Chapter 12

After a restlessly spent night, Sully woke up to the sun shining into his bedroom. This was such a strange sensation that he initially thought he'd forgotten to turn out the light before he fell asleep. The odd thing was that the brightness accomplished what arguments neither from Michaela, his doctor nor other people had managed: Sully suddenly felt the urge to do something for either getting out of that wheelchair or at least improving his condition. He wouldn't go as far as talking to the psychiatrist, but he decided to venture out on the street for the first time since he was confined to a wheelchair. And there was another first: he admitted, at least to himself, that the bad weather keeping him inside all the time had just been an excuse.

Feeling like a new person, he rolled out of the house just in time for Michaela's arrival. The car door that opened wasn't hers though but the one that released his excited dog from the backseat. Wolf stormed towards him and almost knocked him down along with the chair, yet instead getting angry as he did so often these days, Sully chuckled, "Easy, boy, easy."

Yet his smile faded when he realized that Michaela didn't intend to join him for breakfast. He wanted to make amends for his bad-tempered behavior last night as soon as possible and waiting till the evening suddenly seemed to be too much. Her expression, however, told him that he would ask in vain for her to stay, and thus he only greeted her quietly, "Mornin'."

Her reply was equally quiet and short, "Good morning."

Of course Sully had no way of knowing that Michaela remained next to her car because she felt drained of the energy for another fight with him after her sleeping rather fitfully. Their conversations usually started with Sully being in a good mood like now, but it was only a matter of time that she would say something that triggered his anger. The inevitably following argument always had the same topic: he wanted her to stop worrying about him, insisting she'd do better without him. In reply, her temper would rise as well. With her patience beginning to wear very thin, she spoke her mind more frankly by now when she used to retort that all that was necessary for him to heal was to finally listen to his doctors' medical advices.

However, seeing him now with Wolf at his side out on the street, both looking at her expectantly, hoping for her to join them, it almost felt as if things were back to normal. At this thought, something inside of her chest tightened when she reminded herself that they'd never been farther away from being on normal terms than at the moment. Yet she couldn't afford to dwell on that; in only half an hour, patients would demand all her attention. For them it was vital that she functioned, and thus she took in a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

"I'll pick Wolf up around three," she at last said, holding on tight to the car door before she climbed back into the Toyota.

xxx

It was late afternoon when Michaela arrived in front of Sully's house. She didn't get out of the car right away but rested her brow on her hands that still grasped the top of the steering wheel. It had been a busy day at the hospital, and an unexpected surgery even prolonged it. Outside of the Toyota the wind was howling, and the dark-gray clouds looked as if they would throw down their wet burden any minute. Michaela couldn't believe that it had been only a few weeks ago that the sun was warm enough for them to sit outside on the porch, enjoying the sense of early spring in the air. Nothing of that was left now: no warmth, no feeling of togetherness between her and Sully. If only she could make him agree to accept the professional help he needed, then things could look up for him really soon. It wasn't enough that he allowed Charlotte and Catherine to take care of his apartment and her of his dog but otherwise simply waited things out.

Anyway, the thought of possibly encountering another discussion in a few moments let her still hesitate to get out of her car. Yet at last she made some effort to collect herself. All she had to do was enter Sully's apartment, ask him whether he needed something, call for Wolf to follow her, and then she could go home where it was quiet and peaceful. She was so tired of all the arguments she'd had with Sully that she honestly began to wonder why she still tried to be there for him. If there weren't those rare moments when his love for her shone through, she would think he actually wanted to break up with her for good. However, in addition to her believing that he only wanted to protect her she knew that he was in a very bad emotional shape. In order to be on the safe side, she had talked to Dr. Goldt and another colleague, who was a neurologist, about Sully's condition again, and both had assured her that there was no physical reason for the paralysis he experienced. If only she could make him accept help…

However, continuing sitting in her car wouldn't get her anywhere, and thus Michaela gathered the few crumbs of energy she had left and eventually stepped out onto the street.

