DC: I don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

Chapter 3,

Carlisle went up the stairs after hanging up with Bella. He knew that Edward was planning on taking a nap. Esme was cooking dinner and Carmen was watching over her brother. He was antsy to see his son again and to begin fussing over his injuries.

"Edward, Emmett is almost..." Carlisle trailed off when he saw his son was indeed fast asleep. Mitch was asleep on his chest and one hand was resting protectively on his back while Robbie was laying beside him and his other arm was curled around him. The scene was so sweet he didn't want to disturb it but Esme would be annoyed if he didn't. So as not to startle the sleeping threesome he went and gently woke Edward.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Emmett will be here in about five minutes."

With a grumble Edward carefully sat up, supporting his son as he did. The baby squirmed a bit and then woke up.

"Crud," Edward mumbled.

Mitch began to wail loudly and woke his brother who followed suit. Carlisle lifted Mitchell from Edward's arms and cradled him. Edward took Robbie and stood up so that he could sway and rock him gently.

"Go back to sleep, grandpa is sorry he woke you," Edward cooed softly to his son.

"Me?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, you."

Carlisle would beg to differ but the babies were still crying loudly and Bella would be home any moment.

"Daddy mommy said that dinner will be ready in ten minutes," Cammie said from the door. "Why are they sad?"

"Because they were napping and got woken up," Edward answered. "I gotta pee."

"Can I hold him?" Cammie asked.

"My bladder is full enough to agree," Edward said. He went to his sister and handed her the baby. "Make sure you cradle his head okay."

"Eddie a little faith would be nice."

"Lord you're just like Alice," Edward grumbled. He pat his sister on the head and he felt his ego crumble when he heard the baby calm down in his sister's arms.

"Aw Robbie you're so cute," Cammie cooed, melting Carlisle's heart with her sweetness. She smiled when her nephew looked at her.

"Alright let's go down," Carlisle said, "do you want me to carry him?"

"That would be best," Cammie agreed. "I don't wanna drop him."

Carlisle took the baby in his free arm and they went downstairs. Once in the living room he saw Ryan sitting on the floor, watching Spongebob. Cammie went to join him and Carlisle went to put the twins in their swings. By then Mitchell had calmed down as well and began to coo softly in his swing.

Edward had come down and was dabbing drool from his son's chin when the party arrived.

"I told you I'm fine," Emmett complained.

"Yeah, yeah we've heard it," Rosalie sighed, clearly tired of her boyfriend's complaining.

"Well if you don't want to hear it then stop treating me like a crippled baby."

"Emmy!" Esme cried, interrupting them. She ran to her son and hugged him tight.

"Hey mom," Emmett said, hugging her with his good arm. "You weren't too worried were you?"

"Emmett Mitchell Cullen if you ever worry me like that again I'll skin you alive!"

"I highly doubt that," Emmett said when Esme went back to hugging him until he nearly began to suffocate. "Mom kinda hard to breathe."

"Esme don't strangle the boy," Carlisle chuckled. When Esme moved he hugged his son gently. "We missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Emmy!" Ryan cheered. He began a wobbly run towards his brother that ended with him falling down again.

"Hey there kiddo," Emmett said, reaching down to his brother. He lifted the boy up and set him in his lap. Ryan stood on Emmett's thighs to properly hug him around the neck.

"Will you stay long?" Ryan asked.

"We'll see how it goes," Emmett answered.

"You angry?"

"Very."

Ryan frowned and Emmett kissed his forehead.

"Don't worry kiddo, I'm not angry with you."

"Okay," Ryan squeaked with a smile.

"Where's Edward and the boys?" Bella asked.

"In the living room I expect," Carlisle answered, "they all just woke up."

Bella smiled and went into the other room. Edward was sitting with his blonde son in his lap and he was feeding him.

"He was getting impatient," Edward explained. "I used the last bottle early."

"Alright I'll pump some for Mitch."

"Pump?" Edward asked.

"Yeah my nipples are really sore," Bella sighed, sitting beside him. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"You look tired."

"I didn't sleep well last night."

Edward leaned over and kissed the top of her head. Robbie didn't seem to enjoy the movement as he fussed and Edward fixed his posture to accommodate his needy son.

