Part FOUR
Only an hour or so had passed when Debbie awoke suddenly. Sitting up, her eyes darted around the room, trying to get her bearings. She was in her bedroom, but try as she might with her booze addled brain, she had no recollection of how she got there. She looked down at herself, still wearing the same clothes from their night out, and at the thought of her friend she turned to her left, for some reason expecting to see Jasmine sleeping next to her, feeling somewhat disappointed when she wasn't. She must've actually made it to her own room she thought.
Sinking back down on to the bed she let out a deep sigh. She really needed to figure out what was going on with her and fast, remembering that her friend would be going home tomorrow, well, later now she supposed, glancing at the clock. The bright red digits boldly announcing it was now 2.05am, and then for the first time she noticed the music playing, smiling to herself and closing her eyes when she recognised it. After a while she turned her face once again to look to her left, her arm reaching out into the empty space.
"Should be 'ere wi' me." she slurred sleepily into the darkness as her eyelids started to droop.
Debbie snapped awake, eyes darting to the clock, now reading 3.12am, 'Must've dozed off again.' she thought to herself. Morning was getting ever closer, which made her heart sink. She didn't want it to be their last day, the time had gone too quickly and she hadn't figured things out properly in her head yet. Constantly fighting her instincts to bury whatever 'feelings' she might be having. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard noises from across the landing, and she recognised the flush of the toilet. Realising Jasmine was awake she leapt up.
"What the hell..?!" she cursed, when she looked down to see her foot wedged into a bucket. It wasn't exactly helping her mobility in her current state, and finally shook it free once she reached the door.
She was just in time to see Jasmine leaving the bathroom, and then visibly jump at the sight of seeing Debbie peeking out at her from behind her door.
"Jesus Debs! I thought you were asleep." she gasped, placing her hand over her now pounding heart.
"Was for a bit." Debbie replied. There was a certain tone to her voice that Jasmine couldn't quite figure out, though she knew it was more serious than usual.
"Are you ok?" she asked quickly stepping forward, her eyes scanning her friends face. "You were pretty out of it earlier y'know. You wouldn't believe the fun and games trying to get you upst.."
"Jas." Debbie interjected, making Jasmine pause mid sentence, waiting for her to continue. "C'mere."
"What?" Jasmine asked, shocked.
"Come here." Debbie repeated slowly, her voice soft, as she held her hand out to the confused girl standing infront of her.
"Debbie–"
"Please."
Jasmine couldn't work out if her friend knew what she was doing, whether she was still under the influence of all the alcohol she'd consumed that night. She was nervous at the thought of what exactly it was that Debbie wanted from her, but if truth be told she also felt somewhat exhilarated. Looking up into her pleading eyes, her arm seemed to take on a life of its own as she reached out and took the older girl's hand.
Debbie's eyes looked down at their point of contact, her expression not changing as she ran her thumb along the back of Jasmine's hand before turning and gently leading the girl into her room.
Reaching the bed she released her grasp, making her way to her side and quickly flattened out the duvet, stumbling slightly before lying down. Looking up at her friend, now standing frozen before her, she reached out her left arm into the empty space beside her much like she had earlier in private. Jasmine slowly stepped forward, her eyes fixed on Debbie, hesitating slightly before lying next to the other girl. Debbie's eyes were practically burning into Jasmine's as she watched her every move. Jasmine's heart leapt when Debbie slowly rolled over on to her side, moving closer to her, claiming her hand once again.
"You weren't here," Debbie spoke softly.
Jasmine became confused at her friend's words, and seeing this Debbie continued.
"When I woke, you weren't here."
"Oh. " Jasmine uttered, "Sorry. I-I didn't know you wanted..."
"Shh, Jas." Debbie placed a finger on the girls lips, silencing her, sending Jasmine's mind racing back to the last time her friend had touched her that way, her eyes closing briefly at the contact.
"Debbie," she breathed.
Then doubt seemed to engulf Debbie as she looked away, and once again Jasmine noticed as she gently bit her lip before continuing. "Would ya just lie here with me? she asked, as if terrified of being rejected.
Jasmine's heart melted at seeing Debbie once again so vulnerable, she had just wanted company. Any nerves she'd felt previously totally dissipated and she now reached for Debbie's hand, and brought it up to her lips giving it the lightest of kisses, before wrapping it around her waist, effectively giving Debbie permission to hold her. They both shuffled slightly, until the jigsaw pieces of their bodies fell into place together in a comfortable embrace, hands softly stroking until moments later they slowly stilled as slumber claimed them both with ease.
