Cast in order of appearance: Dante, Greed, Wrath, Izumi, Envy, Al, Ed

Large crowd dressed in black standing in front of underground Central's play house stage

Dante (holding candle in front of picture of Envy): And so it is with great sadness that we that we mourn the sudden departure of our beloved homunculus... taken from us so tragically... on the very eve of his three hundred and eighty sixth birthday.

Greed (crying into handkerchief): Poor guy! Never stood a chance!

Dante: *ignore* His legacy will live on in our hearts.

Greed: *sob* Why do the good die young!?

Dante: For all eternity…. Well, he ain't gett'in any deader. Back to work.

All people continue to move around doing their jobs

Throne room:

Dante (sitting in throne): Greed, you really had me worried when you messed up those vials, but now that Envy's dead all is forgiven.

Greed (cooking while wearing plushy blue oven mitts): Huh? Oh! Yeah, he's dead alright, can't get much deader than the um dead.

Oven mitt catches fire, Greed drops it and stomps it out hurriedly

Greed: Aw man, my best pair…. *defensive* But yeah he's dead… he could only get deader even if we… killed him again… heh-heh….

Dante: … *suspicion* I suppose….

Greed (looking for something to change the subject): … Oh look, the homunculus dresser's here!

Runs over to dresser

Greed: So let me tell ya, I'm a pretty hard fit. My chest is double my waist so ya know, don't wanna look all baggy, am I right?

Dante walks over and kicks dresser down the stairs

Dante: Greed, Envy's dead right? Tell me Envy's dead, (singsong) I need to hear these words.

Greed: W-… well do you need to hear those word exactly?

Dante: *snap* He's still alive?!

Greed: He might not be as dead as one might have… hoped.

Dante: What?!

Greed: Just thought I should give you a heads-up, in case he ever… came back.

Dante: He can't come back!

Greed: Yeah, that'd be awkward… especially after that lovely eulogy.

Dante: You think?! You and I are going out to find him! If he talks we're through! Now let's move!!!

Wrath sits up in bed

Wrath: Edward, look out!

Izumi walks in

Izumi: Wrath what on Earth is it? Why do you keep waking me up so early?

Wrath begins thrashing

Wrath: I had a dream Edward was tied to a long and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!!!

Izumi: Alright! Alright!

Wrath: *sob* It was awful!!!

Izumi: … No more sugar before bed for you.

Wrath: Just send Sig in to check the closet for homunculi!

Izumi: You are a homunculus!

Wrath: …Where's Edward and his less-scary-than-him brother?

Izumi: Apparently Ed had a new idea for the water park… idiot… so they went back to Central.

Wrath: Oh… so you wanna hear about my dream? Edward had to kiss a homunculus!

Izumi: Go to bed.

Wrath: Well he didn't really but-

Izumi: Go to bed!!!

Wrath: *snore, snore*

Morning in the forest:

Ed still asleep

Al walking around picking up firewood, sits down near water

Envy gets up and hands Ed's cloak to Al, sits down beside him

Al: Oh….

Envy: … Thanks….

Al: … No problem….

Envy: … Feels like wool….

Al: Cotton.

Envy: Nice… nice.

Al: Brother made it himself.

Envy (trying not to laugh): H-pft!- he knits?

Al: Actually he made it with alchemy.

Envy: … Oh….

Awkward silence

Envy: … So… um, I was thinking… I mean I guess I don't need the stone… I have a lot of other stuff ya know?

Al: Like… you wouldn't kill me?

Envy: I just mean well ya know… I don't need everything I guess.

Al: So you'd be doing something nice for someone else… and you're okay with that?

Envy: Yes.

Al: Tell my Brother that… if you convince him, you'll convince me.

Envy: … B-… But I like you better, you're not as… frightening.

Al: … Well I trust you.

Ed sits up, apparently awake whole time

Ed: You mean it?

Envy: Yeah.

Ed: Promise?

Envy *nod*

Ed: …Fine let's go.

Envy: …? I don't get it….

Ed: I trust my brother, and if he trusts you so be it.

Al: And I trust my brother.

Envy: …Why?

Al: Because we're family.

Two begin walking through the forest

Envy: *confusion*…?

Ed: Come on! Up ahead's a bridge, after we cross it should be about two hours back to Central.

Envy: Good, 'cause believe it or not I think I need a bath.

Ed: I'd believe that.

Envy: What was that?

Ed: Nothing…. And Envy… thanks.

Envy: *grin* No, no… thank you….

Continue walking until they come to the bridge, rickety, old, falling apart

Envy: *gulp* When was the last time this was inspected?

Ed and Al: *shrug*

Envy: …No thank you, just build a bridge with alchemy.

Ed: We can't the walls are too weak, they'd just crumble.

Envy: … Brilliant.

Ed walks half way across bridge

Ed: See? It's fine.

