Title: To be with the one he loves.
Summary: Hp/Ss, including RW/HG, Albus Dumbledore, the marauders', Lily Evans and the ever popular Lucius Malfoy. Includes M/M relationships. All of consenting age.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, Hogwarts or the wonderful world created by the stupendous J.K. Rowling. She owns all. I simply own the idea.
*
Harry sat heavily next to Severus, in Defense a week later and didn't even look at him. His attempts were getting him nowhere and he was getting frustrated. He didn't know what to do with this boy. He was so much like his Severus but at the same time completely different. He felt like he didn't know this Severus at all, he didn't know how to approach him, how to seduce him. Ever since the 'almost kiss' in the library, Severus had avoided any unnecessary exposure or contact with him. It was frustrating, he felt like he would never get the chance to be with the love of his life again.
He felt Severus shift in his seat next to him and the robes hanging by his legs brushed against his own. A shiver ran down his spine and he nearly growled at how pointless his reaction was and stared straight forward.
Severus shifted again and the robes brushed against his leg, followed by the touch of warm, cloth covered skin. He shivered again, unable to help himself and narrowed his eyes at the chalk board that O'Rourke was writing notes on.
When it happened a third time his eyes flickered to Severus and he slowly pressed his leg against his. Severus's eyes widened and then narrowed, but when he looked back at Harry his attention was purely on the board.
He decided that it was accidental and stared up at the board too, he couldn't move his leg. It would be too obvious that he was moving it away.
Harry stifled a grin and stared up at the board of notes like he was completely bored. It was the first real contact that they'd had in a long time and Severus wasn't pulling away. He decided to push his luck a little and pressed his leg firmer into Sev's, but he made it seem like he was just stretching and his thigh 'just' happened to touch his.
His fingers were tightening on the edge of the desk and he had the biggest urge to reach under the table and see if Severus was reacting the same way that he was. He knew he couldn't though. Sev would definitely curse him if he did that.
Instead he moved his leg, his thigh lightly rubbing against Severus's, slow and tantalizing. He heard a strangled noise whisper out of Sev's tight lips but just stared with unseeing eyes up at the board. The cloth dragging between their legs, teasing their skin was torturous.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Harry's eyes fluttered and he pressed his thigh closer, skin growing ever more sensitive. He could feel Severus's side moving quickly with his breath and felt encouraged to run his foot up his calf.
Feeling like his chest was going to explode into a million pieces Severus, slid his hand off his desk and pushed it into the length of his erection trying to get it to go away. When it wouldn't he growled low in his throat, "Harry…" he whispered harshly, scowling harshly at Harry.
"Severus…" Harry grinned and rubbed harder, wreaking havoc on Severus's body.
Feeling like he was at his wits end, the hand that was under the desk reached out and firmly grasped Harry's thigh, making him gasp lightly. He squeezed hard enough to bruise and stopped when Harry shivered like he enjoyed it. Harry whimpered lightly when Sev stopped and he did it again just to see if his intuition was right. He felt Harry shiver again and snatched his hand away.
He couldn't believe that Harry was so into roughness, it was intense to think that he and Harry and something in common. Something sexual…He shoved Harry's leg away and scooted to the far edge of his chair as he could. His hard on was almost painful, his was itching to reach out and grab Harry, to prove himself right.
But he resisted and he tried not to feel Harry shifting next to him. The frustration grew threw out the length of the class, making the classroom feel stifling hot, uncomfortably loud, and like the rest of the classroom, the students drift in and out of focus. Both of them were breathing hard, both avoiding looking at each other, both trying to ignore the fact that they were close enough to reach out and touch.
And when the class was finally dismissed, both boys scrambled out of their seats and hurried from the room, limping uncomfortably.
*
"I happen to think that they're all really charming. And if Ron wasn't totally in love with Hermione than I'd go for him myself, not to mention Harry…He's just gorgeous isn't he? It's such a shame that he's gay." Lily sighed and pulled her fiery hair up into a ponytail.
