That '80s Show

I Hate New Guys

Season 1, Episode 2

We join Eric Forman, Michael Kelso, Steven Hyde and Fez in The Circle located in The Basement, on January 3rd, 1980.

Hyde's the first to speak, "Ah, memories, man. So, Forman … how's it like being back in Point Place?"

Eric returns, "Great, man. Like, have you ever slept in one of those bunk beds in Summer Camp and then you come home to sleep in your own bed?"

Hyde replied, "No, I haven't … Dr. Pee Pee!"

Eric stared at him and Hyde laughs.

Kelso began to mock him, "Dr. Pee Pee! Man, I forgot about that! Dr. Pee Pee!"

Eric reminded him, "Well, Big Chief Brown Bottom, Dr. Pee Pee doesn't really appreciate being mocked."

Kelso stopped him, "Hey, hey, hey … Let's not make this a competition."

Hyde began talking to Fez, "So, man, how's it going with Jackie?"

Fez replied, "Wonderful, we stay up late, watch The Brady Bunch and Family Feud and best of all dance the night away with disco!"

Kelso smiles, "So … have you two done it?"

Fez shock answered, "No! What do you consider her? Some sleazy whore?"

All the other guys answered, "Yeah."

Fez remarked, "Well, if that's how you feel … then I say good day to you!"

Eric tried to stop him with, "Fez …"

Fez repeated, "I said "good day!"

Eric then replied to the rest of the gang, "Man, he's seems upset." The he began giggling like an idiot.

Scene switches to Red and Kitty talking to Bob in the kitchen, all three sitting at the table.

"So, you're really leaving today?" Asked Kitty.

"Yeah, Florida's my new home. But, hey, I'll miss you guys." Bob answered.

Red then added "You know Bob; you may be annoying, loud, and one of craziest people I ever have met …"

Kitty trying to put words in Red's mouth, "But …?"

"But what?" Red asked.

"It's fine, Kitty." Replied Bob, "Red, I'll miss you too." Bob stands and readies, "Well, guess it's time for me to go."

"Wait," Kitty stopped Bob, "What about Donna?"

"She's going college on Monday. She'll just need a place to stay until then." Bob said and walked out.

Kitty looked at Red.

"No, Kitty." Red answered.

"No what?" Kitty replied.

"Every time a child needs a place to stay, you want to turn this house into a daycare center."

"Well, that's just not true … A daycare center is for children. They're young adults." Corrected Kitty.

"They're a pack of horny dumbasses!" Red said.

"Why do you say that, Red?"

"We already found them going at it on our table. You want to take in Donna and just give them the chance to fulfill their primitive urges?"

"Red, they're gonna do it anyways." Kitty confessed.

Red sighed with anger.

"And it's only for a few nights, anyhow." Reminded Kitty.

"Fine …" Red said, stood and walked to the door, "But, the next neighbors we get that move into Bob's house, we don't associate with. You hear me? I don't care if they come knocking on our door bearing a gift that's a leprechaun that craps out gold. I don't want to talk to them. And If I so much as feel like they were in my house I'm gonna shove my foot so far up their ass they're gonna puke gold." Red walked out the door.

Scene changes to Forman's basement; Hyde seats in his chair to the couch's left, Fez sits on the chair at the couch's right with Jackie in his lap, Kelso sits on the far right of the couch and Donna in the middle and Randy to the left. Eric dashes down the stairs and finds the gang.

"What the hell is this?" He asks finding Randy in his usual spot.

"Uh … I think it's your basement." Randy points out.

"Well, I know it's my basement. But what the hell are you doing in it?" Eric asks.

"Watching T.V."

"Eric," Donna intervened, "I told you, Randy's part of the gang, now."

"Yeah, man." Hyde added, "He's alright."

"Arlight?!" Eric started, "How can someone be all right when he's sitting in my spot?!"

"I tried the same thing; they just reminded me about 'The Great Chair Negotiation of '78'." Fez claimed.

"Look," Eric began. "I don't care about The Great Chair Negotiation of whenever! I don't want the damn new guy in my seat!"