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The sunlight had been slowly creeping it's way into Debbie's room, the triangular beam of light that had formed from the crack in the curtain, inching its way towards the sleeping occupants still wrapped up in each other. Finally reaching the bed, the shaft of light had woken Jasmine first as it fell across her face. She went to stretch but then felt the now familiar weight of her friend half lying on her, her face once again resting in the crook of her neck with her arm wrapped around her, just as she had been last night. They hadn't moved an inch, apart from their now entwined legs she noticed. She couldn't help but smile at this.
She had had close friends before, whom she considered to be 'best friends' but she'd never shared a bond like this, not even close. This felt so, right. If she'd have been told a few months back that she'd fully enjoy sharing a bed with another girl, well not simply sharing but snuggling up in bed with another girl, she'd have thought them mad. But here she was, for the second night running 'sleeping' with Debbie. It all felt so natural, the way they fit together as though they had literally been made for each other.
Whenever she'd shared a bed with a guy they'd start off with a cuddle but would always end up pulling away from each other when it came to sleeping, never being able to get comfortable. But not with Debbie. They were the epitome of Yin and Yang.
Lost in the thoughts of what this all meant, she had absent-mindedly started to caress the arm Debbie had wrapped around her, and her ministrations made the sleeping brunette stir for a few seconds before her eyes finally fluttered open. Lying still, she could feel the soft movements against her skin, as her eyes lazily took in the features of Jasmine's neck and collar bone and moved down to her arm currently wrapped around her friend, watching Jasmine's fingertips move in light circles.
Debbie took in a deep breath as she briefly tensed and stretched all her muscles now starting to fully wake up. Jasmine's hand immediately becoming still. Noticing this, Debbie paused for a moment as if contemplating something. She briefly nuzzled Jasmine's neck with her nose, slightly rolling away as she brought her hand to rest on Jasmine's stomach, giving it a gentle rub.
"You awake?" Debbie asked, already knowing the answer.
"...Yeah...you?"
Debbie snorted in laughter.
"I mean...oh for god's sake, obviously you're awake." Jasmine rolled her eyes, "Idiot." she whispered, laughing at her slip of words when Debbie had sat up and smirked down at her.
"Didn't realise you became a dizzy blonde in your sleep Jas."
Jasmine couldn't think of a suitable retort, so childishly she just stuck her tongue out.
"Ooh, that told me."
Both girls laughed lightly at their playful banter, eyes connecting causing their mirth to ebb. Debbie looked down intently at Jasmine and then down at her hand still resting on the girl's stomach as if noticing it for the first time. With a friendly squeeze, she then rolled on to her back, lying beside Jasmine.
"Did you sleep ok?" She asked, staring at the ceiling.
"Like a baby," came the reply.
"What, waking up every 15 minutes bawling your head off? I must be a very deep sleeper."
"Oh you know what I mean," poking Debbie with her foot.
"Mhm, still a stupid sayin' though," poking back.
"You were so funny last night Debs, I'm actually contemplating plying you with alcohol 24/7."
"Really," she replied in her usual sardonic tone as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"Seriously, I wish I could've got you on camera so you could see yourself. I almost wet myself from laughing."
Debbie quickly turned to face Jasmine at that, eyebrows raised.
"Obviously I didn't! But god you were funny."
"Well I'm glad you find me so amusin'. Dread to think what I did that almost brought a girl to premature urination."
"Hey!" Jasmine protested, giving Debbie a shove.
"What?" Debbie laughed. "Seriously though, Jas, 'Tena Lady', that's all I'm gonna say."
Jasmine sat up now, grabbing her pillow, walloping Debbie with it.
"Y'cheeky cow!"
"Don't get yourself too excited, Jas. You might have a little accident." Earning herself another blow.
"Oi! Still feelin' fragile here, bint." Grabbing hold of the pillow, a twinkle of humour in her eyes.
Jasmine sat still, a smirk growing on her face.
"Can I have my pillow back please?"
"Nope."
"Why?"
"Not 'til you learn how to behave." A smug grin forming as Jasmine started to pout, giving her puppy dog eyes.
"Oh please, you can't get round me that easily," she stated nonchalantly, only cracking up seconds later when Jasmine's eyes instantly narrowed when her plan had been foiled.
"Oh 'ere!" throwing the pillow at her friends face "Ya big baby." and beamed back at her as she watched the girl plump her pillow up next to Debbie's head, lying back down beside her shoulder to shoulder.
They lay together for a while both girls' eyes suddenly fascinated with the pattern on Debbie's ceiling as silence filled the room, occasionally disturbed by the twitter of birds and people going about their day. They could just make out the sound of the neighbour's door closing and the swinging of her gate as Edna affectionately cajoled Tootsie in to their morning walk.
