The Secret that We Keep
Chapter 5: These Thoughts
A/N: Long story short, my 2-year long hiatus can be attributed to both my junior and senior years of post-secondary coupled with part-time work. Being responsible sucks, but I know that it is no excuse to simply ignore this story when it was still in the process of attracting a gradual following. Hope I can still keep the selected few of you interested.
You'll all have to forgive me if I don't update this story as soon as most of you would prefer. I'm still trying to rekindle my two other works-in-progress that have also been sitting on the back burner for an extended period of time. I've jumpstarted one of my stories just last month and unfortunately for me, I've lost a HUGE following because of my hiatus – an incredibly low number of hits and an even lower number of reviews compared to when it was still on some readers' hot lists.
Disclaimer: The obvious characters, places and ideas all belong to J.K Rowling. The things that belong to me will be reference in footnotes at the very end of the corresponding chapter that they are first mentioned in. This story implies nothing about the characters nor does the plot of the story have any effect on the books themselves. This story is pure fiction.
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As he listened only half-heartedly to Professor Umbridge's (1) lecture on the ever interesting topic of Aristotelian Philosophy and Predicate Logic, Romulus' mind continued to linger on the events that transpired only a few days ago. Not just because of his one-on-one and almost intimate episode with Agent Brock but also because of the reaction that he got from Moony and Padfoot from the moment that he stepped within the doors of the 'Den' – the name of their headquarters. As emotional as it was, Romulus couldn't help but feel a little conflicted when it came to his duties as a spy, his safety as a teenager, but most prominently his desires as a human being.
——†——
"Where in the world have you been?! Do you honestly know worried sick we were trying to track you for hours on end?!"
"Sirius enough! Technicalities aside, the most important thing is that he is now home."
Romulus stayed rooted to his spot while Remus continued to hug him almost in desperation. His younger guardian looked back into his eyes with a worried but nonetheless gentle expression.
"We almost thought we had completely lost you Romy. After the channel frequency had been severed from your communicator, all Sirius could do was keep a close eye on the plane by piloting the Howler as close as he could to the aircraft without damaging it."
Remus was about to continue but Sirius butted in before he could.
"After the plane landed in the water, which I assume was your doing Remus, I continued to keep the Howler airborne couple of miles away so that once all of the passengers had been safely evacuated, along with that bastard Lestrange's arrest from the National Guard, the two of us could withdraw back to the Den without causing too much of a disturbance among the rescued. There's nothing more irritating than sitting on a raft in the water while succumbing to the gale-forced winds and the ear-splitting batter of helicopter propellers."
Romulus couldn't help but lightly grin at Sirius' exasperated tone.
"Well…you could imagine my surprise after witnessing that idiot Lestrange's trump card. After the explosion, I couldn't really see much other than the fire and smoke that threatened to endanger everyone within close proximity. There was absolutely no way that everyone was located a safe distance away from the detonative area, some yes, but everyone? No. I…couldn't exactly see where you were from my position in the Howler but I just assumed that you would return to me regardless. When Lestrange activated that bomb of his…"
Both Remus and Romulus looked up into Sirius' pained stormy grey eyes. "Sirius…" The black-haired judge spent a few moments of silence to himself, simply formulating his thoughts while trying to repress the anxiety that had threatened to turn him into a crying mess in front of his loved ones.
"The Howler wasn't equipped with a raft or a lifeboat and because of its nature as a regular helicopter, it wasn't built to land on water like a hydroplane." Sirius let out a hard sigh. "I…I feared the worst…"
Without even a second thought, Romulus quietly made his way over to Sirius' contemplating form and embraced him tightly. Sirius was slightly surprised as the sudden contact from his son but it didn't take long before the elder brunette returned the embrace with equal ferocity.
"I'm sorry father…I…I didn't know."
Sirius made a sniffle. "No, no…don't be. R-remy is right. I mean, the important thing is that you're safe now. You're here, alive and back home…and that's all that matters."
Sirius continued to embrace his son tenderly.
"Romy, I know that you must have been through a lot, both physically and mentally, from the last mission and you're probably eager to call it a night but if you don't mind me asking…where have you been all this time?"
