Chapter 11
"How's the patient doin'?" asked Hank, placing a mug with hot steaming coffee onto his kitchen table before Michaela, sitting down across from her.
Eying him warily because she didn't know what he was getting at, Michaela took a first sip before she replied, "Quite the same."
Which was a straight lie. She had once witnessed Sully's mood going downhill when he was immobilized by a badly sprained ankle. This had been a cheerful time in comparison to now.
Though he saw right through her, Hank didn't comment on it. Any other time he would have loved to tease her, but not today. He had his own problems. "So, Myra will come back with that boy as soon as they discharge him from hospital. Could be tomorrow or in the end of the week. Would ya…" He didn't continue but kept looking questioningly at the doctor he had not only a soft spot for, but would even entrust her with his own life. Of course he'd never admit that out loud.
Michaela hadn't forgotten Myra's text on her cell phone on that day of Sully's accident. Hank's wife needed to leave for St. Louis where her sister's family had been involved in an accident, too. Their car had been hit fully into the side by a drunken van driver who had raced over the crossroads when the traffic light showed red for him. Myra's sister and her husband died on the spot but their five-year-old son survived, seriously injured though. Myra had asked Michaela whether she would stop by at the hotel now and then in order to see whether Samantha was alright. Of course Michaela had agreed. She would have done it even when The Gold Nugget wouldn't have been on her way to work. The nine-month old baby had grown on her ever since the day she had helped her into this world. Hank did great with his daughter, but was worried about what to do with the child he'd never met, especially since it was hurt. He'd asked Michaela for her advice before and she had told him that he already knew what to do – give him a home and help him recover.
"Hank, I promised I will examine your nephew." She used that term on purpose, wanting him to see that the boy was a part of his family. She knew he wasn't very fond of the idea of taking him in. "Depending on the result we will decide together how to go on. I'm back to my usual rhythm at work, doing the full cycle of different shifts again." At this point she paused for a moment, recalling her last argument about this topic with Sully. He had insisted on her going on with her normal life. Taking in a deep breath, she took another sip before she continued, looking at Hank again, "You have my cell phone number. Just call me as soon as Myra arrives here. By the way," she lifted her mug so as to inhale the dark-brown liquid's smell, "did you put any new ingredient into the coffee? Something seems to be different."
"Nope," Hank assured, grinning at her, "Maybe ya just became too weak for its strong taste."
xxx
For several nights now, Sully had a recurring dream: It is evening, and he is sitting by the fireplace in his house, whittling. His back is to the staircase, and he can hear Michaela coming down the steps, approaching him. Next he feels her arms around him from behind, squeezing him gently until she loosens her loving embrace. With her hands on his shoulders she softly puts her lips on his cheek onto the sensitive skin right beneath his eye before she breathes into his ear, "Won't you come up, join me? I'm waiting for you." And all he wants is to follow her enticing voice, but when he tries to get up he can't move. Looking down in puzzlement he sees that the blanket, that is to cover his legs, has fallen down, revealing an empty space where his lower body is supposed to be. Feeling a deep, unknown horror wash over him, he begins to scream, and that was the point when he would find back to consciousness.
He wasn't only bathed in cold sweat when he woke up, but his back hurt as well. Part of the reason for this pain was the waist brace. Although made of some especially light material, it was still quite uncomfortable. Sometimes he felt the urge to just pull it off, throw it in the next corner and bend and stretch his body to his heart's content. Once he had done it, and Michaela caught him. He had rarely seen her so mad, maybe it was because he'd just told her minutes before that he didn't want her to run two households all the time, that it was too much for her. She'd told him icily that he could move back into his house and spare her the trouble - if he would finally do something to improve his condition.
After that, his first action had been to stop taking painkillers. He had a theory about this kind of medicine, which he kept to himself though for he was quite sure that Michaela would disagree. In his opinion, the pills numbed everything, not only the pain in his back. How was he to know if there was some change in his legs if the drugs prevented any feeling?
However, as a consequence of his quitting taking pills, he was in constant pain now, which didn't improve his mood. Adding to his growing feeling of hopelessness was that nothing and no one could hold him back from brooding over what had happened and why. Had someone sent him a sign? After all, if he wouldn't have fallen, he'd asked Michael to marry him that evening. Did the spirits want to tell him something? For the first time since the accident he wished Cloud Dancing was here. But Sully didn't call him. Knowing his friend, he wouldn't be surprised if the Cheyenne dropped everything on his lecture tour to come to his aid. He couldn't allow that.