"What is wrong with all the students in this school? They've gone bonkers! All hear about is those accents, and how fetching they all are. Honestly!" Severus rolled his eyes and crumpled up the paper, he'd been stupidly doodling on.
"Perhaps you're the only blind one! They're so charming and sweet, and very attractive. Everyone just adores them! Don't you see that? Especially Harry, he's so nice to everyone, not matter what house they're in. no one's ever seen anything like those Americans!" Lily sighed, obviously happy to be counted as one of the trio's close friends and not just someone they were nice too.
"Yes, they're American does that really make them so…amazing? So attractive?" he shoved his books into his bag and tried not to think of the heated moment, he and Harry had shared days earlier. "I mean if you really think about it…What have Americans given us that is so great!?"
Lily bit her lip for a moment, thinking hard, and unconsciously staring at the large group that was walking across the grounds headed to a spot to by the lake, close to where they were sitting. She snapped her fingers a moment later and beamed as she said, "Elvis. They gave us Elvis! And even you dear Severus cannot deny that Elvis…is the King!"
Severus let out a rare laugh when she jumped up, started singing, 'Aint nothing' but a hound dog', and danced wildly along to the lyrics. His eyes trailed over to the group close to theirs and stopped laughing when he saw Harry looking over at them.
He was standing, leaning against an old willow tree, his friends Hermione and Ron cuddling at the base of the tree. Lupin and Black were goofing around, clearly flirting with each other. While Potter played with a snitch he'd probably stolen.
He met Harry's dark green eyes and swallowed hard at the look of want and something indescribable, clearly seen even though they were far from each other. Lily broke their eye contact when she danced in the way, and he muttered, "I suppose his accent isn't that bad…"
"Oh his?" lily stopped and put her hands on her thin hips, "So it is Harry then. I was wondering who you were avoiding."
"I haven't been avoiding anyone. I simply consented that Pierson's accent was not totally awful." Severus mumbled annoyed at the blush that was covering his face, neck and chest.
"Okay." Lily laughed as she waved at the group, all of which waved back to her of course.
*
Severus expected Harry to keep flirting with him, especially after that day in Defense but he was wrong. Harry didn't even acknowledge him. It wasn't just him either Severus noticed with a bit of annoying relief. He didn't appear to be connecting with anyone lately. He seemed lost in his own thoughts, distracted by whatever was weighing heavily on his mind. Any time someone said something to him or tried to draw him into a conversation, Harry would look up surprised or faintly annoyed.
At first Severus thought he was relieved that Harry was backing off, but he wasn't. He kept finding himself staring at Harry, wondering what he was thinking about so much, what was bothering him. He could always use legilimency to steal away into his mind. That would be an easy way of finding out what was on Harry's mind, and it wouldn't include having to talk to him.
But he wasn't skilled enough at legilimency yet and Harry would probably detect him the moment he tried to break into his mind. But sitting so close to Harry, being in such close range to him, it was frustrating not to be acknowledged, especially after all that attention he'd been receiving. It felt like he was being rejected, a feeling that he was used too, but not that he was used to from Harry.
So when he happened across Harry, sitting on the last stair on the staircase leading up to the fourth floor, in the charms corridor, Severus couldn't resist walking over to him. He looked so tired, so worried and impatient that he felt a flicker of concern for him.
He stopped in front of him and sighed loudly, "What the hell is wrong with you Pierson?"
Harry looked up, startled. He'd been thinking of the hocruxe's and how to get at them, again. It had been weighing on his mind for days. For days, the tales of death and mayhem had been strewn all across the Daily Prophet and he, Hermione and Ron had each felt an awful amount of guilt. They'd spent weeks at Hogwarts, making new friends, relaxing, just being seventeen. And they should have attempted to get the hocruxe's the moment they had the chance. They'd been talking for days, making plans to go and collect the hocruxe's and then to end it all, again.
He blinked up at Severus who was twitching awkwardly, like he wanted to run away, but he was forcing himself to stay and talk to him. It was adorable and he realized how much he'd missed him. "What?"
