse" Alan explained "they suffer from overcrowding, not to mention frequent fights between inmates and squalid living conditions. And from what I understand, their showers aren't exactly the safest either."

"Okay, this place isn't ideal, I agree" Arthur said "but we have to be nice. Mr. Flanders is keeping us out of the hands of the mob, after all."

"Okay, but I don't now how much more I can handle" Buster said.

"Okey dokey kids, here's some refreshment to quench even the worst thirst" Flanders said, coming in from the kitchen with a tray of glasses.

"Water? Don't you have any soda?" Francine asked.

"Nope sorry, soda has caffeine in it, and my boys don't need that much sugar" Flanders replied "speaking of which, it's time you met the rest of the Flanders clan. Boys, come on down and meet our new friends."

Rod & Todd soon made their way down the stairs and into the living room.

"Boys, these are some friends of Lisa's who are going to being staying with us for a while. Everyone, these are my sons, Rod & Todd."

"Daddy, these kids look like animals" Rod said.

"Now Roddy, I know they look a bit different, but God says we should treat all of his people equally" Flanders replied.

"But what about gays?" Rod asked.

"Just...well...never mind boy" Flanders replied.

Todd meanwhile, examined Francine.

"Are you a monkey?" he asked.

"You catch on quick, don't you kid?" Francine said "now beat it!"

"Daddy, the monkey lady raised her voice at me" Todd whined.

"Now Francine, I understand you're a little stressed, but you're a guest here at casa de Flanders and there are certain rules I expect you to follow" Flanders said "and one is not to raise your voice in anger at my boys."

"Sorry" Francine said, half-heartedly.

"As Jesus would say, 'I forgive you'" Flanders said, "now, who's up for a game?"

"Yeah!" Rod & Todd exclaimed.

"A game sounds nice" Arthur said "I don't suppose you have 'No Guessing?'"

"Sorry, never heard of that one" Flanders replied "but I've got some great games, like Christian Clue. It's all the fun of the real Clue, but with none of the mur-diddily-urder."

"How about Monopoly?"

"Sorry, but I can't in good conscience own a game that rewards you for owning property. A true person's wealth comes from within. Plus they send you to jail for no reason; what kind of a message does that send to our youth?"

"That you should avoid the 'go directly to jail' squares" Alan replied sarcastically.

"Don't you have any games that are non-religious?" Francine asked "checkers or something?"

"Why didn't ya say so, I love checkers" Flanders replied.

"You do?" Arthur asked.

"Oh sure, it's a nice quiet game, with no complicated rules or bad morals" Flanders explained "I'll go fetch the board."

"You see guys, I told you things would be okay" Arthur said, after Flanders left.

"I still don't know, this guy is creeping me out with all the religious stuff" Francine said "even my bubbie isn't this weird."

"I'm sure we can last until Lisa figures out her plan to save us from the mobsters" Arthur said "I wonder what her plan is, anyway."

In another part of Springfield, meanwhile, Fat Tony's limo was still searching for his prize.

"I do not understand how our quarry could have escaped" he said "they stick out like a sore thumb in this town."

"Hey boss, ain't that the Simpson kids what we was looking for?" Legs asked, pointing out the window to a nearby Lisa & Bart.

"It is, good we can extract from them the location of our meal tickets" Fat Tony said "stop the car."

The limo stopped and before Bart & Lisa could react, they were surrounded by gun wielding mobsters.

"I told you what would happen if you crossed me again" Fat Tony warned "now, tell me where your animal friends are located, and I may not dump you in the reservoir."

"Fat Tony, do you really need our friends?" Lisa asked "aren't there other ways you can make money illegally?"

"I suppose" Fat Tony said "to be honest, this whole thing was beginning to be a hassle. Plus, the mafia hasn't doesn't business with the zoo since the whole polar bear fiasco a few years back."

"I remember that" Bart said "I can't believe they didn't figure out they were just grizzly bears covered in white paint."

