I wasn't looking forward to my eighteenth birthday. I knew JJ, Pope, and Kiara would have arranged some sort of party for me, and I wasn't up for it. After two years, I still missed my dad. He wouldn't be there to celebrate with me or give me his usual fatherly advice that I claimed I didn't need, following which we'd both laugh about it.

My friends were like my family, but it wasn't the same. Then there was my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. I'd been dating Sarah since we were sixteen. It started a few months after Dad disappeared. After all that time with a horny teenage boy, Sarah was still a virgin. She'd spent the last month vowing that would change on my birthday, like she was giving me some sort of special gift.

I broke up with her that morning, the day before the 'big day.' Sarah didn't get it at all—I told her things were getting too serious and I was no longer into it. Truth be told, I'd never been into it the way she was. There was a reason that I couldn't tell anyone about, especially not my three best friends. Maybe Kiara would be understanding, but what about JJ and Pope? How could I tell them I liked guys and that I'd only dated Sarah so people wouldn't ask questions? How could I tell JJ? He'd been the object of my secret desires since puberty. Every day we were together I had to try not to look at him in the wrong way, and every casual touch made me think they'd all guess how I felt about him. The number of times he cried in my arms after his dad beat him, and I longed for it to be something else he needed.

I sighed and dragged a hand through my hair. I was tempted to stay out on the Pogue for the next twenty-four hours and hide from them. If I wasn't home, they couldn't make me endure the party, and I wouldn't have to explain myself about Sarah either. But I couldn't stay away indefinitely. It would all come back to haunt me as soon as I showed up, and it would be worse than if I just faced them now, because they'd be hurt that I rejected their celebration. We'd already had parties for Pope and JJ. Kiara was the youngest, and a couple of months behind me.

I pulled up the anchor and started the engine. It was getting towards dusk. One more night and I'd be an adult. Shit.

When I arrived at the Chateau, it was clear something was happening, and I wondered at first if they were messing with me by holding the party a day early. Loud music came from the yard, and strings of lights in the trees around the hot tub that JJ called the Cat's Ass lit up the whole area. Water splashed and I guessed the jets were running.

I headed slowly, reluctantly, into the yard. JJ was in the tub alone, drinking a can of beer. Numerous empty cans were scattered around on the grass. I glanced towards the house, but it was in darkness, and I allowed a small sigh of relief to escape. It wasn't a party. It was just JJ being JJ.

"Hey." I approached the tub. "You better not have drunk all my beer."

He grinned and peered at me over the top of the sunglasses he didn't need. "Nope. Just the one… crate," he hiccoughed.

"Shit." I shook my head. He was drunk and his grin was too wide and fake. I would have been willing to bet he fought with his dad again. "Take the glasses off."

"Nah, I look cooler with them on." He laughed wildly.

"Take the sunglasses off, JJ," I repeated.

"If I must. You want to gaze into my eyes or something?" He removed the sunglasses with a dramatic flourish.

I winced at the sight of the cut just below his left eye and the swelling around it. "JJ," I groaned.

"What? It's all good. Get in here, man. Have a drink with me."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Whaddya mean? I was just waiting for you. Kind of sucks drinking alone, but I'm making the most of it." His voice shook and his gaze darted away from mine. His eyes glistened.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I took off my shirt and got in the tub.

"Aren't you going to get a drink, 'cause I'm not hauling my ass out of here to fetch one for you."

"JJ, cut the act." It killed me to see him like this. It had been killing me for years, since the first time his dad hit him, and he turned up on my porch, bleeding and sobbing. He'd been thirteen. My dad had taken him in for a week and given his deadbeat dad a good talking to. JJ hadn't appeared with any more bruises for a while after that, but his dad hadn't been able to keep his fists to himself forever.

"Oh, you think I'm acting? It's all me, man." JJ raised the beer can to his lips, but it slipped from his grasp and fell into the water. "Oh, fuck it." He fished it out and tossed it over the side of the tub. "I'll have to fetch another now anyway." He stood up, revealing the dark patches of bruises around his ribs. He staggered and almost fell.

"Shit, JJ." I got up, horrified. "Did your dad do this to you?" I touched his side where one of the bruises spread across at least three or four inches of his ribcage.

He shrugged and pushed my hand away. "Just the usual." The last word ended on a sob, and he hung his head.

I slid my arms around him and pulled him against me. He resisted, holding himself rigid—that was new. Usually when this happened, he clung to me like I was a lifeline. I loosened my grip, but he remained tense and didn't hold onto me like he usually did. His body shook as he cried. I hated it. I felt his pain and I couldn't do anything. So, I just held him, the way I had many times before, and wished he could have been in my arms for some other reason than comfort—just once.

It took him a long time to calm down this time. His legs buckled, and I lowered him back into the tub and sat at his side. He pulled free of me, buried his face in his hands and sobbed, several times seeming to stop and try to speak, but then breaking again. It was worse than before; worse than I'd ever seen him. I turned off the hot tub jets so there was less noise, and eventually, he was quiet. He was breathing hard, his face turned away. Finally, he cleared his throat and glanced sideways at me. His eyelashes were wet and spiky, and his eyes puffed up from crying.

"It was different this time," he said shakily. "I didn't forget to buy milk, or do a crap job of cleaning the bathroom, or leave stuff around the house for him to fall over. I didn't do anything."

"So, he was just drunk, or high?"

"Both, but that wasn't why." He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Tell me what happened, JJ," I said, concerned.

