Sorry, I didn't update last night as promised. I fell asleep putting my kid to bed, which tells you I was too tired to type anyway. Hope this makes up for it ;)

After showering and changing, Jim actually felt somewhat human again. When he finally made it to the medical lab to beg Bones for one of the few pain relief hypos that he didn't react badly to, Bones glared at him.

"When I said you and the others would need to speak to someone to help get over the experience, I was NOT telling you to get everyone drunk and pressure them into crying out their sorrows on each other. You do realize all of you still need some professional help? You damn fool!"

Jim smiled and rubbed the sore spot on his neck. Hyposprays weren't supposed to hurt, but Dr. McCoy somehow managed to make them do so when he wanted. "Hey, it's the only kind of therapy that ever worked for me."

That earned him a snort and pointed glare. "Did it really, Jim?"

Jim's smile faltered. "Maybe not. Hey Bones, can we talk more… privately?"

"In my office," the doctor said curtly, leading the way.

Once they were in the privacy of the room though, Jim didn't know how to broach the topic. How do you tell your best friend that you haven't been completely honest with them for over three years?

But it didn't seem fair for Spock to know the truth about Tarsus IV while Bones, his oldest friend on board, did not. Damn, he didn't know how to tell this though.

"Bones, you've know how you saw evidence of some kinda strange things on my medical scans that happened when I was younger? I never really explained why you saw evidence of abuse and starvation…"

"Jim, I already know."

"I know you thought you did but I let you think something that wasn't true."

"Jim, that was just my idea right after seeing the scans. Once I did some research, I realized the physical effects matched someone who had survived a severe famine and war, and there was only one situation that fit those credentials in your lifetime. I know you were on Tarsus IV as a kid."

Jim sat stunned for a moment. "Shit…so you've always known?"

"I guessed. Pretty fast. You're files were sealed with all kinds of government confidentiality blocks. It fit your physical scars and your psych profile. Sometimes you had nightmares and you talked in your sleep. Once you said something that kinda confirmed it when you were drunk too. Nothing else fit."

"So all this time I felt guilty about hiding my past from my best friend and he already knew, huh? Shit…"

"Jim, I knew you couldn't talk about it. I figured if it ever came up we'd deal with it. It came up yesterday morning huh?"

"Yeah, I had to live through it all again."

"Dammit, I'm sorry for that Jim."

"Spock came into my mind and helped me."

"He was in your mind? Betcha that scared him to death!"

"Nah…He seems pretty understanding actually. I didn't give him enough credit, or you."

"Alright, you're making me blush. I was fixing to do some minor surgery. Did you need anything else?"

"No. Just… Thanks Bones."

"Anytime Jim. Go eat something."

When he got to the mess hall it was obvious Spock had been waiting for him for awhile. "Sorry," he said with an apologetic grin, "Had to talk to Bones about some things."

Spock looked curious. "Did you tell the doctor about your… past experience?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Bastard already knew. The guy is too damn smart."

An eyebrow arched in reply. "I hadn't noticed this characteristic of the doctor, but perhaps you are comparing him to your own intellect."

It took Jim nearly a minute to process the insult. "Hey!" he yelled out, as Uhura came and sat beside them with her own food.

"So have you heard the rumors yet?" she said with a soft smile.

Spock and Jim looked at each other, and Jim knew his eyes were panicked looking. "I'll have you know that Spock only stayed in my quarters to check on me last night!"

He felt Spock tense beside him and realized that maybe he should have listened to what the rumor was before opening his big mouth.

Uhura gaped at them for a minute and laughed without stopping for 2 entire minutes. Finally she stopped and replied "First, no one would even know if you did ever stay in each other's quarters since you share a bathroom and could simply enter and exit through it so no one would see you. Second, I was referring to the rumor that Sulu and Chekov spent the night in Hikaru's quarters, and Pavel is walking more than a little funny this morning. But please, feel free to announce whenever you do spend the night together." She said with a wink.

Kirk and Spock both sat digesting this for long minutes before they simultaneously burst out with , "I have some reports I need to go over." and "My assistance may be valuable in the science laboratories."

Uhura watched them practically run out of the mess hall and shook her head, muttering "Men!" under her breath. When Scotty and McCoy came in for lunch and sat with her, she watched their reactions to the news that Kirk and Spock had spent the night together as well. Dr. McCoy's face turned an interesting shade of red as he began calling Spock some choice words, while Scotty managed to choke on his drink and she had to pound him on the back a bit until he could speak again.

With a smirk, she decided that it would be an excellent time to speak with Hikaru and Pavel after lunch as well. She wondered how fast the two of them would run out of the room as well. She had a feeling the bridge was going to be rather tense for awhile.

She wasn't expecting the message she receiving requesting that she come to the private viewing room in the rec area again that night. Noticing Spock, Sulu and Chekov were included in the order as well, she appeared with more than a little curiosity.

Uhura had seen Kirk looking drunk, furious, flirty and teasing over the years, but she could honestly say she had never seen him look nervous, and he most certainly was now. He nodded a greeting when she entered the room and then paced until the others showed up.

Still she could never have expected what Kirk did next. None of them could have, except perhaps Spock, as she later found out he was already in on the deep, dark secret.

Jim Kirk began to speak and the words tumbled out fast, tripping over each other before he lost the courage to say them.

"Last night, I wasn't completely honest when I spoke about the experience I relived. I mean, everything I said was true, but maybe misleading. I didn't explain… enough."

