18. Why Waste A Perfectly Good Virgin?

"Pretty lady, would you go out with me?"

smack thump

"I take it that that's a no?"

The figure on the t.v. got up and eagerly looked around the beach. He smiled hugely and raced off, yelling, "Ooooooooooooooooooh, preeeeeeeeeeettttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyy laaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddyyyyyyyy!"

Xander smirked as Carrot Glace got smacked down once again by a beautiful babe. As he continued to watch Sorcerer Hunter's, an idea came to him. He had originally planned on going as a soldier but Carrot's outfit was even simpler. All he would have to buy was a plastic sword. Decision made, Xander settled deeper into the couch and continued to watch his anime.

Spike moved toward the incapacitated Slayer and stopped, looking over his shoulder at the madly struggling Xander who kept screaming, "Leave the pretty lady alooonnee!"

Spike snarled, "Someone shut him up. He's disturbing my meal."

A man in robes chuckled evilly and pointed a wand and muttered, "Petrificus Totalus!"

Xander stopped yelling, smirked and whispered. "You shouldn't have done that," Before all hell broke loose.

Xander transformed into a gigantic beast with brown shaggy fur. His head, which burst through the ceiling, was adorned with black curling horns. Spike looked up, catching a glimpse of gleaming white, dagger sharp teeth and long black claws. "Fuck!" he screamed just as a hairy fist smashed him into a bloody smear on the floor.

Buffy sat up and looked up at Xander when he didn't return to her Xander shaped friend, she know something had gone wrong. She turned to Cordelia, "Have you ever seen Sorcerer Hunters?"

"Ummm, noooo!"

"Shit. Alright this is what we have to do." She grabbed a whip off of a kid and tossed it to her and picked up a two by four. "Alright you take that whip to his ass and I'll use this two by four on his head. He'll stop raging once he turns back into Xander."

"OoooKaaay."

A few minutes later the beast was whimpering in fear and then he turned back into Xander. He looked at them and said, "You didn't have to hit me so hard Buffy."

"Sorry."

Giles polished his glasses and muttered, "So every time Carrot gets hit by magic, he absorbs it and the side effect is that it activates his zoanthropy which turns him into one of twelve beasts depending on what type of magic he absorbs. Then he goes on a rampage until one of two beautiful girls by the name of Tira and Chocolate beat him into submission . Not only that Xander has inherited this ability?"

"Yep."

"Oh dear."

"I guess Cordy and Buffy have been nominated for beating the beast." Xander smirked and then sighed wistfully, "Too bad they won't wear outfits similar to Tira's and Chocolates's."

"Only in your dreams." Cordelia sneered.

"What she said." Buffy muttered.

Owari

Author's Note: You wanna see what Xander would have liked to see Buffy and Cordelia in? Go to www. theladyofshadows. net/ Chocoateandtira . html just take out the spaces.