Anyway, the longer he thought about his situation and whichever way he looked at it, the more Sully was convinced that he'd called for the accident because he'd been moving too fast, and he didn't only mean his running to the tree without watching his steps. Maybe he'd tempted fate when he considered building a new family, not only too soon after Abigail and his daughter's death, but at all. He didn't want Michaela to suffer because of the wrong decisions he'd made in his life…
This way his thoughts were running in circles, forming a vortex of emotion that pulled him deeper and deeper into depression.
xxx
When he woke on his fifth morning in his new apartment, the pain in his back was especially bad. He was glad that no one could hear him getting out of bed, groaning and hissing curses through his clenched teeth. Taking a hot shower helped somewhat, and he was able to put on a calm façade when the doorbell rang. It was a bit early for the home care nurse, but he didn't mind. She would ask him how he was, take a look around in order to see whether he managed his life or if his place was a mess. It went without saying that the apartment was in perfect order, after all, three women took care of that, as they made sure his fridge was properly filled. That was what the nurse would control next. Afterwards she would take a look at the scar, make a few exercises with him, and off she was again. She never talked much, always seemed to be in a hurry.
However, when he opened the door it wasn't the nurse but Catherine who stood there, smiling at him. Holding up a paper bag she said, "I bought some bagels for breakfast and thought it would be nice not to have to eat them alone. What do you say?"
Catherine had made sure that the red Toyota wasn't parked in front of the house before she pushed the bell. Like at the hospital, she was careful to avoid meeting Dr. Quinn, and apart from the day Sully was moving in, she had succeeded so far. Not because she was scared of the doctor, but Catherine wanted Sully to see that she made good company for him, too. She came as frequently as she thought was just the right degree to not overdo it. This way Sully could get used to her presence and maybe one day, he would start missing her. Then she would make her move. Since she lived just around the corner, she knew that the doctor wasn't here very often which could only mean that she and Sully weren't as close as she'd thought. If he were her man, she wouldn't leave his side for one moment once she was home from work. However, she had noticed that rarely food had been taken from the fridge, and the only reason could be that Sully didn't eat enough. That was why she had screwed up some courage this morning to ask him to have breakfast with her.
Sully didn't guess any of the young teacher's thoughts. All he knew was that she would have been suspended if anything had happened to Brian. In her eyes, he had saved her from being fired, and she wanted to make it up to him. After having lost her husband in a car crash, a job was essential to her, and Sully understood her gratefulness. Since she was a quiet person, her presence didn't bother him, and so he at last nodded to her suggestion, and pivoted with his wheelchair, leading the way into the main room.
Michaela had been woken by her cell phone that morning. She was on call, and as she assumed, they needed her at the hospital. She'd gotten up, feeling as tired as if she hadn't closed her eyes yet. Wolf hadn't been very pleased either; Michaela could tell that the dog, although he loved Sully, preferred to be with her in the house. There was more room for him, and he could run around whenever he wanted. Yet not having a choice, both were soon on their way to Sully. Despite being in a hurry, Michaela stopped at her and Sully's favorite bakery, buying bagels. Knowing that he lately ate only when forced to do so, which she and Charlotte had noticed simultaneously, she thought it a good idea to have breakfast with him.
As she pulled her car to halt at the curb before his house, she waited a moment before she opened her door so as to prepare herself for whatever she would soon encounter. Sully's depression had led to mood swings, and although being a doctor, it became harder for her to just take the anger he often felt against all world, including her. Thus she wasn't sure how he would react to her unannounced showing up; in her attempt to get here quickly she had forgotten to call him.
However, when she opened the entrance to Sully's apartment with the key he had given her, she smiled in anticipation of seeing him. Wolf was now eager to be with his master, too, and ran towards him. Sully didn't have the opportunity to speak for already a second later, the dog stood with his front legs on his thighs, happily licking his face. When he finally managed to make Wolf let go of him, it was already too late.
"How did you know I would come?" Michaela asked in astonishment but very pleased as her eyes swept around the room, noticing the table set for two and the coffee maker working. Yet then she saw the French doors left ajar, despite the cold outside. It didn't take her long to realize that Sully already had a guest.
