Thank you, Alley Parker. You are right about that-except in AoTC, they don't actually know he made that detour. If he goes here, they will. I'm glad the emotion comes across and is not overwhelming. BTW, if anyone has tried to write me and had no response, it isn't b/c I'm ignoring you. It is b/c I've had to put my e-mail on extreme protecting due to spamming.
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Obi-Wan closed his eyes and bowed his head. The look in Anakin's eyes haunted him and he knew what his Padawan was thinking. That hurt him for he had thought that they had come farther than this, he thought that Anakin had learned to trust in him. After a tense moment, he nodded in resignation. There really was no other choice-for either of them.
In truth, there never had been.
This was Anakin, his Padawan, and the young man who had become his friend and companion. There was no question that he would do whatever he could to help him in this endeavor, foolish though he felt it was. "Take your clothes and the pack we set aside for the camping trip we were going to take to Da'tara 4. I will delay the Jedi Council for as long as I am able to."
"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely. Quickly, he went into his room and changed, throwing on one of the old, worn robes he had. Pulling out his pack, he began to go through it to make sure that all was well.
Once he was sure that he had everything he could possibly need, he went into the fresher and packed a few necessities. Catching his image in the mirror, he stopped and stared at his wide-eyed reflection, the paleness of his face startled him. Trembling fingers felt his Padawan braid and knew that he was going to lose it.
Permanently, with no chance at reparation.
It didn't matter, not really. It was just a length of hair. If he missed it, he could always grow it out again.
Blinking back the swiftly gathering tears, he straightened his shoulders and walked out. In the main room, his Master still waited, looking as though he hadn't moved from that spot since he left. Walking over to the drawer, he pulled out a pair of scissors and looked at them reflectively. The light above shimmered on the surface, mesmerizing him for a moment.
Coming to a decision, he turned and approached his Master before he lost his nerve and held them out to him.
Blankly, Obi-Wan stared at them, then up at him. "What?"
"I would rather you take my braid than someone else, Master," he said.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No."
Stumbling back in shock at the swift denial, his own head shook, denying what he'd heard. He just couldn't do this to him. Obi-Wan couldn't be so cruel. He just couldn't be that heartless, no matter how disillusioned he was with him.
"Please, Master," his voice cracked under the strain of his emotions and he swallowed, trying to regain his calm. He knew that if his calm broke, he would not be able to go away without saying or doing something he would forever regret. "I would rather you do it then someone I don't know. Or someone who never really gave me a chance. You may not have liked me, but at least you helped me."
"You misunderstand me, my Padawan," he gently calmed him, finally reaching out to touch him. His hand curved around the cheek and stroked it lightly. "I will not take your Padawan braid. Nor will anyone else. It is yours."
"The Jedi Council would not agree with you," he spoke bitterly, leaning into the touch. It wasn't a hug but it was something that he needed to feel, to ground himself against the waves of disappointment within his heart. He wanted to believe his Master, he really did. But he knew the Jedi Council and what they thought. They would not allow what they would see as a sacrilegious act of his to go unpunished, unnoticed.
"They have approved of this mission," he calmly countered.
"What?" he gasped, straightening up, looking at him in shocked wonder. "How did you? I mean, what did you do?"
"I did nothing." He immediately denied having a part in the rather surprising decision. His hand fell to his side. "It was all Master Yoda's idea. I take it you did not hear him when he entered? Or feel the presence of his Force signature?"
"No," he said, still trying to wrap his mind around what he'd just heard. His face brightened as it finally sank in. The Council was not going to stop him-and Obi-Wan would not be punished for allowing him to leave. "Are you to come with me then?" he asked, hopefully.
Obi-Wan smiled, putting on a brave face for him. No matter what he personally felt about allowing him to go on this mission alone-a mission that would bring him into contact with his mother, he would not allow himself to hurt this young man. Reaching out with a hand that slightly trembled, he gently touched the braid before letting go.
"No," he said, taking away the scissors from him then. He did not even spare them a look as he put them down. "This is what you have been waiting for, a chance to prove yourself. May the Force be with you. And may you have the wisdom to listen to its guidance."
"May it be with you as well, my Master," he repeated. His own hand momentarily touching his braid, relieved. Conscious also of the triumphant voice in his mind chanting that it was still his. His to keep even as he did something the Council disapproved of. They were giving him this chance, a chance to prove his worth.
But they were not the important ones. While he would love to have their approval, it did not matter to him if he did not get it. They mattered very little to him.
His Master, on the other hand...
Resolved not to let his Master down, he straightened his shoulders. Turning away from him, he went to the door and paused in the entrance, turning once more to face him, pleading with him. "Are you sure that you cannot come with me? I want my mom to meet you."
"Go on, Anakin. I believe that you can do this," he watched as Anakin turned and walked away. Closing his eyes and pinching his nose slightly, he felt sadness fill him with an almost unbearable pressure. In his mind, a door he'd kept firmly locked out of necessity opened. As much as he thought it would be wrong to look upon it now, he did.
