Chapter 4
"Aw Dr. Mike!" Loren grumbled looking embarrassed, "When she says she's fine ya don't need to make a fuss."
He had known why he didn't want to come here, but he hadn't been able to make his wife see reason. Now they were in a right mess. Maude was by a hair's breadth away from a heart attack, Dr. Mike was fretting and obviously felt responsible for the situation, and Sully looked as if he either wanted to hit something or run away.
"Well, Loren," Michaela, being used of this kind of comments from him, retorted, "I prefer being overcautious, or however you like to call it, to being careless. My profession has taught me to take two looks rather than only one. I need to make sure there is nothing wrong."
She was sitting on the edge of her couch, listening to Maude's heart with her stethoscope while the men stood close, watching her.
"I'm alright, Dr. Mike," Maude insisted, but remained lying on her back, eyes closed. She was sure that once she regained her composure she would be fine again. At the moment, however, she still struggled with her emotions and saw only one way to get a grip on herself. "Sully, can I talk to you for a minute?" she requested, her voice weak.
"Sure," Sully replied, frowning. He wasn't confident of his ability to handle the situation but attempted not to show it.
Michaela straightened, taking the earpieces out of her ears. As she gave her diagnose she looked down at her patient, "Your heart is well for now, but you need to avoid any kind of upset." Turning to Loren she continued, "Would you please give me a hand in the kitchen for a moment?"
Loren just huffed something unintelligible but followed her out of the room.
In the mean time, Sully was close to panicking. Michaela hadn't looked at him for once since the Bray's had arrived, and he feared that she was withdrawing from him. But as to top things, he had to make it clear to Abigail's mother that he had decided to move on with his life, knowing he would hurt her deeper than he already had.
It was Maude though who spoke first. "I wanna apologize, Sully," she began, stunning her son-in-law, "I know I should let go of Abigail…" Her voice trailed off.
Sully stayed silent, not only because he didn't know what to reply but also because he knew the dark valley Maude was crossing. Platitudes wouldn't help her get through it, and suddenly he realized that it was even harder for her than it had been for him. A sense of guilt overwhelmed him because he had been able to find love once more, but the woman before him would never have a daughter again. He was the lucky one.
Eventually opening her eyes, Maude looked up at him. "You are young, Sully," she said, her tone stronger, "you deserve to have your own family with children running across the yard outside…" Her voice faltered, seeing Sully's expression. "And you will have children, won't you?" she asked, concerned by what she read on his face.
Sully didn't reply though. He was determined not to endanger another woman's life because of his selfish wish to be a father. Michaela had, without hesitation, agreed that they use protection, and he had taken that as her agreement and understanding. That was, however, none of Maude's business.
Knowing enough about him to not press further, Maude slowly sat up. "Anyway, I think Loren's right. But don't you dare tell him that!" she half-smiled, trying to lighten the atmosphere, "I don't need a garden. Much too much work. I can buy the few organic carrots I need at the supermarket."
Encouraged by the almost imperceptible smile that crept into Sully's eyes, she added, "I have to warn you though: I might still show up here from time to time."
"I don't mind," Sully assured, glad that this problem had taken care of itself, "and I'm sure Michaela don't either."
xxx
"Of course I don't mind," Michaela assured once she heard the news. "In fact, I might lay out some patches myself and could use some advice now and then."
She and Loren had prepared tea for everyone, and now they were sitting around the living room table.
"Aw, Dr. Mike," Loren said, suspiciously watching his wife whose eyes roamed the room, "it's nice of you to say that but…"
"I'd really like to know what's gotten in that girl that she didn't wanna live here," Maude interrupted her husband, not even realizing that he had spoken. "You did a great job with this house, Sully," she looked at him across the table. "I have no idea why Abby was so stubbornly against it but I'm sure she'd eventually have come around."
"Yeah, maybe," Sully replied hastily, feeling extremely uncomfortable. So as to avoid discussing this subject further, he straightened from his seat, gesturing for Wolf to come with him. "I'll be right back," he murmured, "Wolf needs some water."
"He's still the same," Maude stated disapprovingly, following her son-in-law with her eyes, "when he doesn't wanna talk, he just leaves."
"Leavin' is a nice idea," Loren rose to his feet as well. "Ya should get some rest, so let's go home." He really loved his wife but he wished she would finally stop mentioning their daughter; she talked about her whether the moment was right or not. If she would look at Dr. Mike she would realize that this time, she had chosen the wrong moment. Reaching for Maud in order to help her up, he looked at Michaela, "Ya sure she's fine?"
"I am," Michaela nodded. "But if you want, I'll take you both to the hospital and do an EKG."
"Oh, no need. I know how it feels when an attack is approaching," Maude chimed in, turning her gaze to the doctor again, and only now did she notice Dr. Mike's strained expression. As it sank in that this might be her fault, she wanted to make amends yet her husband's glare stopped her.
"Alright then," Loren mumbled, "we best be goin'."
The goodbyes were exchanged quickly, and when the Bray's drove from the yard, Sully laid his arm around Michaela's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, wondering what damage this visit had done.
xxx
Only when they lay in bed together that night, and they were lying very still in a loose embrace, did Michaela admit to herself that she was worried. Sully had been unusually quiet since Maude and Loren's departure, and she had no idea what he was brooding about. After Thanksgiving, her mother had warned her that he would always compare her to his first wife, that she was only his second choice. Of course she had, at that time, dismissed Elizabeth's warning as an attempt to lure her back to Boston and resume her relationship with David. Yet this afternoon had shown her that Abigail would always be a prominent part of Sully's life. The only question was how much room was there for her. Although he was holding her in his arms right now, she could feel the distance between them. Maybe sharing the bed tonight wasn't such a good idea.
