Chapter Thirteen

She didn't expect comfort from him. She didn't expect kindness, understanding, sympathy, or anything else. But he gave it. And suddenly she found herself seeing a whole new side to him that she never knew existed. It didn't frighten her or even surprise her. She felt emotionless. It was funny how her life could be going so well and suddenly fall apart. Everything she had worked for seemed so pointless. Had she ever really loved Angel? She wasn't sure. Somehow she felt more lost than she'd ever been in her life. Her head was rested against his shoulder and his arm was around her. Just one arm. It was meant to be a friendly gesture and nothing else. She had cried until she didn't think she had any tears left. Then, she had cried some more. He wasn't the kind of guy who couldn't stand to see a woman cry. Instead, he was the kind who accepted that everyone had to cry, and that it was important to have a friend to lean on during these times. A friend who would whisper that everything would be okay even if that seemed impossible. It wasn't awkward or strange. It was just comforting.

Her long golden hair was messed up and her face was red and tear-streaked. Her eyes were also red and swollen from crying and her tears had turned her lips to a deeper shade of pink. Spike thought she looked more beautiful still, than the day he'd met her. But he did not tell her this. He knew that this was not the time to tell how much he was in love with her and how he thought of her every second. It was nothing he hadn't told her before and she would just have decide on her own feelings when she was ready. Now she needed to mourn. And he needed to be there for her because he had decided long ago that no matter what happened, he would be there for her. He didn't tell her this either. It'd probably come out wrong anyway and she would think he meant that he was going to stalk her for the rest of her life, professing his love for her or something along those lines.

Spike didn't ask her questions. He listened and nodded. It was Buffy who finally spoke first and broke the silence.

"You said that Angel once cheated on his wife. Tell me what happened."

"Buffy-" Spike started hesitantly.

"I want to know."

He looked at her for a moment as if trying to determine whether hearing about it would only tear her apart. Then, he finally began recounting the past.

"His wife was lovely. She was kind and generous, but he was a fool. Mum and dad loved her. Everyone thought it would last forever. We all thought it was only a matter of time before they started a family and the way Angel's new job was going, they'd be the happiest family in Manhattan. But he was willing to throw it all away and ruin everyone else's life in the process. Mum and dad still don't know what really happened. They still can't understand where everything went wrong. They're so proud of him, you know. I wouldn't tell the truth. It would devastate them. You see, Angel didn't just have an affair with a stranger. Her name was Drusilla - Dru, we called her. She was my fiancé. After that, Angelus and I hardly ever spoke to each other. We weren't exactly best mates before. But that just tore us apart even more. I don't bring it up. There's really no point anyway. It's not like Dru wasn't a willing participant. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I had married her."

Buffy didn't know what to say. His words had hit her like a ton of bricks. She wanted to say something comforting, but all she could do was stare. He had seemed like the troublemaker. She had never imagined that Angel was the bad guy. Angel, who had seemed so romantic taking her on a yacht with soft music and candlelight and telling her how much he wanted to marry her. The same guy who had told her he loved her so many times. It seemed inconceivable. But it was all coming together now. Spike wasn't lying. Why should he? Her relationship with Angel was over. She was starting to think it had been over before it even started. She felt like she needed time to think, but she didn't even know where to start.

"What did you do?" she asked Spike.

"I ran away."

With that, the conversation ended. Spike wanted to know what she was thinking, but she was staring at him with an unreadable expression. She really was beautiful. He had never hated Angel more. Buffy seemed so vulnerable, but he had a feeling she was incredibly strong. Her eyes hid a fierceness behind them that seemed to come out at times when she was angry or determined. He wondered if she knew this. The look she was giving him now was actually frightening. He knew the hatred wasn't for him, but it didn't make her eyes any less scary. Then after what seemed like an eternity of silence, her eyes softened and she spoke and surprised him with her words.

"I'm sorry for what he did to you. I've been stupid. This has been going on for weeks and I should have realized it. I've been weak and obsessed with a girlish fantasy of being rescued. But the truth is that I don't need to be rescued. I don't want to be rescued. I know who I am. And I think it's time Angel learned who he is."

She had the look in her eyes again and he silently questioned what was going on in that pretty head of hers.

"What exactly do you have in mind Summers?" he asked hesitantly.

She looked up at him and the mischievous grin on her face told him that Angel was going to be regretting the day he messed with Buffy Summers.