Catching Up – Chapter 9
Kurai-Hisaki
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
- Kakashi's POV -
Hopping swiftly on the rooftops, I felt the cold wind brush by my face as I rushed down to the hospital. Although I would never express it in words, I was thankful that Sasuke was here. I looked over and when my eyes met with his, I knew that he received my message. There were no needs for words between us - that was what I always liked about Sasuke. Even though we both had problems, there was a silent understanding between us. If it wasn't for him, I think I would have lost it. Maybe I was just thankful that someone was here when this happened.
Could I really have blamed Sasuke for what happened? Probably not, knowing Sakura's temper and personality, this was going to happen anyways. The Uchiha probably did the best he can, and I can't blame him – I wasn't there for her either. I was guilty of wanting to leave Konoha without seeing her again, and for not trying to find her sooner even though I knew that something was wrong.
Turning a swift corner, we both dashed up to the hospital reception desk and the medic at the front already knew who we were looking for. Being pointed in the right direction, we both made our way up to Sakura's room.
As I got closer and closer, I felt that it was getting harder and harder to breathe. What was wrong with me? With each step that I took, my gloved hands shook. I saw Sasuke's faint figure in front of me as he walked ahead and turned into Sakura's room. This wasn't me. Hatake Kakashi didn't act this way. He doesn't get scared… so why now?
Holding the doorknob to Sakura's hospital room, I felt myself pause. Sudden flashes of pale white skin made its way to my vision.
Lifeless emerald eyes… Why didn't she take the pills?I can't do this. What happens if I lose her too? I can't lose another teammate, especially one that I was responsible for. My knees gave way as I kneeled in front of the door. How did I deal with this the first time – all the other times after that? Was it the same?
The first time was guilt… what was this?
I heard the door open as I looked up to see Sasuke opening the door quietly. Motioning for me to step into the room, he patiently opened the door for me. I looked at him.
He has really grown up... Was I weak for depending on a former student? No, he is my equal now.
I finally got up and took a step into the room.
A breath, that I didn't know that I had been holding, was exhaled through my mask as I saw Sakura.
Her cheeks are pink…
I never knew that one could be so relieved just by looking at someone's cheeks. She was paler than usual, but the undertone of pink was there. Her eyes were still closed but at least I knew that she was alive. Barely, but surely, she was breathing. I made my way over to her and knelt by her side. Her hair was soft…
Not matted…
I gently caressed her cheek.
She was warm…
Thank God…
I exhaled a sigh of relief and closed my eyes to absorb the information.
She'll be okay…
I took a couple steps back to grab a chair before pulling close beside her bed.
"Do you love her?"
I swiftly turned my head around to face the source of the question. Sasuke's onyx-coloured eyes stared back at me as he simply asked again, "Do you love her?"
Love…? How do I answer that? Do I love her? She was my student, I cared for her. What were the consequences if I said yes? How would people react? Was that why I was so scared for her – more than normal?
What was love?
"If you cannot answer that question, there will be a day when she will leave with someone else. Can you bear to watch that?"
Since when did Sasuke become so wise? My gaze never left Sakura's face as I continued to think. I use to think that I could solve any problem that came my way, why am I such an idiot when it came to matters like this?
After a long moment of silence, I replied, "I care for her."
"If you don't love her, you know that I will eventually take her from you, right?"
I looked up at him and turned back to Sakura. I wasn't surprised that he would say this – after all, Sakura had loved him and she would be his perfect choice to resurrect his clan. They were teammates, friends, and could be potential lovers if they both wanted it. I knew that this would be coming from the moment he started to take care of her. Would he be more suitable for Sakura after all? Why would I ever think that she would want to be with me in the first place?
After deciding that Sakura would be okay for a while, I instructed Sasuke to look after her. I escaped the room and made my way to the hallway. I needed to clear my head – too many things happened tonight.
"Kakashi, my office - now."
I turned to see the Godaime motioning me to follow her. Without hesitation; nor choice, my feet carried me to her office.
"Shut the door."
Respecting her wishes, I closed the door behind me and stood across from her, waiting for her to speak. I vaguely wondered what this was about. It couldn't be about the mission as the report wasn't late, but my thoughts were cut short as she wasted no time in asking what she wanted to know.
