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Oh God, I've never felt like this in my entire life. I can't even take it.

Oh. I guess I should elaborate as to what happened two nights ago...

So everything was going great. He had me wrapped around his finger, though I'd kind of tried to hide this fact. We nearly kissed, when Mrs. Norris showed up.

FLASHBACK

"Shit!" he said as we broke apart. We both looked down to see the animalistic face of evil. It meowed, calling for the Hogwarts Devil himself.

"Run!" George said in a loud whisper.

I instantly broke into a sprint, portraits racing by on either side of me. I ran up the stairway, feeling much like Rocky. Wait, what? Did I just remember something from my muggle studies course!?

I finally reached the correct floor. I glanced behind me, heart racing. George was nowhere to be found. Knowing him, he'd either taken a shortcut, was hiding in a random classroom, or ran right into Filch. I didn't stick around to find out.

The common room was empty, seeing as it was so ridiculously late at night. I marched straight up the stairs. I would find out what happened with George in the morning.

The door to my dormitory creaked open as I lightly put pressure on it. The room was completely dark, with nothing but the sliver of light trailing from where I stood. I made out the calmly sleeping figures of my best friends, Katie and Angelina, in their beds. If I would have looked, I'm sure both of their faces would have been puffy with the remnants of a tear-filled night.

I found sanctuary in my four-poster. I pulled close my curtains, shielding the world from myself. After all, the world didn't matter. At that moment, it was all about three things: Me, George, and our adventure in the kitchens. There was hope, as well as a high possibility.

END OF FLASHBACK

Ah, yes, it all sounds so glorious, doesn't it? I finally get the guy, I finally get to quit being a pitiful mess, hallelujah!

Yeah right.

The next day I ended up joining Angelina's self-pity party. First off, I'll explain what happened with her, or rather what didn't happen.

Neither Angelina nor Fred took the step to explain their actions, and they also decided to nix the idea of talking. Eye contact was nonexistent, and both were making sure they had no contact of the physical variety, either. Angelina was still miserable, but I don't know about Fred. I don't have anyone to ask about him.

...Which brings me to my latest failure.

The day after the wild and romantic night in the kitchens, I was hurdled back into that cruel world that I thought didn't matter to me.

I ran into Katie about midday, and thankfully all my classes were done. I was still glowing with happiness, which only made my crash and burn that much worse.

She looked really angry. One could even go so far as to say she looked like she was about to Avada Kadavra the entire school. I'd never seen her look like this.

FLASHBACK TO YESTERDAY

"Hey Katie! ...What's wrong?" Oh geez, don't let her punch me...

"I am going to kill him." She looked me in the eye, but the intensity of her hatred caused me to glance away. This had "disaster" written all over it. The girl was seething.

"What is it? Just tell me and I can help." If Lee did something to her, I'd rip off his head by his dreadlocks before Katie could touch him. Oh, and I'd take my time.

"Well, I think I'll be the one to help you, actually..." her eyes suddenly refused to meet mine. I was instantly filled with dread..

"Uh... Okay?" my eyes began to dart around as well. There was something very ominous about this whole thing. For Katie to act like this, it had to be big. Katie is usually peppy, not like a serial killer.

"Jorjswidtbijysamadagin." She said, shaking her hands in exasperation, her eyes growing wide with anger.

"Katie, it might help if you would talk like a human."

"It's George." she snarled.

"Okay, what about him? Did he do something to Lee?"

"No."

There was a long pause. "Do you plan on elaborating?"

"He didn't do anything to Lee."

"Okay..."

"It's what he did to you."

Okay, what exactly did he do to me? I certainly don't have any complaints. I stood there, waiting for her to explain herself. After all, I didn't have any problems with what he almost did to me.

Her face got stony. "He's with that bitch Samantha, again."

I stared blankly at her.

"Um, what?" was all that I could say.