Severus rolled his eyes and Harry remembered how much he hated repeating himself. "I asked what the hell, is the matter with you?"
A smile pushed through Harry's worries and quirked his lips, he stood in a smooth motion and looked across Sev's face. It was tight and had a nervous dip between his eyebrows. He reached up slowly and pushed back Severus's black hair, away from the eyes he wanted to stare into for the rest of his life. "Nothings the matter with me…I've just had a something on my mind…"
He found himself leaning in unconsciously, his eyes on Severus's mouth. He waited for him to jerk back, and to regale him with angry curses and shouts. But he didn't, Severus seemed to have frozen. And Sev did feel like he was frozen, he knew that if he didn't move or say something that Harry was going to kiss him. But his heart was aching, pounding and heat had pooled to the bottom of his stomach. All he knew was that if he kissed Harry in this exact moment, his life would change and for the better.
Harry was about to press his lips into Sev's when a loud voice yelled out, "Look its Snivellus!"
Severus did jerk back then, his eyes widening and flickering with panic. He whirled around, his hand pulling his wand out of the mysterious confines of his robes. He nearly growled at Harry when he stepped in front of him, his arms crossed.
Sirius was walking quickly over to them, a wicked, mocking look in his eyes as he looked over Severus. He did look a little surprised when he saw Harry, but seemed to figure that it wasn't by his choice that he had to associate with Sev. Remus was hurrying along with him, tugging his arm and whispering anxiously to him. He managed to shoot Harry and Severus an apologetic look before Sirius shook him off, his fingers twirling his wand.
"Snivellus, why are you stinking up our friend?" Sirius called, his wand still spinning in his hand.
Feeling Severus stiffen behind him, ready to raise his wand and curse Sirius, Harry moved in front of him, completely blocking his view of Sirius. He raised an eyebrow at Sirius and sighed in aggravation, "Sirius. You're my friend in all, but you won't be doing this in front of me."
A dumbfounded look crossed Sirius's face and he chuckled in shock, "It'd only be a bit of fun mate. It's what he's here for."
Anger flared up inside Harry and for once he wanted to curse Sirius, make him wish he hadn't said that. Instead he just took a calming breath, "Again friend, not gonna happen in front of me. I think you should leave."
Blinking in shock, Sirius let himself get pulled away by a smirking Remus. Harry shook his head and turned back to face Severus. He reached out to touch him, but was caught by the look the other boy was wearing.
The look was stunned, amazed and afraid all at once. Harry stared at him in concern, "Sev? What's wrong?" his hand reached out to touch Severus face.
"Why did you do that?" Severus swatted away Harry's hand.
"Because, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you."
Severus stared into his eyes, fear finally winning the battle in his eyes. He turned quickly and hurried away, his robes fluttering wildly as he headed down to the dungeons. Harry watched him leave and sighed. It would have been nice to kiss Severus, at least once before he left to take care of the hocruxe's. He would have been able to dream about it at night, use it to comfort himself.
*
If Severus thought that being ignored by Harry was horrible, than Harry just disappearing from sight for almost a week was just the worst thing ever. The first day Harry and his friends missed classes Severus figured maybe they were sick. But by the end of the week he wasn't the only one, wondering what had happened to them.
Lily had come to him with her concerns, and he couldn't count how many times he'd walked by Remus, Sirius and James and heard them discussing the trio's disappearance. Severus tried not to care where Harry was or what had happened to him, but it was impossible. If Harry's own friends hadn't seen them and had no idea what happened to them, than who did? What happened to them? Were they okay?
He tried not to think of the last time he'd seen Harry. He tried not to think of how they'd been about to kiss, or how Harry had defended him to his own friends. Because if Harry had left back to America or whatever, he would regret not taking the chance, of kissing him, of letting himself give Harry a chance.