"Michaela…" she heard his voice, pleading for understanding.
But apparently not upset at all, she simply went to the French door, opening it fully. "You should either wear a jacket or come inside if you don't want to catch a cold," she calmly advised Catherine, who stood with her back against the wall next to the door, apparently thinking she couldn't be spotted this way from inside.
Without waiting for the teacher's reaction, Michaela turned to Sully, informing him business-like, "The hospital called, they need me to come in already. Do you think I can leave Wolf here or should I rather take him to Robert E.?"
Not able to read her expression, Sully decided to drop his attempt to explain the situation, fearing he would only make it worse. Instead he assured, "'Course Wolf stays with me."
With a short nod Michaela acknowledged his decision and turned in order to leave.
"Wait!" Sully said, hoping to stop her, fearing she misinterpreted the situation. "Stay. Eat with us."
"Thank you," Michaela replied, once again hiding her emotion from him. "But no. I have to go." She sure wouldn't tell him that she had suddenly lost her appetite, even felt somewhat sick. "Good day, Miss Winter," she added, seeing that Catherine had entered the room again.
Then she left, not waiting for Sully to show her out. Her visit hadn't lasted longer than two minutes.
"Does Dr. Quinn always look so pale?" Catherine asked after Michaela had closed the entrance behind her.
Sully, still somewhat dumfounded by what had just occured, sighed, "It's all my fault. I'm not good for her. I keep tellin' her to leave me be but she simply doesn't listen."
Hearing that, a plan began to form in Catherine's mind. She would help Sully.
xxx
When Michaela stopped by at Sully's to pick up Wolf on her way home in the evening, she had decided to confront Sully about the teacher. All day, she had contemplated what to do until she realized that denying a problem didn't make it vanish. It was him though who started talking as soon as Michaela entered his room.
"About this morning," he began, looking up at her from his wheelchair, anxiously searching her face for any trace of annoyance, "Catherine is convinced ya don't like her, and she thought ya wouldn't stay for long. That's why she found it easier to just get out of your way," Sully tried to explain the morning incident.
Michaela needed a moment to digest what she'd just heard. Did Sully really believe that nonsense he was telling her? Suddenly she felt the long day in her every single bone. Pulling out a chair from under the table, she sat down before she at last returned his gaze. "I'm not sure anymore whether you are blind or rather chose to be."
Sully had been anxiously waiting for Michaela's reaction; but this was a reply he hadn't expected. "What are ya talking about?" he asked, taken aback.
Now that she had started it, Michaela was determined to put the cards on the table, needing to get it over with. "Catherine is in love with you, Sully." There, it was out.
To her astonishment, he began to grin, "You are jealous," he said.
"I am not," she instantly retorted, growing angry. "I just…"
"Hey," Sully cut her off, rolling towards her. Taking her hands he lifted them, kissing her knuckles before he looked up. His blue eyes were gentle when he told her, "Catherine's just a friend, and all I do is helpin' her to get over her feelings of guilt." When Michaela wanted to interrupt him, he put his fingertips onto her lips, preventing her from talking. "Apart from that, there's only one woman that holds my heart, and this woman is sitting right before me."
For the first time in days, Sully was almost his old self towards her. Momentarily disarmed by his love for her, visibly on his face, Michaela sighed and bent forward until their foreheads touched. Closing her eyes she enjoyed this rare moment of peace. She was aware though that nothing was well. She knew it even more when he quietly added, "That's why I don't want ya to burden yourself with me."
And the moment was gone.
Straightening her back, Michaela glared at him, "I'm tired of hearing that, Sully. I thought we have the kind of relationship that includes caring for each other."
Sully sighed in exasperation. Why did she have to be so stubborn? He didn't want to hurt her, but his rising temper prevented him from considering his reply carefully. "We ain't married, Michaela. Ya should rather take care of yourself 'cause I'm tired of everyone tellin' me that ya look too pale."
As a reaction to his harsh words, Michaela lost even more color. She didn't reply though but rose to her feet and hurried to the door, instantly being followed by Wolf. She had no power left this evening for another fight with Sully, and hearing him calling her name as she was on her way out of his apartment, she knew he already regretted what he had said.
But she still left.