Chapter 1
"What?!"
"You heard me, Robin."
"You want to resign?!"
"Well, not right away. But as soon as this baby is born we're going to be such a burden on the rest of you. I won't be able to contribute or help the team in any way. I'll be too… busy."
"Raven, you could give the baby up for adoption."
"I know, but I really don't want to."
"Look, I understand that you're attached to the baby because of your relationship with Jeff, and the fact that the baby is your own flesh and blood. But seriously, there are couples out there who can't have children. Don't you think they might want a child?"
At this, Raven became very irritated. She raised her voice, "I made a promise! I promised to protect Jeff!" then the tears began to flow as she remembered, "But… but I… I failed. I didn't keep my promise. Jeff's dead. I let him down. I will not make the same mistake with this one," Raven shouted as she pointed to her stomach.
Beast Boy was sitting on the couch in Wayne Manor. He was rubbing his head violently, as if he was in bewilderment, annoyance, and disappointment all at once.
"Oh man! I can't believe I was asleep through all this!"
Raven and Robin looked at the little green boy as he tried to understand and figure everything out.
"I only met Jeff for like a day! How long was I out for? Weeks?! I can't believe you (he pointed to Raven) and Jeff… did that! Ugh!"
Raven giggled dryly at his immaturity.
Why would Beast Boy even care that Jeff was my husband? Did he feel something for me? Raven thought.
Beast Boy had a look on his face like the boy who faints at the make-out party just before the fun starts.
"Dude!" he whined, "You're like… uh… A teenager! Teenagers don't have babies! Wha… What are you going to do when you have the baby? How are you going to support it?"
"Beast Boy, you don't understand," Raven and Robin said in unison, after which Robin let Raven have the floor.
"Beast Boy, if Jeff and I hadn't… done that, then I wouldn't be here right now!"
Beast Boy folded his arms and frowned, he knew Raven was right.
---
Nine months later.
Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy all waited outside the maternity ward impatiently. Raven and Starfire had just went in an hour ago, and they were worried out Raven.
"I hope she's okay," Cyborg said
"I'm more worried about Starfire," Robin replied, "I'm not so sure she understands these situations."
"Robin, we can't overreact or stress out in these events. We just have to hope."
"And pray," Robin added
Cyborg sat next to Beast Boy, Robin still paced back and forth in front of the door.
"So, dudes," Beast Boy began, trying to lighten the tension, "What's gonna happen to the Teen Titans now?"
"This isn't the best time, Beast Boy." Robin answered
"Naw, man. He's right. We've put it off long enough. We need to discuss it." Cyborg assured
"But now? At a time like this?" Robin questioned anxiously
Cyborg and Beast Boy both shrugged their shoulders, Robin at last took a seat. He buried his head in his arms.
"I don't know," he began, the voice half-muffled, "I talked to Bruce about financing a new tower, but I don't think he'll agree. Although, he has been getting annoyed with some of us lately." He glanced at Beast Boy
"Yeah. But what about Raven? Where's she gonna go?"
"She spoke of an apartment… somewhere. I don't know. I just don't know! She's my friend! When she tells me she's resigning, I just don't know what to think!"
"But, man, she's gonna have that baby and things are gonna get… y'know… weird." Cyborg said, trying to help.
"Do we all just walk away?"
"I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
---
Raven clutched Starfire's hand very tightly, the two were in hospital gowns. The doctor was at work, trying to counsel Raven through this time.
"Raven, you are hurting me!" Starfire winced as she looked at Raven, who was in incredible pain, sweating, and would soon be out of breath.
"Oh God, Starfire! It hurts so much!"
The doctor gave Raven some pain killer, it didn't help much, but it allowed Raven to calm down and hear what the doctor had to say.
"Miss, do your breathing. You need air."
Raven was huffing and puffing, trying to concentrate on nothing but her breathing. The uterus contracted once more, continuing its attempt to push the baby out. Raven held on to the bedpost, the pain was so excruciating that she felt she would explode.
"Be strong, Raven." Starfire said, trying to comfort her
"Oh! Oh! Oh! O God, the pain! Please make it stop! Oh! Oh! I don't care if I die only if the pain will stop!"
"Raven, please do not speak like that. Remember Jeff. Remember your promise. Please be strong, Raven. I can only imagine the pain you are having to expierence. But please, be strong."
"O Starfire, it doesn't work. Oh! There it comes! Another one! Oh! Oh!"
"What's the interval?" A nurse asked the doctor
"About a minute," he answered, "and getting less."
"O God! I feel like I'm going to die! Starfire! Help! Oh! God!"
Raven's eyes gazed up at the ceiling, she wanted Jeff to be with her so much. She felt she could not do this alone. But she was not alone.
"I am here, Raven. Everything will be okay." Starfire said kindly
Raven's body was tossing and turning all over the hospital bed. It was stained with blood. She tried to not think of the pain, but that was all she could think about. Every time she thought about it, the pain got worse.