Al: Go on.

Envy hesitantly walks half way across

Ed: Al come on- *takes a step and boards give out under him* Ah!

Ed hands tangled in ropes above rushing river

Al: Envy!

Envy: … *smirk* Yeah?

Al: Help him up!

Envy: *consider* … No I don't think I will.

Ed: What?! You're just gonna leave me here?!

Envy: Well actually I was gonna have you imprisoned for life and then take the philosopher's stone… but I kinda like this better *grin*

Al: I thought you were changed!

Envy: Well I had to say something to get you to take me back to Central.

Ed: So all of this was a lie?!

Envy: Yeah-! No wait… no it all was a lie…. Toodles!

Ed: You promised!

Envy: … What are you, five?! Promises are just cheap tricks to get people to do what you want! Learn that lesson now and you'll be set for the rest of your miserable eternal life!

Ed and Al: …?

Envy: … Buh-bye!

Takes step and falls through boards also

Envy hot tied in ropes facing Ed

Ed: You alright? You okay?

Envy: Y-yeah I think so.

Ed kicks Envy in the face

Ed: That's for going back on your promise! Who knew a person could be so heartless.

Envy launches himself off wall and head butts Ed

Envy: And that's for kidnapping me! And taking me to Dublith inside your brother, who I'm still gonna destroy by the way-! No touchy! *gets punched by Ed*

Ed: I could've let you die! Then all my problems would've been solved!

Envy: Well then that makes you ugly and stupid!

Al: Brother, what's going on?

Envy: *ignore* Let's end this!

Ed: Ladies first!

Envy and Ed launch themselves at each other, basically trying to strangle one another

Al: Brother! Stop the bridge is gonna-!

*Snap!*

Two tumbled down cliff which narrows until they're back to back holding each other up

Envy looks down at rapids and sharp rocks beneath them

Envy: Oh no! Oh no! We're gonna die! That's it for me!

Ed: Uh! Uh, no we're not. *idea* Link arms!

Envy: Huh?

Ed: Just do it!

Link arms

Ed: Okay, now on three push against my back and we'll walk up the wall!

Envy: Uh-hu.

Ed: Ready? Go!

Leans back and slams Envy into wall

Envy: You did that on purpose! *pushes Ed against the wall*

Ed: I did not! Now we have to work together! Now when I say go start walking up the hill.

Envy: *nod, nod*

Begin walking up the wall

Envy: We're moving!

Walls grow farther apart until they can't go any farther

Envy: … What now genius?

Ed: Al! Transmute a rope or something and throw it down!

Al: Sure Brother!

Al throws rope down (gets caught in branch)

Envy: You missed, you nitwit!

Ed: Just lift me up! I'll grab it!

Envy: How do I know you won't let me fall after you grab it?!

Ed: You'll just have to trust me!

Envy lifts Ed up

Envy: Ya know, it's a good thing you don't have a whole bunch of automail limbs, or this'd be really difficult!

Ed reaches up and pulls on rope

Ed: Hang on I almost got it!

Envy: *sarcasm*… Take your time… no hurry here!

Several scorpions fall from branch and land on Envy

Envy: Oh my god! *slips and begins to fall*

Ed grabs Envy by the ankle and Envy swings forward, his head getting stuck in crevice in the rocks

Envy (muffled): Oh no!

Ed: Hold on just a second! *scorpion crawls into Ed's cloak* AH! *begins smashing his back against the wall*

Envy: *sarcastic* This is just great… *bats in cavern all wake* … It just go better!

Bats begin flying into his face, forcing him out of crevice

Envy: AH!

Grabs rope and scrambles up it taking Ed *still holding his ankle* with him, leaps and suddenly two are back on top of cliff

Al: Brother! Envy! You're alright!

Ed and Envy: He-heh… heh….

Cliff under Ed begins to crumble

Envy: Look out!

Envy grabs Ed and pulls him off cliff before it tumbles down into the water

Envy: AH HA! I snatched you right out of the air!

Ed: *shock*

Envy: "Oh look at me! I'm a crumbly cannon wall and I'm take'n you with me!" But not today pal! *begins singing* Uh-hu! Uh-hu uh-hu uh-hu!

Ed: Y-you… just saved my life….

Envy: …?! Nobody's heartless enough to let ya fall…. …?! Well just don't read too much into it, it was a one time deal….

Al: … Well we should get a move on, with that bridge out it's a four day walk to Central.

Envy: You're still taking me back?

Ed: Sure.

Envy: … Four days huh? *looks at Al* What are the chances of you carrying me?

Al: Not likely.

OMG!!!!!! This one is so long!!!!!! But i really couldn't put it into two separate ones so.... Please review... while reviews may not be better than ice-cream cake (as pointed out in the last chapter) it's better than chocolate ice-cream with hot fudge and sprinkles!!!!

Tennessee