"He's so much like you," Bella giggled. She reached over and stroked her son's soft cheek with the back of her fingers. He looked over at her briefly before going back to the bottle. Bella smiled and looked over at Mitch who was sleeping in his swing. She stood when the rocking stopped. She went to turn the knob, smiling at her sleeping infant.

"Hey Em," Edward said from the sofa as everyone came in.

"Hey," he said with little enthusiasm. When they got to the sofa Emmett hoisted himself up with some difficulty and began to grumble when he had to be assisted by his dad. "Thought you'd be on cloud nine what with the new babies and all."

"I'm stuck about fifteen years ago," Edward said sadly. "Plus you aren't really giving off the happiest vibes."

"What are you Jasper now?" Emmett asked. Edward shrugged and pat his shoulder. He looked about to say something when Alice's small arms locked around his shoulders.

"Eddie stop being such a downer," she whined, "the two of you combined are making this depression central."

"Why are you so bummed anyway? Dad was just about to tell me before I got clubbed."

"We found pictures in the basement from my childhood."

"Traumatizing in itself but not very depressing."

"Pictures that related to what happened when I was six."

"Eew."

Edward just laughed dryly at that. The answer was so typical of his silly brother. His little sister looked at him curiously but figured she wasn't going to get any answers anyway. Edward was determined that the only ones who knew about his molestation was going to be his parents, three siblings and his grandmother. Even the papers hadn't published his name because his grandmother promised she would put them in a world of hurt if her baby experienced any unnecessary trauma from the incident.

Edward felt his lap becoming occupied and smiled at his sister.

"Don't be sad Eddie," Carmen said. "Do you want to see the video?"

"What video?"

"It was when you were away and we were in Forks. Ry-ry was escaping from daddy and he crawled out of his diaper and and I got juice on my dress so I tooked it off."

"Oh yeah that was funny," Emmett laughed, "Edward it was adorable, mom was filming Cammie playing in her new costume and then she went to go watch dad change Ryan."

"Oh yeah he was just learning how to crawl!" Carlisle said with a smile. "He got up and crawled away and I hadn't put the diaper on right so it fell off. Next thing we know Cammie comes running in completely naked and says that she spilled on herself so she took it off."

"So you guys have a video of my two younger siblings naked?" Edward asked.

"Edward it was a childhood moment," Esme said.

"Alice had a million of them," Carlisle said.

"Did not!" Alice cried.

"Sweetheart do you know how hard it was to keep you in clothes when you were a toddler? I'd turn around to dress Edward and when I turned back you'd be stark naked and running around."

"Edward can you help me change Mitchell?" Bella asked.

Edward nodded and stood up. He held the baby and they went into the other room. He put his son down and realized that he didn't have to go poo at all. The worst part, probably everybody else realized that too.

"Bella..."

"Look, Edward, I know you've been hurt," Bella said gently, "trust me I know better than any of them because I get to see how drastically your life has changed recently. But you know them. You know that it was nothing more than a childhood moment and your parents don't get a sick sexual pleasure from it."

"About oh, forty eight or so hours ago, I found my grandfather's pedo box. Never mind the nightmares I would occasionally have from it. Now I learn that my dad has a video of both of my little siblings running around naked?"

"So? Charlie and Renee have a video of me in a little kiddie pool when I decided I didn't want to wear a swimsuit. They filmed my first diaper change for crying out loud. What makes all that different from your grandfather was that they would occasionally watch the home movies and smile and wish I was still that small. They don't get off on it. I'm sure that when Carmen and Ryan are all grown up Carlisle is going to stumble across the video and cry a little, much like he does when he finds your baby pictures."

"It's just sick and wrong," Edward reminded her.

"Is it sick and wrong that you took a picture of your son's first bath?" Bella asked. "Or how about Mitch's first diaper change?"

"That's different," Edward insisted.

"How? You can still see their little areas. Okay maybe not Robbie's because he's in the water, but you know what I mean."

"I know that I'm not getting off on it."

"So in your little world you're right and everybody else is wrong?"

"I didn't say that," Edward defended quickly, "stop making assumptions!"

"But you did say that," Bella reminded him with a stiff voice.

"You just don't get it!"

"What then, Edward? I know you were hurt. You trusted him as a family member and I understand this is hurting you."

"No, Bella, you don't understand!"

"Edward I get it, you have trust issues. You aren't the only one!"

"You know what I don't want to talk about this! You're going to get all pissy now and blame me for it! So I'm not going to give in to it!"