And he saw all that he needed to see. In seeing it, he understood for the first time what he was looking at. Suddenly knowing what he had to do, he almost rushed out the door and after Anakin but stopped. This is absolutely ridiculous, he thought, shaking his head, discounting the impression.
'Why the hesitation, my Padawan? You know what you should do. You know why you should do this for him-and for yourself. Why will you not do so? Why will you not take this chance?'
'Because they are just words.'
'Are they?'
The slight challenge caught Obi-Wan off guard and he glanced around, half expecting to see Qui-Gon in the room. His voice seemed so close to him, he was hesitant in his answer. 'Aren't they? They are just three little words. An all to often common expression that rarely live up to their promise.'
'And yet, for Anakin, those three little words may be the difference between life and death.'
Obi-Wan stood, uncertain. There was truth, there was power, in what Qui-Gon seemed to be saying to him. Yet, he had never given much attention to what his dead Master said for he was never quite sure that he was truly hearing him.
Still, his point resonated within him. He knew of Anakin's dependence upon words. That it was words that grounded him as often as touch did.
And there was that unsettling reference to death that he couldn't shake off.
Shaking off the feeling that this was ridiculous, he walked to the door and followed his Padawan.
His Padawan stood by the pod, a sorrowful look on his resolved face. Hearing his approach, he turned towards him, a fearful look in his eyes. "Have they changed their minds so soon?" Anakin wouldn't have put it past them.
He wouldn't have put anything past them.
"No," he said, smiling to relieve the fear he could see clouding his Padawan's eyes. Though it eased some of it, he noticed that it was still there. "I just forgot something, my Padawan. Something that I think you should know."
"What?" he asked, titling his head curiously. Hearing that beloved name, his hand touched the braid again and a rush of joy filled him as he realized something else. Something that renewed his sense of purpose, of belonging somewhere.
He was still Obi-Wan's Padawan. Obi-Wan hadn't changed his mind about him. Even if he did not understand all the reasons for his devotion to his mother, Obi-Wan was still his friend. Still his adored Master and the rock in his life, the one he needed to help him through his trials.
He hadn't lost him.
"I love you," he simply replied.
"Master?" he whispered shakily, taking a step forward. Unbelievable, he numbly thought. Obi-Wan couldn't have said whatI thought he said. And even if he did, how did he mean it? But for all his confusion, he couldn't stop the swell of gratitude that the straightforward answer brought him.
"Go on," he gently ordered him, knowing what Anakin was thinking. His own thoughts echoed it. But it didn't matter, he said what he'd needed to say. The rest would come in time and only if the Force felt it was right. Now was the time for patience. "Your mother will not wait for you forever."
"Right," he stopped, undecided. Finally, he nodded and got into the pod. As he flew away, he suddenly realized that he never told his Master how he felt about him. He was finally free to do so-and to know that it was truly reciprocated.
Feeling through their bond, he felt a wave of reassurance hit him. There was also more than a little hint of uncertainty there. Master?
'Yes?'
Just thought I should let you know, I love you as well. He felt the pressure ease and a wave of peace fill him. It was going to be all right. It just had to be. Anything less was unacceptable.
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Stretching, he rose from his bunk when he heard the annoying voice announce that they had arrived at their destination. Taking his place in the pilot's chair, he fiddled with the controls for a while before making a decision. Anakin flew over the familiar planet and looked out, grimacing in disgust and trepidation at the sight before him.
Tatooine.
It was a planet he had hoped to never see again, for all his desire to see his mother once more. And for all of his promises made to her, both vocal and silent ones, he had not wanted it to be on this lousy rock in the Galaxy.
Not that he had wanted his mother to be sold and end up with a crueler master than the one they had in Watto. Strangely enough though, he had believed that it would be somewhere else. Somewhere that was not haunted by his past. By their painful lives, for all that there had been joy to be found.
Anywhere else than here.
Still, there were worse planets to go to. As he landed in one of the safer docking bays, he tried but he found that he couldn't think of one.
But he was sure there was one out there in the far-flung Galaxy that constituted as worse than this dust ball of a planet.
Before opening the door, he braced himself for the heat-and felt a familiar touch upon his mind.
Master, he thought, smiling a little at the thought of Obi-Wan. It faded as he felt irritation at the intrusion. For all the comfort his Master's confession had given him, he did not like the feeling that he was being monitored. That he was not trusted to do this on his own. His touch faded away after a little bit, he wondered why it had happened at all.
If Obi-Wan wasn't going to speak to me, why had he even bothered to let me know he was there? Capable though his Master was in the Force, there were just some things that took a great deal of his strength to do. Communicating over vast quantities of space was one of them.
"Because he wants you to feel his support for you. Obi-Wan isn't interfering, he is just reassuring you that he is always there for you." A voice whispered on the wind as he stepped out into the bright sunlight.
It was whipped away before he could process the words. Shrugging it off as not worth pursing, he picked up his bag and looked about. For all that it might be important, he didn't want to waste time better spent trying to help his mom.