She had no idea that she had been watched all the time. Catherine, with her heart pounding wildly inside of her chest, had waited at her window, hiding behind the net curtain. As soon as the red Toyota drove by she left her apartment that lay just around the corner from Sully's. Catherine knew that the luck was on her side when the doctor not immediately entered the house for this way, her timing could be perfect. She thought herself a good psychologist and was able to picture the scene that would occur inside of Sully's apartment once the doctor had turned her key in the lock. The dog would greet her enthusiastically right at the entrance, and Sully would watch them. This was the right moment for her to ring.

And so she did. As she'd predicted, Michaela, still busy with stroking the dog, was the one closer to the door and opened it to her.

"Hi," Catherine greeted her cheerfully, "Don't worry, I'll be gone again right away."

With that she passed her and Wolf. Hurrying straight toward the bedroom, she smiled at Sully who sat in his wheelchair next to the kitchen unit from where he was watching Michaela and Wolf.

"Sorry," Catherine explained her presence to him, trying to look embarrassed, "I forgot my cell phone under your pillow this morning. I only noticed at school."

In total bewilderment, Sully followed her with his wheelchair in order to find out what she was talking about. He still had no clue what was going on when Catherine lifted one corner of the pillow on his bed and produced a small item from beneath it. He only recognized Catherine's intention when she lifted a cell phone in order to show it Michaela, who still stood at the entrance. "Here it is," the woman he had thought was his friend said somewhat triumphantly.

Sully had never swiveled the wheelchair around so fast, wanting to assure Michaela that this was only a plot made up by Catherine. Yet seeing Michaela's ashen complexion he only managed to anxiously say her name. Fearing she might faint any moment he fiercely pushed the wheels in order to get to her yet with his first move she turned and left, Wolf on her heels. The slamming of the door told him that Catherine's action had managed what all his arguments and pleading hadn't been able to do. Michaela had left him.

Yet this was not the way he'd wanted it to happen. Desperate to catch up with her, he yanked the door open, calling her name. However, when he was finally out of the house, the Toyota already pulled away from the curb.

As Sully returned into his living room, Catherine was still there, leaning against the kitchen counter, quite pleased with herself. Yet seeing his expression she knew she would wait in vain for a thankyou from him. She'd never been the target of his anger before, and so she was unprepared when he glared at her, demanding, "What the hell was that?"

Although it dawned on her that she might have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with him, Catherine still defended her action, "I only wanted to help. You said you wanted her out of your life."

"But only because I love her," Sully almost yelled, "Because she deserves better! I never wanted to hurt her!"

At this moment, an almost unbearable pain shot from his waist down to his toes, and he doubled over. Catherine was instantly at his side, anxiously asking, "Sully, what's wrong? Can I do something?"

"Yeah," he hissed through clenched teeth, "Leave me alone."

As sudden as the pain had come, it vanished though and Sully carefully straightened in his wheelchair, wary of the pain's possible return. For a moment only focused on himself, he pinched his thigh hoping to feel something; but he didn't. One fact, however, had changed: he finally began to believe that one day, he would walk again.

At last looking up at Catherine who was still watching him, he at last clarified what he'd meant before, though he was calm now, "I don't want ya to come back. Never. Thanks for everythin' you've done for me, but that's it. If ya still wanna help, just stay away from me, that's the best ya can do. Would ya please pull the door shut behind ya? I wanna lay down for a bit. I need to think."

Knowing that it would be useless to argue, Catherine nodded. She didn't even say goodbye when she left.

xxx

Michaela hadn't left Sully's house so abruptly because she was crying. Her eyes were dry but something was still wrong with them: it suddenly became gradually darker around her although it wasn't time yet for the sun to descent. Only when a strange ringing sound in her ears was added did she realize that she was close to fainting. Determined to give neither Catherine nor Sully the opportunity to watch her fall apart, she hurried to her car. Wolf seemed to sense that she needed his support, and thus he didn't fall behind but jumped onto the backseat as soon as she opened the door for him, without demanding her attention first. Normally he would circle around her, make her laugh and then lay his front paws onto her shoulders for her to scratch him behind his ears.

Michaela, however, wasn't able to thank Wolf for his excellent behavior because she now tried to fight off a wave of nausea that was hitting her so hard as she had never experienced it before. She only managed to drive around the next bend where she threw open her door, pressing her other hand against her mouth. She barely registered that she had come to halt right in front of the Cooper's house but instantly followed Charlotte, who had been arguing with Brian outside on the driveway.