Bella folded her arms angrily and her eyes narrowed. "So you think I just get sick jollies off of fighting with you?"

"You're the one that pulled me back here! You tell me!"

"Oh nice, Edward, nice," Bella snapped, "you know I think your sons are more mature than you are."

Edward was about to retort when his baby started to cry.

"Oh great, just great," Bella grumbled. She grabbed her son. "You made him cry!"

"I made him cry!" Edward cried following her out. "You were the shrill voiced one that made him cry!"

"Only because you were the one on the verge of a tantrum!"

"Forgive me for having trouble accepting that some creepy old bastard got off to a picture of me!" Edward snapped.

"I didn't say anything about you having trouble, Edward," Bella reminded him as they got into the living room. Everyone turned their attention to them. "I said you should drop the paranoia because not everybody thinks that way!"

"Alright Bella, alright I'll drop the paranoia about my sons being hurt the way I was when you drop the paranoia over our sons being kidnapped every time you see a red car go by."

"Okay, one," Bella snapped, putting Mitch back in his swing, "that's totally different..."

"Oh how!"

"Well if you recall I was kidnapped by a psycho in a red car and spent years, Edward, years in a small basement room! Totally different!"

"Are you two going to keep fighting like this?" Emmett asked. "Because if you are we may as well pop some popcorn for when Bella ends up kicking Edward in the nuts."

Edward and Bella looked at the family then back at each other. "To be continued," He promised.

"Fine. Make sure you get a cup."

"Oh you're freaking hilarious," Edward grumbled. They both looked down when Robbie began to cry just as Mitch was calming down. "Great. You made them cry."

"Oh yeah because it was me," Bella snapped. They both took up the babies and began trying to sooth them.

"Yeah it was," Edward replied.

"Alright you two break it up," Carlisle said, "edward sit there, Bella sit over there."

"Dad we aren't kids!"

"Coulda fooled me," Carlisle retorted. "Now, I think what we need to do is calm down a bit. Babies are very sensitive to atmosphere. They're like Jasper in diapers."

"Thank you for that image, dad," Emmett said with a large grin in his face, "thank you so sincerely."

Beside him Jasper was looking mortified. "Dad...do you hate me?"

"He's right though," Esme said to the new parents, "your sons will calm down when you do."

Glaring at each other, Bella and Edward sat apart and tried to soothe their sons.

"I can't do this," Bella cried finally. She gave her baby to Esme and left. Edward just rolled his eyes and went back to his calm son. With some help Emmett went to go calm Bella down. She was sitting on the porch kicking at leaves.

"You'll freeze your ass off out here."

"So did Mr. Super Dad get the boys to calm down?"

"Edward isn't anyones definition of Super Dad."

"How come Alice and Jasper never fight?" Bella asked, looking up at the cloudy sky.

"Because they're both some kind of super freaks."

"I mean it. They have like the perfect relationship and it's so easy for them."

Emmett nodded in agreement. His brother and sister had kept a secret relationship and were now happily married for almost four years without a hint of a problem brewing.

"Edward and I...I guess I always thought relationships were easy when they were right, y'know? But the only easy relationship I was in was with you and that went down the drain so fast I had no idea what was going on."

"You know I always regretted breaking your heart right?" Emmett asked, looking down at her. Bella nodded.

"We weren't right for each other but dating you was so easy. I mean we hung out and played games all the time."

"We were also like fourteen," Emmett reminded her, "everything was easy back then."

"Do you and Rosie have problems?" Bella asked hopefully.

"Of course," Emmett said with a shrug, "I devoted most of my time to the team and she started to feel like she came second. Because I made her feel that way. We argue about how much time I spent in the pool or with the team, we argue about a lot of things."

"So Edward and I are going to be okay?"

Emmett smiled at her and nodded. "Do you know how I know?"

Bella shook her head no.

"Because even though you're pissed off at him, you still want him to be with you. That's how you've always been Bells. Even before the boys came. You two will fight and fight and fight but at the end of the day you both love each other and are so happy together."

Bella didn't say anything but she blushed a little. Emmett laughed and pulled her up with his good hand. She was surprised that he had enough strength in one arm to do so. Bella leaned down and hugged him.

"Thanks Em."

"Someone's gotta keep you two in line."

Bella just smiled and wiped her eyes.

