Chapter 3: Examination

Day 1

Simon

Simon limped out of the infirmary, his face a paler shade than what the rest of the crew was used to seeing on the young man, but still he cleared his throat.

"Jayne, can you carry Kaylee into the infirmary and get her settled on the chair?" he asked gently, easing his eyes onto Kaylee. Somehow, he wanted her to know that he was going to be as gentle and sensitive about this whole situation as she could possibly need him to be. Kaylee met his eyes with reluctance, her beautiful brown eyes sadder than he had ever seen them,

She swallowed and closed those eyes as Jayne scooped her up, one arm under her knees, the other bracing her back. She pressed her face hard against Jayne's chest, and inhaled deeply, no doubt breathing in her protector's scent. Such an animal thing to do, Simon thought. Her shoulders began to shake with a sudden burst of tears and Jayne pressed her in closer to him.

"Right now, Doc?"

Simon stared at the weeping, trembling form of Kaylee and instantly flashbacked to the first day he had met her and how bright, innocent, and sunny she had been. Now… now, she was almost like everyone else. Like any other rape victim that he had seen at the hospital. She wasn't his Kaylee for a moment, she was just a hurt woman looking for help.

He shook his head violently and stared at Jayne who was giving him a strange look in return.

"The sooner the better," he murmured and watched as Jayne gently set Kaylee down and covered her up with the jacket he had been wearing. Something the captain would've done, not Jayne. Simon noticed it and, strangely, did not like it.

Simon swept over to Kaylee with one of the white, sterile blankets that he managed to keep stocked in the infirmary and picked up Jayne's jacket. Jayne stared at him with widened, but otherwise expressionless eyes.

"This is yours?" Simon asked.

"Yeah," Jayne replied gruffly, slipping back into the garment. The two men stared at one another until Simon once more cleared his throat.

"I'm really sorry, Jayne, I have to ask you to leave."

"What? I'm the one looking after little Kaylee now and I'm not going to leave her so soon after what that son of a bitch did to her!" Jayne protested, his voice growing louder and louder. Simon caught his sleeve and pulled him to the door.

"I understand your concern, Jayne," Simon said.

"I don't think you do," Jayne growled.

"Listen, let's not do this in front of Kaylee." Jayne glanced at the girl in question, sighed, then nodded. Simon glanced around at the others. "I'm going to need to dim the windows so that nobody can see, for Kaylee's protection. Do you think you could keep everyone away from the infirmary for about an hour or so?"

Jayne nodded. "Yeah, sure."

"Thank you," Simon replied. He smiled at Kaylee, who was now propped up on her elbows and watching the two men intently. "I'll call for you when I need for you to come and resume your duties of watching over her."

Jayne scowled and swept out of the infirmary. "All right, everyone. There's nothing to see, so let's just move on and find something else to do."

Simon closed the door behind him and dimmed the windows so that anyone looking in would only see a reflection of themselves. Kaylee slumped back against the chair with a watery sigh.

"What're those for?" she asked quietly.

"The windows?" Simon asked in return. Kaylee nodded.

"They're so that this procedure is kept private and confidential." Kaylee's eyes remained wide and were fast filling with tears again. "Kaylee, don't worry. They're just so that everyone isn't staring in at you while I perform the examination."

"Why do you have to do that?" she asked as Simon slipped into his white lab coat and green elastic gloves.

"The exam?" he asked her softly. Kaylee nodded and gave him a helpless and pleading look. It was clear she did not want to have anything to do with any examination. Simon wasn't surprised. Few women did, but it was a necessary evil that had to be performed to make sure that they were all right. Still, Simon hadn't gotten over the guilt attached with giving such an exam to someone so recently abused. "It's to help protect you."

Kaylee snorted and looked away from him. "Just make it fast?"

"I'll be as fast and as gentle as I can," he promised her. Kaylee nodded.