Romulus looked back into Remus' inquiring eyes. He knew that this question was going to be asked of him sometime soon since his return back home and he was prepared to provide them with the appropriate answer. While the young brunette was pretty confident that lying would just get him in trouble, as his first attempt at lying to both of his parents at the tender age of 6 had backfired immensely, Romulus was certain that telling Sirius and Remus the truth about his whereabouts would just cause them to worry more. Finding himself alone and almost exposed, identity-wise, within the secret underground hideout of a complete stranger would probably not go so well with Remus, and even more so with Sirius – the latter had a much more outspoken "mother hen" complex in comparison to the former.
While Romulus reasoned that informing his guardians of Agent Brock's "spy" status could lessen the blow, the brunette still had doubts that it would turn out the way that he wanted. He could just imagine Sirius' reaction now:
Just because he told you that he is a spy, doesn't mean that he truly is! A young man is only as true as the words that he speaks! You could have died! You could have been seen! (2)
While Romulus was certain that Sirius wouldn't have overreacted as much as his imagination would have pegged him to, there was a certain amount of belief and validity to his brief mental episode. In the espionage business, the truth is almost always covered up by another layer. You may think that the answer is within reach but before you even realize it, another curveball is through in your direction and you're back at square one. All it takes is a single, convincing lie to disguise fiction as a fact, a hoax as a valid truth, or even a villain as a hero. So, Romulus chose his words carefully.
"Well…I don't really know too much about what happened. Thankfully I wasn't caught within the true bulk of the explosion. I really wouldn't have much of a face if I was now would I?"
Remus lightly smiled at his son's attempt at a joke, in light of the situation, but Sirius' unchanging expression made Romulus skip the mood lightener and head straight for the facts.
"W-well…um, after the Bowring's initial explosion, I immediately discovered that I had somehow lost my necklace which normally never leaves my person. While the plane was still airborne, Lestrange had bound my neck with an unusually strong strand of garrotte wire. And to prove just how strong it was…"
Romulus gently lifted up his shoulder length honey brown locks with his right hand, pulled the collar of his turtleneck down with his right hand, and raised his chin up to give his guardian's a better view of his neck. To Sirius and Remus' shock, their son's neck had been painfully branded with multiple shallow rings of lacerated flesh – almost appearing as if the injury had become a makeshift choker. The area around the wound was incredibly pink and certain areas were still bleeding but only lightly.
"Romy…"
"Yeah, and this was WITH my collar all the way up." Sirius and Remus eyed him suspiciously. "In case you're wondering, I changed tops as soon as I stepped foot into the den. What's the point of a turtleneck without the neck? Anyway, after finding out that my necklace had been missing, I had assumed it was still left somewhere on the plane."
Out of no where, Remus let out a startled gasp while Sirius nearly jumped out of his chair.
"You almost lost your necklace?!," Sirius stuttered a little bit in his speech, "A-and you went back into a burning plane?! What in the world were you thinking?!"
Romulus didn't know what had come over him, but his father's loud accusation had sparked something within him.
"Hey, I went back to retrieve it! WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS DOING?!"
Sirius stood silently shocked while Remus tried to calm the two of them down.
"It's just like you said to me Sirius," Romulus pulled out the trinket from underneath his shirt and left it to dangle from his neck from the outside, "While my life as a spy is in constant danger due to the nature of the work, it HAS to accomplished. And furthermore, I am to NEVER let this necklace out of my sight for it is the ONLY thing that I have left to remember my mother by, remember?!"
Sirius was dumbstruck. "R-rom…I-I'm sorry."
Romulus sighed. "It's fine Sirius, you were just concerned. But even though I'm 18 now, almost 19, that doesn't mean that I still don't wonder about her from time to time."
"Romy…I-" Romulus continued on with his explanation amidst Sirius' unheard remark.
"Anyway, long story short, I found the necklace, made my way out to the exit, the plane blew up a second before I even got a chance to jump out of it, landed in the water, woke up some 45 minutes to an hour later in a medical ward next to some military guy. Didn't really catch his name. I snuck out behind his back when I told him that I needed a glass of water."
His guardian's eyes him suspiciously but the brunette simply continued on with some last-minute logic.
"Hey…I didn't have time to care about where I was or who I was with. I was left completely unguarded while I was unconscious. Who knows if someone had taken off my visor and seen my real face during that time frame! It may have been around my head when I woke up, but it certainly doesn't take much for someone to just lift it off and take a quick peek at the man behind the mask right? Luckily for me, my home radar was still functioning and so were the jets in my combat boots. As soon as I got out, I made my way home."