END OF FLASHBACK

Samantha was one of the Fred & George groupies that actually managed to get their attention at one time or another. Naturally, she had caught Georges eye. She was the typical beauty, only with long black hair instead of blonde. A Hufflepuff. She wasn't in any of my classes, she was too stupid for that. She took the classes for dumb people. When she dated George sometime last year, he pretty much abandoned our little group of friends. Everything was about her. Samantha. Samantha the bitch. Samantha who managed to fuck me over during my period of invincibility. Damn her.

Ever since then, I've been a wreck. I cried a little bit when I was all alone, but I'll never let that known to anyone but Angelina and Katie.

I got to thinking, though, and I'm not really mad at him. Sure, I'm bitter. I'm very bitter. I'm about as bitter as they get, but I just can't be mad at him for dating her.

After all, George was never mine. You can't really miss what you never had, right? No, that's not right, but I plan on telling myself that until it works.

What I'm really mad about is the fact that I let him in. I'm one of those people who doesn't easily get crushes. I'm one of those people who is cynical of all things related to romance. Never had a longterm boyfriend, never actually been kissed. I didn't really believe in any of it, honestly. He made me believe otherwise. He made me think, "oh, maybe there's a chance!"

I did this to myself.

I gave George Weasley the power to send my world crashing down. I gave him the power to make me feel incredibly vulnerable. I gave him the power to make me feel so happy, as if on an eternal high, only to suffer a terrible fall from grace—a fall that he created, a fall that he watched like a movie. I did it to myself.

However, the fact that I did it to myself just comes back to the idea it's all his fault.

After all, he made me hate myself.

I can't forgive myself for being naive. I can't forgive myself for ever wasting so much time on a guy that gets back with an ex after our mutual feelings are known. I just can't. I hate myself.

I still don't know how to face him. I skipped all my classes today, in an attempt to figure myself out. Needless to say, I haven't. I haven't really talked to Katie or Angelina about it much, either. I'll go to them when I'm ready. They know this, and hence haven't asked questions.

I wish I were dumb enough to make an excuse for him. I wish I could say, "He didn't think you two stood a chance. He got cold feet and went to something familiar." but that's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. George Weasley does not think things through like that. He also has had no trouble at all asking anyone out, including those close to him.

You know, I really hate him. I honestly do.

I hate him, for making me hate myself.

He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel special. Now?

Now I can't even face him.

I got played, and I got played good. I'm a sucker. I'm a loser. I'm just a distraction until the next best thing.

How am I supposed to act around him? I mean, really, how do you go from nearly kissing to being completely platonic because your love interest is suddenly taken by a girl you don't even really know, and therefore have no real right to hate? I mean, I do hate her, but I have no right to...

On the one side, I would love to act as miserable in public as I am in my privacy. Perhaps the guilt that would be etched across his face would make me happy, just to give him some of his own medicine. However, that would certainly get out to Bitch-Face Samantha, and I'd be the cause of an endless drama, which would end in both of them hating me, even if the only one I care about is George.

The other option is to act like I don't care. But that's just the thing, I want him to know that I do. I want him to know he hurt me, and that I actually cared about him.

Yet another option would be to stay the same, only do my best to be extra fabulous, try to make the chump drool. However, that might look like I didn't care about he and his latest whore, which I obviously do... And like I said before, I want him to know I care.

The most probable one is that I will be very sour, and every now and then send him empty glances. That way, he knows that I care but that I am not going to let him get to me. Surely he's not dumb enough to let those slip by unnoticed.

The thing is, though, that whenever I do end up seeing him again, I know that whichever option I choose as the best will be thrown out the window and I will act on my own accord. That's always how it is.

Nobody knows how much I hate him right now.

Nobody knows how much I hate myself right now.

Well everybody, this one was really hard to get out on account of I went through this... Scratch that, I'm going through this right now! Therefore, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it felt more "real" to you all.

I forgot to dig out the list of reviewers, so I'll save my name-dropping for next update. It should be coming a lot sooner than this one did, hopefully... I'm just really busy. I apologize...

Oh, and I hope you had a Merry Christmas/Hanukkah and I hope you WILL have a Happy New Year! ...Or at least better than mine will be. :(

Review for love!