Sometimes he would catch himself daydreaming about kissing Harry, of pressing his mouth into Harry's wide, red, and pouting lips. He imagined that the kiss would be passionate, they would battle for dominance, and it would be like the scariest and most thrilling theme park ride. He imagined the sweet kisses too, the soft, adoring, loving and attentive kisses. Ones that showed how much Harry cared about him.
Often he'd be startled out of his daydreams, by either someone addressing him or realizing that the class he'd be sitting in was being dismissed. Severus knew he blushed horribly after being forced from his overly romantic daydreams about Harry and he couldn't stand it. Often Lily or Lucius would give him a knowing look and he would scowl angrily at them. He hated getting caught and blushing like a female, fifth year Hufflepuff.
He had the right to be curious about kissing Harry didn't he? It was his right to be curious about…relations, he was seventeen after all! And if he sometimes woke up sweating, breathing hard and hard in other places…with Harry's name still on his lips, that wasn't his fault, was it? He couldn't control his dreams, let alone his hormones!
Severus was just imagining himself pushing Harry back against a wall in a deserted corridor, pressing their mouths together in a passionate embrace. He was just imagining Harry's hand sneaking his hand down to stroke him through his pants and imagining Harry whimpering in his ear, begging for some sort of completion, when Lily plopped down next to him and sighed loudly.
He looked up, his face red with annoyance and embarrassment. "What's wrong Lily?"
"I'm just so worried about them! How could they just disappear? No one even knows where they are and none of the professors seem to care! Shouldn't Dumbledore or someone have told us if they were leaving?" Lily asked her voice loud with misery.
"I'm sure Dumbledore knows where they are Lily. He wouldn't just let three students go missing and do nothing about it."
Lily gave him a scathing look, "Don't you pretend like you don't care what happened to Harry Pierson, Severus Snape! I've seen the puppy love look in your eyes whenever you're thinking about him. I know you care!"
"I am curious about where they are! I'm just not willing to jump to the worst conclusion. Look if Dumbledore knows where they are, then I'm sure they're fine. They're safe."
"But why would they just leave without telling anyone? Were they're friends! And Harry's pretty much in love with you!" She waved one hand in his direction distractedly.
Severus flushed and coughed nervously, "Maybe…They just missed their homes. Or maybe they 'had' to return to America. Or maybe something came up and they'll be back soon."
Lily stared at him, with a crooked smile on her face, "Wow. You've thought about this more than I have!"
Just when he thought the red was leaving his face, Severus could feel it all flooding back in. He scowled at her again, "I'm just curious Lily! It's not a huge deal to wonder where they are! Doesn't mean that I-I have f-feelings for Har…Them!"
The smile on Lily's lips grew and she laughed for a long moment, "Oh my goodness! You do have feelings for him don't you?"
"You'll never get him to admit it you know. He's being stupidly stubborn when it comes to Harry." Lucius's silkily said as he walked over to them.
After a quick look at Lily to gauge her reaction, Severus relaxed to see her just look curious. She didn't really like Lucius, as he generally was sarcastic and smoothly rude to her. But today she just looked curiously up at him.
"Is he pretending not to care where Harry, Hermione and Ron are?" Lucius leaned casually against a bookshelf and spoke quietly as to not gain the new librarian Madame Pince's attention.
"Of course. However, there is progress because now he's curious about where they were." Lily said in a stage whisper as though Severus wasn't there.
They shared a conspiratorial laugh and then Lucius studied his perfect nails as he said in a sing song-y voice, "So then he wouldn't 'care' about the news I have just acquired then?"
"I don't think he would. But I would happen to love to hear the news you have." Lily said, standing and ignoring Severus's outraged look.
"Oh well, lets not bother severs with our incessant chatter. Come we will walk and talk." Lucius dramatically offered Lily his arm, which she took with a smirk.
"Get back here! And when the hell did you become all friendly? I rather liked it better when you disliked each other." Severus growled, earning him a dangerous look from Madam Pince.
Lily and Lucius chuckled together and sat across the table from the glowering Severus. He was practically reaching for his wand to curse them both! He heard Lucius laugh, "He's so tense lately, I wonder why that is."