---

Edward had gotten into the apartment with his sons and girlfriend expecting to continue their fight. So after they put the twins to bed they went to their room to have it out. But when Bella kissed him instead he was completely thrown off guard.

"What was that about?" He asked.

Bella just shrugged and he eyed her suspiciously.

"Are you trying to seduce me into thinking you're right and giving in?"

"I think you're wrong," Bella said, "I think you're too paranoid because you've been hurt."

"But I..."

Bella put her finger against his lips and shushed him.

"But so am I. Edward fighting over this is pointless because we've both been through our own traumas. I hope yours will pass as the shock wears off because I don't want you to always suspect your father. But we'll deal with that as it comes. In the mean time, I don't want to fight anymore. Can we just enjoy some peace before the next drama comes up?"

Edward smiled slightly. "Can we enjoy the peace naked?"

"As long as you don't care how nasty my scar is."

"Sweetie you know I think you look like a goddess," Edward reminded her. Bella just smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He parted her lips with his and really kissed her. He loved her to death and respected her need to wait before having sex again after the boys were born, but he was a man after all, and she was his dream girl. He was ready to spend the night with her and eventually fall into a content sleep with her in his arms.

His sons, however, had different plans. Their loud cries started as the always did with one startling the other. Edward groaned and Bella seemed to cry a little. He rolled off of her and grumbled while Bella got up. He heard her over the baby monitor cooing to her sons. He wondered what in the world had set them off as they had already had their dinner a few hours ago. They had been changed too. Then Edward realized what had made his son's cry. The answer was so obvious!

Carlisle Cullen was the biggest cockblock so it was only natural that those genetics would pass along. And as if by a magic force, Carlisle knew his son was cursing him. Which is why his phone rang.

"Hey dad," Edward sighed.

"Hey kiddo how did the fight go?"

"Bella decided she didn't want to fight anymore so we decided to have sex instead."

"Eew."

"Until the boys started getting fussy. Your influence no doubt."

Carlisle laughed and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Well, I would rather you not have sex at all seeing as you managed to have unplanned babies."

"That you adore," Edward reminded him.

"Well naturally I would love any grandbaby you give me, no matter how young and unprepared you are."

"Gee thanks dad," Edward grumbled, "are you really one to lecture me on being young and unprepared for children?"

"Haha very funny."

Edward just laughed. He started to say how true it was when he heard Bella over the baby monitor.

"Edward! Come quick! You have to see this!"

"Hang on, Bella said something is happening!"

Edward scrambled out of bed and Carlisle just laughed in amusement. Edward went into the nursery and looked at Bella. She, however, was gazing down at her son with a smile on her face and tears on her cheeks.

"Look," Bella sobbed. She stroked her son's cheek lovingly with her finger and Edward saw that his son was smiling sweetly at her. Robbie looked at his daddy and smiled at him.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"My son just smiled at me," Edward said in a teary voice. "Dad my boy is smiling!"

"Oh Edward congratulations! I'll let you go so you two can enjoy this moment properly."

"Yeah. Love you dad."

"Love you too kid, bye bye."

Edward hung up and kissed Bella. "He's so beautiful."

"I love you so much," Bella cooed to them both. Edward turned when he heard a coo and picked up his other son. Mitch wasn't as smiley as his brother. They sat on the floor and leaned against the open wall with their boys in their laps. Bella laid her head on Edward's shoulder and gazed lovingly upon her children. "We gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," Edward said softly, "we're gonna fight a lot but we're used to that. Besides, I don't wanna date a normal girl when I can have my sweet bundle of crazy."

Bella laughed and nodded. Edward leaned down and kissed Mitch's forehead then tickled him lightly. He smiled at the baby and it wasn't long before the baby was mimicking him. It was almost midnight when the tired parents were able to stop gazing at their children.

"I still can't believe this is real sometimes," Bella said as Edward stood and carried Mitch to his crib. He came back and took Robbie to his so Bella could stand up. She held her hand out to him and they walked back to their bedroom, too tired to have sex but not really feeling like they missed anything.

---

Carlisle didn't like some types of patients. Mrs. Evanson was one of them. He didn't like knowing details that weren't important, so when she sighed that her husband was away yet again he didn't press it.

"The problem is that I've been having itching in my vagina," she said as she sat on the table. "And I felt a lump in my breast that I am really hoping was just my imagination."