"It's come to my attention that maybe you three should know about this event in my past. There is a chance that I might be emotionally compromised in a similar situation, and you might have to take over or help me deal with it. Spock knows about it, because he was in my mind yesterday, and our CMO figured it out himself, but it isn't fair for me to know you most painful memories when you don't know mine. We said it last night, but I just need to say it again. This needs to stay in our own little circle. I'm sharing information with you that is completely classified in my records."

Sulu and Chekov looked as mystified and curious as she felt. Uhura sat back to see what would happen.

Jim decided there was no point in dragging the tension out. He entered a vid chip he had downloaded that afternoon in the viewer and flipped to its title; "The Tarsus Ten: Witnesses to Genocide."

"This was released three years after the massacre from the classified Starfleet interviews that were done only weeks afterwards. My face was blurred to protect my identity since I was a minor. They left the voice though. This file runs hours so I'm just going to skip to my part. I was thirteen during the briefing."

Jim looked to gauge their reactions. Chekov looked confused, Sulu looked at him suspiciously and Uhura seemed downright horrified. Of course, a linguist would be familiar with the massacre that had killed Hoshi Sato.

Jim played the clip and watched detachedly as the vid began with a young teenager slumped in a padded armchair. Too thin hands clenched the armrest, white knuckled and one foot juggled nervously. Then the questioning began.

"Two of the children you helped rescue called you 'J.T.' Is that how you'd like to be addressed?"

There was a pause and then a very quiet "sure…"

"J.T., Why were you on the Tarsus IV colony?"

"I was staying with my aunt and her family. They're all dead now."

The interviewer seemed flustered by hismatter of fact tone.

"Did someone tell you that?"

"No. I saw them die. My aunt and uncle and all my cousins. I saw them fall, and I ran and hid," the boy replied in a monotone.

"I see."

"They said it was painless on the 'net broadcasts but it wasn't. They knew what was happening and they screamed. Kodos' men even killed Sara and she was only two years old."

"I'm sorry for your loss." the official commented.

The teenager shrugged and grew quiet.

"When Starfleet arrived, you were protecting three other children?"

"Yeah, Kevin and Aki and Cecelia. I found Kevin during the killings and he was the littlest. He was at the orphanage but I was afraid Kodos would kill him when I went AWOL, so I snuck him out. Aki was eight and I was ordered to kill him. I said he ran away, but really I helped him hide until we could run. Cecelia, I had just gotten free that day. Some of the guys were keeping her in the barracks, raping her instead of killing her. I offered to watch her and then I got us all to run that night."

"Most of the soldiers were my age or a little older. Kodos wanted us to be young, to follow orders I guess. He kept coming into the camp and meeting with the best killers of us or the people he had a special interest in. At the end though, he had a lot of them killed as well, to cover it all up."

The boy called J.T. was silent a moment. "Ceceilia was only eleven. She killed herself in the hospital after she found our her whole family was gone - overdosed on meds. There's only nine Tarsus witnesses now."

"Yes, it is unfortunate we weren't able to interview her as well. You are one of only nine survivors now who saw Kodos' face. Can you describe him?"

"Yes. I'll remember his face forever."

The interview dragged on and on, in the same vein. Often J.T. spoke more than was necessary, but always in the detached, emotionless tone of voice. By the time the vid ended an hour later, Chekov looked absolutely stricken, Sulu's arm was around him and Uhura had tear tracks down her cheeks.

Kirk stood in front of them awkwardly for a moment after it ended. Finally he pushed forward on pure bravado with, "So, now you know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you last night, but I didn't really know how. Sorry you had to see that…"

Suddenly he found himself surrounded. His communications officer had her arms around him and she was crying against him. Sulu was patting him gently on the back and Chekov was just leaning against his shoulder.

Jim froze and appeared at a loss. "Hey, it was a long time ago alright? It's okay."

This earned him Uhura pulling away and glaring daggers at him. "Don't pull that macho crap with me James T. Kirk! We're here and we feel like comforting you, so you just stand there and deal with it."

That earned a shadow of his usual charming smile. "Yes ma'am," he replied, "I wouldn't dream of stopping you."

"Good! She said, pulling him into another hug.

Spock looked on approvingly and noticed that Dr. McCoy had entered the room at some point as well. He had expected him to, since he may have mentioned that Jim had called them to meet with him again.

"Alright, give the man some room to breathe. He's going to come with me to medical and get something to help him relax tonight, and you all can be back on the bridge in your normal shift tomorrow." the doctor announced, making his presence known and moving around to check and see how the rest of the previous day's victims were managing. "Did you see the counselor? Good. Need anything to help you sleep tonight?"

He dispensed advice and hyposprays as needed. When he got to Spock, they studied each other a moment. "Guess you got a heart under that robot brain of yours after all. You did good with him last night."

Spock looked at him and replied simply, "My heart is located approximately 39 inches beneath my brain, which is organic matter. Also the correct English phrase would be "did well" rather than "did good" although perhaps that is a regional dialectical device and thus used purposefully."

Doctor McCoy turned away grumbling "Pointy-eared elf can't even take a compliment."

The Captain approached, and smiled at the doctor's retreating form. "I don't want to know what you and Bones were talking about. If I ever hear you have a conversation where he doesn't walk away cursing at you, I may die from shock."

Spock arched one eyebrow in response and commented, "There is little danger of that happening, now or in the future."

Jim grinned and slung an arm around his first officer's shoulder. "Walk with me back to our rooms?"

"That would be acceptable."

They made their farewells, and Kirk couldn't resist ribbing an uncomfortable looking Sulu and a blushing Chekov about where they would be spending the night, and then they left. The weight of the world was off Jim Kirk's shoulders for the first time in over 24 hours, or maybe in 13 years. Other people were helping support it now and the knowledge was a relief.