"Eric!" Donna shouted.

Randy sighed and said, "Donna it's okay. Eric, you want your seat back, have it. You want me out of your basement? Okay. I'll just get out of here. Sucks, but whatever." With that, Randy left with the door slamming shut behind him.

"Wow … you ran fancy hair off! Good! No one has better hair than me!" Kelso stated.

"Eric, you didn't have to be such an ass!" Donna claimed.

"An ass?" Replied Eric, "Donna, he was in my seat! My seat!"

"You know what? Shut up! This isn't about some seat is it? It's about me isn't it? I told you, me and him are over. It was a mistake!" Donna began to cry, "But you just can't trust me, can you? You're an ass!" Donna ran out, Eric chased after her.

"Donna wait!" Eric stopped hair, "Donna, it's not about me trusting you."

"Then what's it about, Eric, tell me!"

"It's about all my friends. I felt … replaced." Eric confessed.

"Replaced?"

"Yeah, you know, like I was some actor in a sitcom that left for movies and they hired another actor to fill in the gap. Just isn't right …" Eric admitted.

"So, you thought we tried to replace you?" Donna tried to confirm.

"Yeah, with an American Spaniel in human clothing." Eric joked and they both chuckled.

"Eric, we didn't try to replace you. Randy just came along and became our friend. I'm sure if you were here when he did you would've liked him too."

"Maybe …" Eric said to himself.

"Eric, please go talk to him." Donna pulled out a piece of paper and pen and wrote something down. She handed the marked paper to Eric, "This is his address, go talk to him. For me and the rest of the gang."

"Oh, Donna … Come on!" Eric wined.

"Do you want Welcome-Home Sex?"

"Yes!"

"Then go talk to Randy!" Donna bargained.

"Fine, but I get to choose where." With that Eric left.

Donna smiled and walked back into the basement.

Hyde noticed her and commented, "And Forman loses again."

Kitty ran down the steps and caught site of Donna, "Honey, could you come up here for a moment?"

"Sure, Mrs. Forman." Donna agreed.

The two entered the kitchen and began speaking, Kitty started with, "Well, you know your dad left for Florida, right?"

"Yeah …" Donna answered knowing full well.

"Right, so you need a place to stay for the next few days, correct?"

"Sure, until I start college."

"Well, I decided to let you stay in my home." Kitty informed.

"Really? That's great!"

With a serious look on her face she said, "As long as you keep your filthy hands off my son!" She kept quiet for a moment and began laughing.

Nervously and giving fake laughs Donna answered, "Sure … Mrs. Forman."

"Great!" Kitty said, "I always wanted a daughter I could be proud of … everyone knows that train left a long time ago for Laurie! Ahahahahahaha!" She stopped and took a drink of vodka she had poured on the table.

Scene switches to Eric at Randy's door, he knocks and Randy answers.

"Oh, it's you." Randy greeted.

"Hey, man." Eric started, "Look, I'm just coming out with it. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, I was sitting in your spot and I had no right." Sarcastically he added, "Because it's YOUR spot."

"Look, Randy, I was acting like an ass. I'm sorry, I just felt like my friends took you in to replace me, or something. Just didn't feel right."

Randy chuckled and said, "I guess I can understand why you felt like that, I mean you in Africa, I went out with your girlfriend and then you find my in your spot. But it's cool, nothing to worry about."

"So … we're good?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, man, we're good." Randy agreed.

"Alright, I guess I can get used to having a sixth person in the basement." Eric admitted.

"Actually, you won't have to."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Eric asked.

"I've been offer a job … in Chicago! So, I'll be leaving Point Place in a few days." Randy confessed.

"It must be easy to get jobs in Chicago or something." Eric replied.

"Yeah, some say that." Randy smiled and said, "But you're a lucky son of a bitch, Eric. You got a hot girlfriend, a great group of friends and loving family. Eric, no one would want to replace you."

"Thanks Randy." Eric said and extend his arm for a handshake.

Randy accepted and said, "Take care."

They shook signaling acceptance even if this is the last time they'll meet.

End.

License plate: Jan 80