When Jim heard the chime of someone at the door to his quarters, only a few minutes after he had reached it sanctuary, he ignored it. It sounded a few more times, and then whoever it was took the hint and left.
Despite knowing his dreams would likely be fitful, Jim crawled into bed. He pulled the coverlet over his body that was trembling in shock and reaction, placed his pillow over his head and faded into a restless oblivion. His body and mind couldn't cope any longer.
When Jim finally awoke hours later, there was a strange sound in the room he couldn't place. He emerged from his cocoon of blankets and found that Spock had pulled a chair near the bed and was sitting in it, sleeping. The sound was his soft breathing.
Spock looked different when asleep, Kirk realized. Smaller, more relaxed, more human. Jim fought a sudden urge to reach out and trace the delicate point of his ear, knowing that a conscious Spock would never allow such petting.
As though aware of Jim's disrespectful thoughts, Spock suddenly stirred and woke, and he opened eyes that studied Jim curiously. The blue eyes that met his were wary, glancing towards the door as though calculating his chance of escape.
"Jim…" Spock began cautiously, "I trust it is not your habit to run from emotionally vulnerable situations?"
It was so different from what Jim had expected Spock to say that he wasn't sure how to respond.
He saw a loose thread on his blanket and gently began to worry it with his fingers. He decided the least he owed Spock were some honest answers.
"Yes. No. I don't know. I've spent the last twelve years avoiding it. I don't tell anyone about it. I went through some therapy when I first came back to Earth, but I refused to talk, even then."
Spock lifted a quizzical eyebrow. "It is a proven fact that discussing traumatic events with a trained counselor helps alleviate their effects. It would be logical for you to do so."
Kirk sighed and forced himself to meet his friend's eyes. "Spock, I'm in Starfleet and a captain - do you really think that if I had told Starfleet psych even half of what I went through, that that would be the case? It's very easy to feed a psychologist small half-truths and let them think they know everything. It was the only way to not be regarded as unfit for command."
Spock was quiet for a few minutes, and Jim knew that meant he was processing what Jim had said.
"But it allows you to achieve no peace within yourself."
The words Jim spoke next were hard and bitter, full of old hatred. "There's no way Kodos died on Tarsus. No one even knew his real name when he took over, so they couldn't match DNA. He's still out there, alive somewhere. When he is finally caught and punished, then I'll have peace."
It was in Spock's mind to tell the Captain this was most illogical, and that such an event might never occur. He remembered his own hatred towards Nero that led him to ask Jim not to grant mercy, and tried to imagine how he would feel if he believed that Nero was still alive.
Spock knew though that there was would be no closure in justice for Jim, even if Kodos did yet live and was found, but he allowed the human to retain his illusions.