Her friend showed her directly to the family's bathroom where Michaela reached the toilet bowl just in time for her to empty her stomach with violent heaves. She waited a bit, remaining down on her knees until she was sure the feeling of sickness was over for now. As she at last rose to her feet, she went to the washbasin where she opened the faucet for the cold water. She didn't only splash her face with the cool liquid but rinsed her mouth out as well, and slowly her mind started to work again.

"You can take the red towel on the left for dryin' your face." Charlotte had opened the door to the bathroom as soon as she heard the water running. Now she was leaning against the door frame, scrutinizing Michaela's face when her young friend turned around.

"You ate somethin' wrong?" she softly asked, already knowing the answer.

And as she'd expected, Michaela shook her head.

The only logical conclusion for the experienced labor and delivery nurse was her next question, and so she asked it, "You want me to make an appointment for you to see my boss?"

Until this moment, Michaela had been able to fool herself. Her dizziness could easily be explained away with her low blood pressure, the tiredness with her working too much. Her feeling sick now and then was no wonder either; since Sully's accident she had fallen back into her old habits of eating only when feeling hungry, which meant not regularly at all. Yet deep down she already knew it for a while that she was pregnant. Charlotte was right; she should see a gynecologist. Knowing that Dr. Bernard, who happened to be her friend's boss, was an excellent one, she at last agreed, "That would be nice of you. But…" Embarrassed, she blushed, hesitating to make another request.

"But?" prompted Charlotte, not knowing where Michaela was getting at.

After some more humming and hawing, Michaela finally came out with it, "I'd still like to keep it just between you and me… and Dr. Bernard. Could you arrange somehow…"

Charlotte nodded. "Of course," she assured, "I will see that you won't have to meet other patients. No one knows better than me how quickly gossip spreads. Only one of Loren's customers seeing you at the waiting area will be enough for all town to learn about the news."

Relieved, Michaela smiled for the first time. "Thank you," she said.

Yet as she turned in order to put the towel back onto the hook, Charlotte's next question made her instantly tense up again. "What about Sully? Is he allowed to know?"

Slowly, Michaela pivoted again so as to face her confidante. "No," she decided on the spur of the moment. "I don't want him to know."

Charlotte nodded in acceptance, yet her raised eyebrows indicated that she was hoping for an explanation. She didn't get it right away though for Brian scampering into the hallway, Wolf in tow, interrupted them, "Dr. Mike," he exclaimed, wide-eyed and somewhat breathless, holding her bag pressed against his small chest, "it makes strange noises."

Despite herself, Michaela chuckled. Closing the distance between the boy and her, she assured, "No need to worry, Brian." Taking her purse from him she opened it. Fishing around in its content she explained, "It's my cell phone. I forgot to turn the vibrating off and the ringing on before I left the hospital."

"Oh." The sound of this one-syllable reply made it obvious that Brian was disappointed. He'd hoped for something more exciting than a phone, like a brand-new, top secret mini apparatus that could help Sully walk again.

After finding the now mute cell phone, Michael bent down to the blonde-haired boy so as to be on eye level with him. "Would you please take Wolf back to the car? We need to go home but I'd still like to talk to your mom for a minute."

"Can I come with ya and drive with Wolf and his dog car for a bit?" Brian pleaded, already having forgotten his disappointment from a minute ago.

"Brian," his mother gently scolded, "Dr. Mike…"

Yet Michaela touched her arm, making her stop. "It's alright, Charlotte. Wolf can use some moving; he gets far too little lately."
"Yippee!" Brian jumped with joy, "C'mon, Wolf; we gotta drive in your yard!"

Indulgently laughing, Charlotte shook her head. Yet before she could comment on her youngest' behavior, a deep hum and vibrating announced another call for Michaela, who didn't take it though. After glancing at the screen she pushed two buttons, and the phone was quiet again.

"Sully?" Charlotte asked knowingly, putting two and two together. Obviously the couple had been arguing.

"Yes," Michaela sighed. "I'm not ready to talk to him. I need to sort things out for myself first."

And the phone started to vibrate again.