"Oh! Oh! The pain! Make it stop! I can't take it anymore! I'm broken! I…"
"Miss, you can't give up! If you do, you'll die!" The doctor instructed
"The pain is so… Oh! Oh! My God! Someone help!"
Then, in a cry that seemed to last for hours…
"Aaaaaaargh!"
The doctor held a baby in his arms.
But something was wrong.
It was silent.
"Doctor, why isn't my baby crying?"
The doctor spanked the baby, trying to make it cry, to show that it was awake.
"Why isn't my baby crying?!" Raven screamed. She was exhausted, she was drenched in sweat and blood. But now, another thing wetted her… tears.
"I… I can't feel a pulse. I'm sorry, miss."
The doctor handed the baby to its mother. Raven took the baby, and looked at the blank face. She began to weep.
"Oh, Jeff. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I… I failed you… again."
She rubbed her nose against the baby's cheek. Starfire buried her head in her hands. Tears eked through the fingers.
Raven closed her eyes, and held the baby's head, their faces touching.
"C'mon. C'mon… C'mon…"
Raven began to sob. The once warm tears were now very cold dripping down her face.
But then, Raven's eyes opened.
She felt life.
"Goo…"
She looked at the baby, the blue eyes of its daddy looking back at her.
The baby smiled.
Raven was so happy. She smiled, "Starfire, look!"
"I can not. The–"
Starfire heard the baby giggle. She whipped around, and laughed joyously.
Raven made a motion as if to ask Starfire if she wanted to hold the baby.
Raven was very tired.
Starfire eagerly took the child, and Raven collapsed into the sweat-smelling and blood-covered bed… asleep.
"O hello! My little bumgorf!" Starfire said as she tickled the baby's cheek with her lips.
The doctor smiled at the events that just happened.
"That there is a miracle baby," the doctor said with confidence. "He is meant for great things."
---
Two days later.
"Dude, he kinda looks like me!" Beast Boy said as he held the baby.
All of the Titans looked at him. Beast Boy dropped his head.
"Okay… no he doesn't."
Robin turned to Raven, "Will you rethink your resignation?"
"Robin, I understand you don't want to lose a friend. But the baby and I would be a burden on all of you, holding you back."
"You're not leaving right away, are you?" Cyborg mumbled in worry
Raven smiled, "No, Cyborg, I'm not. At least, not until I can find another place. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, but I won't be able to help with any… trouble."
Starfire whispered to Robin, "Oh, I fear that if our friend leaves then the Titans will be no more."
"I understand Star," Robin whispered back, "But we can't force Raven to do anything she doesn't want to."
A tall, dark haired, handsome man entered the room in a black and gray business suit.
"I'll agree to let all of you stay here," the man said, with a voice that sounded exactly like Kevin Conroy, "On one condition."
Raven raised an eyebrow.
"You have to name the child 'Bruce.'"
Raven laughed unexcitingly, "I guess I have to make some phone calls on finding a place."
Bruce Wayne chuckled at this, then he left the room.
---
Raven took two sheets of lined paper, a pen, and began to write.
Dearest Jeff,
You have a beautiful baby boy for a son. He is always smiling. He…
Raven suddenly choked and began to sob. Writing this to Jeff was too painful. She tried to compose herself through the tears and continue.
He has my skin, my hair, but your eyes. His face looks exactly like you.
She began to sob again.
Everything time I see his face I am reminded of you, and the sacrifice you made.
Tears wet the paper. She couldn't hold them back.
I guess I got my wish when I wanted you to always be with me. I guess I got my wish. Why? Why couldn't I have been the one to die? Why did you? You said so, but I still do not understand. I wanted to die for you, Jeff. I am driven mad each day when I wake up and you are not there.
She uttered a small wail, barely audible.
You, not being there to comfort me, not being there to hug me, kiss me, and cuddle with me. I feel very alone at times. Very cold. I regret all those times when I didn't comfort you, when you needed it most. When I saw the torment in your heart, and when you needed a shoulder to rest on, I was selfish and laid my head on your shoulder.
She buried her face in her arms. She couldn't write anymore. But she had too. She would not let herself forget Jeff.
I miss you, so much. I wanted us to have a family together. To raise children together, and teach them together. My friends do not and can not understand what I am going through. But you could. You understood everything about me. Why did you have to die?
Her whole face was soaked with tears. The table was soaked, the letter too. She wrote on.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to kill myself because you aren't there. I want to be with you so much. I'd do anything, Jeff. I feel so empty inside, not being with you.
The baby gooed and giggled. Raven smiled.
But now I can be with you, Jeff. For I see you each day in your son's eyes. It's like looking into a mini-Jeff. She laughed. He is such a good baby. I promise to be a good mother, and he will be as good a person as you. Someday. He will lay down his life for someone he loves. But not before me. I will protect your son with everything I am.
Then she added,
His name is Constantine.
Deepest Love,
Raven