"He thought of a way to make some money. I mean, any money he ever gets goes on drugs or booze, or gambling. That's the latest thing. Gambling. Might as well just take a big of heap of money and set fire to it."

"JJ."

He stopped rambling. "He brought three guys back to the house. They were gonna pay him to, uh, to—" He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck, this is awkward. I was supposed to be the evening entertainment. Y'know, cute, blond, tanned, sexy, like I am." He choked a little. "So, um, yeah. He found out I'm gay, and I guess it gave him an idea. He was gonna let them fuck me. Hundred bucks a go. He must have told them I'd be up for it."

I stared at him, horrified. His own father planned to make him a whore?

He glanced at me. "What? Oh, yeah. I didn't mean to say that last part. I guess it's too late to take it back now. I'm sorry, John B. Your best friend is a fag."

"JJ, if you think that bothers me in the slightest, then you've had more to drink than I realised." I put my hand on his shoulder. "We'll talk about that later. Did any of the guys… did they hurt you?"

"Tried." He shook himself and dislodged my hand. "Don't touch me right now, okay? My dad and one of the guys grabbed me when I tried to run. The guy tore my shirt off and started groping me. My dad pinned me down. The guy was trying to take my pants off, but I managed to smash him in the nuts with my knee. He fell on the ground and then it was just my dad, and he started kicking the crap out of me. Same shit, different day. The other two guys sort of backed away, as if they didn't like what he was doing but didn't dare interfere. I managed to get a good punch in and get away. Then I ran out of the house. That's all." He laughed, a little hysterical. "My ass is intact."

"I'm so sorry. I can't believe anyone would do that to their own kid."

"Well, I keep telling you, you don't know my dad. He gets crazy when he's high, especially when he gets thwarted over one of his money-making ideas. I'm sorry to do this right before your birthday."

"Don't be an idiot, JJ. I don't give a shit about my birthday. I don't feel like celebrating. You are more important. You're my best friend, and I hate seeing this shit happening to you. Stay here, okay? Just stay as long as you want. You don't ever have to go back there. You turned eighteen a month ago—you can choose to live where you want. And after tomorrow, the DCS won't come around bothering me anymore, which means we won't see anything of my Uncle T either."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't worry about having me around all the time, now you know about me?"

"Are you serious?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I guess you can lock your bedroom door, or keep your back to the wall or something. But you're safe with me. Promise. I'm not really gonna try anything after what happened tonight. Kinda kills the mood, y'know?"

"JJ, stop it. Stop joking around," I protested.

"I'm not joking. It must be a bit of a shock to find out the guy you spent most of your life around, likes dick."

"I don't care, JJ!" I exclaimed. "Damnit, I didn't want to do this right now. Especially not when you're drunk and hurt. But I suppose it has to come out some time."

"Come out?" He laughed hysterically. "Great choice of words, JB."

"JJ!" I grabbed his arm and shook him a little, before I remembered his words about not touching him, and snatched my hand back. It was difficult to do that. I wanted to hug him more than I ever had before. "Just listen to me. Try to concentrate. I'm trying to tell you that I'm gay too. Okay?"

He met my gaze, sober from the surprise. "You… you're… since when? You've been dating Sarah for about a year and a half."

"Yeah, about that. She's still a virgin, and I broke up with her this morning. I can't do it anymore. She was expecting us to sleep together on my birthday. I just can't do it."

"Wow." JJ stared at me, penetratingly. "You're not messing with me, are you? To make me feel better?"

"No, I'm not. I've known since puberty. I was just scared to tell you and the others."

JJ nodded. "Same here. I was scared I'd lose you if you knew."

"Never."

"Wow," he said again with a small smile. "Have you ever done anything with a guy?"

"No. Have you?"

"No. I wouldn't have dared in case my dad found out. Or in case any of you guys found out."

"Same." I nodded.

"Choice is kinda limited around here," he added.

"Yeah. I mean, there's someone I like, but—" I stopped and tried a nonchalant shrug, wondering why the hell I had said that. This was definitely not the time, even though my heart was pounding at the knowledge that the guy I'd yearned for, for so long, was gay too. That didn't mean he would be attracted to me, of course, but there was a chance.

"Who? It's not Pope, is it, 'cause you'd crash and burn there. He's really into Kiara. He was saying just the other day he's going to ask her on a date and fuck her 'no Pogue-on-Pogue macking' rule."

"God, no. It's not Pope, you ass!"

"Is it Topper?" JJ laughed. "Hell, imagine that. John B and Topper. I suppose he's kind of cute if you like the poncy look."

"JJ, seriously? I've got better taste than that." I grinned.

"Oh, well it must be me, then." He smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "I mean, you know how I'm cute and hot and everything, and there's no one else on the island like me, so it has to be me, right? I mean, if it is, that wouldn't suck." He looked away and coughed. "I'm gonna remind you that I've had eight beers. Actually, seven and a half. We're sitting in that last one. Whatever. I am not responsible for anything that comes out of my mouth right now."

My heart skipped and my mouth had gone dry. I didn't know how to respond. Tell him? Or deny it and blame it on him being drunk?

"JJ—" I began.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I'm just joking around like I always do. I mean, I was kinda hoping, but—" He shrugged. "You wouldn't want a worthless piece of shit like me in your life. Not as more than a friend, anyway."

"Don't say that about yourself." I frowned and shook my head.

"Had it drummed into me for as long as I can remember." Another shrug.

"You're not worthless, JJ. You're amazing," I said softly, and looked up to meet his gaze. "And yeah, I like you. It's always been you."