I woke up groggily and blinked my eyes thrice, looking around at my lavish surroundings, beams of sunlight covering my face. What time was it?

11:00 AM was what the clock read.

What was I doing here?

Where I was, I didn't know, but a strange, cool feeling came over me at once and I pulled the blue silk comforter back to find I wasn't wearing anything…

Wait, what? What happened?

I looked over on my left side and noticed a swirl of dark hair next to me, cozily sleeping under the sheet. My heart raced as I slowly pulled the sheet off to find who was next to me.

My eyes opened wide as I stared into the closed eyes of my late night lover.

I slept with Bill KAULITZ????

I stroked his fine, smooth manicured hand and contemplated whether this was real or not. I wouldn't DARE wake him; does HE even know what happened? Or what I think happened?

All of a sudden, memories flooded into my head like 1000 oceans rushing through my brain.

We did. We did do it.

We had sex.

And it was GREAT.

It was also my first…How I could have forgotten for even a split second I'll never know, because now the night's events came so clearly into my head that it felt as if I were reliving them again.

But no time for that. I had a job to do.

I hopped up from the bed and immediately went to the large black suitcase that lay in the middle of the room. I opened it quietly, hoping to find anything that could aid in my assignment. A passport, a checkbook, who knows? Either way, I hit gold.

The clothes were packed neatly messy, and I gently looked out for anything. I found a little black book with a small lock on it.

"Great, how am I gonna get through this?" I asked. I then remembered that I could pick it. Taking a bobby pin from my hair, I unlocked the lock, opening it and bursting with curiosity at what secrets I would find inside.

So far, I didn't get much. This guy was really secretive!

Being the con artist I was, I was used to dealing with smart people, but this wasn't fair! I found nothing in this book, and though I was fluent at German (Thanks to Frau Reichenstaff, who drilled me like a freaking boot camp drill instructor), I couldn't read anything that held any info.

I closed the notebook and placed everything back in the suitcase the way it was, zipping it quietly. Looking around for anything else useful, I spotted a big white bag lying on the armchair. I hoped to find something else in there, maybe a bit more help.

I couldn't lie though...I feel heartless doing this....but what could I do? I had to eat, I had to live, and I got good at what I do! I hate the fact that my inner thoughts are busy scolding me for attempting to sham such a sweet guy, but listening to my brain wasn't what I planned to do...

I picked up the bag and sat in the armchair, placing it on my lap. I opened the flap in the front and looked in there for anything, but I found a picture.

The boy in the picture was small and blonde, presumably Bill, and he stood with a woman, smiling brightly. I turned over the picture to find the words "I love you mom, see you soon." written in German. At least you have a mom, I thought.

My thoughts started to set in my head as I started to gather memories of my once happy life....

My mom came into the living room, holding a tray of cookies shaped like bats and pumpkins, wearing her favorite satin pajamas, and even though it was October, my house was as warm as a Caribbean beach.

"Take one sweetie, they just finished cooling." My mom said. I was 15, but I was still in love with Mom's fresh baked cookies, pirated from the Pillsbury dough boy, but they still tasted like she made them herself. Unfortunately when it came to baking, mom wasn't the best at doing things from scratch, but she tried.

I munched my ghost cookie and looked at my mom sadly. "I wanna go out and trick-or-treat! Come on Mom, please?"

"Honey, you know you're way too old for that, right?" My mom explained. "And I don't want you out there at this time of night, not with all these perverts, next thing you know they find you lying in a hole!"

"Eww..." I said, taking a second cookie. "Come on mom, how does that sound, I'm too old for trick-or-treating, but I'm too young to hang out. Madness!"

"Well, if me being mad means caring for my daughter, then I'll be damn insane if I have to." My mom said. I knew she loved me, but still, cut the umbilical cord lady! I'm 15, not 5!

I sat there munching my cookies and watching all the Halloween specials they had on TV. At least Hocus Pocus came on, so I wasn't too bored. I remembered, we never watched it together, but me and my dad liked that movie when I was younger, before he had the balls to walk out on my mom and then start a new life with some random woman who none of us have ever met before. Of course, karma kicked him in his ass, because soon enough SHE left HIM, and he ended up losing his house, while my mom, holding her stable well-paying job, only progressed. She was now Store Manager where she worked at, and me, being an only child, it meant merry Christmases!

I knew from the start that my dad never really loved my mom. She was always sitting there, waiting for him to come home from work for as long as I could remember. Even when they had me, my mom told me he would hardly ever take care of me. I mean, I understand too well! He's supposed to be home at 8:30, yet he comes home at 2:15 in the morning? Where could he be, and what could he possibly be doing? And sometimes staggering!

