RINGING BELLS

Disclaimer : I don't own anything. And I will probably NEVER own it, ever~

This will be written in Mikan's POV.

Why can't he just give up? Why can't I give up either. We're not meant for each other, among all people, he should understand that. He's already engaged. Please, God, I really don't want to feel this pain anymore.

Tonight, was Lantern Festival. After classes, Nonoko and Anna dragged both me and Hotaru to Central Town to look at the lanterns there. There were many children, many lovers, many people.

"Mika! Mika! Come let's light up our lanterns!" a small boy said and the girl followed. Both of them had a lantern each and they were all pretty.

Somewhere around the takoyaki food stall, there was a couple sitting at the bench eating a tokoyaki. They seem really sweet, feeding each other and giggling. Hotaru saw me looking at the couple and held my shoulders. Hotaru is the only one that understands my feelings towards Natsume. I couldn't keep any secrets from her. But I'm happy that I have a shoulder to cry on.

"Mikan, don't look." she said to me and pulled me to the direction Anna and Nonoko was walking towards.

Each of us bought a lantern. We light ours up and sat at a bench and looked at it. Suddenly, I heard someone screaming, it was a familiar voice.

"AHHH!! Fire!!" Yui yelled.

I turned my head to the back to find Yui and Natsume there. Yui's lantern was on fire. Natsume went towards her and put off the fire and hugged her, whispering to her ear. I quickly looked away and told my friends that I was feeling tired and I wanted to go back to my room.

On my way to my room, I saw Hikaru standing in front of my room door with his eyes closed.

"What are you doing here, Hikaru?" I asked when he opened his eyes and saw me.

"I just wanted to know whether you got your answer. I'm not rushing you, don't get the wrong idea alright." he said innocently and smiled.

"Hikaru.." I started. My words were stuck in my throat. Then I suddenly remembered the scene that happened earlier when Natsume was hugging Yui. "I-I can try being with you, I guess." I said finally.

Hikaru came closer to me and hugged me tightly. It felt odd, being hugged by another boy other than Natsume. But I accepted the odd feeling and hugged him tighter. Suddenly, he tilt my chin up and kissed me. I closed me eyes and our lips moved in synchronization, I felt sinful, but I was hurt and I wanted to be with someone that could cheer me up.

I heard a door open. I opened my eyes and saw that HIS door just closed the moment I manage to open my eyes. It hurts. The hole, in my chest, it's huge. It...it hurts.

Hikaru broke the kiss and let go of me. "Well, I didn't do bad for my first kiss, huh?" he said and laughed.

I laughed with him even though I was just faking it. "Sadly, it's not my first though."

"It's alright. Well it's pretty late. Good night." He said and brushed his lips with mine and walked back to his room.

I walked back into my room and out the window.

'What have I done in the past life...to be affected by this?' I asked myself.

It was a new moon today. The sky was pitch black and nothing could be seen other than the city light buildings. A new moon... my heard is like a new moon. No matter how much the Sun want to shine brightly in the New Moon sky, it's never allowed to. No matter how much Natsume wants to apologize to me, I will never accept it. But it feels wrong. I want to be in his arms. I want his lips with mine. I want to be his.

I slept, not a very peaceful one..but I slept and woke up as usual. I was early at school and so was him. Natsume, I mean. He had fading eye bags and something told me that he didn't sleep well at all last night. So did I actually. Since it was so early and it was about an hour till class starts, I decided to go to the library.

Natsume caught up with me and held my arm. His warmth..

"Why?" he asked me without even stating a question.

"Why what?" I asked back even though I sort of knew what he wanted to ask me.

"Agaresawa" he said.

"What about Hikaru?"

"Why the heck did you kiss him!?" he shouted at me. He sounded really angry.

"Why not? He's my boyfriend." I admitted.

"What? Your boyfriend? Aren't me apologies enough?"

"No. It isn't. I..I can never accept your apologies. I..I can never love you." I stammered.

"Why not? What didn't I apologize for? What can I do for you to forgi-" he started by I cut him off.

"Can you just ignore me? Can you just treat me like your fan girls? Ignore me, Natsume. I'm a nobody." it hurt my chest to say that. The hole in my chest...it's bigger. It feels, big. I feel...really empty.

"You were never one of the nuisance fan girls."

"What makes you think so? Just because I didn't drool over you, that doesn't mean that I was never part of them. You're just a crush, Natsume. Someone that I found amazing and manly. Not love!" I lied.

"You're lying." he said shortly.

"What makes you think I'm lying?"

"I can see it through your eyes. You're not the type to claim guys," he pointed out.

"Well, I am. I know who I am much more than you know who am I. Please Natsume. If you really love me, ignore me. Ignore the heck of me like what you tell your fan girls to." I held back my traitor tears urging to spill.

"Is that what you really want?" he asked me.

"It's for both of our own good." I told him. I took his hand into mine and said softly to him. "Forget me, please, Natsume. Forget me. Forget that you ever loved me. Forget whatever we did together. Up till the time you left for America. Forget everything that happened before the time you returned. Forget everything. Forget Mikan Sakura, please." I pleaded. It hurt so much.

"If...if that's what you really want, then." he said.

I let go of his hand. Of his warm hand. That was probably the last time I could feel his warmth. We will..we will never be together again.

He turned back and started walking to the classroom.

A tear fell across my cheeks. I couldn't hold them back anymore. I use my fingers to wipe any trace of tears and ran to the bathroom to wash my face. "Why am I so stupid? Why are you so stupid, Mikan?" I said to myself and laughed myself for my stupidity. "Because you were born stupid. Because you fell in love like a stupid idiot. Because you didn't know the true meaning of love, stupid." I said to myself again. My tears couldn't stop streaming down. I washed my face over and over again. My eyes were red. I went into my classroom and I was...definitely late. I heard Mr Jinno shouting at me, but I didn't hear well. I made sure I looked at the ground so nobody would see my red eyes. By the end of Maths, my eyes were okay again. I had to be new. I had to be fresh.

END CHAPTER

Sneak Peek on Chapter 6:

"Who are y-" I asked but was shut off by someone's hand over my mouth. I was knocked unconcious.

"HELPPPPPPP!!!" I yelled. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. They were touching me. They roughly pulled my shirt, causing the buttons of my T-shirt to be strewn all over the floor and another hand was stroking my legs. I was being raped I noticed.

"Natsume!" I said and hugged him. Clinging to him for dear life. From that time since, I couldn't be without him. I can never be without him. I'll never be whole without him.