"So..." Jasmine huffed amiably, "Do you always snore that badly?"
Debbie's head spun round, "I don't snore!"
"How would you know? You're asleep at the time."
"I know... because…" Debbie started, dragging out the word as her eyes darted from side to side searching for an answer "...well someone would've told me."
"Like I'm telling you now?"
"Yeah well you're lyin'." And paused before muttering to herself, yet knowingly loud enough for Jasmine to hear. "Smart arse."
Jasmine couldn't keep her face straight any longer and gave Debbie the cheesiest grin.
"Ok, maybe a little."
"Bint. You know where the door is if you got a problem." she replied sarcastically.
"Aww, I couldn't leave after you asked me to bunk up with you." Jasmine teased back.
Debbie flushed slightly at the memory, it was a little hazy but she did actually remember the majority of the evening, but she wasn't going to let Jasmine know that. Always easier to plead ignorance.
"Though I did wonder what you had in mind." Jasmine continued, in a tentatively playful tone.
"Whatya mean?" looking at Jasmine again, her face now unreadable.
"Well, I don't know. Just the way you lead me into your room...y'know."
"No, I don't know."
"Just that, you seemed very, intense." Jasmine sighed, as she struggled for the words.
"Intense? Intense how?"
Jasmine rolled her eyes, now wishing she'd never said anything.
"You know it really doesn't matter Debs, it's fine."
Debbie wasn't exactly ready for this conversation, as she didn't know what she wanted as far as Jasmine was concerned, though part of her wanted to know where they stood, wanted to know how Jasmine saw them, if she was as confused about then as she was. A wave of panic washed over her as she thought this could be make or break time for them, what if she did want more? She really hated being a walking contradiction sometimes.
"No. Did, did you think I was gonna try it on with ya, try and get you to sleep wi' me or somethin'?" Annoyed at herself that the question hanging between them came out far more accusing than she intended, when she had just genuinely wanted an honest answer.
But then she saw a momentary flicker of something in Jasmine's eyes. What was it? Doubt? Awkwardness?
"No! No course not!" Jasmine replied, but she had hesitated, and then seemed to respond negatively to the idea of it, at least that's how Debbie heard it, and she turned away, eyes once again fixed on the ceiling.
'God, what's happening?' Jasmine thought to herself, as panic started to set in. Rolling on to her side, she looked down at Debbie, desperately trying to get her to meet her eyes. But she wouldn't.
"Debs, I'm sorry. It's fine yeh? I know you're not like that." she added, now assuming Debbie was put out at the notion of them...together.
'Not like that' the words echoing in Debbie's mind. Jasmine was now making herself very clear on this matter Debbie thought. She was clearly uncomfortable at the thought of it all. 'But what if I am like that?'
She went on the defensive.
"Why would I have been trying to sleep with ya Jasmine? It's not like we've even kissed or even talked about anything like that! So where would that have even come from?"
"Deb I..." she faltered, thinking back to the kiss that could've been that first morning when she'd pretended to be sleeping. Why had she done that? Why hadn't she just opened her eyes? They could've got this out the way and talked it all out then, before this happened.
"Why does everyone seem to think all I'm ever interested in is getting people into bed. I kind of expect that with guys Jas, but I didn't expect it off my best mate."
"Debbie I don't think that, I...it was only a brief thought, I'd been drinking too and sometimes thoughts just pop into your head, it doesn't mean anything. Please Debbie, don't be like this."
Debbie didn't speak, her eyes were fixed straight ahead, still refusing to meet the other girl's. She knew she felt strongly for Jasmine, and that she was happiest when she was around, but she could feel her defence mechanism starting to kick in and it scared her. She'd never let anyone close to her, but she had wanted that to change with Jasmine, to get past that and let someone in but it was easier said than done and then she'd started to become overwhelmed with feelings for the girl which confused her. Just where was all this leading?
Her heart and her head were at war with each other. Her heart willing her to just shut up and stop acting like a bitch to Jasmine for no reason, to talk this all out with her, hear how Jasmine really felt about them. But her head was having none of it, instantly wanting to push Jasmine away before she screwed everything up, or before Jasmine would do something to hurt her. Everyone was the same, everyone hurt you in the end. But then her heart argued back, no, not Jasmine, she was different, she knew that from the day they met. There was something there between them. She could trust her, completely. She needed space to think before she did something stupid. Debbie's inner turmoil was interrupted by the sound of Jasmine's voice.
"When you asked me if I would just lie with you, I felt..."