Realizing that the evening had gone on long enough, Romulus dismissed himself from the company of his guardians and made his way back to his room to crash for the night. Homework could wait until tomorrow.
——†——
Ever since then, Romulus had been deliberately avoiding his guardians in order to push away the awkwardness of that evening. Not only was he physically tired, but he definitely needed the time to just sit with his own thoughts and just reflect upon himself. Despite being the son of a successful neurosurgeon and his court judge life partner, he was also one of the youngest spies ever hired under the British government. Just what kind of a person was he? Why couldn't he just live the simple teenage life like his friends and fellow classmates? What was his mother like before her death? Why had Brock been occupying his thoughts more often than they should?
When it came down to the basics, Romulus believed that he was pretty much like every other boy his own age out there. Despite being more privileged than others, apart from his wealthy up bringing and his aristocratic good looks, he still enjoyed the simple pleasantries of life that the world had to offer. He liked sports, he was athletic, he was surrounded by a wonderful circle of friends, he enjoyed music, the arts, had fair grades…the simple life. But was it really all that simple now that he lives a double-life? One persona by day, another by night. It seemed much more complex than it should…and it was.
Personality-wise, Romulus never really viewed himself as a vain or haughty person but he did take pride in his blessings and continues to cherish all of them while he still had them. But even though he had been given so much, he still felt like he was missing something – what exactly, he was quite unsure of at this time. He felt that he needed more of some abstract and ambiguous notion that even the slightest thought of it would make him hunger for more. He wouldn't call himself greedy for thinking so but perhaps he was. He preferred the more appropriate term "curious" whenever he thought of the other and less appealing.
As for his mother, from what he had been told, Lilandra Lupin, was a woman of peerless beauty who was also gentle, loving, hard-working, healthy and dedicated to her passions – the traits of the seemingly perfect woman. And yet through it all, Romulus believed that his mother was just so much more than that. It just seemed odd to him that this apparently flawless woman would just die during childbirth and simply vanish from existence from then on. Remus, Romulus' biological father, showed pictures of his mother from when she was still alive. Elegant red hair, piercing green eyes, fair and gentle features. Yes she was beautiful but he somehow had a feeling that she was much more than just his birthmother who had a simple upbringing. In fact, a large majority of Remus' friends and cohorts have hardly ever mentioned his mother ever since Romulus had discovered that he had only one living biological parent – apart from Sirius but he would just give the same vague answers back in return. And as weird as it was, Romulus couldn't help but stare just a little bit longer at the man with the glasses, blue eyes, and scruffy black hair that can be found in nearly all of the family photos involving Sirius, Remus and his mother. It was a weird feeling, but he somehow had a feeling that the bespectacled man might have better answers than his guardians. Romulus had never even thought about asking his guardians about the man in the picture before until now. It would have to be the top priority on his to-do list within the next few days or so.
And finally, there was Brock. Sure the older man may have not given off the impression that he was the most sought after gift under the Christmas tree but like himself, Brock was also a spy. Covers, secret identities, acting – all of that was a crucial element to succeeded in the world of the modern espionage. Maybe Brock wasn't just the handsome yet simple-headed spy that he had been portraying all this time. Sure discovering the elder spy's hidden talent for machinery was nothing short of a surprise for the seemingly trap-prone basket case but there really wasn't much that Romulus could go on to completely believe that Brock was as 1-Dimensional as his instincts have labelled him as.
And on top of that, Romulus couldn't help but blush at the pseudo-intimate moments that had been shared between the two of them during their brief encounters. A small handful of the observances that Brock exuded nearly made Romulus lose the grip on his hard-worked "lone wolf" attitude. His musky scent, his broad and comfortably firm chest, his strong and supportive arms, his brilliant but partially shy smile, his gentle and sometimes pleading voice; Romulus let out a groan of frustration which unfortunately didn't go unnoticed.
"Hem hem. I beg your pardon Mr. Black but do you find my lecture's uninteresting?"
Romulus's head shot up in surprise as his widened eyes scanned his surroundings. He practically forgot that he was currently sitting in class learning about philosophy (or something…) during the middle of a school day.