"Well, if you would prefer, I can get a female colleague and..."

"Well that's the thing," Mrs. Evanson said, "I don't like having that area checked by a woman."

Carlisle knew he should just accept the answer and go, but he didn't. "Why?"

"Well I feel gay."

"A-alright, well have you experienced any discharge?"

"Yes, doctor."

Carlisle sighed quietly. "Okay, I'll just get a swab kit and we'll test you for an STD."

He left quickly to get the kit and found Esme in the supply closet.

"What do you need?" She asked.

"Testing for a cause to vaginal itching."

"Yuck," Esme said, grabbing a plastic bag and handing it to him. "She cute?"

"Yeah that's a trap," Carlisle chuckled.

"Carlisle, I trust you," Esme reminded him, "and we're so doing it tonight because if we don't I'll feel ugly and worry that you're having fantasies about someone else's nether regions."

"Fine, I'll have sex with you," Carlisle sighed dramatically. "You're so mean sometimes!"

Esme laughed and kissed his cheek. "You're late for work sexy."

Carlisle whined and left, making her laugh some more. He smiled back at her and then turned into his patient's room.

"So you're married huh?" Mrs. Evanson asked when he pulled his gloves on. Carlisle realized that he was wearing his wedding ring, a habit he tried to avoid when on the job.

"Yes ma'am I am," Carlisle said with a smile as he had her lay down for the breast exam she wanted, "and I love her more every day."

"What does she do?"

"She's a doctor here," Carlisle answered. Mrs. Evanson didn't say anything else. She just closed her eyes and Carlisle felt for the lump she had worried about. "I'm not feeling anything unusual."

"That's a relief," she said with a smile.

"Alright ma'am I'm going to have you put your feet up in these stirrups. I'm going to take a swab sample and give you an exam to see if everything is okay."

Carlisle hated vaginal exams. He always felt a bit perverted.

"I have noticed sometimes that there is a lump on my inner labia."

Carlisle saw the lump and pushed it lightly. "This?"

"Yes."

"Swollen blood vessel, it's nothing to worry about."

"Okay," she said in a slightly breathy voice.

Carlisle grabbed the speculum and a swab. She looked fine and he wondered why she didn't just go to a gyno or something. He heard a soft sound as he put the speculum in and it was followed by a gentle gasp.

The same kind of gasp Esme had made the last time they played doctor.

"Alright I'll have this taken to the lab," Carlisle said after he swabbed and put it in a vial. "I'll leave you to change."

"Thank you doctor."

Carlisle nodded and left quickly. Outside he found Tara, the doctor that first trained him, at the nurses station looking at a chart.

"You look flustered," she observed. "Did Esme say something suggestive?"

"No," Carlisle mumbled, "I had to give a pap..."

"Aw he's so cute isn't he?" Esme asked coming up. "You're blushing sweetie."

"Let me guess," Tara said with a michevious grin, "your pap was on a married woman. Probably in her late thirties with complaints of itching and a worry about a lump?"

"Y-yes," Carlisle mumbled.

"Oh Carlie," Esme giggled. He looked between the two laughing women and wondered what he was missing.

"Sweet Dr. Cullen you just got your first desperate housewife."

"What does that mean?" Carlisle asked.

"A woman who doesn't get enough sex at home so she comes in to get an exam," Esme said with a large smile.

"Usually this woman will protest female doctors due to comfort issues. They prefer the good looking doctors and get off during the exams. Did you notice any strange movements down there?"

"Um...yeah a bit."

"Yep you gave her an orgasm," Esme laughed. "Oh god Carlisle I love you."

"Wait...huh?"

Tara just laughed and pat his shoulder. "Later Doctor Love."

"My sweetie is so innocent," Esme teased lightly. She kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah I'm going to go finish up and then I'm off. You?"

"I'm on call tonight. Make sure Ryan and Cammie get their baths and please, please make sure Cammie finishes her homework."

"Dear if you recall I raised two wonderful children before I met you," Carlisle said, "I'll be fine."

"Ah but yet I still worry," Esme sighed. Carlisle smiled and kissed her forehead.

"I'll see you later dear."

Esme nodded and went off to tend to her patients while he finished up with the now satisfied housewife.

TBC

I love Carlisle so much. Just gonna throw that out there. I don't know why I'm in love with Edward and Bella as a dysfunctional couple but I do.