Walking along the well-worn path, he noted that not much had changed since he had left. The place still reeked of corruption and seediness. Was still filled with every kind of scum and villainy, as his master would say.
His eyes narrowed as he saw the way people looked at him warily, seeing the clothes of the Jedi for all that they were not the color of the fabled knights. Straightening his shoulders, he ignored them and headed straight for Watto and his junk shop.
Bending down, he entered the dark interior and let his eyes adjust before glancing about. A young girl sat on the counter, watching him curiously. Her dark hair was shorn close to her ears. She seemed to be younger than he'd been when he left for Coruscant, though her heritage could be misleading. There was something about her that led him to think of Corellia.
Anakin could feel the slave emitter within her and wondered if Master Jinn had experienced the same thing upon meeting him. Shaking his head, he shrugged off the idea. Powerful though the Jedi Master had been, he wasn't that strong. He could only feel it because he'd lived with it for years, for all that he'd never been able to find it within.
"Is Watto in?" he asked in Huttese. The old language rolled off his tongue with more ease than he thought possible. He hadn't spoken it in ten years, other than to curse. The familiarity of his use made his feel vaguely uncomfortable.
"He's back there," she jerked her thumb in the direction of the junkyard. Her dark studied him critically, before dismissing him as of no worth.
"Is he with a client?" he asked, wondering how she could get away with such a dismissive attitude. If he'd tired that, he'd have been whipped. Even though his mom had tried to protect, it had not always helped.
Her lips curled up cruelly, noting his reaction with glee. "You could call him that, I suppose. The Hutts like to think of themselves as such."
Narrowing his eyes, he turned and walked away. Exercising all his self-control, he refrained from knocking her over. That did not extend to the shelves behind the counter. They went toppling over and he heard her jump in shock. Cursing, she hopped off the counter and started to clean up.
Walking out, he looked about and saw the distinctive form of a prosperous Hutt moving along with his former Master. Watto looked rather desperate, talking quickly to the unimpressed Hutt. Moving into the shadows, Anakin remained as still as a statue.
"Three days, Watto," the Hutt warned him before leaving.
"Troubles, Watto?" Anakin asked, his voice smoothly cutting into the tense silence easily. He smiled when he saw him swing about, flying into his face.
The beady eyes of the Toydarian narrowed, studying him as he moved into the light. "Do I know you?"
"Oh, I would say that you do. Should I be hurt?" Anakin mocked. "I think not since you probably only forgot who I was because you lost me in a bet."
The eyes widened as a thought teased through dulled senses before being pushed aside. It couldn't possibly be. There was no way that this Jedi could possibly be…
"Anakin?" he silkily finished the thought, smiling at the shocked expression. Growing tired of this whatever it was that was going on between them, he dropped the act. "I'm here for my mother."
"Shmi is not here," he said, flying into the shop. Though it seemed impossible, Watto decided that he would accept this young man's word that he was who he said he was. There was a distinct look about him that reminded him of the boy. "I sold her a few years back."
"Where is she now?" he asked, keeping the hard edge out of his voice with effort.
"Some moisture farmer bought her," he hesitated, as though thinking about it. In reality, he wondered if he could get anything from the return of his old slave. It would solve a lot of his problems, especially with Gardulla the Hutt.
There had to be a way about the whole 'he was a Jedi' thing. If only he could think about it clearly…
Anakin exerted a bit of Force pressure upon him, "What is the moisture farmer's name?"
"Lars," he said. "I believe that it was Owen. No, that was his son. Cliegg. Cliegg Lars. But you shouldn't worry about your mother, she's fine. He freed her and they were married. That was the reason he bought her, you know. He wanted to marry her."
Although he did not let his shock show, Anakin was surprised to hear this. He was no longer the only one in his mother's life, she had found someone else to love. She had not waited for him to return and that hurt, though he knew that is should not.
His mom deserved some happiness in this life. They both had had so little of it. He had Obi-Wan and possibly Padme, why shouldn't his mother have the same thing? Because she's my mother, he thought in answer to his own question, appalled at the thought of her with someone. I'm supposed to be the only one she needs for love and affection. Besides, he couldn't possibly be good for her. He couldn't protect her from the Tusken raiders when they came.
All these thoughts raced through his mind as he stood there, arms crossed over his chest. "Would you still have the Lars' address?" he asked.
"Of course," he said. "Never throw anything away, that's my motto. One never knows when the information might come in handy. But I warn you, it'll cost you."
"Cost me?" Anakin asked, not really that surprised by his words. "Come on, Watto, I know this place and all your hiding spots. I could take it apart in my search for it-and do it in such a way that you would not be able to recover from the search. Ever. As a Jedi, I could ruin you so thoroughly that you would never be able to recover from my efforts. So tell me, which of us has the true power here?"
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Author's Note: I don't know how long it would take to get from Coruscant to Tatooine but I am having it be several days mainly because Anakin is a lone pilot. He doesn't even have an Artoo unit with him, which may not be the wisest thing but its Anakin. As far as I've seen, the guy doesn't think he needs any help. So, may be we can count that as IC. May be?