"All right," she said in a tiny voice. Simon pulled a chair over to where Kaylee was resting. She touched his arm. "Don't hurt me."

"Kaylee," murmured Simon softly, unable to say anything else. She knew the exam would probably end up hurting her and the very last thing that he wanted to tell her was that very thing. "Just try to relax."

Simon started with the external injuries first. He took pictures of and recorded the bruises on Kaylee's wrists and forearms. She flinched at first then settled down to watch him photograph her face and torso. Simon looked up at her then.

"Kaylee, I want to ask your permission to go further."

"You mean, down there, right?" she asked, fresh tears springing to her eyes. Simon nodded, feeling miserable and angry.

"Yes."

"Fine," she murmured, covering her face with her hands. Simon moved up to where her head was and brushed some stray hair off of her neck. Kaylee moved her hands and stared at him. "Simon?"

"Not until you're ready, all right?" he asked her. "Not until you're ready."

Kaylee grabbed onto Simon's hand and held on tight for a long minute. "Simon? This is going to hurt, right?"

"Not right away," Simon told her. "I'm just going to continue documenting and I will tell you when I will begin healing where you're hurt." He glanced away for a moment. "Including the other places, like your teeth and inside your mouth."

.Kaylee nodded. "All right." She let go of his hand. "All right, Simon. I can do this."

"And I will understand if you need to change your mind," he told her. She nodded.

"Thanks."

Kaylee

It was humiliation, if it was nothing else.

She knew Simon would never do anything to hurt or humiliate her intentionally. In fact, she was pretty sure that Simon cared about her more than the other members of the crew and would've hurt anyone who did, but right now, it definitely did not seem that way. It felt like Simon's exam was going all wrong. Her face was blazing hot with embarrassment and her fists were locked on hard to the examining chair's armrests in pain.

Kaylee flinched as she felt the prick of a needle someplace where she never wanted a needle to go. She knew she was getting a couple of stitches that would come out in a few days because Simon was reporting everything that he was doing down there, but it wasn't so comforting. Listening to him, that was.

"Kaylee, are you all right?" he asked, his voice far, far away from her ears. Kaylee opened her mouth to say "yes," but couldn't form the word. She was not all right. There was nothing all right about any of this. "Kaylee? Kaylee, can you hear me?"

"What?" she asked suddenly and Simon flinched at the snappiness in her voice. "What do you want, Simon?"

"I'm asking if you're all right, Kaylee."

She sighed. "Yes. I'm fine. It just-" A stab of pain cut her off. "It just gorram hurts!"

"I know," Simon said sympathetically and while she wanted to thank him for trying to understand, half of her wanted to scream that he would never understand, not for as long as he lived.

"Simon," she thought aloud. "I feel like his hands are still on me." Instantly, Simon's hands dropped from her body. She bit down hard on her lip, not even noticing that she broke the skin and there was blood trickling very slowly down her chin. "I feel like a piece of space trash."

"Kaylee, you are not and never will be a piece of space trash," Simon told her firmly. Kaylee looked into his eyes.

"You can't feel how filthy I feel, so how would you know?"

Simon shook his head. "I wouldn't. I just know that there is nothing in the entire verse that could make you shine any less."

A faint smile traced Kaylee's lips. "That's sweet to say."

"I mean every word," he said earnestly. "You believe me, Kaylee, and don't start thinking that you're worth any less because of what that piece of shit did to you."

She sighed. He was so sweet to try and convince her differently from how she felt.

"Let's keep going," she said quietly and Simon nodded in agreement.

There again! Another stab of the needle!

"Simon, can't you put me out or something?"

Simon paused. "A general anesthetic?" Kaylee nodded, not sure what that was, but pretty sure she wanted it. "Well, I could try an epidural. That would certainly make this procedure easier on you."

"So do it," Kaylee whimpered. She could feel the tug of the stitches and burst into tears. Again. She had never felt more like a baby than she felt right then. "Simon, please."