"You know it could be this one guy, I forget his name, but Sev here was real attached to him and then his one chance at 'releasing some tension' disappeared. So he's been grumpy for the past week." Lily whispered again, wearing a mock sympathetic look.
"Pity. He should have given that guy a chance. Maybe he wouldn't be so grumpy!" Lucius shot Severus a look and smirked at him after a moment.
Severus gave them both murderous looks and said harshly, "Just shut up and tell us what you know Malfoy!"
"You could trying more polite to the person you're trying to weasel information out of." Lucius sniffed superiorly and flicked back the blonde locks that weren't even out of place.
When both Lily and Severus gave him impatient, threatening looks, he smirked again and slowly rolled his silver eyes. "Fine, I'll tell you what I heard, even though you're both unappreciative!" He gave them one last glare before continuing. "I heard from a Ravenclaw that was…entertaining me that a few of his friends had seen Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey, Hagrid and McGonagall hurrying three seventh years to the hospital wing. Two of them were unconscious. One a girl and one boy. Dumbledore informed them not to tell anyone, but I can be very…Persuasive when I want to be."
In the next minute he was yelping uncharacteristically, when Lily whacked him upside the head, her eyes blazing angrily, "How could you not tell us that right away?"
Lucius shrugged, rubbing the back of his head soothingly, "It was more amusing this way."
Severus gave him a scathing look, while he stuffed his books and parchment into his satchel. He grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her out of the library. They were hurrying to the hospital wing when Severus realized what he was doing, he skidded to a halt and Lily gave him a curious look, "What are you doing Sev? C'mon lets go find out what's going on!"
"Um…You go ahead." Sev smiled a small smile at her and nudged her forward lightly.
"What? You…have to come with me! F-Find out if they're okay." Lily looked like Severus had lost his mind.
"They'd want to see you. Go on, you can tell me about it later." Sev was already backing up quickly. He hurried around the nearest corner, Lily's calls for him ringing in his ears.
He found an empty nook near the top of the astronomy tower and hid. He didn't like Harry. He was just attracted to the Gryffindor. So why was he rushing off to visit him in the hospital wing like a nervous lover?
It was obvious that Harry was only attracted to him sexually. He always acted like he knew everything about Severus that he wanted too. He acted like he knew everything important about Severus. It was frustrating because Harry didn't know him, didn't know anything about Severus. Even less than Lily and Lucius knew about him, which was a surprisingly large amount due to the fact that he rarely divulged anything about himself.
He couldn't deny the bond between him and Harry, it was deep and unbreakable. There was something about their relationship that shook Severus deep to his core. He'd never felt so close and so far away from someone in his entire life. They shared looks, on the rare occasion that he allowed himself to fully look at Harry that held a deep need to be close to each other, to be always with each other.
It was scary, Severus didn't approve of intimacy and Harry demanded it. He held such a look in his eyes sometimes, a mingling of impatience and sadness. Like he was used to having Severus be very intimate with him. Like he was used to something more personal between them, like he'd somehow had him and lost him and was trying to regain him in his life.
Severus felt the impatience too, his body and heart calling for him to be with Harry in all ways. Too love him, to cherish him, and to protect him. It was a call for him to share every part of himself with Harry. He didn't know what would happen if he acted on those urges, only that the longer he put of acting on them, it hurt him. His body ached and burned. Not just his body but his soul, as well.
He felt his body trembling and blinked out of his reverie. He looked out the window, from the ledge he was sitting on and jolted when he realized how late it had gotten while he sat there lost in his thoughts. Hours must have passed, he thought anxiously.
He jumped off the ledge and walked slowly, trying and failing not to get lost in his thoughts. He kept thinking of the dark way Harry's eyes flashed when he looked at Severus, the way he always brushed his hand across Ron and Hermione's shoulder when he was leaving them for long lengths of time. It was like he was trying to reassure them and himself that he would be back with them soon. It was such a curious move, like he'd lost too many people in his short life and Hermione and Ron were his only links to the world.
