Chapter 5
Well…ok…maybe I stretched the truth a little when I said you were about to "depart on a very dangerous and top secret mission"…
I suppose "dangerous" is a kind of relative term…
And ummm…How exactly would you define "top secret"?
Hehehhhh…
Like, EVERYONE knowing exactly where you are and why you're there…does that count as top secret?
Cause… yeah… they do… and they think… Well… He kinda told everybody…
You aren't on a secret mission.
…
You're on a date.
…
With…
Ugh!
2nd Lieutenant Breda.
What. The. Fudge. (which this guy really needs to cut down on…)
Oh, wow.
Just… wow.
Wow.
Ok.
How to get out of this mess?
Oh, bugger, bugger, BUGGER!!!
WHY?!?!?
Brain, don't give out now! Think. Think. ThiiiiIiiIiinNnnnk. Stupid brain! Why isn't it working? Stupid, selfish, egotistical, useless, impudent, disrespectful, STUPID brain! Why does it refuse to function when you need it most? Has it no heart? Does it think only of itself?!?!? DANG IT!
You are going insane.
Allow me to elucidate.
You are in a bar, with Roy and his military home-dogs: Mr. Hughes and his wife, Black Hayate, Riza Hawkeye (who seems to be here with Roy. Grrrr…Hey! I thought she was sick!!!), Havoc, and his date, an extremely top-heavy chic who looks like she fell off a poster for "Queen of the Damned". And Breda. Of course. Good Lord, you're not even allowed to drink! And your date is OLD. And FAT.
CURSE YOU ROY MUSTANG!!!
Fortunately, Breda's more interested in his beer than he is in you.
Unfortunately, everyone in town now believes that the two of you are going steady, thanks to our valiant matchmaker, Roy the Retarded. Roy, meet Mr. Fist. Mr. Fist wuvs you!!! Kissy-kissyyyyyyyy-DIE-BASTARD!!!
Mustang must die!
Die I say!
But before you can put the traitorous little cretin in the world of pain he so very much deserves, in comes yet another fat man. Joy.
"Oh GREAT!!!" you scream, "DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND TOO?!?!?"
*blink-blink* says the fat man.
You are exceedingly pissed.
"WELL? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"
"Lust…" the little fat man says, waddling toward Jean Havoc's girlfriend.
You freeze and do a double take. "…the hell?"
Said girlfriend's eyes just went HUGE. "Gluttony! What are you doing here?"
"Lust, I'm hungry…"
Oh thank God! "Lust" is her name. Thank… God… whew…
"Gluttony, shoo! I'm busy."
Jean's all confused-like. "Sweetheart, what's going on?"
"Nothing…" she giggles.
Breda has his head in a mug of beer and still hasn't noticed the appearance of his long lost twin. Roy and Riza are busy making out. Ew. Looks like Black Hayate's getting in on the action too…
"I'm HUNGRY!!!" Gluttony howls.
"Fine!" Lust looks around. Her eyes stop on you. "Eat her. She's been whining all night anyway."
"Wha?" says Jean.
"WHA?" says you.
"Wha?" says everyone in the bar except for Breda, Roy, and Riza (and Black Hayate. Aw, that's just nasty!).
"WHAHOOO!!!" says Gluttony.
"WHAAAA!!!" says you.
Oh, look: Breda has a machete strapped onto his belt.
Oh, look: there's the red glow of the EXIT sign.
Hmmm…
To be eaten or not to be eaten, that is the question.
No… that's not it…
Fight or Flight? Ha! That's it! That's the question! Now if only your brain would start working again, you could answer it!
What to do, what to do?
Fight! That is the answer! Go to Chapter 9
No! Flight! That is the answer! Go to Chapter 10
Hurry up and decide. Gluttony's hungry.