Summary thus far: Shortly after Renji's near-confession at Byakuya's bedside, Byakuya is going back to work at the division again.

Thank you goes out to those who have already started reading, I'm very excited with the good response :) There isn't much action or even dialogue in this chapter, but it's very important. More dialogue and progress in Chapter 3, which I should get out over the weekend. It's already half-typed.

I've started college again, so expect about a chapter a week after Chapter 3. I'm very very busy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Byakuya or even Renji. This kills me.

Byakuya finished placing his kenseikan carefully in his hair, before lowering his arms and straightening his new scarf, ready for his first day back at work. He had no idea what happened the last one after his fight with Renji, and he really didn't want to either think about it nor ask about it.

He inspected his reflection before turning away from the mirror. When he stood out of his manor, people would see a dignified Taichou, head of the strongest noble family in Soul Society, but when Byakuya looked at the mirror all he saw was a despicable fool.

Ever since Aizen's betrayal, everyone in Seireitei had forgiven each other, and let go of everything that happened since Rukia's sentence. Even Kira and Renji had been forgiven. But Byakuya had not forgiven himself for being such a fool. He was a horrific excuse for a person. He had failed to protect Rukia, failed to protect Seireitei and, on the front of his mind at the moment, he had failed Renji and his entire squad. He remembered something Renji had said during their battle; that he paid no attention to his subordinates. He hadn't even noticed Renji achieving Bankai. Even so, he had still cut him down in cold blood and left him there to die.

And yet Renji still stood by him. He stayed by his bedside every day he was in the 4th Division, brought him the Apple Tea he usually served him in his office, his favourite tea, kept him updated on what was going on within Soul Society and with Rukia, and even managed the squad at such a difficult time. Renji had really pulled through for him, after all that he had done...

His musings on Renji began yesterday afternoon when he had returned home, finally allowed to leave the 4th Division. He had settled in quickly; the servants brought him everything he needed, he bathed, then he went out to his garden to unwind.

Except he didn't unwind.

He found himself to be restless. He paid no attention to the koi in his pond, the stars emerging one by one as Twilight approached, or even the sakura tree he sat under. He returned to his mansion, requested some Apple Tea from the servants, and returned to the garden again. Within five minutes, the tea was brought to him and he excused the servant. He sighed deeply, inhaling the scent, and took a sip before spitting it out into the grass. It needed some sugar, or some honey. Renji usually added half a spoon of sugar and one spoon of honey when he made it.

That was when he realized why he was restless. He was missing Renji's company. He had become to used to his fukutaichou being present over the last while, he was beginning to feel vaguely empty when he wasn't around. When did this start? After the fight, during his recuperation? Or before the fight?

Definitely before the fight. He finally acknowledged that there was always some kind of tension with Renji. Small words here and there, even some slightly playful ones from Byakuya's side, and a lot of flattering on Renji's.

If I am always the spectator, I may become rusty.

No way, Taichou.

That was before Rukia's sentence, as he and Renji brought her back to Soul Society. It had been there then, had it been there before? Snippets of conversation were coming back to him bit by bit - yes, it had been there long before, he just hadn't realized it.

Realized what? He asked himself. What tension was this? His mind went totally clear for a few moments as he struggled to comprehend it.

Somehow, somewhere along the lines, he had developed feelings for Renji, and he hadn't even realized.

How deep did they go? He wasn't sure.

And he had hurt Renji... He had hurt him deeply, he thought with a sinking feeling in his chest. He cut him to pieces and left him to die.

After half an hour he had left the garden and retired to his rooms. He lay down, but didn't sleep for a long time. Now, in the morning, he didn't feel tired. He felt... Confused. Tired and confused. He had no idea what to do with his new revelation.

There was no way he was going to approach Renji. No way. Not after everything he had done... He could hardly even look at Renji after this. He loathed to call himself Renji's Taichou.

And so he didn't look at Renji once that day. He went to his office, gave his orders and spoke no more. The next day was the same, and so was the next.

Byakuya Kuchiki, you are a horrific excuse for a person.

Go on. Review. You know you want to. The lemon I mentioned in the summary could be a lot more awesome with some feedback... Not that I would blackmail my wonderful readers of course... :P

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