Songs and Poetry

Love

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting there are things that cannot be."

~***~

Is there a word to describe the feeling they had?

A single, small word that can describe the butterflies in Rhyme's stomach, a single, small word that can describe the true smile on Joshua's face?

How can a single word sum up the emotion that danced inside their hearts, even one that had long ago stopped beating?

Bliss.

Ecstasy.

Happiness.

Love.

Yes, Rhyme was certain, and her closed eyes only confirmed this fact as she rested back on her hands nearby him, smiling at the sky.

Her absolute certainty, her happiness, amused Joshua, almost like one would feel watching a cat walk by with its tail in the air, head lifted high. He stopped scanning her thoughts and instead let the breeze blow his hair around as he mimicked her position, watching the small ripples that spread across the pond at the little park they were at.

Ever since that one rainy day, Rhyme hadn't brought it up, she just smiled whenever Joshua appeared, and they went off somewhere to do whatever they felt like. He cracked an eye open, watching her now, as she picked up a smooth grey pebble and flung it across the pond.

Skip, skip, and skip, then ploosh.

She paused to smile at him, obviously indicating he should go next. Joshua idly picked up a pebble, because he did things when he wanted and no sooner or later, and ran his fingers across the dull brown stone, moist from the water. He suddenly flicked his wrist, so fast that Rhyme almost missed it, and it skipped across the lake, cleared it, and slammed into a tree, shedding what he believed to be sakura petals in showers down on the water. There was a dull thud to be heard, and then several branches dropped off while there was now a sizable dent in the tree.

"Oops." He said lazily, stretching back to fold his arms behind his head. Rhyme laughed, laying her head on his chest.

"Show off." She said affectionately, closing her eyes. Joshua smiled, running his fingers through her hair.

"Why of course, dear Rhyme, that wasn't the best I could do, but I didn't want to break a sweat."

He was still pleasantly surprised at the giddy, content feeling that was constantly in the air around him now. Eyes closed, he listened to the hum of her thoughts, answering her unspoken question, which had just swum across her mind like a frog in a pond.

"No, dear, I don't have to stay in Shibuya."

She opened her blue eyes, fixing him with a curious stare.

"If I do…I'll probably lose my power, or die, or both, if gone for too long."

"Oh." She murmured, sounding disappointed.

"Why were you thinking that?" He asked her, withdrawing from her thoughts to let her answer herself.

Rhyme shifted to look at him better, biting her lip.

"I'm…well, I'll leave Shibuya at some point, Josh. Beat and I were going to go…traveling…and I wanted to help out places that need it, for my charity work."

Joshua narrowed his purple eyes, and then relaxed them. If anything, he was persuasive. Perhaps he could convince her to stay? Not that he really was going to force her…

"I know you'll all leave." He closed his eyes again, sighing. "I'm technically tethered here. I'll miss Neku, Shiki, and even Beat. But most of all…" He paused to bring his hand down to hold her face and she looked at him sadly. "I'll miss you, Raimu."

"Joshua…I don't have to go."

"No, I suppose you don't, but you want to, don't you?"

When she didn't answer right away, he wasn't sure what to say. He half wanted to laugh aloud, the other half felt sad he was chaining her here. He stroked her hair, letting his thoughts wander.

And thus, Joshua, she's in love with you, and face it; you're in love with her too. Then…why can't you go with her?

He knew why. He could, technically, but he'd have to hand the Composer position to someone else, and frankly no one else deserved it.

I'd give it to Neku, but he isn't dead…And I won't kill him again either.

This presented an evil little problem that Joshua couldn't solve easily. It greatly vexed him when this happened, because he felt like he was losing control of the situation.

Losing? You already lost it the day in the mall.

"You're not angry, are you?" Her voice interrupted his thoughts.

Blinking, He glanced at her. "Hmm? Of course not."

Rhyme sat up, sighing. "I think I've been ditching my charity work lately, I need to head to the shelter." She stood up, and Joshua got to his feet with her. He had no idea if he was willing to waste his time helping others, but decided he might as well. The lack of Games lately was convenient, but puzzling, and who was he to question a good thing? As long as it wasn't too long, the Reapers wouldn't drop dead on him, or drop Erased, or whatever dead people do when they "die" again.