"I-I…um…"
"Turn your book to page 147 and answer problem 3 out loud to the rest of the class. Should you get it wrong, then you will have earned yourself a detention with me during your lunch break."
Romulus blushed in embarrassment at faint snickers and 'oohs' of suspense that were heard amongst his cohorts.
"Y-yes Professor…" With a slight clearing of his throat, Romulus flipped his "Aristotelian Fundamentals: 5th Edition" text book to the appropriate page and braced himself for impact.
——†——
"You know mate I WOULD like to sympathise with you, really I do but let's be honest even I find it more amusing than disappointing."
"Oh shove it Dean."
"Blimey Romulus. I mean, what was so important that you completely zoned out in Lundgren's class? She does have that 'reputation' of hers you know…and not the good kind."
Romulus let out a sigh of frustration as he let his forehead rest on the cold and closed door of his locker. With the campus-wide ring of the bell signifying the much sought after lunch break, the entire student body mass of the Rowling Academy (3) scurried about the hallways in eager anticipation – be it for food, fun or both. While most students were ecstatic to hear the sound of the much revered lunch bell after a tiring morning of lectures, Romulus Black on the other hand was filled with a sense of dread – primarily due to his infamous detention from one Professor Lundgren.
"As much as I'd like to tell you my dear friend Neville or the rest of you for that matter, all of you are getting a big fat 'no' for not wallowing in my pain with me." Romulus let out an exasperated sigh. "Who in the right mind would even consider instating a Philosophy course in a secondary school? Or better yet, remind me again as to why I'm taking it in the first place? With UMBRIDGE nonetheless!"
"Oh don't be such a sourpuss Black. First of all, we aren't just ordinary students in an ordinary school. This is the Rowling Academy we're talking about! We're pretty much guaranteed a job right after graduation without the ugly face of University hanging over our heads!"
Seamus did have a point…
"Well…as for taking the philosophy course with Umbridge, from what I remember correctly, in your case, it was either THAT or Advanced Chemistry with Snape. And since Umbridge just started working here this semester, all of us thought that she would have been a better choice than that giant walking crooked nose with the greasy-hair." Said Ron.
Slight snickers were heard all around.
"But anyway, let's move on to the good stuff! So Romy, what or rather WHO was it that you were thinking of that made you draw a blank in Umbridge's class? Was it Granger? Or Abbot? OOOH! Or how 'bout Wood or Malfoy?!"
"First of all Seamus, don't call me Romy. Only my parents are granted that privilege. And second, Hermione is like a sister to me and thinking of her like that would be just plain weird. I don't really know Hannah all that well and I've only seen her like twice so that's not really grounds for fantasizing. And just because Oliver's graduation and rugby team photo from 5 years ago are still on campus, doesn't mean that he still walks around the hallways with us. Finally, both Wood and Malfoy are guys."
Romulus was greeted back with a shrug from his scruffy Irish friend (4).
"So? At least you gotta admit that they're not too bad on the eyes."
"Alright Finnegan, just because you don't mind knocking boots for either team doesn't mean that you need to keep indirectly pestering Romulus for some action in the locker room after hours."
All of the boys shared merry laughs.
"Oh lighten up Weasley. You're just jealous because our dear friend Black over here will only ever see you as nothing more than a friend. I on the other hand am so wonderfully blessed to be seen as a 'friend with benefits' kind of guy, aren't I right Romy?"
Romulus rolled his eyes at Seamus' sad attempt at flirting. Ever since Seamus started dropping hints that he was a swinger a few years back, Romulus and the rest of his friends had always been supportive of his friend's unconventional 'coming out.' Seamus wouldn't necessarily call himself as gay or even bi for that matter when ever questions about his sexuality came up – those words were just too 'label-y for his liking. The sandy brunette's response mainly consisted of 'What can I say? I'm young, I'm 18 and I'm basically uninhibited. Anything above the waist is fair game with me.' In a nutshell, Seamus was more than open to experimenting before the idea of 'settling down with the one' would sink in. With that logic in mind, Romulus Black had always been the subject to Seamus' "fair game" on more than one occasion. It was amusing at times but a joke could only stay fresh for so long before growing just plain repetitive.
"Of course you are Shay."
"See? What'd I tell ya?" Seamus was greeted back with a scoff from Ron.