Sometimes he would make a move like he was going to the same thing to Severus and would stop himself just in time. It was very curious. He wondered why Harry thought he had the right to touch him so, even just wanting to touch him that way.
Shaking his head, he realized that he was pacing in front of the Hospital Wing doors. He raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed in aggravation. He pulled his wand out and placed a cloaking spell over himself, it wouldn't fool someone such as Dumbledore or even McGonagall but it would most likely work on Harry. He quickly convinced himself that there was nothing wrong with simply checking on the trio, making sure that nothing too drastic had happened.
He carefully pushed open the door to the hospital wing and snuck in, looking around in sweeping ways.
Harry sat up straight in the bed, suddenly aware that someone was there. Someone was sneaking around the hospital wing. He narrowed his eyes and focused sharply on the feeling of the other person. It took a moment but he abruptly recognized the invisible presence.
"Severus love, why don't you come out now? It's always been creepy when you do that and I'm injured so can't you just humor me?" he called out, wincing at the pressure on his injured ribs as he tried to sit up.
Almost immediately someone hands were on his back, lightly helping him sit up. He sighed out the counter cloaking charm and smiled up at Severus now visible face. He couldn't resist running his fingers down his face, "Hello love."
Severus leaned into the touch momentarily, his body touching burning at the feel of Harry's touch. He stared down at Harry and felt his gut clench at the battered face he was staring at. Harry had bruises all across his forehead, cheeks and lips. There were raging red marks around his neck, like someone had choked him roughly. He took in the fact that Harry's arms and hands were covered with vicious looking burn marks. He also seemed to be holding himself up gingerly, like some of his ribs were broken.
But Harry was wearing such a happy smile. It probably hurt his lips to smile so widely up at him. The smile had an edge of guilt to it, like Harry was expecting Severus to scold him for being so rash.
Seeing the look made Severus want to rage at Harry, so he swatted away the hand touching his face and growled low in his throat, "Where the bloody hell were you? And what the bloody happened to you? You couldn't leave word with someone? Anyone? Do you know how worried everyone has been? Lily and Lupin won't leave me alone! Which is a whole other issue about how wolfie boy thinks its okay to approach me after the debacle last year!"
Harry couldn't see any way to stop Severus rant than by reaching up and pushing his two fingers onto his lips. "I'm sorry I worried you Sev. I should have told you I would be leaving. I just thought you would be safer this way. It's not that I underestimate you, it's just I want to protect you from all this so much."
"What the hell are you talking about? Protect me from what Harry?" Sev pleaded. He felt himself drop down on to the bed next to Harry. He wanted so badly to touch him, to kiss away every offending, injury.
"From all the bad out in the world Severus, all the evil out there that's trying to war against the win." Harry reached up again. Carding his fingers threw Severus's black hair.
"Won't you tell me where you were, how you got all these injuries?" Severus reached out and ran one long finger down the purpling bruise growing from Harry's temple across his cheek. "Why didn't Madame Pomfrey do anything about these? You must be in so much pain."
"Nothing she can do love. These aren't normal injuries, they're dark magic. Don't worry I'm not in too much pain."
"Liar." Severus rolled his eyes.
"You know that I love you right?" Harry whispered, knowing he was taking a huge risk.
"I know you think you do."
"I don't just think I do Sev, I know I do. I love you with every fiber of my being. I know you feel it too. I know you feel the love burning between us. Fight it if you must, I don't see why you wouldn't, you did before too. But know this, it will win. I promise that."
"You're the most confusing person I've ever met." Severus whispered before leaning in and slowly pushing his lips onto Harry's.
The fire that had been simmering just underneath the surface of their skin, flared and burned between them as their lips touched. Harry felt like his body was celebrating. Every nerve ending was dancing at the feel of Sev's lips on his. Severus whimpered quietly and pressed firmer, almost climbing onto Harry's lap. He just couldn't get enough of the feeling of Harry's mouth on his. It was warm, firm, perfect and even more wonderful than he imagined.