"I don't know, Kaylee."

"Simon!"

"All right," he finally conceded. "But, just so you're aware, it's an injection in your spine, Kaylee. And it hurts badly before the pain goes away."

Kaylee turned terrified eyes up to him. "Just please help me?"

River

"Oh!" River cried out in pain. Inara was quick to her side as was Shepherd Book. The girl was doubled over and moaning in pain.

"What is it, River?" Book asked, sensing before she answered what it might be. He himself was no psychic, but he suspected that the little girl often left in his care was. She looked up at him, pain etched into every line in her face.

"It hurts," she gasped.

"Oh, shut up," Jayne snapped. "Ya ain't feelin' her pain and that's that."

"On the contrary," Book said quietly. "I think she can feel everything that poor Kaylee is feeling. It's just a matter of teaching her what to feel and what not to feel."

"Well, I ain't in no teaching mood," Jayne replied. River gritted her teeth. They could talk about her pain in a theoretical way all they wanted, but that didn't change the fact that she was still suffering. Inara placed a cool hand on River's forehead. Well, at least one person still remembered her pain.

"Come lay on the couch, River," Inara said to her softly and River followed the Companion as best she could until they reached the couch and River collapsed down on it. "Can we get you anything?"

"A bedazzlement or perhaps a fixation," River said quietly.

They were all quiet for a moment, processing what she said. Book, who spent the most time with the girl besides her brother, was the first to understand.

"A distraction," he said in explanation. He looked at Inara. "Perhaps some music and tea would be nice."

"I've got some Earth-That-Once-Was comic books," Wash said quickly. "How about that, River? They're pretty awesome."

Book held up his hand. "Well, how about a copy of the Bible to correct instead, River? I happened to pick up an extra one, just for you."

River smiled. "I could run red through the contradictions and green through the fallacies?"

"Whichever colors you want to use is fine by me," Book replied as he walked to his room to retrieve the extra Bible. "This will be your Bible, River."

River felt warm trickles of happiness for a moment before another stab of pain made her cry out again. Inara turned and rushed to her shuttle to retrieve the music and tea that Book had mentioned while Zoe sank down next to River. She looked at her husband.

"Who's flying this thing?"

"Mal is."

"You're the pilot…"

Wash shrugged. "Listen, he volunteered to watch over things and call me if he needed me."

A crackle picked up over the intercom. "Wash? Can you come back up here?"

Zoe smiled and Wash kissed her hard, perhaps in hopes of kissing that smile right off of her. When it was still there when they broke for air, Wash sighed and marched up to the bridge. Zoe wrapped her arms around River and pulled the girl's body close to hers.

"It'll be all right."

"Don't know that," Jayne scowled.

Zoe's mouth thinned. "Jayne, don't make me send you to your quarters."

Book returned with the Bible he had promised River and almost did a double take when he saw Zoe holding onto the girl and comforting her by combing through her long, somewhat unruly hair.

"Here you are, River," he said, holding out the book. River took it with shaking hands. She could suddenly sense what was about to happen next and no book was going to make it any easier.

She screamed as she felt the needle pierce through Kaylee's skin and head straight into her spinal canal. The scream would have been mirrored by Kaylee if the infirmary had not been soundproof. Zoe held on tight to River, talking nonsense to River's ears as the pain stayed then gradually turned into nothing at all below River's waist. Zoe was still holding her as Inara put on her music and began to heat up the water for the tea. The cup was slipped into River's hands and, although she could still sense Kaylee's mental distress, she felt herself relax back against Zoe.

"Thank God," Book whispered.

"I don't know if God's the one you ought to be thankin'," Zoe said softly. Book glanced at her, his guard up instantly. River wanted to sigh. "No, Preacher, I'm not picking any fights. I just don't think that God had anything to do with this whole nasty business."

Book sighed and nodded, sinking back into a chair.

"No, I don't think He did."