"Alright well as much as I'd love to stick around with you guys, really I do, I gotta haul my sorry hide over to Umbridge or else I'll be doing more time tomorrow…and I REALLY don't want to spend anymore time with that Harpy than necessary."
Romulus' friends nodded in understanding, for they too have incurred the agonizing pain that is Professor Dolores Umbridge's mere presence.
"Say no more Romy. We'll catch up with you in Phys Ed later this afternoon. I'll be sure to save a spot for you on my team if we're doing relays again."
"That's NOT fair Finnegan! You know that you and Romulus are two of the fastest blokes in our year!"
"Exactly! AND I'd also be able to a get a sweet view of Black in our school gym shorts the whole time."
"Augh! I did NOT need to know that."
"Yes you did! And you LOVE IT!"
"Take it easy Romulus!"
"I will. Catch you guys later!"
As Romulus watched Dean, Seamus, Neville, and Ron walk away, he couldn't help but feel more and more alone with each retreating step. With a heavy sigh, Romulus grabbed a few of his binders, his books, and his lunch and marched his way over to classroom 305 for the longest hour and a half of his life.
——†——
"Come in."
The stern and easily recognizable voice of Professor Umbridge rang through Romulus' ears and sent a cold shiver down his spine. As he slowly made his way through the doorway, Romulus was greeted with a very interesting surprise: he was not alone in his detention. Sitting with surprising obedience in one of the central desks was none other than Draco Malfoy, silently completing homework without so much as a glance towards his direction.
"Take your seat next to Mr. Malfoy, Black. Your task will be to complete a 500 word essay which recites but briefly explains the fundamental rules of sentential logic and their purpose for determining validity (5). You are to submit it to my desk by no later than the end of your lunch break, which is scheduled for 1:30 this afternoon. However, if you have been pay attention to my lectures, which I highly doubt that you were judging from your actions this morning, but in the event that you have, your essay should take no longer than 45 minutes. No talking whatsoever! Are we clear?"
Romulus gulped at the large woman's highly unfriendly presence.
"Y-yes professor."
"Good. Now take you seat and get started."
With a heavy sigh, Romulus opened up his books, took out a sheet of looseleaf and began to write.
——†——
It was about 35 minutes into the eerily silent lunch break when Umbridge made a sudden announcement to the two teens.
"I must depart for a quick staff meeting in the teacher's lounge. Black, Malfoy, neither of you are to leave this room under ANY circumstances, and that includes bathroom breaks."
Romulus' eyes and mouth widened in disbelief.
"B-but-!"
"But NOTHING Black! I want that essay finished by the time I return. No exceptions! The same goes for you too Malfoy!"
"Yes professor."
"Hmph!"
With a snooty upturn of her nose, Umbridge grabbed some of her belongings and departed for the teacher's lounge, subsequently locking the classroom door upon her retreat. At the immediate sound of the door locking shut, a certain blond grinned in amusement.
"At last. I thought that old cow would never leave."
Romulus silently looked over at Draco and noticed that he was staring straight back at him with a challenging expression. Feeling the tension rise between the two of them, Romulus simply continued the exchange of simple pleasantries for the sake of getting back to work.
"Y-yeah…finally huh?"
It all happened within span of a few seconds and before he knew it, Draco had made his way over to Romulus' position, somehow unnoticed, and was pressing his lean and slightly taller body almost flush up against Romulus' own without showing any signs of restraint. The action left Romulus lightly blushing in surprise, embarrassment, and slight arousal, much to his dismay.
"M-malfoy, what the hell are you doing?!"
The brunette was greeted back with a sly grin. "What does it look like Black?" Draco placed his hands down on the desk behind Romulus, effectively trapping the slightly shorter brunette within his arms with no where to escape other than by brute force. "I'm ensnaring my prey."
"Y-your prey?" Romulus found himself slightly offended. "What do you think I am?! Some unintelligent rodent?!"
"Oh I think that you are more than that Black…" Draco grabbed his chin and forced him to look directly into his steely grey eyes. "MUCH more…" The undeniable lust that was dripping from Malfoy's seductive voice was unbelievable. Without so much as a warning, the blond leaned in towards Romulus and tantalizingly nipped the side of the brunette's neck, just below his ear lobe.