As she carefully shifted so as to get out of his embrace, Sully roused from his thoughts. "Where're ya goin'? You alright?" he asked frantically, taking off guard by her leaving his side.
He had pondered all evening why the visit of Abigail's parents disturbed him so much. He was positive by now that it wasn't Maude's suggestion that they go together to the grave for Abby's birthday next week. It had only been when Michaela carefully laid her head on his shoulder once they had lay down for the night that the realization hit him. If his wife would have spent one minute with him in this house, not to mention this bed, he doubted that he would have been able to ever share this place with another woman. This thought frightened him, making him question whether he was really ready to move on.
However, feeling Michaela wriggling out of his arms instantly replaced one fear with a much deeper running one, the one of losing the woman who was the essence of his life now.
Her reply that she was fine didn't fool him. As she grasped the edge of the cover so as to throw it back and get up, he turned on his side, stopping her. "Please stay," he implored, pulling her against his chest, holding her close. "I'm sorry," he repeated his words from earlier, nuzzling her hair. Never having been a man of many words, he didn't know what else to say.
But Michaela needed more. Acknowledging that it might be necessary for her to ask him directly, she posed the questions that was troubling her the most, "Do you still miss Abigail all the time?"
Sully sighed; he had suspected that she was considering something like that. "I ain't thinkin' of Abby when I'm with you."
It was the truth but both were aware of the fact that this wasn't the answer to her query. Sully knew that Michaela was afraid she couldn't meet his expectations since he had been married before but she hadn't. She feared she'd look bad in comparison with Abigail. How could he explain to her that there was no way of comparing the first, deep running love of your live with the love that allowed you to continue living at all?
After a long silence, he told her what came from deep within his heart, "I love you more than you'll ever know."
"I love you, too," she whispered against his chest. Her breath on his skin sent his heart into a gallop, but he knew that all she needed was being hold tonight. And so he did it.
xxx
Both their sleeps had been fitful, yet for different reasons. Whilst Sully was trying to figure out what he could do for Michaela to see that there was nothing she had to worry about, she was caught in bad dreams. When Sully woke up for the first time, Michaela was turning and tossing at his side, with her breath coming in short gasps. Worried, he pulled her close, soothingly rubbing her back until she relaxed in his arms. It was then that, out of the blue, the solution hit him. He couldn't understand why he hadn't thought of it sooner but at least he knew now how to give Michaela the safety she needed. He would propose to her. They belonged together and there was no need to wait any longer to make it official. He would buy a ring tomorrow and take her out for dinner. He would ask her to wear the red velvet blouse that Snowbird had made for her. Michaela looked simply stunning in it…
Imagining the upcoming evening, he drifted off yet only to be roused from sleep a few hours later again for Michaela was clinging to him as if her life depended on her holding on tight. This time, he gently woke her. Not fully though, only enough to make her realize that everything was fine.
When they eventually got up in the morning, neither had slept enough but only Michaela felt tired.
As she entered the kitchen later, she paused at the door. The table was already set, and regarding the smell that filled the small room, Sully had prepared a mocha for her. She loved to start the day this way although she wasn't really used to it yet. Half a year ago having breakfast meant for her just to buy a bagel on her way to the hospital. Or she forgot to eat at all. But now, she wouldn't want to go back to her old habits, not for anything in the world.
"Hey," Sully's voice startled her out of her thoughts. She hadn't noticed him coming from his room that lay right next to the kitchen. "You alright?"
Hearing the concern in his tone, she explained, looking somewhat sheepishly as she took her seat at the table, "The dreams I had last night just left such a strange feeling of foreboding..."
Pulling his chair back so as to sit down as well, Sully tried not to sound too curious when he asked, "What've they been about?"
Michaela looked across the table, making sure he wasn't laughing at her before she revealed, "You were walking along the foot of a mountain when an avalanche started coming down. It would bury you if you continued your way. I called for you to stop but you didn't hear me."
Taking a sip from his coffee, Sully peered over the rim of his cup, studying her face. "That's some dream," he acknowledged.
"When I tried to run after you, I couldn't move. My legs were frozen solid," Michaela continued as if she hadn't heard him. "Just the thought of something happening to you…" Her gaze dropped to her hands that were clutching her mug between them.
"It was just a dream, nothing more," Sully reached across the table, comfortingly touching her fingers.
"I know," she replied, embarrassed now. "But it seemed to be so real," she added in an attempt to explain her feelings.
She didn't tell him though that her emotions had been in a similar uproar in the morning of the day when her father had died. He would think her superstitious, and even though he wouldn't laugh at her openly, he would still secretly shake his head.
Yet Sully thoughts went in a complete different direction. "Ya already have plans for tonight?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't notice the excitement he felt.
Momentarily forgetting her worries, Michaela looked up at him. "What's on your mind, Mr. Sully?" she asked, playfully raising her eyebrows.
"Nothing," Sully shrugged, grinning at her. He reached for her hand again and placed a kiss to its back, holding her gaze. "Just hoped we could go out for dinner."
Immediately, a smile brightened Michaela's face. "That would be nice… Wolf!"
Her startled exclamation didn't impress the dog in the least, in the contrary. He took it as an invitation to shake out his wet fur right next to her again before he marched to his master, looking up at him expectantly waiting for a treat.
Wiping the moisture away from her cheeks, Michaela asked astonished, "Why is he wet, Sully? I didn't hear it raining last night; did you?"
"Nope," Sully replied, being bewildered, too. He straightened from his chair, peering out of the window into the dim light of the just approaching dawn. "No rain, alright," he informed her. "Snow."
Unbeknownst to them, winter had returned over night.