"Relieved? Oh, pity me did ya? Pathetic loser who just wanted some company." Debbie spat back as a reflex, and immediately regretted it. Jasmine should've kept quiet and now it was too late. 'God no, don't.' she thought to herself, she could feel it happening and she was powerless to stop it.
"No Debbie!"
"Just wanted the company of the person who's become the most important thing in her life." A tear now trickling down her cheek.
Jasmine had started to tear up at Debbie's tirade, trying to interrupt her to make her see she didn't think that way at all, that she hadn't pitied her, but at Debbie's final words she had quietened, stunned into silence at what she had heard, as tears now fell down her own face.
"Debbie," she whispered, reaching out to take the girl's hand.
"Don't," and she pulled her hand away, quickly wiping the stray tear from her face as she got up and left the room.
Jasmine just lay there, staring at the spot where Debbie had been lying, totally lost. How could things have gone from being the perfect morning to this in a matter of seconds?
At least she knew how Debbie felt about things she thought. Clearly not appreciating the idea of them, 'together'. Clearly irritated that Jasmine could look upon the friendship she had held in such regard, in that way. She didn't know what she wanted, but now Debbie had seemingly spelled out her feelings on the matter there was no point even thinking about it anymore, her heart aching at the thought. It had all been so confusing.
"She almost kissed me yesterday for god's sake, and now she's going off on one about me implying she might've wanted more than a cuddle." With a shaking hand, Jasmine rubbed her head wearily. "God, I need to fix this."
A few minutes later Debbie came back into the room, leaning against the door as she closed it behind her. Her arms were folded, jaw set, and her mouth fixed in a straight line. The mask was up and she had an air of coldness about her, previously reserved for everyone but Jasmine, but on closer inspection you could see she had been crying. Jasmine just wanted to pull her into a hug and hold her tight.
"If you were so unsure of my intentions, why did you get into bed wi' me? she asked, a scathing tone to her voice. "We were already lying down when I asked you to stay and lie with me." she added, keeping her words level and direct as she spoke. Her head had won and now it was doing everything it could to push Jasmine away.
Jasmine was sitting up now, her legs crossed as she processed Debbie's question.
"...I don't know."
"How can you not know? Clearly the thought bothered you, so why even get into bed with me?"
"I...I.." Stuttering, as tears pricked at her eyes, while she clawed for words. Her eyes eventually closing as her shoulders slumped, realising she didn't have an answer for her, she hadn't known what she wanted. She didn't know for sure if she'd have responded if Debbie had made advances.
"I don't know Debbie."
"You don't know much really do you?"
Her tone was cold, Jasmine hadn't seen this side to Debbie before and certainly hadn't been on the receiving end of it. Hot tears now cascading down her reddened cheeks.
"Maybe I should just go now." she whispered.
Debbie's eyes seemed to flicker with something, as her heart gave one last attempt to impair the steadfast resolve of her head, but as fast as it had appeared it had gone again, quickly buried.
"Maybe you should." She internally berated herself as her voice cracked slightly with emotion when she'd fought so hard to keep steady.
Watching Jasmine slowly get to her feet, she stepped to the side, eyes now on the floor as the girl left the room closing the door behind her.
Several moments later, Jasmine knocked on Debbie's door now fully packed up and ready to leave. There was no answer.
"Debbie?"
Still no response.
"Debbie please..." and she tried the handle but the door wouldn't budge. Crying openly now, her head resting against the door, she continued.
"Please don't do this Deb, don't make me leave like this." but still no reply came, and she raised her hand up level with her face, softly stroking the door, as though reaching out to Debbie herself.
After several more minutes of silence, Jasmine sighed, defeated. "...k, well I'm just going to go then." and waited for any signs of movement or any kind of sound. Her heart breaking when nothing came.
"...bye Debbie." Barely managing to get the words out, her voice so thick with emotion. Turning to leave she slowly made her way down the stairs and to the living room door, turning back to look at the stairs tears streaming down her face, before opening the door and leaving the house.
Upstairs, Debbie had also been standing against the door, her palm pressed against the wood, unknowingly mirroring Jasmine from the other side of the door, a distant voice pleading with her to open it and talk to Jasmine, but she remained fixed to the spot. She had listened to Jasmine's footsteps and the sounds of doors opening and closing as she left. Through the window she heard a car door open and close and then after a pause the engine started. Jasmine sat there for a few moments, looking up at Debbie's window hoping she'd run after her and stop her from leaving but she never came, and after one last tearful glance Jasmine drove away.
When Debbie heard the car pull off, her shoulders sagged and started to shake as she slid down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest as she sobbed uncontrollably.
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