"A truly clever scheme" Fat Tony said "unfortunately, when our ruse was exposed, the zoo became wary of doing business with us again."

"So how about letting our friends just live then, huh?" Lisa asked.

"I shall" Fat Tony said "but if they cross our paths again, especially the monkey or the cat one, I will have some new stuffed statues for my rec room. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shipment of Taylor Swift CD's to catalog."

"Are they bootlegs?" Lisa asked.

"No" Fat Tony replied "didn't you ever wonder about her sudden rise to fame."

With that, the mobster and his goons hopped into their limo and drove off.

"Man, I wonder what other music figures are involved in organized crime" Bart said.

"Let's worry about that later" Lisa said "come on, Arthur and the others are safe, let's go tell them the big news."

Several minutes later, the siblings returned to the Flanders house.

"I hope they haven't been any trouble" Lisa commented, as she and Bart headed to the door.

"Trouble? Those guys?" Bart replied "please, their idea of trouble is lying to their parents."

Lisa ignored him and knocked on the door, which Flanders answered.

"Well hi-diddly-do Lisa."

"Good afternoon. I've come to pick up my friends, I hope they weren't too much trouble."

"Well, the monkey girl was a little cranky to start with, but after a while we got along great. These kids' parents have done a great a job of imparting them with strong moral values."

"I'm glad you think so" Lisa said "may I see them now?"

"Of course" Flanders said, then turned his head into the house "hey kids, Lisa & Bart are here for you."

"Hey Lisa" Arthur said, as he and the others made it to the door.

"Ready to leave?" Lisa asked.

"Okay" Arthur said, before turning to Flanders "thanks for everything Mr. Flanders."

"You're welcome Arthureno" Flanders said "and you're welcome to stop by Casa de Flanders whenever you come back to Springfield."

"I might take you up on that."

Flanders then waved goodbye and closed the door.

"Oh man, I'm so glad that's over" Arthur said wearily.

"Flanders lameness got to you, huh?" Bart asked.

"No kidding" Francine said "he didn't have any good snacks or anything remotely entertaining. And his kids were annoying. But my mom taught me to always be polite, so I held my tongue."

"Then why don't you ever do that when we're around?" Alan asked, resulting in Francine elbowing him in the gut.

"His TV had almost all the channels blocked" Buster said "I've never heard of that before. Who doesn't like TV? It's inhuman I tell you!"

"Anyway, we dealt with Fat Tony, so you're all safe" Lisa explained "and since there are no further interruptions, it's time Sue Ellen and I went on our double date."

"Do you mind if I use your room while you're gone?" Francine asked "I need to get everything ready for my article."

"Of course" Lisa said "you are my guest, after all."

"Well this has certainly been a day I won't soon forget" Buster said "we met all kinds of weird people, got captured by mobsters, and then hung out with a freaky religious guy. You won't see that in Elwood City."

Bart: I'm actually not surprised Flanders liked you guys.

Arthur: How come?

Bart: 'Cause you're from PBS man. Everyone knows everything on PBS is weak. That's why all the good shows are on HBO, FX, and to a lesser extent, Comedy Central.

Arthur: I disagree, I feel PBS airs a variety of interesting programs.

Bart: You've been hanging around brain boy too much, 'cause you're starting to talk like him. And no they don't; PBS airs the same lameass shows all the time. All that's ever on is lame nature shows, or stupid concerts, or documentaries about stuff nobody gives a crap about.

Arthur: I guess you're right.

Bart: I mean, I'm your bud, but if you're gonna keep company with PBS, then we can't be seen together. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.

Arthur: Let's just talk about what happens in the final chapter.

Bart: Same as on PBS; nothing. You guys go out on your date, then we say goodbye. Nothing explodes, or gets set on fire, and no one uses the "f word."

Arthur: Were you expecting that to happen?

Bart: Trust me man, if this story were on HBO, it would've happened about 4 times by now. Anyway, don't forget to Read & Review.