So imagine my surprise when someone knocks on the door, and it ends up being my dad asking for a second chance. He looked clean shaven, well groomed, in a fall coat and jeans. It's been a while since I saw him, but those cold eyes, had a hint of warmth in them when he came to our door.

"Hi, honey...is your mother home?"

"Don't call me honey, and why should I let you talk to her?"

"Please, just...just let me-"

"Go away." I proceeded to shut the door when it was stopped by a shiny, metal barrel.

"May I...speak to...your mother?" He said. I was too afraid to pull the door back, so, sensing my fear, he pushed the door open and put the gun back in his pocket.

"If you dare tell your mother, I swear, I'll kill you, I'll kill all of us." He said with the usual coldness in his voice. I nodded my head and he looked at me, softening his gaze.

"I don't want to hurt you, sweet pea. So don't make me, okay?" I had no choice but to shut my mouth and comply.

"Honey, who was that?" My mother asked, exiting the kitchen. Her face dropped. "You."

"Marguerite, please, let's just talk like adults. I don't want any ill-speaking-"

'You should have thought of that before you walked out on my and MY daughter. It's too late for gentle talking now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" My mother yelled.

"Margie.....don't yell....I warn you not to...."

"What are you warning ME for? I have every right to yell, you, YOU and your obnoxious, self centered, drunk ass-"

Dad pulled out his gun and aimed it straight at my mom. Tears started falling down my face.

"Don't hurt my mom!!!" I yelled. I was so afraid to even move.

"Margie dear.....listen to me, and listen good-"

"I couldn't care less if you shot me, but if you hurt my daughter, you may as well kill me because I don't even want you near her."

"Mom...don't...please!" I yelled.

"Sweetie, just slowly get out of the-"

"NO ONE IS LEAVING THIS HOUSE!" My dad yelled. "Sit the fuck down!"

I knelt to the floor, tears of fear still on my face. I looked at my mother, trying to be brave, knowing she was just as afraid for me as I was for her.

"Daniel...please don't do this...just put the gun down..." Mom said.

"No! You think it's fair! You think it's fair that I have to fuckin scrape to survive and that you have the fucking cushy life? Well it isn't, and if I have anything to say about it, I'm getting a piece! That's MY daughter, and this is MY fuckin house!"

I had to do something, my mom was about to be indebted to a monster! I slowly started to stand up.

"I said kneel down!" my father yelled loudly. By this time, half the block was listening to the ruckus that went on inside our neat, cozy little home.

"You dare hurt my mom I'll kill you!" I spoke up loudly

"I swear to God if you don't shut up-"

"You never had a place in this house! And now you...you dare to bring a fucking gun here!"

"Your mom is gonna fuckin die-"

"Shoot ME! You bastard!"

My dad raised his gun to slap me, screaming and at that moment, my mom ran charging to stop him.

"Not my daughter, you BITCH!"

A loud noise echoed through the still neighborhood.

Tears sprang to my eyes at what I saw next.

My mother clutched her chest and looked at me one last time before falling to the floor. Blood seeped from her chest and mouth onto the light tan carpet. I stared at my father, who stared at her body, now lifeless, and tears started to flow.

"I'm so sorry...to you...to Margie...." and he put the gun into his mouth.

"Dad, NO!-"

But he too collapsed to the floor. On top of my mom.

My knees buckled and I fell to the floor, not crying anymore, but just screaming until my lungs gave out.

I watched my parents die right in front of my face. And it was my fault.

My life consisted of so much heartache the day after my parents died. No one wanted to take me in, I practically had no family. I had lived in shelters, foster homes, until a man named Fuzzy came to me and asked me to do something for him in exchange for 500 dollars, and being smart and hungry, I took the opportunity. He particularly took a liking to me, his little daughter, and taught me everything I knew, from lock picking to code breaking to database infiltration, until one day Fuzzy was caught by the police and sentenced to life in prison for murder charges, and I became one of the heads of the underground organization, with our fair share of hitmen, and even a few mob imports and drug dealers. I now, at the age of 19, had 123 people under me, following me, taking my lead, and I can't say I knew what to do then, but with the help of the veterans, I learned how to fend for myself. It wasn't honest, but I had my own roof over my head, I may have never even murdered, but I made my own scores....

And I regret every decision I made that led me into this life with no way out. None at all.

A tear started to fall from my eye and I placed Bill's picture back into the right pocket, and I set the bag down. Bill stirred a bit, but he fell back to sleep.

And all I could do was cry.