It was great just feeling Harry's mouth on his, but he needed to taste him. He opened his mouth and let the smallest bit of his tongue run along the dip between Harry's lips, demanding entrance. Harry eagerly opened his mouth and Severus pushed his tongue in. Harry let him explore his mouth for a moment before letting his tongue tease up to Sev's. He heard Severus moan lightly and push back against his tongue wanting dominance back again.
Harry pulled Severus closer to him and onto his lap, his legs bet onto either side of his body. He tipped his head and let his lover take over the kiss. Long tapered, fingers wound in his hair and nails grazed his skull lightly. His own fingers were tightening on Sev's narrow waist. He was trying to stop himself from pushing at Sev's robes, from pushing them off.
His lover was more impatient, his hands yanking at Harry's shirt, pulling the shirt open so that that buttons popped off. Then his hands were touching his chest, his shoulders, and roughly dragging across his nipples. His pulled Harry's tongue into his mouth and sucked it, in such a tantalizing way that he had Harry panting into his mouth. He felt a thrill of success at that and decided to find out what else he could do to drive the boy wild. He dragged his tongue all along every inch of Harry's mouth, memorizing every spot that got a reaction out of him.
He felt Harry's fingers clenching his hips roughly and wriggled them around trying to tell him to either tighten or loosen up, to do something! But his wriggling drew a hushed groan out of the both of them.
His throat burning Harry rocked his hips up and felt Severus spasm above him with a quiet whimper. He pulled Severus forward at the same time as he pushed his hips up and both froze a moment before the violent trembles started, their breaths coming out in harsh pants and whimpers. He repeated the move, feeling Severus's hands drag down his chest as his mouth struggled to focus on what they were doing.
Severus removed his mouth from Harry's lips and half sucked, half kissed his way down Harry's jaw, down to his neck. His groin felt like it was burning as it brushed against Harry's in that beautiful way. He sucked lightly on his neck, after a particularly amazing grind he must have bitten down on a sore spot on his neck because Harry hissed in pain and he jerked back. "I-I'm sorry!"
Still wincing at the pain that was now becoming apparent, Harry shook his head, "Don't be, that was amazing."
Blushing slightly Severus shivered, "What's going on? How do you…How do we feel…Why do I feel this way?"
Harry stared at Severus for a long moment, guilt clouding his mind. He gently pulled his face up to face him and stared deep into his eyes. He pushed lightly at the blocks in Sev's mind and felt him physically jump but just kept it up a small, light insistent push to gain entrance into his mind.
Taking a chance, Severus let Harry flow into his mind using the choppy and rough occulemency on his mind. He gasped quietly at the mess of images that flowed into his mind. First came images of Harry talking with Dumbledore, his friends explaining that they'd forced him back in time after his lover died. Then came images of his real life, in the future at Hogwarts. He jumped at the image of himself, clearly decade's older and teaching Harry, tormenting the son of his best friend and of his worst enemy. Time flashed by, with just bits of images of wars with the dark lord, his friends, practically family dying. This included ton's of red heads, and older version of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Albus Dumbledore. Then a battle field, an army going against Voldemort, the older version of himself and Harry fighting about nothing, Harry pushing him back, landing on top of him, and cursing each other and finally their first kiss.
The images grew sweeter, happier, passion filled. Their grudging relationship, blossoming into true, deep love, their random kisses, their sweet embraces and their passionate and often love making. His older self scolding Harry for doing something rash, Harry arguing with him playfully. Harry and Severus's private bonding ceremony came next, the sweet and intense spell binding their souls together, through out time, for the rest of their lives.
He watched Harry and the older version of himself preparing themselves for the final battle at Hogwarts against Voldemort. He watched their last night together, their passionate and desperate love making, their promised half truths to not do anything that could put themselves in danger, their absolute and open declarations of love and devotion for each other. Then the final battle flashed in the front of his mind and he watched Harry kill, masked followers of Voldemort, picking off innocent students, innocent people fighting for their right to live, to feel safe. He watched as harry and his older self were forced to separate, their terrified glances at each other, their mouths moving silently to mouth the same three words before dashing away.