While pondering the irony of this situation, Rhyme had already led him to the shelter. He mostly just stood back, not liking to really exert himself, and watched her help serve food to the homeless. He twirled a lock of silvery hair around his finger, once again aware of the terrible truth.

She's going to leave, and I can't go with her.

Joshua had no idea how much this bothered him until that moment.

She's going to leave one day, and I'm going to be here alone again.

A part of his mind whispered, No, you don't.

Did he have a Noise form? Perhaps. What did the Noise signify? Was it anger, aggression, bestial instincts?

Perhaps. Technically, as Composer, his Noise form was his Composer appearance, but he didn't need to know any of this to identify this was his more conceited side talking.

You can just kill her.

His blood ran colder than it already was.

She'd have to stay then, because not only will she leave, she'll get older.

Joshua studied Rhyme again, who lifted her head to smile at him. She beckoned him over, mouthing, "You can't be here and not help!", since her voice was drowned out by the noise around them.

He went over to her, but his thoughts were still deeply bothered.

~***~

Joshua's eyes were clouded with something like confusion.

It was disconcerting to see, since he always looked so sure. He was like the God of Shibuya, he prowled the streets, his streets, smiling and smirking because he knew there was no one to challenge him.

Not only that, but he was shameless. Neku had once given him a parasol from Lapin Angelique as a joke, and he had just twirled it and gone on about how the sun simply couldn't touch his skin, much to the amusement of the others present, and Neku's fury.

Joshua also always knew what was going on. Seeing him confused was so disturbing that for a moment all the other things around her bled away. The brown wood room, the tables, the chatter, the poor, unfortunate people around her, they were all gone. All she saw was him, his violet eyes averted as he approached.

"Something the matter?" She asked him, the rest of the world coming back in a whoosh. Rhyme placed her hand on his, smiling at him. Joshua smirked, but the expression looked halfhearted.

"Nothing's the matter, dear."

"Don't lie. Lies are like a house of cards, they'll all come tumbling down eventually."

Joshua just giggled, but he was lacking the usual animation he had when talking, he was just…still. "Ah, no, Rhyme. Some lies are for the better."

She blinked briefly in confusion, and then nodded, turning to spoon something into someone's bowl. She could feel his eyes on her, and she squirmed slightly, uncomfortable. Rhyme smiled at him again, and she was disappointed when he didn't respond, just stared at the sky, brow furrowed as he crossed his arms.

Please, Josh, answer me.

She didn't like seeing strangers in trouble, let alone friends, and she was desperate to make it up to him. She wanted to help.

They left the shelter later, entering the screaming, roaring streets of Shibuya in the late afternoon. Joshua seemed to repel people, so they walked more easily, and Rhyme was still unhappy that he hadn't smiled or smirked or did anything. She rubbed her hands together, looking at the sky which was beginning to cloud once more.

What was her opinion on their relationship? Unique, that was all. But love was never ever wrong, and she was secure in that fact.

However, Rhyme also knew there were some issues that would come up later, but she wanted to live in the moment…

Like CAT usually said.

"Why are you frowning?"

She blinked, knocked out of her thoughts, looking up at Joshua. He was looking at her with an intent expression, but at least he had some emotion this time.

"I'm sad because you are."

"I'm not sad." He said calmly.

"Really? Then why haven't you smiled today? Smiles brighten the day and your soul."

"I see. I've got some problems, that's all, nothing for you to concern yourself with."

"Joshua." She stated flatly. "Please. Tell me what's wrong. You don't trust anyone, do you?"

"This is nothing you can help with." His tone was dangerous. "I'll straighten it out."

They continued to walk, but when Joshua reached for her hand, she crossed her arms.

~***~

She's how old? Fourteen?

You're…much older than her. Even your youngest form is older than her. But she loves you regardless, and you do too, so why not seal your eternal bond together and simply end her life? She'll enter the Game, maybe become a Reaper or Angel, thus having to not play it again, and-

Joshua shook his head. He was absolutely not going to kill Raimu, especially since Beat would make it his mission in life-and death-to personally murder him and rip him to tiny pieces for the dogs to eat.

Not that it wouldn't be amusing to see him try, but Joshua didn't really want it to come to this point.

