So... Merry Xmas and Happy New Year guys!!!!! Sorry it took me so long to post this... but I hope you like it. xo

He took a deep breath and stood up slowly. It was hard to believe he was doing this again. Against his better judgment. Best men were supposed to give speeches about love, happiness, truth. They were supposed to toast the future. He knew none of this; he lied through his teeth to make someone else look good.

He looked at his best friend, newly married, a well placed smile covering his face and nodded slowly, reassuringly, before picking up his champagne glass and hitting a dessert spoon gently against it.

The whole hall fell silent, and it unnerved him. Nate was giving something up for expectations; he could see that much in his eyes alone. He had seen expectations ruin lives, relationships. And now the expectations fell on him.

He did what he was told.

"Many of you here may be surprised when I tell you that I am a strong believe in true love. I believe that there is some one out there for each of us. Someone that stays put despite and because of everything. As his best friend, I stood witness to Nate searching for his one in a million. Like me he refused to give up, he knew that his soul mate was out there somewhere. And when he first introduced me to Claire, I kept a skeptical protective eye on her. But she proved herself worthy of my friend's love and as I watched their relationship progress I came to understand that they could not be a better match. So today, as his best man, I stand witness to Nate finding true love . And that is something that never dies. To Claire and Nate."

Applause deafened him. He sat down and avoided looking at Nate. Trying hard to believe his own words, because, secretly, he needed to.

Under the table, Claire squeezed his hand. He squeezed back, Chuck's words spinning through his head, as he struggled to keep up with the speech. A smile was glued to his face, forced there, he regretfully admitted to himself. After everything, he still turned into the guy he hated. After everything, he still gave things up for the sake of appearances, reputation, ease.

His eyes scanned the hall, looking for her. And finally, his eyes fell on her blonde hair, her big eyes. They weren't looking at him, they were staring at chuck, absorbing his words.

After his best man sat back down she finally dragged her gaze to him. Their eyes met, across the room, but with too much pain for it to be romantic. He wanted to drag her out of this giant, extravagantly decorated room and explain everything to her. Make her see how hard this was for him also. Make her take back the words she had hurled at him when he broke the news of his engagement. No, he wanted to drag her away to the other side of the world and never come back. They could hide away and reinvent themselves. They could be happy.

But he couldn't. He had too many responsibilities, too many faces to keep up. Too many apples to juggle. And besides, What about Claire? He let go of Claire's hand to reach for his glass of champagne. He drained it in one gulp.

How had she ever fallen in love with him?

He was standing next to the giant floral arrangement. Of course, he had no need to mingle, guests came to him. He was like a magnet, she knew this better than anybody.

"True love?" She smirked as she walked up to him, "I know you make these things up Bass, but really?"

He turned to look at her, piercing eyes that showed no emotion, "How do you know I made it up?" He took a sip of his champagne and scanned the crowd. His nonchalance angered her. He thought he could play the same game again, he was mistaken!

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you think I'm going to fall for that again?! I was young then, and stupid. I've changed." She put a hand on her hip pointedly. She had changed, everyone noticed it. She wasn't about to let him get away with his games anymore. She would play her own.

"Maybe so, Waldorf," he smirked, "But you seem to have forgotten the fun we had last night."

She inhaled sharply. She had definitely not forgotten that. Or all the other times. They would be inked in her memory forever, but so were other things she had had to give up.

"I'm sure you'll remember this. Bye, Chuck." She smiled and turned to leave before pausing, "Have fun." She walked away, feeling his eyes on her back. Or lower, no doubt. She smiles even wider to herself, and finishes off her champagne. Looks like Nate isn't the only one staring a new life today.

She had done her mingling duty, she had conversed politely with all of her peers, judged the décor, and the ceremony and the dress. Compared it to her own. And felt like an outsider the entire time. It was like she lost her place in line without ever leaving.

She kept her phone one hand and a glass of champagne in the other. And didn't stop using either. She waited anxiously for the next vibration of her phone, for the screen to light up and tell her she has a new message. A connection to the real world. To the one that matters.

She was busy replying to an eagerly awaited message when she felt an arm on her shoulder.

"Bart. I'm sorry were you looking for me?" she quickly closed her phone and put on a smile.

"Actually I've noticed you've been quite attached to your phone. Anyone important?" he looked at her suspiciously.

She shook her head pointedly, "No, no. An old friend just came into town. I might meet up with her tonight." She slips her phone back into her purse and drains her glass. "Now, I should probably say hello to Eva Lincoln. You remember her, right?"

He sighed and nodded and she walked away, wishing she could do it for real.

She didn't think she had ever felt so awkward in her entire life. Did one year in Africa change her that much, or was she always the odd one out? Everything was so extravagant and rich and, well, pointless. Her wedding would never be like this. It would be tiny, and intimate.

"Serena! Why I haven't seen you in a while!" a woman covered in diamonds appeared in front of her and she struggled to remember her name.

"I've been away for a year." She smiled and shook the woman's hand.

"Oh, how nice. On holiday?"

No. Not even close.

She nodded, "Yes." She wanted to get away from this conversation. Fast. She scanned the room, looking for a familiar face that she could actually talk to. Someone who might understand. Or at least not question. She considered just leaving until she saw him. He was being bored to death, she could tell, by talk of designers of holidays in the Caribbean.

She turned to the woman, "I'm sorry, I have to go talk to someone." The woman nodded and turned to talk someone else.

She had no idea what she was doing. Or why she was doing it. It was a huge mistake, she was sure. It would just make things harder. She really shouldn't be doing this.

"Dan!" She called out, her voice traveling over heads of exquisitely groomed hair. She waited. He turned, looking for the source of the voice. A familiar voice, that haunted him for years. He saw her and their eyes locked. He moved towards her, pushing through the crowd and finally stepping in front of her. Returning into her world again.

"Serena." He said, as if confirming it was her. And for a second, she wasn't the outsider.

So, chapter 5 took a little longer than I expected.... but I you all continue reading!!! and please review! xox