The next pictures that flowed into his mind were that of Harry killing Voldemort, ending the war and hurrying around looking for his bondmate. A horrifying picture of himself sprawled out on the Great Hall's floor, surrounded by hundreds of other dead. Harry's horribly depressing reaction to his death. The week that followed of his sobbing into piles of his older versions of his self's clothes, crying out for him to return to him, that he promised he wouldn't leave him, poured into his mind and made unconscious tears pour down his cheeks.
He watched the last week next, Harry and his friends searching for hocruxe's and sleeping in tents on mountain sides. He watched how Harry felt so alone without him all those nights, how all he wished was to be sleeping next to him as his body ached from the battery of Voldemorts spells to protect his hocruxe's.
The visions ended there and he let his eyes droop closed, effectively keeping Harry from going into his mind again. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks, but couldn't bring himself to wipe the tears away. He felt so overwhelmed with emotions, with memories that were kind of his own. He felt and knew that what he had seen had been genuine. It came straight from Harry's mind, right from his collection of memories.
He felt Harry's hand reach up to wipe the tears away and gently stopped him. He took his hand and placed it back in his own lap before crawling off his lap, the bed and stepping away from the bed. "I…I need to think." He turned his back so he wouldn't have to stare at him.
"Severus…?" Harry whispered worriedly.
Sev held up a hand to stop him, "Its okay Harry…I just need to think. Get better yeah?" He called over his shoulder and he walked out of the hospital wing.
Harry stared after him and felt his insides coil up tight in a nervous tangle. He hoped he'd done the right thing by showing Severus his memories. He bit his still swollen lip and sighed anxiously.
"Harry?"
He jumped in surprise and pulled back the curtains on the left side of his bed. He looked over at the bed Hermione was in, he stared at her big eyes open and staring at him. "Yes Mione?"
"You showed him your memories didn't you?"
"Yeah. You think it was the right thing to do?"
"Well since he kind of just proved 'how much' he loves you, I do. You have got to remember to put a muffliato charm on your bed if you're going to have 'I missed you sex'." Hermione grinned at him, a faint blush echoing onto her cheeks from his.
"Shit…I didn't even think of that." Harry chuckled, "And we didn't have sex Hermione."
"Not from lack of want…" she said with a slightly sarcastic edge to it, but her smile showed that she was joking.
"I think I might have messed it up when I shared all those memories…"
"Harry you had too. He would never have understood the bond between the two of you if you hadn't. And you couldn't live with a lie like that hanging over your relationship, you know you couldn't. And not telling him would have been a lie." Hermione stifled a yawn with her hand as she spoke.
"I know Mione I just…I'm afraid to lose him again. I'm afraid that you and Ron had left your lives back in our time for nothing."
"Oh Harry, Ron and I have told you hundreds of times that we will always be with you. No matter what the situation. You are a part of our family. The three of us are the only bit of our real lives we have left. And since you love Severus, that makes him apart of our family too." She wiped her eyes quickly, "We had only barely gotten to see what you loved so much about him in our time Harry. He loved you deeply and that made us love him. He was our friend because of you…And I never thanked you for that did I? Thank you Harry for showing us the real Severus, and for showing us how amazing he really was and is." A fat tear ran down her cheek and her chin wobbled wildly.
Harry let one tear fall down his cheek and nodded, "He was really amazing wasn't he?"
"Yes, he was." Hermione reached across the space between their beds and he did as well, grasping his hand tenderly.
"I love you and Ron, Hermione, you're my best friends."
"We love you too Harry. And everything will be okay, better than okay, perfect! He'll come around you'll see. He just needs time." Hermione smiled over at him, releasing his hand and dropping back onto her bed tiredly.
"I hope so. I'll just give him all the time he needs." Harry lay back too and closed his eyes.
*