He walked Rhyme home as the sun began to set, and he was knocked out of his thoughts by her voice.

"You've been quiet all day today."

Because I'm deciding whether or not to kill you.

"Is something the matter?" She continued.

Yes, everything is the matter.

"It's…not about the leaving thing, is it? I'm not even old enough to drive, don't worry, I'll be here for a while longer yet." She hesitated, then stretched her hand out and gently took his, smiling up at him. Joshua smiled back, brought her hand up to kiss it, and then he smirked.

"My deepest apologies dear, I've just been thinking a lot lately."

"Anything I can help with?" She asked again cheerily, but her eyes were troubled.

"Actually, yes. How much do you love life?" He giggled as she paled, looking confused, obviously not expecting him to answer.

"…A lot?"

"Hmm I figured. See you, dear." He waved before walking down the street, disappearing before he even reached the street light.

"What's the matter with him?" Rhyme muttered.

~***~

She was sleeping now, this he knew, and he just sat there watching her.

I'm such a stalker. He thought with a small giggle. However, I don't come to simply watch.

His fingers brushed over the small gun in his pocket, touching the cold metal. One shot, and he could be with her forever.

One shot to end a life.

One shot to destroy a dream.

One shot to vanquish a wish.

One shot to devastate a family.

And thus, with the rain pattering the windows outside, Joshua removed the gun from his pocket and pointed it straight at Rhyme. A conversation from earlier replayed in his mind, not one he had with Beat or Shiki, but with Neku.

Neku's eyes narrowed to blue slits. "I don't know what you're playing at, but it's not cool, Josh. Leave Rhyme alone, don't you know how old you are compared to her? She's only fourteen!"

Joshua had smirked. "Love doesn't know any ages, Neku."

"Screw that!" He shouted. "I'm not losing another friend to you! I know you! You'll kill her! She's better off living a real life than eternal death in the UG!"

He had remained composed, smiling faintly. "But Neku, dear, I didn't know you cared about her this way."

"If you were doing this to anyone I knew; I'd react this way." He retorted. He leaned in close, his voice harsh. "Listen, Josh, don't just think about yourself. What about her family? Her friends? She'll ask why she can't go back to the RG, you'll probably lie, and then I'll make sure that when she comes to check up on Beat and the others, I'll be saying over and over the truth. I'll tell Beat, and we'll personally escort you to hell!"

Joshua closed his eyes, his fingers wrapped around the trigger, but not enough to fire it. Even if he didn't now, when she actually reached his current "age", he might be tempted to end her life, right then and there.

Because to be honest, and he hated this weakness, he wanted to spend every single day with her.

She was sleeping now, blissfully unaware, a small smile on her features as she dreamed. Her hands tightened around her pillow, but not in a nightmarish way.

Joshua was frozen, immobile, gun pointed at her head, when she spoke.

"Joshua…"

He blinked, lowering the gun and looking in an almost guilty way at her before changing smoothly into his usual cynical expression.

She was still asleep, he realized, as she did nothing but rollover and sigh.

Curious, he scanned her thoughts. Dreams were always fragmented, and he couldn't see anything, but he just sensed that she was relatively calm and happy.

He paused for so long his body was starting to hurt from standing up. Hours could have gone by, and he would've been unaware. All he knew of was that single girl sleeping, and the life that hung on the line.

He raised the gun again, preparing to shoot, when something echoed in his head.

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.

Joshua felt so conflicted that he was reminded of a period in his mortal life, which seemed like ages and ages ago. Now he just stood there like a simpleton, and he did three things.

Thing number one: He put away the gun.

Thing number two: He pulled Rhyme's covers up and apologized.

Thing number three: He left.

Somehow, just these three things were the hardest to do. He was used to doing what he wanted, and not doing it was strange. He figured a few things, though.

First and foremost, Raimu, I have no right to take your life away and not give it back. Even with Neku I gave it back…I should be happy to see you grow and mature instead of trying to keep you at whatever period in your life I want you to be at.

And maybe…you'll come of your own free will anyway.

~***~

Sorry for the total badness of this chapter, but the next two will be a lot better, I promise. I intended to skip directly to the chapters I had already planned, but my brother who is totally against Joshyme asked if I would add this chapter.

That being said, I know it's not as good as the others, review.