"What is this that I'm hearing about you and my apprentice?"
"I do not know what you mean."
"Don't play dumb with me Hatake. You know very well what I am saying. During the time that I assigned you to look after Sakura, have you developed feelings for her?"
Why was everyone asking me this question tonight?
"How would you like me to answer?"
"Don't be a smartass, just answer the question. No one's judging you"
"To be honest, I don't know."
"How do you feel about her and the situation at hand right now?"
Not knowing better, I spoke the truth. After all, Tsunade probably knew better about the situation that I'm going through better than myself. "I was afraid when she was hospitalized. I almost lost it on Sasuke when he wouldn't tell me what happened. I blamed him for what happened. I've gained the feeling of fear, back when I was walking to the room she was staying in, and was relieved when I found that she wasn't in the terrible situation that I thought she was in. I think I've gained too many lost emotions tonight. I care for her, Tsunade-sama. That is all."
"Then I give you the permission to continue to care for her. I know for a fact that out of everyone around her, she needs you the most. You've been through her situation, and even though you are anti-social, you will be able to help her. Do not worry so much about what others think. If you care for her, then do so properly. Do not leave her and do not doubt your own abilities."
"I do not understand."
"I can see that you are more important to her than you realize, for a genius – you sure are stupid when it comes to her. Figure it out yourself - this is amusing. And if you hurt her, I will kick your ass so hard you won't be able to walk straight for a year. That is all, get out."
Before my mind could register what happened, I already found myself out of the Godaime's office and walking back to the hospital.
Okay, so I wasn't stupid. I knew that I cared about her more than usual. I knew that it wasn't because of Obito and Rin's death that I was extra scared about Sakura. I knew that Obito and Rin would wish for my happiness, I had gotten over that a while ago. But would Sakura accept someone like me - anti-social, old, perverted and awkward? I know that Tsunade had made a good point, and with her wisdom, I should just listen.
I've always had that problem, self confidence. I always doubted my abilities and always thought that I would let others down. Was this a chance with Sakura that I was willing to take?
With a somewhat clearer mind, I opened the door to Sakura's room and as I entered I felt Sasuke look up at me. He has been here for a while now, and with a slight smile he stood up to face me.
I glanced at Sakura's still figure. There was still that slight chance that she would never wake up, but I was willing to wait for her. I realized during the time that when I first returned to Konoha, Sakura had changed. She had grown stronger. I've always known that she had grown stronger physically. When she fell sick, I felt responsible for taking care of her. During this time, I also found out that she had grown stronger emotionally. She was able to pick herself up, and smile genuinely at me. When I left, I missed her, and now that I have returned - I realized that she was the only thing that I would possibly want to live for.
"I thought about what you said. I'm sorry, but I can't give her to you."
A smile ghosted over Sasuke's lips as he nodded as if he understood my thoughts. He glanced at Sakura once more as he quietly left the room.
I took my place beside Sakura once more. It felt nice to be here, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I reached for her hand and without hesitation, I held hers in mine. It had been a long day, and due to the lack of sleep for the past couple of days, I felt fatigue wash over me. It was comforting to know that Sakura was beside me. She will get better, and until that day comes, I'll wait for her to wake up.
After all, maybe the only thing that she was living for – was me.
Sorry for the sudden change in POV. I just felt that it would be easier to write his feelings in first person. And with Sakura in her condition, I thought that it would be appropriate to write in Kakashi's eyes. Should I write future stories/another chapters in first person? Is it a better read? Is Kakashi too dumb? *HAHA* – I always thought that he should be smarter, but wasn't really sure if I should make him extra slow when coming to things about Sakura.
Also, I'm dealing with weird mood changes and the music I'm listening to is highly influencing how I write – sorry for any inconsistencies in character personality. I'm still working on that.
I'm thankful for all your support – even when I was down with writer's block, many of you were here to give me feedback and ideas, thank you so much.
Oh, on the side note – I'm back in school again for my study term, but I'll try to update as often as I can.
Also, Anbu Cosplay Pictures (include some KakaSaku ones) are up on my Deviant Art! Please check it out - link is on my profile!
Thanks!