"M-malfoy…"
Romulus shivered at the sensual contact. A part of him craved his supposed "arch-nemesis" to continue with the highly pleasurable sensation. Another part of him was screaming to push the blond away. While the action wasn't completely unpleasant, there was that hidden, secret part of him that desperately wanted to push him away. Draco's touch was foreign. Draco's touch was only out of unbridled lust. Draco's touch…
Was nothing like Brock's…
Romulus' eyes widened at the sudden epiphany. As a result, the surprising realization caused him to push Malfoy away quite forcefully on impulse. The brunette watched in slight regret as he the blond painfully collided with a few of the desks that were located behind him, ultimately falling to the ground with a painful thud.
"AHH!"
"Oh God!"
Draco clutched a hand to his throbbing elbow and glared up at the startled brunette who was looking down at him with shock written all over his face.
"What the HELL was that for Black?!"
Romulus was at a slight loss for words. "I…I'm sorry." Romulus found himself surprised at the realization that he had just sincerely apologized to Draco Malfoy of all people. "H-here…I'll help you up."
Romulus' offered hand was almost immediately swatted away. "Do NOT touch me Black! You will pay for your insubordination one of these days."
Romulus' mild sympathy was immediately replaced with anger.
"Insubordination?! You came on to ME, NOT the other way around."
Draco scoffed. "Say what you want Black! But you will mark my words, one way or another." And just as fast as it all occurred, Draco sat back down in his desk and went back to his essay, but not before rearranging the misaligned desks without delay.
Romulus was just so full of disbelief with Draco's recent actions that he let out one final venting sigh before returning back to his own essay. Despite being filled with confusion and further dislike for the wealthy blond seated only a few desks away from him, Romulus couldn't help but compare and contrast Draco's physical 'advances' with that of Agent Brock's – the two men in his life who have stirred strange and exciting feelings from deep within his core as of recently. While Malfoy's touch was uninhibited and full of desire, Brock's was gentle, tender, tentative and slightly on the shy side. Malfoy's build was long and lean while Brock's build was firm and muscular but not overly bulky. Malfoy's scent was virtually saturated with the fragrance of high-end, designer-brand cologne while Brock's was musky, manly, natural and rich. Draco's voice was youthful yet mischievous and filled with hidden intention. Brock's voice was mature, refined, charming…and Romulus secretly longed to hear it once again.
It is with these thoughts that Romulus had almost completely left his essay – more of an ultimatum that was painful on the hands – only half-finished. Fortunately, upon Umbridge's return, the brunette was able to complete it with 500 words, exactly. How he actually performed on the paper on the other hand will be left unknown until class with Umbridge again tomorrow morning. Both Romulus and Draco had left the Philosophy instructor's classroom without so much as a second glance to the other – to which Romulus was extremely thankful for. All that had occupied his mind for the rest of the afternoon was his hidden desire to lay both his eyes and his ears on the handsome older spy that had been pleasantly bothering his thoughts ever since their first encounter only one week ago. Time just couldn't move by any slower.
TBC
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A/N: I ain't gonna lie, even I was turned on by the second half of this chapter. Now I can probably guess what you're all wondering: I thought this was a Cedric/Harry fic! But this chapter doesn't mention Cedric at all! What it's a Draco/OC fic now? WTF?! All I can say to that is…Stay tuned for chapter 6! And I will be sure to update this story within the month. That's an oath.
(1) Ugghh…the return of Umbridge! I just needed a last name that would perfectly describe the bitter and almost nazi-esque teacher that I'm pretty sure all of us have encountered at least once in our life. Surprise, surprise, guess whose name came to mind!
(2) One of my favourite quotes from the Harry Potter Movies, specifically from the Chamber of Secrets. The last two tidbits of passage was actually quoted by the ever so loveable Julie Walters who plays Molly Weasley.
(3) I sort of wanted to name the school as the Hogwarts Academy, but I thought that might have been just a tad too predictable. And so instead, I named my school after our beloved creator of the Harry Potter series: J.K. Rowling. The woman can do no wrong.
(4) I was immediately reminded of "drunken Irish lad" when I wrote this little descriptor for Seamus.
(5) It's been like 3 years since I took Philosophy, specifically logic, in University. Not a bad course but it seemed only useful for the credits. You will have to forgive me if I'm stating wrong facts about the subject. It's been a while.